there is no hole
big enough to fill
the satisfaction of my misery.
even my tears overwhelm
the ocean from which
all life swims.

instead i keep my tears
locked away in a reservoir
where the demons feed off them.

sometimes I want to
tell my heart to be still
but I can’t because its beating
has become dependent on this
crippling anxiety.

how much money would it
take for someone to **** me?
how much money would it
take for someone to stop my
heart so i can be rid of this neverending nightmare?

how much money did it
take for you to **** me
with your toxic love?

i smiled as my final tear
stained the concrete
then i pulled the trigger
and the world went dark.

the mirror was her friend
but all she saw
was her ghastly skeletal
reflection telling
her to put down the food once more.

stay close to people who feel like sunlight
and run away from those who feel like the moon.

my tears bled
like diamonds onto the sidewalk
and the sun soaked them up
before they had a chance to shine.

You made fun of that poor wretched soul but no amount of makeup could
cover up your ugly, darkened, mishapened heart.

do you have the courage
to believe in love
even when your dreams
catch fire within your heart?

when your vision
simply becomes an idea.

do you have the courage to love
once more?

i am so thankful
God took the time
to carve your delicate
hand into mine
so that we may unite
as one at the altar.

you're the reason
i can dance between
the fire and never get burned.

you're the reason
that i can say goodbye
to the moon
and not cry while it's sleeping.

you're the reason
that i can't spell
"I love you"
without you.

Does the sun miss the moon
When it’s sleeping?
Does the hand miss the thread?
When it’s no longer spinning?

Is the child no longer?
Dependent on its mother
even after he or she
reaches adulthood?

Is a clock is still a clock
Even when it’s not ticking?

So tell me how could I
Possibly miss the chance
To dance with my first love
for the rest of my days.

What a shame
That the rose
Died before You
Got a chance to water it.

What a shame
That the candle
Burned out before
You got a chance to light it.

I guess that’s
The beauty in forgotten love.

even in my darkest hour
I will still rest
upon Your unchanging love
for me.

I will lie
In the pastures
and weep with your sheep
for You are good to me.

To live by blind
Faith is to
Carry the torn veil
To the cross.

So, God,
I come to the alter
To sew back the
Veil the devil
Tried to destroy.

I'm not sure if you're addicted
to my sadness
or if I've gotten used to
the silence that creeps
between us while we sleep
but there's something
peculiar about
the way you
breathe.

it's enticing
so intoxicating
that I don't mind crying
next to you
for a little while longer.

if only we used our tongues
to speak words of beauty
rather than to cut someone
down like a dagger.
the twist of the
tongue is a powerful tool.
  
it’s shame you used yours
to cut out my heart
when all I wanted was to love you.

These shapeless faces
don’t have any value
until I looked in the mirror.
Suddenly, I knew my worth.
and so should you.

i froze my tears
just in case I might need
them again
in case you decide
to light another fire
with your lies.

this is the paradox
of me and you.
like water & oil
we forced ourselves to mix.
but instead we just floated
on top of one another.

Sometimes cutting is
Easier than pretending
I’m not hurting.
Sometimes cutting is easier
Than saying I’m  okay
When I’m  really dying
On the inside.

Sometimes cutting will
lead to a decision I
Can’t take back.

save me.

how long will you wrap yourself
in jealousy before you let
it destroy the soul
I tried to rebuild.
the lips I once kissed
are tainted with the green monster’s
poison
so I’m left once more
to reveal my heart’s contrition
for wanting you.

now I’m left
alone with the remains
of what the green monster
destroyed.

he destroyed your heart
but God forbid I let him destroy mine.

***

i kissed a girl
and i liked it.
no, i'm not weird.
i refuse to conform
or for you to label
me as inferior
for following my
heart.

i am not
some trophy
or prize to be
showcased
to inflate
your ego.

i am a human being
**** it.
and i demand to
be heard.

i don't always
cross my legs
when i sit.

i don't always shave
because i am a mammal
and mammals have hair
and that's okay

if i'm being honest
i'm tired of the sterotypes
of who you want me to be.

so i'm gonna be me.
like it or not,

i'm a human being
and i demand to be heard.

your tears are like
the most expensive perfume
known to man.
and i cannot get enough.

please cry on my shoulders
and let me bask myself in
your glorious scent
for all eternity.

i don't expect you to mend my soul overnight
but i do ask that you
treat my heart with careful consideration
because i don't think i can handle
another tear.

all i ask is that
you proceed with caution
and mend my heart.
one day at a time.

I watched you water my petals
Soaking my roots with your love
But then the drought came
And you left me thirsty.

My petals wilting away
From your abandonment.
And I watched as my soul died
In the lonely drought.

sometimes i want someone to take the rain
but leave the pain
so I can watch my heart slowly die
like it was always meant to.

but mind you,
this is not a suicide note
because my soul has already died.

I chased the stars in my dreams
hoping to see them collide in reality.
but only stardust remained
when I woke.
and I knew, our collision could
never emerge from the darkness.

I’m tired of fighting a
Winless battle.
I wish I could reverse
Time and stop me from being born.
But all I have are
These pills that can give me
The permanent sleep I desire.
But then I think of you
And flush them out.

Ain’t it funny how you can  love someone
One minute
And the next, they’re gone
As if they were never there.

My psychiatrist told me to
Paint him a picture
Of a better future.

So I said:

“Give me the ability to discern the truths
In my heart from the lies in my mind.”

Only then can there be progress.

Maybe we’re ****** up but so is the world.
Maybe we aren’t meant to be
But let’s say **** the world
And be ****** together.