I'm alone now
Night sounds
Cicadas chirp incessantly.
The rain falls so softly
I know that no one's around

Blackberrys on the ground,
Wilting
The wind curls around me
No shelter
The  echos bounce around me
No sleep

When I get home, they'll be nothing to eat
But my good intentions

So you've moved on,
I mean I know it didn't take you this long
But I still haven't
When i think about you it still hurts where my heart  used to be,
But that's ok
You needed to go your way

I just wish that your was a path that didn't go straight through someone else's ****
I wish you had the corage to end it
Before  you rolled  Me over
And ****** me with my heart

But that's ok I get it
We all make mistakes
And what breaks me one day builds me up the next (I've been told)
I just hope you make the right choices
I hope you  find the right faces
And go to to the right places

Just  promise me you'll never forget

I'm a little more then lost right now.
A little  more then scared
I thought I knew who to trust
But now I see no one  cares

My heart is aching
My future is shaking
I'm about to loose it all

But I know your smilling
Deep down,there's no hidding
You never really  cared

stretch
Breathe,
Find the foot of your bed,
Unwrap  the arm from around your head,

sigh
Smile,
The anxiety  is gone,
just for a while.

yawn
Tire,
Feel your  body ache with desire ,
Check the time, Youve got a while.

colapse*
Relax ,
The world  turns slowly,
So for 5 more minutes,
You can watch your heart sleep.

We all face life, at sixty minutes an hour, indefinitely.

*L.G

Make it stop
oh how nieve you are
free as a bird
inside a cage
with wings made to fly
from page to page
sure ive burnt papers galore
but my soul, my spirit is no more,
you dont know now,
but you will
the effect you have on me,
no frills
youve made me realize,  that i am two sizes to big for this skin
and my kin ,
im scared
so scared you see,
of this demon lurking beneath me
caged birds dont get to fly to often
its so difficult when without my vice my bones soften
and to be with you is to brake both my legs
and even when my soul pleads and begs.
understand that  to scream at you is to show affection
because i have chosen my direction
to loose myself in you, is to find my way home
and never again,
shall i feel so alone

Call me drunk,
But im stumbling sober.
Call me mad,
But ive allways been alone.
In the end I'll  be dead  by late october,
I hope my soul wanders  far from home

I'm gona do it I swear.
I'm gona do it, don't come near
I'm. Sick of feeling like im the center of your hate
I'm gona end the dispair
Don't blame yourself, you only twisted the keys into the locks I forged,
Don't hate yourself,
Or you'll find you'll join Me,  you'll pick up the cross I bore,

If I find myself breathing in the morning,
Then the drugs failed. Even though I ignored the labels warning,

It's ok though  because  I'll still  have no one here
I'll still feel all the fear
Don't worry. I'll do it
I swear

Wasting war
Untouched soils, set to rott by a plauge of men
A million miles away
Where the sun sets on hills ill never see.
And the light touches faces ill never meet
The light bends a diffrent way,
Shells raining down upon your feet
Dismay
Devils steal life and spirits reclaim bones
In the war you left me, to fight
Protecting forign homes

he comes home  to dream of what he left
In someone else s bed


                                                    he should've hugged her and never let her                      
                                       ­                                                                 ­                  go
not that he wanted to, he wanted to clasp her tight
feel her skin
he didn't want this...

                                           he didn't want to be alone



*L.G

at first i shake a little
and i try to hold it together
but then panic strikes. and i pull myself apart at the seams
and when you stich me back together, i cant help but whimper
because the pin you use is blunt
and it hurts more to be sttiched together then it does to be pulled apart
but then i panic, and now im screaming
your name in fits
blasphemous fits of agous whaling i cant breathe
the demons of my mind are sitting on my chest while I sleep
And I toss and i turn but i cant wake up from this night mare because
in reality i was never asleep
ive been sitting here the whole time
wide awake in my dream state terrified to do anything other then breathe
and Christ thats harder then it sounds
you have no idea what its like
when tears roll down my cheeks
like tidal waves i wish i could drown in
anxiety makes me a slave, its lachy, its *****
my fear takes me by the throat and makes sure to stare me down
as he squeezes
my addictions rolll over me  like a sandcastle at high tide im bound to fall
so please
dont you dare tell me to "just breathe"
everything wont be allright so long as you dont realise
that i am suffering more then a fit of asthma ,
i am dieing more then a little inside  
my crystal glass core gets trod on more and more often by the demons that plauge me
panic is so much more lethal then cyanide ad so much easyer to obtain

You just try and stop me from loving  you, I dare you.

Little kitten
So i loved you
Little kitten
Kind eyes
Gentle heart
Silly jokes
And all those wonderful  parta
Take my words
Make them yours
And keep marching through lifes many doors

my friends told me , that if I wrote how i felt,
my poetry would be more popular
you see...the only thing ive felt,
for as long as I can remember, is my love for you,
drowning in your love,
my ears deafened by sweet giggles,
im hooked on your personality,
midnight vespa rides screaming like cannibals
my friends told me to write about how I felt...
and I don't know  how to put words together
combine prefixs and verbs and nouns together
to form  a sentance that could even come close,
to how you make me feel...
my friends told me to write about how I feel,
to bad they dont know you exist

18 months in a brick shed  with a tin roof
6 more in a wood box too cramped  to breathe
Another year
Living in fear
In a room with no lock
And in 3 more weeks
I'll get my own place
No doors that don't close
No windows that don't open

I spent three years of my life in moldy decrepid rot
And now after removing a thot
I find myself in a happy space
A dog named squirt and  a kitchen two steps wide
My girlfriend looking at me with pride
4 months ago I'd never imagine
That today's the day  I move to my own
Mansion

Ive been lied to, tricked and teased
Dont you see?
Ive had my trust stolen, shattered  and pawned
Cant you tell?
I bother you but i mean well,
You  take it as possessive  and controlling  im sure,
But that's  the opposite  of what im trying to do, i ensure.
I have trouble  trusting. You must know
Of course  i fret and fiddle, when you don't  tell me where you go,
Its nothing  against your charecter. I trust you holely.
But the holes in my head, they despise the act, knowingly.
Its the dark parts that whimper and whisper  about my defeat
and how your victory over me is complete,
"She could have anyone! Anything!
And youd not be worth a secound glance
Not worth a thing!"
"No she  loves me!" Id interject,
"She loves me and  i love her, from here to puket!"
"She doesnt feel  the same "the dark holes whisper
"She doesn't  think about you this way, she doesnt even ask about your day!"
I fall defeated
But not  before  a plead is headed
"Your wrong.  I love her. Shes all i have left,
I gave her everything  when i thought i had nothing left. And weather  she loves me, or you where right all along,
I promise  to wait. To sit here. To be strong

Broken kitten.
Spitting fear-***** and choking on bile
Crying at the  foot of my bed
Burried in your head.
Sobbing into soft white mittens
Lips with no tounge.
Tounge with no face.
Life bleeding away' no trace
So curl into my lap little kitten
Not so far away.
Curl into my lap  little kitten
Scare the nightmares away

Dont get hooked.
Im addictive,
Dont take too much.
Im toxic,
Dont use  me often.
Im abrasive,

Dont fall to hard.
Ill catch you,

No one seems to understand that sometimes its better
to  sit at home and rest your mind then it is to fight
the army of teachers and students at the gates,
because all of that trampling and noise have my ears beating
like Kick drums,
I feel like a dog, because there is this high pitched ringing no one else
seems to hear
and the contents of my cranium are swilling about like coffee dregs and just like dregs, I'm all out of juice,
if you find me in the corner of some dark room don't be surprised,
don't be worried if I'm their without my mind,
Ive sold it for a blanket,
In the hopes that i might finally be warm enough to sleep

Grief.
Drug me
Fill me
Because I’m tired
And I scream
I writhe with my head, the hammers in my ears pound against my skull,
And my balance. is upset, drunken stumbles through broken courtyards…
At least I thought
Agony ripe within myself,
Ive lost!
The war stood hungry at my door step and like a beaten dog I turned with  tail between my legs,
How poorly I’ve lost..
I had spears to withstand a charge,
I had men of which to bear arms
Friends…
my soldiers
I had friends of which to bear arms against my foes.
But addiction defeat me
Addiction wear them thing
Addiction wears their skin,
Lie to me, tells me I’m fine,
My friends have dissipated to drug fiends after their angry fix,
Prowling my bedroom
Prowling my dreams
I have failed my war, I have lost my fight, and darkness has stolen away my light
Yet I will prowl too
Carrying the baggage that has broken my back, dissipating the agony of my heartbeat  
In the effort of motion
Crawl on four wheels to a location not so far from my home, but to far to call home,
Loose myself in the winding streets
The black lit paths
And parks without playgrounds
I will wonder after my missing soldiers, following in their wake

*L.G

Idle minds  and  weary hands
Destroy dams of flesh
And flood the lands

I cant find whats missing
Spending my time wandering grey streets
Slipping over cobbled blocks and broken pipes
No destination.
No idea  where to go
How am i to find whats missing  when i thought i held it so Close

I was opinionated.  Now ive lost direction
Missed conections
Defelected questions
I procrastinated myself into lonelyness
Theirs no deception

if my heart breaks one more time I swear  to god there will  be nothing left

My eyes are red like a sunset,
Devils dance.
my end of the bargin has been met.
Welcome to my rainy day
Forces and darkness come out to play
My life ebbs again
At the end of a ball point pen

Who else finds a pause an irritating absence of speech?
like  every single Fullstop. is an area that is to far away to reach?
that every single absence of sound is a wall so high its impenatrable to breach
dependable scenarios are ones which are riddled with noise
chaotic and invaluable noise
because without noise and sound,
songs from lips and barks from hounds
our lives are cut too short,
because no longer am i able to retort

sloppy,**
I dropped  the ****
Woops, hey now  I haven't touched your speed.
Slow down,
The codines around
Don't frown, the acid will make me into a clown
Lost now,
I'm running around
Somehow
10 miles off the ground
But I'll come down
I allways do
The drugs never last as long as you do
So let the  heynas hackle  from the street side
I may be ****** up but I'm not the one whos dead inside

Death defy
Flying high
How hard  is it to touch the ground
Ill step of the edge and fall upwards
As my body plumits down
No longer will i be around,
Ill not even make a sound

Amelia
Stay
We ran a million miles
Fought a thousand battles  inside your  mind.
And several just outside,
Amelia
Did the head aches get  too much?  Did your heart  tell you to run?
Was it the illusion  or the rush?
Stay
Amelia
Your heart is way to broken,
Your words are softly spoken.
But your the  one for me,
So young and oh so free

Stay*

We ran a million  miles
And  walked a million  more
And  another million  miles I'd carry you
Just to see your smile
Just to make your while
Just so you wont hurt any more.

She made me ,you know.
Remove blades from their housings
And sheath my soul.
Drive knifes and daggers into her back.
Part the flesh from bone.
Coward she cried. But gritting her teath for more
Shed lie here on on my bed. Or sprawled across the floor
Shed block my paths out.
My routes through the doors
She would make me harm herself
When she couldn't any more

Smalls hands,
Cold feet,
Passion  every time we meet.
Blind? Maybe.
Dumb? ,probably
Wrong?  Never
Fingers  twisted like pretzels  in our palms
Tearing  out the psalms.
Because  it was sacred  once doesnt mean it is now,
But because  ive been  here  before makes it mean so much more,
My heart has  been broken  battered and bruised.
But still ill hold it up,
For you to use once more x

You can say im dead inside,
Im just sick  of  having **** to hide
I don't  have to lie any more you know,
Without  the hate i have  a chance to grow,
Where hate was once a flood, purging the land,
Now its just water falling through my hands

I wish that sleep wasn't a thing
So I could spend all night talking

And I wish your breathing
Didn't  sound like snoring,
(through a microphone)

And though I know your hear with me
On the phone
I wish more then anything
That I wasn't home alone

Winter Sunday

Lets stick around here, and wait till we can say
this is how i spend
a cold winter sunday

lets hide away
out of the grey

you dont even have to stress
its cold outside
And nothing will change that
no matter how you try

so stay under the covers
its warmer this way,
its how i spend
my winter sunday

Ill cook you pancakes, and sit around till noon
just me and you

bring half the bed to the TV screen
watch our shows
anything goes

You dont have to worry,
dont have to stress
cause with me and the douvet
this time is the best

as classic as can be
Its warmer this way,
Its how i spend
my winter sundays.

Lost has become an expression to me,
not a sensation of unknowing
more of a sensation of loss of myself
lost,
im lost without you,
without it i might be dull
but without you, Im nothing but a shell
your the scrap i have left,
silk that weighs more then gold,
you have a heart of fire ive been told,
i want it, wrapped in ice and dipped in sugar,
I belive i am the one who can take you there
but we went from 80 to 0 real fast..
and  I wasnt wearing a seatbelt
but christ i still have whip lash
because  my unconditional love for you coaxed me into safety,
i took of my harness and let myself be me,
and now your saying i should take me away from me,
that i should just simply stop beeing what i am
its not so easy when all you have to fix a concret wall is craft paper
I get that you think im a lady killer
and i despise the fact you think i enjoy it,
but i understand your misconceptions, i know what its like to be stuck in your head without a lock for the broken key around your neck
but unlike you think, my tounge is dull as butter knife on any other median but paper,
my skull is as emptier of lust for another woman
then a gay priest married to Christ, '
you have nothing to fear  sweet heart, i dont want to go anywhere,
I know you think im a brick wall,
of problems and cracks and faults
and your mad your out of mortor to fix me
just understand knocking me back down doesnt get  me any further foreward..
be declicate when you build me back up...
your building yourself a future..
this broken fence,
this unshapped clay,
is yours now to ply and toy with. No one elses,
just say you love me one more time so i can sleep..
and understand im trying as hard as i can,
to be the man you want me to be

And the sun rises
On another nights wake.
and now the light has kissed my skin
I must close my eyes and feint
For hours of waking in the dark night
Have left my heart sore
And now with the suns warm love
I need to wake no more

I lost you on a blacked out path
Steep, winding, layered in broken glass
I thought id tought you to stay on track
I thought you said you had my back
I was planning to come and find you,
Lost in leaves dotted with dew
The odds are your safe.
Torch in hand
But im worried you didnt make it to the promised land
I hope your safe now where you lay. I know that ill see you latter today
Be steadfast in your lonely sleep
For i am lieing here
Nothing left but fear
And the ache i get when your not here

oh where feeling a good as lovers can
its the end of the world again
dancing through the streets of your bedroom floor,
carving it up like knives through steak
and im looking at you with those hungry eyes all the same,
ill take you back, smile at the moon like wolves on the hunt
I think ill take a punt, carve a football from your heart and try score
the conversion, between the bars of your rib cage,
connect your organs like Frankenstein  in a game of operation
ill take your humor too seriously ,and giggle in my own misconception
sweet jesus im unholy ,
well, my jeans are holey,
so are my pockets
so dance with me little lioness
eye me up like a meal and ill lick my lips Like the lover you want
and ill grin like the lover you need
and ill swing like the dancer you plead for
so grin my sweet,
its 9 in the afternoon,
and we have so much more to do