There was a girl
So full of doom
So hurt by life

Tears ****** dry
Heart so shattered
Body so tired
Mind so fried.

She woke up by morning wondering why
She fell asleep every evening hoping for the last

Pain
Sorrow
Hatred
Sadness
Defeated by life

But life knew why

She walks into a room and sees a light.
The kind that lit her whole world
The darkness faded
The smiles grew
The laughs weren’t forced

The light grew brighter
As she grew closer
She knew at first sight
This was her why.

This light was why she woke up
Why she suffered
Why she cried
And why she hurt.

So when why shined
She could live
And smile

Her why became thank you in the morning
Her hopes became blessings by night
She found her why
her light  
Her reason.

Love is dead
Love so black
Love is hateful
Love so full of hurt
Love is pain
Love so full of regrets
Love is full of tears

You deserve someone who wants to give you a text back. Someone who wants you, only you, and makes you feel wanted. Someone who can’t help but message you first thing in the morning when the sun light is slow-dancing through the curtain, and they’re barely waking. Someone who wants to spend their drunken Friday nights with you, but also their lazy lemonade Sundays. Someone who holds their one-person umbrella right above you when it’s bucketing down, so that you’re sheltered, even if it means they get soaked through. You deserve someone who thinks of you, often. Someone who calls you on the phone at the end of a long day, because they want to hear the sound of your voice before they drift off into slumber. Someone who makes plans with you on a Tuesday evening, because the weekend is just too far away, and who cares if we have to go to work the next day. Someone who says definitely, not maybe, and follows through. You deserve to hear a song on the radio that makes you melt on the inside at the mere thought of this someone. Someone who could watch you sleeping for hours at a time, and be perfectly content in the grace and stillness of that moment. Someone who steals a cheeky kiss when you’re mid-sentence and least expecting to find their lips. Someone who will happily pig out on pizza with you in bed, and not judge the sweatpants & top knot look you’re sporting. Someone who is just that into you. You deserve someone who challenges the both of you constantly; someone who makes you strive to be better each day, because they’re trying to be better too. Someone you can count on to stick around when the **** hits the fan, which it will. Someone who chooses to lift you up, always. You deserve magic, and fireworks, and confetti canons exploding in your clear blue skies. You deserve someone who will always be careful with your heart, because they know just how fragile it already was before they held it. Someone who’s heart aches whenever yours does. Someone who wakes up next to you each day feeling like they’ve hit the jackpot, over and over again, and thinking what on earth did they do in their past life to be so **** lucky. You deserve someone’s complete attention. Someone who looks at you, and I mean really sees you, and all of the beauty you hold. You deserve to be someone’s first choice. Someone’s best friend. Someone’s partner in crime. Someone’s everything. You deserve to be loved; and loved extraordinarily well. And to be told that you are loved, every single day. I can’t wait to find that someone.

What if I told you I loved you
Would you tell me you love me back
What if I told you I miss you
Would you tell me that you miss me back
What if I told you I need you
Would you tell me you need me too?

To the girl in the crowd
We see you, but you are invisible.
We know you are there, but we don’t care.
We can hear you cry, we just don’t see why.

To the girl in the crowd
You say you’re ok, we say great!
You say things are fine, we think wonderful!
You smile at us and nod your head, we smile and say good job!

To the girl in the crowd
You stay strong, it’s what you’re told to do.
You act like nothings wrong, it’s what you have to do.
You seem to be holding your head high, as you’ve been programmed to do.

To that girl that was once in the crowd
We don’t see you anymore,
We don’t hear you anymore,
We don’t know why you aren’t there anymore.

To that girl that once was in the crowd.
To the one who kept saying she was fine.
To the girl who kept saying it was ok.
To the one who wore a fake smile.
The girl who would do anything to please a crowd of strangers.
To the one who stayed strong even when she was weak.
To the one who yelled so loud for help, yet her words were never                   heard.
To the one who gave up because she was tired...
of crying wolf.
I’m sorry for not seeing through the lies.

Nothings ever enough to satisfy another’s soul of how you should live your life to please them.
You will never please anyone enough to the fullest of their lust
no matter if you fulfill all their dirtiest request.
You’ll never earn their love bending backwards at your hips to give their feet that butterfly kiss of needing love.
Till the day you die the leak in the corner of your eye
will continue if you chase to love those who don’t deserve your heart, until you cherish the beat of your drum in the cavity of your chest
no one will ever believe you are enough.  🕊

i stopped writing poems
because the only poems that were leaking off the pen
were always inked with traces of you
i couldn't bare it any more
not writing about you
especially now that you've taken it upon yourself to leave
drive miles and miles away never turning your head to check the rearview mirror
I can't stand the thought of you
out there alone
lonely, with shivers in your heart
with no one there to whisper in your ear
it will all be alright,
hey, i love you
the thought of your hands being cold at night and no one there
to hold them
makes me want to scream
but I know
I know to move forward you have to leave the past, in the past
&& somehow I became your past when I used to be your future
I don't recall when that happened
just promise me as you leave
you'll take one more look in your rearview
let me blow you a kiss and wave you off as you drive goodbye
one last act of love for my baby
let me let you leave

Love is dead
Love so black
Love is hateful
Love so full of hurt
Love is pain
Love so full of regrets
Love is full of tears

I want you to know that I’m literally a mess. I have days where I get numb and am full of sadness, I want you to know that it just happens. My mind is chaotic and dark, it’s like a continuous thunderstorm inside there, it really isn’t the prettiest, but I promise if you see inside and take a seat it would be a better place. There are days where I’ll need constant reassurance because I won’t think I’m good enough for you, I’m insecure about that. I’ll always believe that you’ll leave because that has been instilled in my brain.
I’m sorry if it takes me a while to open up to you, I’m scared of letting people see me, see my soul and mind. Just please be patient with me. I have times where I get overwhelmed and I start to get anxious, just take my hand and say nothing, I just need to know you’re there. I always think of the worst possible outcome, it’s just how I’m wired. I’ll always expect you to get tired of me because I know I can be quite a bit to handle.
But even with all of that I’ll promise to love you with all my being, I promise that I’ll remember the small things such as why you love the smell of rain, why you can’t sleep at night, why you prefer talking to one parent over another. I’ll remember every little detail about you, and I’ll make sure you know you’re loved. Ill make you breakfast in bed, and watch the thunderstorm roll in on the front porch with you, even though I hate them. I’ll have your favorite flower as the center piece on the dinning room table. I’ll always remember your birthday, even though I hate mine. I’ll remember to text you and tell you I love you, tell you I’m thinking about you. I’ll take you on cute little adventures and enjoy every minute I have with you.
So whoever loves me next, I’m sorry for all the bad, but there’s so much good as well.