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 Sep 2020 Carolina
KG
When people hear the word, depressed,
They visualize sullen teenagers dressed in black with slits on their wrists.
But, many fail to recognize,
That depression is not always a physical manifestation.
That most suffer in suffocating silence.

Depression is drowning in an ocean poisoned with your own thoughts.
Depression is the guarded prison of your mind with no means of escape.
Depression is the absence of love, the absence of light, and the absence of hope.

It envelops your mind with a blanket of darkness.
It taints your soul with unbearable numbness.
It reminds you every waking second that you are not good enough.

You’re worthless
You’re alone
YOU ARE NOTHING

………………………………………………………………………………………..


When people heard the word depressed,

They visualize attention seekers

But many fail to recognize depression does not stem from desire to be pitied.

That most want to create an illusion of happiness.

Depression is plastering a smile on your face everyday
And releasing a torrent of tears,
Cascading uncontrollably into your pillow every night.  

Depression is saying,
“I’m just tired”,
or
“I’m fine”
When someone asks if you’re okay.

But inside,

You are screaming desperately for help.
Yet you remain silent.

Because you are stronger than that.
Because you’re ashamed of yourself.
Because you think nobody would even care.

You are scared they will tell you


“You’re just looking for attention”

"That’s just life"

“Just be happy”

“You’re so ungrateful”

But, depression isn’t about seeking attention.
It is about waking up, pretending you are okay, and going back to sleep.
It is about isolating yourself from the world.
Closing the door, drawing the blinds, and crawling under the covers in a desperate attempt to shut them out.

Depression is when the greatest accomplishment of the day is mustering the strength to get out of the bed that cradles you in its safe cocoon.

That every morning you wake up, disappointment that you still exist.
Because life doesn’t seem worth living anymore.


Depression is chronic fatigue
Depression is the lack of motivation

Depression is complete and utter despair


Depression is regarded as a lack of personal strength

Depression is considered to be a weakness.

But depression is a real illness

And those who live in its suffocating grasp are the strongest of all.
 Sep 2020 Carolina
Marlow
Depression. Oh malicious depression.
Always there, never fading away, or going away in this case.
Coming at me like she's my first priority.
Staying in my life because I guess I like the company, the feeling like there's always a weight on my shoulders, always a reassurance that I'm definitely not going to be in the mood for anything besides sleep and sometimes not even that.
Depression is my side chick, not only because I need some difference in my brain, some pizazz to keep things spiced up, or spiced down, but because my brain needs some company while the main chick happiness is away.
My side chick goes away sometimes when the main is in town.
While happiness is with me I'm always scared because what if depression finds out and comes to win me with pure determination.
So I ditch happiness...
Depression gets total control over me and I can't seem to find hope of ditching her and finding someone like happiness again.
Depression finds the time to insert unwanted thoughts into my brain, talk to me like I'm some slave to it, I guess I am in a way.
She's inconsistent in her time with me,
I talk to happiness still to fill in the times when depression isn't there, it's not the same with her.
Sure we're close and spend time together, but happiness is never really there with me like she was prior to depression.
Depression is jealous that I spend time with happiness, but I can't help it.
Happiness will always have a place in my brain.
Unlike depression happiness has been there since the beginning.
Depression came along for the attention a couple years ago and now we're in a relationship that only goes one way.
Depression loves me, I definitely do not love depression.
I hang on to depression since she's all I have left...
Happiness is at the back of my mind constantly wanting to be set free from my thoughts.
I just can't let go,
Can't let go of the feeling happiness gave me, can't let go of the love she gave and still gives to me as a far off friend.
You see happiness found relationships in the people around me, she is constantly prominent in their lives, they never fail to give her attention, treat her like the priority in their lives.
I miss happiness, she was great...
Now I have the ***** called depression and she's not leaving anytime soon, so I sit with her, attempt to love her and fail miserably at doing so.
I try and tell her that I don't want her anymore but she keeps coming at me with kindness and affection.
So now I just sit with her and happiness is held in the back of my mind slowly fading away and depression is now my partial past my entire present and most likely to be future.
lying in bed
the day cradled by darkness
drifting back through wisps
of who I'd been at thirty
baby suckling my *******
workday weary and money starved
yet proud of a life carved out
in fruit trees and a hammock
swaying beneath pines

such a long streaked memory
I crawl upon hands and knees
through the portal to now
recognizing that every blessing,
every tear stained disappointment
all the years of wiping down
studying, providing, enduring
have proffered this moment
an opportunity
       to step beyond
   the mind's confinement

to risk safety for beauty
anxiety for understanding
   to become again
a child of wonder
sculpting her future
in the clay of stars
sometimes my mind is
racing with words
I have to hurry to
find paper and pen
I can't tarry
Once the moment
Is gone it's  gone
locked in the hidden
treasures of time
This written after I forgot to title.my poems
Tried to title.this one
 Feb 2020 Carolina
Left Foot Poet
as our letters age

my twenty six best friends gather round a winter fire,
a Valentine’s Day retreat from the bones internal chilly yellowing,
we’ve been together from the Day One beginning, a life of
commencing conception, deception, immaculate and messy mixing

practicing fumbling, making and breaking the conventional,
we arrange and rearrange our unique ordering, overlapping
with your version, cousin, so we communicate, but uniquely ours,
individualist letters, witnesses, markers, word~children, born, lost

soon seventy will come, and a party, a literary review to be held,
mourning the many, works uncompleted, toasting the few that satisfied,
acknowledging the collaboration of all the twenty six with
special guests,
an aging five senses
that were the kindling that sparked them into action

oh my dear ones, my best friends, your knew me too well,
my best, worst,
my progeny, blood of my blood, voice of my guts,
consoling friends, who
brooked my self-deceptions, yet denounced them when
over-the-topping,
comforters of our mutual ashes buried in one casket,
our final poem, clutched, at last...
my alphabet of life...




Sat. Feb 22, 2020
10:26am
you will be invited.
 Jan 2019 Carolina
Meghan
hello,
have you been
well?
i guess not,
for your attention
in my poem
could tell
sorry if this nurse
took so long
in finding
the perfect words
to cure
your soul
first,
strip your clothes
and
stand at the mirror
gaze at the
creature with
the foggy figure
there's
a sinkhole
in those eyes
and a temporary
stitch whenever
you would
smile
the collarbone
which hides,
suffocates from the
blanket of skin
with
sickening lies
it penetrated
and
corrupted your mind
ignored the
fact and just
romanticized
the beast
will **** you,
please
don't find
it ****
the chaos is screaming
later on
you'll be
empty
i know how
a reflection
cries
you lost yourself
you lost you
it's like
having a stray cat
beneath your
tissues
a wandering stranger
sails from
the memories
of truth
overflowing blood
choaked
your dilemmas
too
it mimicked the
fire of hell
in those
shoes
the greatest harm
you'll ever
cause you
but why a
nurse
and not a
doctor?
listen here,
you are your
fighter
the cure and the pain,
which decision
will define?
all i can
say is,
save yourself
from death,
because
it hasn't
deseved you yet
go ahead
and fight your
way to life
I suffered from these issues. And I don't have to wait to heal completely so i could serve my people.
 Jan 2019 Carolina
Ally Ann
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't
 Jan 2019 Carolina
Noone
I write...
 Jan 2019 Carolina
Noone
I write everytime you cross my mind
I write everytime I miss you
I write everytime I cant talk to you
I write everytime I want to forget you
I write everytime I want to let go of you
I wonder if I ll ever stop writing
 Jan 2019 Carolina
Carla
You miss a meal,
Then it turns to two,
A day passes,
And no one notices you.

Craving nutrition,
There goes a week,
Those many hours,
Longing for something to eat.

Using the same excuse,
"I'm not hungry, I just ate,"
The numbers keep dropping,
Was sixty-three, now fifty-eight.

You can't go back,
People are noticing you,
They say you should eat, and you say,
"You have something better to do."

It's harder than you think,
Just leave me alone!
Stop telling me to eat and drink!
If I need you, I can find my phone.
This poem is about an eating disorder, it’s dangerous and those that have it can be greatly effected. Not only them, but those around them as well.
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