I have lived 30 years

Living 30 years of experiences

All of them the same me

It took 30 years

For me

To feel powerful

It may take

Another

To

Believe it

Bad Boi comes along
Bad Boi look for me
Bad Boi better understand
Bad Boi is a Pawn Boi
Bad Boi be a Good Boi
Bad Boi follow the rules boi
Or else Bad Boi gonna end a Dead Boi
Bad Boi hanging from a Tree Boi
Bad Boi could be a Fall Boi
So hold my hand Bad boi
Cause Bad Boi loves me
Till we dig our graves boi
Jump in before me Bad Boi
Or hold me tight Bad Boi
Together we float Bad Boi
Bad boi is always Mine Boi

Bad Boi is a False Boi
With a smile you  think you got it Good Boi
Bad Boi you need a Good Girl
However Bad Boi was never Her Boi
Bad Boi got a good good turned Bad Girl
But Bad Boi is a Leech Boi
Sinking his teeth into too Deep Boi
So Bad Girl can’t breath Alone Girl
However Bad Girl can do it on her Own Girl
Raise her Good Girl beauty into Bad Girl cash
Without looking back at Bad Boi short stash
Spending too much time feeding Bad Boi bags
Bad Girl had enough of that Bad Boi bad rags
Cry a long river Bad Boi
For this Bad Girl found herself her own Good Girl
With no tops they Bad Girls with good tips
Singing Bad Girls get wet n wild on bad boats
On top of other Bad Boi toys
While you Bad Boi can’t float

First glances and second encounters
Text messages and tiny smiles
Flowers and chocolate
Dates and confirmations
Small kisses and long nights
These fleeting feelings
Come and go like puffs of clouds
Some entertaining children
Others transform into hurricanes
Lovely how they form
Unsightly how they fall apart
Love and affection
Odd at times
Nature’s way of section
Evidence including flaws
Of human depths
Intimacy doesn’t always lead in a direction
Not every action creates an reaction
Not every glance buzz with flutter
Not every conversation intriguing
And not every water particle forms a cloud

I searched for madness
But instead found insanity
And images floating towards my popcorn ceiling
Lukewarm soap bubbles
Reflecting my ******* face  
Elaborate on the details of a story
Too many stories
Few told accurately
Some forgotten for years behind the couches
Excavated and place in museums

Mosquito bitten bumps rise and falls
My finger tips pressuring soft cells
Hating how it feels as I take pleasure in killing
These wing foes
To them I am the terrorist with weapons of mass destruction
Not a terrorist of guns but one with pity and power to abuse
My feeling shift hotly from victim to symbolic hero
Everyone needs a bone toss in their direction
From the crude skeleton hiding within the dusty Shallows
Closet the feeling you gift to loved ones
Hush the happy times placed on the back logs of memory
Take note of polite strangers with words not your own
As I use them to speak a language taught to me years ago
When was my first word and did I speak it roughly as sandpaper
Or was it sweet to the ears with a buttery finish  
Am I too personal with my speech as this is all new to me?
Like a mouse with dreamy eyes watching the gleam off claws above
Silence is the key
Surrounded by much braver beast who riot into the night
I want to be heard

An artist,
I’m scared to be left to my thinking atoms and nuclear cells
Why solder my raining thoughts to reality
In my head I can’t trust these clockworks
Rusted gears precariously tricking forward
Tensions unbalance on a pinched nerve ending
Hesitate I retract to others knowing what I don’t know
That once I start I might fail
I don’t do what I want to
I don’t speak when I want to
When I so desperately need to
Before I explode
Violently, into a void
Void of emotionless urges
An artist like me if I so believe I am
Doubtfully attempts to act in the face of thunder
Only to cowardly hide in a cat’s whisker
Inner bricking delays outer progress
Progress I provocatively flaunt to the alive bodies
While knowing the fallacious congrats is unwarranted
I don’t believe in magical rainbow kitten surprise wishes
But I won’t also hide my love
With the internal flame dimming
I want to act the part by flipping over the stones
For the mysteries hidden away
To see them crawling out
My untapped desires

Where is god in these swirling galaxies?
Maybe she is found in the peak of an eclipse
In a ball of gas in the *** of the universe
Purple moons orbit me to find he
Speak to me tomorrow morning
Rather I would say much more is another issue
Burning out the insides
Cause we are all made of star stuff

I ask is it weird to say I love you?
Again I ask is it weird to say I love you?
Again I ask is it weird to say I love you?
Is it weird to say I love you?
Is it weird to say I love you?
Is it weird to say I love you
Is it weird to say I love you
Is it weird to say I love
Is it weird to say I love
Is it weird to say I love
Is it weird to say I
Is it weird to say I
Is it weird to say
Is it weird to say
Is it weird
It is

I am as free as I want
Like a daydreamer of today
Gently a breeze carry’s my wonders
Pass night cityscapers, and
      over desperate busybodies
Then settling in brain depressions
Imagine tomorrow being the same
Paused In a Haze cycle

Is there a difference
Between love long lost or
Hate newly recognized
Can they be balanced, maybe
On a crystallized degrading iceberg
Topped off with couples joining
      hands
Cheering on and crying out
But never heard by a mountain’s
      ear

Stalling the defining problems
Of what love is and who needs it
Akin to Swirls of Florida clouds
Not unlike heart guts spilling out
Let’s be free to choose
While ditching Fees for dreams
I want you to live in wonderland
With my body you can be freedom

Teeth and tongue
Tongue and cheek
Wars start people died, and they talk,
Who’s cheating on whom within a myth of a happy ending
Cheek and cheek
Bombs, explosions and people talk,
About the weather and the puppy fluff struck in sewer drains
Our fantasies coming to a steal away the reality of misunderstood celebrities
We play life across a board game
Cross Go pick up Nothing, nothing fun things of un things
Against the knowing we celebrate everything

A story about the here and now
Can’t be seen in lost and found
Almost like neat and delicate abandoned shreds of paper
Like the uneven ridges of the ghostly bleached white coral reefs
Or the brain juices between the cracks
I can’t compete with time
So turn tail and run
As time ages cheese
And as I grow older
And as my mother grow older
And as my grandparents grow older, under foot
I’m talking about the taboo of me
The taboo of you and me having ***,
without meeting the parents
Without foresight of the complicated future extinction of the
             human race
The lucid dreams,
I keep having only not to remember
The next day or the same night