She finally did it
She had the nerve
It came as easy as 1,2,3
For you and me.

This was her breaking point
Her time to fly high
End all this pain inside
to just call it her end.

In her manic state
Impulse hit her
She wraps the rope
Around her neck

She pulls it tight
Her tears fall
Her breathing becomes
Shallow and painful
The room starts grow dark.

Time passes
uncertainty as to how long.
What is going on?
Am I still alive?
Why is it so cold?

I'm numb.
I cant feel anything.
No pain.
No love.
Nothing.
Its...

Perfect.
After all this searching
For what is missing
I have finally found it!
I've never felt better!

Then...
I start to see a light again
and breathing becomes even more painful
and the pain starts to come back..

NO
WAIT!
I'm happy here!
I fight, I resist
I don't want to go back
I cry - more pain
I feel - more heartbreaking tears
I remember - more terrifying memories
The world growing heavier upon my shoulders again.

I'm back..
What I once thought for a brief minute or two was my new safe place, Inner-peace pain free zone was only an attempt.

Now the question that circles is
WHY did you save me?






Right before Christmas (2015) the stress built up and I "tried" to **** myself. Though i did succeed for a brief moment and it was an attempt cause my s.o. found me and brought me back to life. though i am still sitting here question why and wondering what my purpose is. Ive had a tad bit of writers block but i want to get this story out there too so this is all i can get hopefully at a later date there can be a better poem.

If anyone is struggling with depression and ever is stopping to this level I am here to talk and I encourage it all I needed that night was someone to talk to and no one was there for me prior to the moment.

I need some help
help beyond this keyboard
help beyond these words
im searching for help
that no one can understand
im screaming silently
im crying but only dust
im not sure where ill go
not sure where ill run
not sure where ive even been anymore
all i know is where i want to go
i need some help
judgement free
criticism aside
it wont help
only make it worse
none of this tough love *******
i need an understanding compassionate hand
to help me out of this dark hole
its lonely
saddening
depressing
difficult
and
the last place i want to be anymore
please
someone just help.

My love for you is surreal
My heart aches at the thought of a future without you
My mind races
My pulse quickens
My blood boils
At the simple thought of your lips brushing mine
The touch of your skin brushing mine
The sound of your heart beat quickening
The look in your eyes
Make my heart melt
"Some people are worth melting for"
&& Baby you are the one person I melt for
Everyday
Every minute
Every second
To look at you
Think about you
Hear your voice
Every little thing I do
Revolves around you
Every little thing you do
Drives me crazy.

I wouldnt have it any other way
I guess what I am trying to say is
I LOVE YOU

I miss the way you use to look at me
     with those beautiful green eyes
the way you use to hold my hand
      while we wents for drives.
I miss the way you use to kiss my lips
      the feel of yours pressing against mine.
I miss you laugh
      and that amazing smile.
I miss your body
     and the warmth of it pressed against mine
I miss my head resting on your chest
     listening to your heart beat.
I miss your company
     and the way you called my baby girl

I have found the trail that will lead me back to you,
The further I walk, the more hopeful I become.
The heartache I feel to find an end
To realize that it will never fully lead to the gates of your new home.
That I will have to continue,
Searching for that way to be with you.
Once again I'm left to miss you.
I thought I had found the path
To the other side.

You can look into her eyes and see the sky
You can look into her eyes and see yourself
Look beyond her eyes and you can see her soul
Look beyond her eyes and see her heart
Look through her eyes and see her pain
Look through her eyes and see her Joy
You can watch her story just by looking into her eyes

blacked out
tears flow

          Pain in her heart
          thoughts racing
              
                       child screams
                       Mother weeps
                    
                                     Pain leaks
                                     blood falls.
                                                falls.
   ­                                             falls.

she snaps back
frozen in confusion

         cold with dread
         what just happened?

                            looking with sorrow
                            new tears begin to form.

she doesn't understand how
its been all these years.

        why would she now
        for something so small.

                          It all just built up
                          all that small ******* ****.

Until it tore her down.
                            down.
                         ­   down.

I need to
I want to
I burn for the feeling
I cry to fill this void.
This hole.
The emptiness.
Where emptiness once was a heart.
To feel the steel
In my veins
to smell the rust
flow through my blood.
to watch a river of darkness.
dark
thick
red
blood
fall to my feet
to only watch the darkness creep
following down the lighted tunnel
to step further and further away
once foot at a time
one breath less
to make this last
hear those cries
hear the screams
see the tears
feel the pain
just to feel that steel slice
just to watch the blood fall
to see my skin stain
to end all this pain
please
just take my misery away.

Adventure out of your comfort
Live in the moment
Stop to take in
All of natures beauty
Only then will you see
There's more that waits
There's a light at the end
There is hope in every breath
There is time to spare
For life is to short
We never fully appreciate
The world where we live.

Baby what are we becoming
It just feels like we're always running
Rolling through the motions everyday 
I could lean in to hold you, or act like I don't even know you
seems like you could care less either way
What happened to that girl I use to know
Just want to be back to the way we were before.
The giggles the kisses and all the little things that showed.

you found her
lost and insecure
her pale skin shimmering
just laying there

just a moment to late
whyd you have to wait
to find her
the clock just stopped
the tears just dried

you dont know why
you cant keep your eyes off her
you dont know where to go from here
cause it was you and her
for always and after
but just a moment to late
why did you have to wait

everything she did was beautiful
every smile glowed
every laugh warmed your soul
everything about her was perfection

whyd you have to wait
you were a moment to late
you cant keep your eyes off of her

you cant move
scared to miss the lies
hoping this is a dream
hoping to break the ties

whyd you have to wait
you were here a moment to late
starring at her body
laying on the floor
full of sorrow
why did you not listen for the screams
how could you not hear the sobs

nothings forever
except when you look at her
you cant take your eyes off her
you know once you do
it will be the last time you see her.

Just then does the pain take over.
As you fall to your knees.

I dare you to move
I dare you to show
I dare you to tell
I dare you to see

The pain you cause
The heartache you bring
The tears you make fall
The sorrow you'll never understand.

They say time heals
They say wounds close
They say scars fade
They say it gets easier

I say I'm still crying
I say I'm still broken
I say I'm still waiting
I say I'm tired of trying.

Taken to soon
Stolen from this world
Devastating tears fall
For the loss
Brought into this world
To be taken away
Not knowing the answers
Why?
No one shall ever know
Why?
You were taken away to soon
You'll never be forgotten
Uncertainty
As to where you go
Are you standing with me now
Will you be looking over me tomorrow?
Do you see I need you?
I have to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you all my secrets
Tell you what is missing without you
No one tells you it doesn't get easier
No one tells you the pain never fades
Please come back and haunt me
Something to show me you are still there
You were taken to soon

I drop the hints
I yell for help 
I scream your name 
but you don't see. 
I need you now
I need all of you 
you can't hear me cry. 
Why do you miss everything 
why can't you hear me 
why aren't you here
when I only need you the most?