"codependent" poems
you Tug, and Tug these Servile Strings,
you've Sewn inTo my Flesh
i've Sewn a Few on You as Well,
a Tangled Gory Mesh
Ev'ry Tug i Take will Rip
your Skin from Off your Bone, but
You've got Quite a Sim'lar Grip,
tug Rip,
cry Laugh,
and Moan
Two Puppets, Each Other's Masters
Together, Beget Disasters
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 8:20 PM UTC
Your hand.... runs pass mine
As we sit and sigh, enjoying the time,
You turn to me as I turn to you
we sense how each other feel
But act as so we don't have a clue
I slide my palm over the small of your back
I lean in catching your scent,
before you turn and give me a kiss
We stare into each other eyes
In a moment of bliss.
Just to be close right now
burns as hot as fire
as sweat forms beneath my brow
By an unspoken desire.
There's a fragile feeling
codependent on us
A soft intimate moment
Built upon trust.
Mar 20, 2018
Mar 20, 2018 at 4:05 PM UTC
She called me "codependent" and "empathetic".
I thought I was.
I feel bad for things I shouldn't.
I care so much for so many.
Is that what it is?
I don't know how to stop.
And all I want to do is cry.
I can't: fix, help, or care for all.
I especially can't change other people.
So, will I always feel this bad?
I guess i'll wait and see...
Sep 21, 2014
Sep 21, 2014 at 3:05 AM UTC
your eyes don't glisten like they used to
just saying it's not something usual for you
*so I guess you're heavily imbued
with this crestfallen attitude?*
yea I know,
I've changed in the same way
my own little reverse-breakthrough
Risque foreplay with ultramarine Bombay
before stepping in to emcee the Devil's soiree
And no, you really don't --and honestly never did-- know me;
you only knew one of many façades I brazed
on my face
in the midst of a cliche
New Year's day typa haze
During the phase of
my infamously tempestuous craze
I was precipitously *(ignited
quite possibly by my own
flaring sparks)*
set ablaze with praise
but my mores seem to be misplaced
probably somewhere in the frenzy and hysteria
So I guess I'm left to embrace my untraced boundaries
*And get my viridian eyes back to glistening
on their own viridescent terms
Not codependent on the hollowed adulation
and sweet-talk from bamboccioni*
Feb 24, 2018
Feb 24, 2018 at 6:52 AM UTC
Well, Neptune and his sad sack. What to say about the watery Fish? Nothing really. You slip around in life oversensitive to your own liquid shadow. You're far worse than Cancer when it comes to feelings and such, no wonder most of you remain lost throughout life, like a body snatcher, you dream the imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. A Disney disaster really, unable to be on your own for long, you need other people to keep you grounded and on the right track. Codependent anyone? Jesus Christ on a **** stick, I dated one of your kind and couldn't shake him, 25 voice mails later. Tragic really. But it's not all bad, you speak of posies, whisker woo-woo's, and butterfly kisses. Shut the **** up and reach into the real abyss of madness, you poser! Truly the "flake" of the zodiac, you dismiss common manners with some attitude of "Look at me, look how silly I am!" No jack *** you're an irreverent dick/bitch who has no considerations for others. Don't even get me started on the drug use, ya loser. Compassion? Go to church, don't come here.
Advice: Anything is possible when it happens, but for you, nothing ever happens. Wake up. Stop trying to find yourself and start creating yourself, you ******* *****
Jul 2, 2015
Jul 2, 2015 at 2:23 PM UTC
His broken body
crumbles
in your hands.
Life bleeding out
over your fingers,
until you aren’t sure
which of you
is
dying
faster.
Nov 26, 2013
Nov 26, 2013 at 12:03 PM UTC
dear basil,
i know long distance is the bane of your existence
and you feel like the only person that understands you is
more than 1000 miles away
(maybe that's true)
i also know that you are cursing yourself at 3am
for wanting to be held
thinking that means you are toxic and codependent
but it's OKAY to want love
(i promise)
it's okay to cry yourself to sleep sometimes
because loving across distance is hard and painful
as long as you pick yourself back up in the morning
do your skincare routine, feel beautiful
sing to yourself, be whimsical
smile at strangers, wear your heart on your sleeve
(your heart is not broken, just tired)
but you can do it
live in text messages and phone calls
write letters, send care packages
until you can kiss his soft lips goodnight
every. single. night.
(it will be worth it)
(i promise),
basil
Mar 13, 2023
Mar 13, 2023 at 11:21 PM UTC
*Serenity Echoing In Reverse,
Stagnant Resolutions Choking Her Universe,
Submerging Her Dreams Into A Sterilized Verse.
Sedated In Perpetual Twilights,
Mechanical Love & ****** Satellites,
She Whispers Essences Of Kryptonite.
Victim To A Perpetual Reaction,
She Transforms Into A Violet Abstraction,
Echoing Prismatic Deflections.
Technician To Her Own Serenades,
She Embraces Her Heartache Blockades,
Overdosing On Intoxicating Escapades.
Evoking Constellations Of His Ionized Memories,
She Overdoses On Comatose Reveries,
And Spectral Illusions Of Synthetic Stories.
Amplifications So Sacred & Profane,
Simulations Raving Into Codependent Stains,
Fragmentations Entranced In Her Bulletproof Frames.
Cherub Starlight & Everlasting Gaze,
Transitions Fusing Into Astral Maze,
The Essence Of Ecstasy Of His Sentiments Sways.*
- 04:27AM
Mar 11, 2017
Mar 11, 2017 at 5:57 PM UTC
Being male, I wander
Mom dares not wonder
What kind of monsters she birthed
She brought her own equipment
I was aggressive but shy
Her womb is the most magnificent
Temple I’ve ever visited
There is nowhere else I want to be
Sister insisted
I stiffened then gave in
Children tease, squeal, scamper
Adults know unspeakable reality
Dizziness of first love
Mayhem, ******
Solemn whisper of infinity
After an uncertain age,
No one wants you anymore
Old women bond
Confer their anger
Old men tread alone
She knew from moment he laid eyes on her, she had him. She wore no make-up, anemic complexion, chin and jawline slightly broken out with red spots, cobalt blue irises, aquiline nose, hair dyed dark, fuzz-balled scarf, light blue fluffy sweater, big buttons, canvas shoulder bag, skinny jeans, leather boots, little boney black dog with ashen appointments. Instantly he fell in love. He confessed, “Your Chinese Crested pup stole my heart.”
In *********** position, neither lover sees other’s face. The top sees backside. The bottom sees what? He didn’t know.
She unlocks the door. He enters room. She tells him what to do, making demands. He follows her orders. She questions, “Why do we dance to these tunes?” He answers, “I want to smell your smells, **** drink your darkest juices.” She articulates, “Stay,” then kisses him goodbye. She wakes wearing his ring, around her neck. They are each other’s slaves. Ceiling leaks, floor creaks, light beams through window as they waltz arm in arm.
She demands, “I want roast rack of lamb, or thinly sliced Serrano ham on buttered toast for dinner. And then I want to go home alone. I need some down time, away from you. I don’t belong to you, ********* Deep in financial debt, he hands the waiter his debit card.
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 9:45 PM UTC
My mom was a wonderful person
Codependent on a horrible loser
My stepdad was terribly abusive
He'd sneak in my room and be intrusive
My brothers he beat with a belt
Until they all had big welts
We're young we can't see the loop
Soon in life we will follow suit
I married a man who's verbally abusive
To my daughter his moods were intrusive
Why do I feel so sad
When his behavior was so bad
He would yell and scream
But I held on to a dream
I could help him shine supreme
I found there was no solution
I had to leave his pollution
Time to make a new start
Away from this man with a cold heart
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 12:55 AM UTC
Tryna brave the belly of the beast
But this enemy of me
Has got hands-
I’ve never metaphor for anxiety
Like this one
Imposter syndrome-
I was only a dark forest away
from who I needed to be
But feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy
Are twisting clouds so forebodingly
Mara’s army fires arrows
Raining streams of self-consciousness
Like I wasn’t ready to self destruct
on impact -
detonation
I laugh and share memes of self-deprecation
Social media the new god
Where we worship ourselves
By constantly trying to impress
everyone else
Venmo me Dopamine tributes
With the truth in a cave of
depression and
Isolation
Maybe Holly’s right
And I do need to be here
She shines the light
On the darkness
In the hospital wing
5th floor at Evanston
But I’m afraid I’ve grown too codependent
On this astral plane
I’ve projected
And romanticized
these Ambien nights
Only to awake neglected
Screaming out her name
In sleep paralysis
On a dark night-
When I’m manic
I try to live it out like I’m in a movie
Projecting inner struggles
As external conflicts
To make the scene more interesting
Until I’m in this final battle alone like Odysseus
Lost all my friends when the monster ate our ship and I took em for granted caught up
Between a rock and a hard place-
Depressed and Hyper-sexualization
when spring is here again
I’m in the first act dip
edging the ******
Stimulating the simulation
May 9, 2021
May 9, 2021 at 3:43 AM UTC
life is energy conversion
thoughts are chemical reactions
you would see these are the answers
if you saw through your distractions
life is energy conversion
thoughts are chemical reactions
you would understand what i'm saying
if you looked passed your distractions
all that lies behind these eyes is
pumping blood and sparking flesh
a molecular symphony
nothing more and nothing less
human heart is just a part
and the body's a machine
we're already codependent
all our bodies are machines
all our lives are codependent
we're all parts in a machine
all that we think that we see
and perceive as reality
through the filters
of our senses
we miss that
which can't be seen
all our bodies are machines
all just parts in a machine
life is energy conversion
thoughts are chemical reactions
you would see these are the answers
if you saw through your distractions
life is energy conversion
thoughts are chemical reactions
you would understand what i'm saying
if you looked passed your distractions
...
fire is
a chemical reaction.
a beautiful and unique
energy conversion.
innocent consumption
sustaining itself
until it fin'lly dies out.
until it fin'lly dies out.
and so is
life
a chemical reaction.
a beautiful and unique
energy conversion.
innocent consumption
sustaining itself
until it fin'lly dies out.
beautiful and unique.
May 8, 2011
May 8, 2011 at 6:56 PM UTC
the flag of my country is rippling in perfect rythym with the sounds of this place i love to call my home <3 the sky is covered in clouds; the sun's nothing but a faded glow (24 dec 09)
fading in & out of rational thought; awareness is strong but wavering. theres so much weighted on my brain, a light but steady pressure.. (31 oct 10)
dimensions of colored fragments reflectiong off of every shard of light in every molecule of every single thing.. (8 nov 10)
disillusionment has become reality, while mere reality has become illusion.. break the mold, fight for your freedom to love! (8 nov 10)
the seed of evil is planted in every living creature; whether or not it is watered is a choice (21 nov 10)
once independent, now codependent on you.. when you're not around i dont know what to do (8 dec 10)
losing fruition; fading to gray.. nothing to grasp but a dull reality. don't even recognize myself anymore. emotionless (1 dec 10)
the times i'd most like to take an eraser to my brain, i find there are already marks engraved too deep (31 dec 10)
reverting back from end to beginning.. lets see how this one pans out (20 feb 11)
synchronized breathing; drifting into unconciousness, enveloped by thoughts.. dreams become reality while reality fades to grey (11 mar 11)
as time goes on, familiar faces blend into this sea of blank stares and empty hearts (8 apr 11)
like the glass which holds the world beyond the mirror, the veil of my world is about to shatter and be exposed (27 dec 11)
Aug 24, 2012
Aug 24, 2012 at 3:11 PM UTC
The savior
The perfect partner
The dominant
The free spirit
The fiancé
The parental substitute
The anarchist
The sweetheart
The nice guy
All of these aspects of myself
Yet none of them are fully me
These are the roles I've fallen into
In order to match my various partners
And though all of these may be
Different components of me
None of them feels quite whole
I do not feel whole
All of these personalities
Exist on a spectrum of time and space
None interacting with any others
Each signifies a distinct point in life
Each has its own home
It's own experiences
Attitudes and viewpoints
Behaviors and habits
Yet what do I do when
Two of my contextualized selves
Decide to overlap?
When my ex who knew the fiancé
Moves back to town where I live
As does my person
Who's heard stories of the others
But who only knows the nice guy
How do I begin to heal when
I do not understand what is real
And what existed solely for others?
How do I continue to grow
When the fiancé is fighting restraints
And the nice guy is exhausted
The sweetheart does not exist
And the anarchist screams for revolution?
They seem to be fighting each other
Just to have a chance to breathe
A chance to take the wheel
A chance to control "me"
Yet who even am I?
Are all of these selves fabricated
Or are they hyperbolized aspects of me
Connectable like puzzle pieces
Into one beautiful picture?
The problem is
The picture I see is not beautiful
I'm trying to be nice to myself
But all I see and feel is darkness
I am an abomination
An evil person who cannot be trusted
A dark soul inhabiting an empty body
A person who is not a person
A human with a lack of self
It's almost like I'm not even alive
But even death would be a relief
So I can finally end the confusion
And stop hurting people along the way
Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 3:40 AM UTC
the skies have poured out their blue
and something about the way they do
reminds me of what I did to you.
but you knew I was no good;
you’d felt it on my skin and in the hollows of my knuckles,
as if my words weren’t enough.
the going always gets tough –
this chronic rollercoaster, where neither of us
can hang on until the end of the ride,
this terrible love we keep walking,
you’re stumbling and I’m never talking
I don’t know what it means anymore.
it’s just us on the kitchen floor
wondering which was deadlier:
the knives or the fire.
we’ll pretend I’m not a liar
and that you’re not losing this game –
anything that helps you keep sane.
your blood terrarium, my empty echoes
this codependent existence so shallow;
only killing time,
only killing what you wish could be mine.
Aug 4, 2016
Aug 4, 2016 at 7:07 AM UTC
But how do I communicate
a word that lacks an English translation?
A feeling so essential to my well-being?
One that this
culture
denounces,
dejects,
despises
so easily,
Without changing what I look like in your eyes?
Hesitation of true affection
Amae, I want to share with you.
A home, not a house.
The mother's loving concern.
The safety of knowing that it is okay.
You'll be there and I
presume you will.
And this gives me shivers to imagine;
indulgence of security.
But that's codependent
Check the DSM-V.
I think the APA is wrong.
I challenge over 137,000 who seem to agree
that my need for people is
disorder,
disease,
debilitation.
Because I can see through a window in my heart,
that shows me a world coexisting;
once realized
we need each other
because we are human.
We want to live harmoniously, in unison.
I want to care of my fellow man.
I am celebrated for aspirations
of massaging the soul,
fixing the whole,
dedicated to them all.
Why is it so wrong that some days,
I'd like to be on that side of the spectrum?
Amae, Amae, Amae
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 12:34 PM UTC
IM SORRY IM ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW SICK I AM ITS JUST I KEEP HOPING YOU'LL GIVE ME A PILL TO MAKE IT STOP OR AT LEAST DIAGNOSE ME TELL ME EXACTLY WHATS WRONG INSTEAD OF IT BEING THIS ******* MALAISE ALWAYS IN MY ARMS LIKE A CHILD I NEVER WANTED BUT WAS TOO KIND TO LEAVE
I PROMISE IM NOT VOMITING ON PURPOSE I HAVENT BEEN THAT WAY IN YEARS AND NOW WHEN I STICK MY FINGER DOWN MY THROAT TRYING TO PURGE THE POISON IN MY BELLY ALL I DO IS DRY HEAVE AND WEAR MY THROAT RAW AND I END WITH A POUNDING HEADACHE AND A DROOLING MOUTH
THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED YOU TO SEE ME DISGUSTING AND USED DRY I WANTED TO BE YOUR SHINING GODDESS YOUR ICON SOMEONE YOU COULD LOOK UP TO SOMEONE YOU COULD STRIVE TO BE BUT PLEASE DONT END UP LIKE ME
SORRY FOR HOLDING YOU TOO TIGHT IM JUST TRYING TO PULL YOU THROUGH MY ******* SKIN I DIDNT MEAN TO LEAVE THOSE MARKS I DIDNT MEAN TO BRUISE YOU WITH THE PATTERN OF MY FINGERPRINTS BUT NOW THAT IT'S THERE I CANT SAY I REGRET IT YOU CAN REMEMBER ME AS THE GIRL WHO ****** YOU UP YOU CAN BLAME ME FOR IT ALL
TELL ME THAT IM WORTH SOMETHING TELL ME THAT DEATH IS A JOKE AND I CAN LIVE WITH YOU FOREVER TELL ME ILL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE TELL ME YOULL ALWAYS BE WITH ME SO MINE IS NOT THE ONLY HEARTBEAT IN THE ROOM TELL ME WE CAN SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM SO WHEN I WAKE IN THE NIGHT SCARED AND SWEATING I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING AND KNOW IF I DIE THERE WILL BE SOMEONE THERE I WILL NOT DIE ALONE I WILL NOT DIE ALONE I WILLNOT DIE ALONE
IM CODEPENDENT AND SELFISH AND SICK AND I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME THAT NEITHER OF US HAS DIED AND THIS TRACHEOTOMY IS CRUDE BUT WE'RE BREATHING STILL AND WE CAN STAY IN THE HOSPITAL UNTIL EVERYTHING FEELS RIGHT AGAIN TELL ME THAT GOD EXISTS AND IF WE CANT LIVE FOREVER AT LEAST WE CAN GO TO HEAVEN
IM SO ******* SICK OF LEAVING EVERYONE BEHIND IM SO SICK OF BEING TRANSIENT IM SO SICK OF BEING A PAPERY GHOST LEAVING WHEN THINGS TURN SOLID TELL ME YOU WONT LET ME LEAVE YOU BEHIND TELL ME YOULL STAY WITH ME EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AND DONT SPEAK FOR DAYS IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY I WANTED TO BE A GODDESS BUT IM JUST A ******* SLUG AND IM SO AFRAID YOULL LET ME LEAVE
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 4:03 PM UTC
I haven't slept in my bed
I cant, knowing that you did
your shallow breath pulled me closer
now I cant explain how far I am.
prescription bottles fill my bed side table
thoughts of you fill my head
I lock the door
trying to leave the pain outside
I don't succeed
because I let you in
Im oxy-codependent and yet so ignorant
next time you do something like this
know it wasn't free
there is a huge gaping hole
left inside of me
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 11:02 PM UTC
(2 PM)
I've been insatiably numb for a while.
it's hard to admit that,
being this codependent
is like being on trial.
Vulnerability is not my forte
and breaking your heart wasn't
the Right way
to tell you,
(2 AM)
that I've been listening to your voicemails
from when we were Seventeen
with nothing but Dreams.
now all we have is a few
Conversations that never happened.
'I miss you'
I miss you more
'I love you'
I always will
If you feel broken, imagine pouring the poison.
Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 1:07 AM UTC
I'm not leaving because
I need to feel missed
I'm leaving because
I need to know that I can live
a healthy life, alone
Aug 29, 2013
Aug 29, 2013 at 1:21 PM UTC
Heading home yet again..,
To my third floor view
Hidden here amongst solitude
The empty rapture of company
Kept in paper, vinyl and cacophony
I hear a knock--On the door, my door
Shortly after I came through it
The sound: it hummed of fickle fate
I left ringing in my confidence
For no body I still know , knows where I live
And if they do they dont remember where it is
To get lost in the rivers of life's endless meanders
Asking for patience in all I do find there
Some give me love and years pass with them
Some pass away and I remember them in color
This one stayed, in black and white
But she took her shoes off
The ghost of my lover I prayed for endlessly
But had forgotten i did, yet how could I?
This kiss so warm it woke me up
And all of her everything was gone in the morning
And now asking myself, did it have to be me?
That you pulled away in the dead winters night
Feb 2, 2014
Feb 2, 2014 at 1:01 PM UTC
That first puff,
the first sip,
the burn in my throat,
light headed
and shaking,
another hit
another shot,
I remember when I promised
never.
I am not
the person I used to be,
I am not
a beacon of hope,
I am a shipwreck
and I can see
the smokestacks falling
into the sea.
Sometimes I have to
remind myself I am awake,
that this is not a dream,
maybe one day
I'll wake up
and it will be.
Do not look at me
like a sob story,
do not ask
for a happy ending,
there is no ending,
this is my life
and it is
ongoing
smoke bumming
***** stealing
blunt passing
cold turkey
relapsing
screaming
screaming
screaming.
Red ribbons
and markers on posters,
this is not
the person
I was
before.
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 1:13 AM UTC
I said, "why am I not good enough?"
And you told me to quit
Your drunken eyes, they spilled out lies
"You always do this ****
I wanted you to tell me
That I am all you need
My self esteem, no longer clean
From ***** hands with greed
Instead I stood and faltered
As I watched your dead blank stare
I can't control what isn't whole
You didn't care, you didn't care.
Jul 25, 2013
Jul 25, 2013 at 9:36 PM UTC
I don't want to be your addiction.
Irresistably a sin
A crime of passion was committed.
Like a drug I'm in again
Strung out and codependent
Barely standing
All alone
I don't want to be your addiction
Give up and just go home.
There's always someone waiting
Another lie rolls off your tongue
You hide all the evidence well
No one knows I'm the drug you've done.
There are no scars to be noticed
No track marks on your skin
Perhaps a few scratches on your back
Just from my fingers digging in.
I don't want to be your addiction
To be the reason for all your lies
But I know you'll never stop abusing... me
I can see it in your bloodshot eyes.
Oct 3, 2018
Oct 3, 2018 at 5:19 PM UTC
I am needy and codependent
And I forget how to love myself sometimes.
I am clumsy and gangly
And I trip easily.
I am easily angered and moody
And I snap over the smallest things.
I am jealous
And I need to be reminded I am the only girl you want.
I am flawed.
But I am growing.
And you will never find anyone who will love more than me.
I love with the entirety of my being.
I will always be there for you.
I will always be your Sun
And you will always be my Moon.
Help remind me to breathe
And to take every day as it comes.
Grow with me.
Become one with me like a forrest
Because baby I want to get lost in you.
May 16, 2014
May 16, 2014 at 1:46 PM UTC