I've run through flames for you
knowing I'd be scarred for years to come
but I savored it
the lick of the blaze torching my skin
just as your palms
blistering and radiant
grab ahold of me when
we're engulfed in each other's heat
inferno around me rages wildly
smoke luring tears from my eyes
yet your warmth is almost igniting
we were taught not to play with fire
unless we want to get burned
but how else am I going to feel
except if anguish is endured

empty bottles litter the room
too many have passed your lips
lying bathed in darkness
eyes bloodshot with tomorrow's regrets
you hold my hand like an anchor
keeping you from drifting in this lonely sea
as 80 proof courses violently through your veins
I like to believe you chose me to be here with you anyways

silence surrounds us until you finally find peace  
desperate to remain afloat even if only in your dreams
my breaths ebb and flow to the rhythm of your heartbeats
my restless nights without you I'll spend
thinking of times like these
so if only for this moment
right now you need me
an antidote that will save you from yourself
then that is what I'll be
even if you’re the drug
from which I need relief

you looked at me in my eyes,
and there was no fear
of what you'd find.

you saw the ruin left behind;
the damage, and destruction,
the brokenness I tried to hide.

And I waited for you to run;
away from my shadows,
and into the sun.

But then you told me,
there's a special beauty to the night;
because only then can you see stars
and in the darkness
they've created their own light

I wanted to think that I was special to you;
that I was different than the rest.
fooled myself into somehow believing this,
and lived in a state of false happiness

But I was so used to being covered with your lies
that when it was over you left me bare
and my raw skin felt it all;
the pain, the sadness, and especially the fear

I've been searching for the truth ever since
hoping that I could finally find comfort there
but I don't even know what honesty looks like
because the face of sincerity has become so rare.

if you asked me how I am I'd say "fine"
but here I am still thinking of you
and a part of me hopes
that you still think of me too.

It's easier said than done;
to let someone go,
when all you want is to hold on.
Because the memories can't just be erased ,
of every moment between you.
And those feelings won't simply be replaced
by someone new.
But you know the only thing to do now,
is to leave behind what has fallen apart,
because the damage has gone way too far
to repair what's left of two broken hearts

here we go with this again
you say you're so sick of love songs
and I'm not listening
there's goodbye in my eyes
as it all falls down
your side of the bed grows colder
as I wait for you to please return my call
I know I can't make you love me,
but you mean that much to me
we're going in circles
and I'm running out of energy
The damage is done
and almost wasn't ever enough
so now we can't be friends
and I'm left dreaming with a broken heart

I find myself often struggling for air,
as I try to tread water on my own.
But this ocean goes deeper than I ever imagined,
and no one's ever taught me how to swim alone.
That was your job. You were supposed to show me how it's done.
Isn't that what you're for? To be the safety net until I'm ready?
Instead you watched me fighting to stay afloat .
Never my saving grace because your spirit's much too deadly.
I'm stuck stagnant in the deep end with no experience at all,
and memories of drowning are far too clear in my mind.
I refuse to move from the safe place I have found in this hell;
maybe I can fool myself into believing that "I'm fine"
If no one touches me, then I won't think about it too much;
I can almost forget all the moments your hands held me down.
And that every time you did, I forced my way back up to the top,
because I wanted you to see that I was worth keeping around.
I've barely survived the waves that tried to pull me under,
and the rapids that took me way off course for a while.
Now I'm little bit ruined with scars no one can see,
and sometimes I forget I know how to smile.
It's terrifying to be offered a hand now;
constantly thinking that they're going to let me slip away.
And I refuse to ever drown by the hands of another again;
so I remain on my own because you've convinced me it's safer this way
I'm still not sure if I matter enough yet;
so I can show you what's left of me, thanks to you.
I wonder what happened to the girl I would have became,
if only you had just taught me how to swim
like you were supposed to...

I think of you often
in unfinished sentences
and half written lines
because you give me a feeling
I'd almost forgotten
with words I cannot define

this is for every conversation where I hesitated
and each instant I second-guessed myself
for all the moments that should have been
and every "what if" that I've over-thought
I've lost so many opportunities
from choosing to say nothing one too many times,
and what I meant hid behind closed lips
so instead my silence spoke too loud
but hopefully you're listening now
and these unspoken truths will finally be heard
so this language between us of misunderstandings
might finally be able to be put into words

it's 3am
and shots of cheap tequila
are running through
my veins
maybe after
one more drink
at least for tonight
I'll forget
your name

I think what hurts me the most
is knowing that even after all this time
you still won't choose me first

I've written myself into knots I cannot undo
and late nights have turned into mornings.
Tear stains mark many of my pages,
and my fingers have cramped from use.
I've run out of metaphors and clever rhymes,
synonyms, and similes,
because no matter how I start these lines,
I always end with you and me.

somehow I found myself underneath the mistletoe;
with the taste of wine lingering on my lips,
wishing that it was you here in front of me,
instead of all of these gifts ,
and if only for just a moment,
temporarily mine
to kiss.

I've over and under thought this
reevaluated the situation more times than I can count
I've been back, forth and on the fence a few times
and tried to drink you away until the liquor ran out

it could end in a lovely mess or messy love,
and truth be told I'm not sure which is better.
Scared of what may come, we try to stay far away from each other
yet for some reason we can't help but keep falling together

you were never mine to cry over;
but here I am with tears in my eyes,
because even though I said that you weren't what I wanted,
you're still the only one on my mind

How long am I going to be your "sometimes"?
Your "maybe" or "I'm not sure yet"?
How many times are you going to put me on a shelf
until you decide you're ready to want me again?
I'm not ready to kiss you goodbye,
and be left only with the memories.
So please don't make me think there's hope of a something,
if you're just going to leave me here with nothing
but a broken dream.

and when there's almost no memory that will remain
with the harsh sting of 80 proof
running poison through your veins,
all i wish to be is your drunken text
because my name on your tongue is all you had left

the hardest words to express out loud
are always the ones that we need to say
and sometimes what's spoken in the shadow of night
is too much to face in the light of day
so if I choose to bare the naked truth to you,
will you be able to finally look at all of me?
because I am not ashamed of the bright sun anymore
and the darkness holds secrets I no longer want to keep

faces so close,
our breaths intertwine
eyes locked
like I'm seeing you for the first time
still a little unsure;
do you want this as much as I do?
am I imagining that this is finally happening?
will your lips on mine echo the truth?

we're always at these moments,
"almosts" and "in-betweens"
all it takes is one step forwards
and maybe reality will match my dreams

I refuse to be an option to you;
a number on a list, one of many to choose.
Am I just a page in your book?
Because you take up chapters in mine
Maybe I've been blinded by how much I want this to work;
maybe I can no longer see the signs
The devil on my shoulder reminds me every single day,
that you're just like him and I need to stay away
Yet on the other side,
something says you could be worth the pain;
that you were an angel once upon a time,
and behind the horns you still have wings
I want to believe your words,
but your actions say so much more.
And the next time this equation doesn't add up
the only answer will be me finally closing this door.

I always thought I'd never be what you want;
and that who I am would never be enough.
Yet, maybe everything about me,
is exactly what you really need.
And I'm starting to realize that all there is about you,
is just what I'm looking for too.

I've been trying to write about you for hours,
hoping the words will flow naturally,
and finally it'll all make sense.
But the hours have become days
and the words never came
so I'm just as confused as when I began.

You are unfamiliar territory,
and for the first time in my life,
I am traveling without a map.
I'm following a path I can only imagine in this darkness,
and the walls surrounding me
are made up of pure uncertainty.
I don't remember how I arrived here,
but I know I can't go back now.
There are so many wrong turns I've already made
and sometimes I find myself walking in circles
but don't give up on me yet;
I swear I'm on my way.

hell never looked so heavenly a place,
at 3am
where sleep is nowhere to be found
I can't close my eyes,
without seeing your face

i've heard that drunk words are sober thoughts,
and you are on my mind right now.
a cheap 80 proof runs through my veins,
my tongue loose with the truths that I can't face in the light;
and just like that last shot I took,
I know I will regret this in the morning.
but I've come too far to go back now.
time is running out before my eyes,
and I ache to kiss you to fill our unfinished sentences,
yet the taste of you is far too intoxicating
and I will never be satisfied with just one moment

I ache to see you again,
and press play to the pause we've been on all this time,
but whose's to say you haven't already fast forwarded,
and skipped right past me to the next scene.
Because if this were a movie,
the happy ending would be right around the corner,
and we'd fade away into the sunset,
following a fireworks worthy kiss;
"ever after" waiting just ahead of us.
But instead we are living a rerun of the same old episode
that one that everybody's seen before.
Yet I can't help that every time it's on,
I watch it over and over, hoping the lines change this time;
that the script gets rewritten.
But here we are once again,
knowing full well the conclusion to the finale of this pitiful season,
yet playing our parts nonetheless.

What if I told you
that my heart beats a little faster every time you come into my view
And what if I let you know,
that as lame as it sounds you make my grey skies turn blue
What if I told you,
that I write marathons of poetry with you on my mind
And what if I let you know,
that you're the type of person I thought I'd never be able to find
Would you laugh at me if I said all of this?
Would you run away from what could possibly be?
Or would you smile in the way that makes my knees weak?
and let me know that you feel all the same things for me?

They say that time heals all wounds ,
so why am I still beaten and bruised?
Fists have never touched my skin,
yet my heart has been battered from abuse.
The bitter taste of regret lingers in my mouth,
haunted by the memory of past lips on mine.
I've become a shadow of myself, made up only of glass;
shattered and put back together far too many times.
Mirrors have never been a friend of mine,
for I always see past what my physical reflection shows me.
I can't even recognize who I am anymore,
because I'm stuck between who I was
and who I want to be.

I thought I knew you pretty well, or at least I was beginning to,
but now I'm starting to doubt if what I thought I knew was ever true.

Because the person I'm looking at is a mystery to me,
behaving exactly like the man he always said he would never be.

Maybe it was all in my head and I only imagined the best parts,
because who you actually are is breaking what's left of my heart.

You do everything in excess now, from drinking to having meaningless ***,
so maybe separating myself from you is only for the best.

A piece of me really doesn't want to let you go,
but how can I hold on to a stranger; you've become someone I don't even know.

I dreamed about you again last night,
and I swear I could practically feel your warm breath on my neck.
Your arms were wrapped tightly around my waist,
like you were afraid I might slip away during the night.
As you slowly opened your eyes,
I imagined your sleepy eyed gaze on me,
making my stomach do a little flip,
because I don't think I will ever get used to waking up next to you,
and the easy tilt of your grin as you move in closer ...
and then each time I wake up,
and I remember:
you're there and
I'm
here

So let me get this straight;
there was one point during whatever this is,
that I was kind of important to you.
I did matter, you did care,
that, at the very least, is the truth.

But what happened after that,
to make me so easy to replace,
to ignore, to put out of your mind?
Was I only a momentary thought for your pleasure,
a nice way to past the time?

Don't tell me you thought I moved on first,
just because I'm close to other men.
Because from what I heard
you aren't lonely either,
and the women you're with
are far from just "friends".

It would be nice to know for sure,
that you think of me, every now and again,
because lord knows I can't keep you off of my brain.
I just have to find out if you were worth all the sleepless nights,
or were my feelings for you just in vain.

How do I tell you how much I want you in my life,
without it sounding desperate to say?

And how do I add that I miss having you around,
without giving too much away?

How could I possibly let you into my heart,
when I'm still afraid of what you'll find?

How long are you willing to be patient with me,
or am I starting to run out of time?

How are we going to get past all of these problems;
the obstacles just never seem to stop.

How do we know this is worth all the trouble,
and how do we know that it's not?

Let me be 100% honest for once,
I'll even swear on a Bible if that makes it any better.
But I'll be ****** if I sit back with my mouth shut any longer,
Let's call this a "the love you've lost" letter

My heart drops into my gut when I find out you're "with" other girls.
I feel sick to my stomach and cheap.
I'm jealous as hell and find myself almost holding back tears,
but I also refuse to let you see me this weak.

I'm terrified to tell you how much you're hurting me,
because that would give you too much power.
So instead I bottle it up and release my words on a page;
as something formerly bittersweet, becomes just straight sour.

I could literally fill up the space between us,
with everything that you've chosen not to say.
And I'll tell you this; I don't have to tolerate your behavior;
no one deserves to be treated this way.

Recognize this not as goodbye, but rather me taking a stand.
I'm fed up, I'm tired, and all around over this.
So do us both a favor and be a ******* man.
Or prepared to be permanently dismissed.

I'm always thinking about you, but now you're thinking about "her".
I refuse to let you see; I won't let you know how much this hurts.

Like that terrible feeling in my stomach I get when I see you with someone who's not me.
Kissing her lips instead of mine, holding her with tender hands, so loving and gently.

And just like that, I feel like I never mattered; my worth to you has lessened significantly.
Because if I'm that easily replaceable, just how special can I truly be?

the saying goes “we always want what we cant have”...
or something like that...
but this...
this is beyond want.
you not only take the weight off my shoulders, but you hold it with your own like its your pain to carry.
If you see I’m drowning you grab my hand, fingers intertwined tightly
and when our eyes meet I know I’m not going under,
because you’re stronger than the waves that threaten to overtake me everyday.
Sometimes the silence speaks so loud
and I can hear everything that you won’t say
She’s always been the shadow that lay between what could be
and what is,
but when it’s dark, you can't hide behind that anymore.
Funny how when the sun’s not shining I can see you better
You take me damaged and broken.
As I am.
Not trying to fix me,
but instead letting my shattered pieces cut your hands.
The blood flows freely from your skin,
yet all I can think about is who is putting your bandage on and
why
it's
not
me

here it is,
i'm laying it all out, just for you;
all my cards are on the table.
and it's not a winning hand.
yet it's all the things i desperately want to say
but won't leave my lips,
all that I need you to know,
to understand.
i swear im not pushing you away.
my fingers grasp your shirt because I'm so **** scared you'll slip away.
your wings are made for more and you deserve to see them spread wide.
sometimes I wished you never met me
because I've clipped them and now you're here
close to the ground,
next to me.
if i blink
will you be gone ?
and then with whom will i share the parts of me i've tried so hard to destroy
but none of it matters in the end because the damage is already done
the walls have shattered and collapsed all around me
and i see you through a single crack, standing,
waiting on the other side,
blood staining the knuckles of your crumpled hands
so here goes...