I’m missing how it used to be
How you’d seek me out like a little puppy
The sparks flying between us like fireworks
Anticipation building as we engaged in conversation

Then it finally happened on a steamy summer night
The curiosity we had about our bedroom manners
Discovered in an instant moment of gratification
Our bodies tangled as mouths and tongues tasted one another

But as expected things fall apart
We’ve slowly morphed into distant acquaintances
You pay me a visit only when you need to vent
As I listen in silence about the woman you love and hate

Laying wide awake in my bed
Thoughts of you take me over
Pleasing myself at the thought of your mouth
Gifting wet kisses to that sweet spot

You can’t deliver your message to my face
That this short lived connection was just that
Ceasing your exploration of me and my body
Our association has reached its final stop

I waited in vain for your validation
In hopes that maybe you’d see me
The way I saw you, beloved
Sadly, you viewed me like thin air

While I was mesmerized by your cappuccino skin
And the way your hair danced in the wind
You couldn’t give a **** about me
I was just one of many who looked your way

Even as I would ignore you in plain sight
I would beg for your attention in my head
But you only threw crumbs at me
Like I was some lost street pigeon

Keep your linty crumbs for someone else
The hell you think you are?
I am deserving of so much riches
Yet I feel like some vagabond

My precious; that is what you are
A dark crystal with gleams of color
You’re a gem; a talisman to my heart
This treasure I cannot grasp or touch

It’s as if I can feel your energy
Eager lips caressing my cheek
Your voice audible only in my soul’s ears
Sensing your body’s warmth beside me

My mind is lost and unclaimed
Are you really here or is it just fantasy
Do I just want and need you that badly
That fables start to form in my head

You are a stinging grand sorrow
Pumping through my icy veins
The reason for my mental demise
My guide to a vast lonely world

So what of those who aren't sought
Or the ones afflicted with eternal solitude
Where do our hearts go or rather hide
We are the refugees of this so called euphoria
An enigma so potent known as love

We are those not wanted by it
The unchosen and not desired
It chases us away like we're rats
Forcing us to scurry for cover
When all we want is to be fed

We've been shut out of it's presence
Like we are unworthy vagabonds
Sleeping on an empty cold floor
Crying ourselves into slumber
Only to be orphaned again tomorrow

Watching the sun rise out my window
Emotions begin to run high
This longing attacks me hard
Feeling trembles go up my thigh

Waves of tremors going up my chest
Finding respite in my throat
A knot forms ceasing any sound
Blocking my voice from a crying note

These weekend tears got me going mad
Needing your body beside me bad
My craving for you on level ten
Tired of wondering how and when

Your waters are slowly drowning me
The waves of your unrequitedness dragging me below
This ocean so indifferent and cold
My gasps for air fall deaf on your salty waters

Your currents tossing me around like a rag doll
Gurgling cries emanating from my lungs
A Godly barge frantically tossing a life saver
My attempts are no match for your choppy seas

Fight I will with all my might
To survive, to live and to thrive
Victorious, I will reign above the drenching flow
Of your dark emotionless undertow

What happened to your eyes?
Blankness was residing in them
A force field built around your perimeter
Their protection of you my condemn

I kept hoping for approval
Some sign of validation
Yet you had nothing for me
Only a serving of rejection

Gluing your eyes to an animated screen
Shutting out the action around you
I being caught in the mix
My insecurities coming to a brew

So now I'm the invisible woman
Transported to a state of sullen
My feel goods suddenly taken
Hopes for your love disheartened

Dark wave pulling me under
Dark wave filling my lungs
Dark wave ceasing my breath
Dark wave holding me hostage

Battling them wicked demons
They puncture the fabric of my soul
Using their horns to injure and harm
Leaving my sanity in pieces and shreds

Opaqueness and void paints my everyday
Grey fog envelops my clarity
Storm clouds gather to drench me
And whisk me away in it's murky waters

I don't know who I am
I don't understand why I exist
If there is no purpose there is no point
Living is just a waste of time

I hunger to stamp a kiss on your cheek
Pucker my lips and taste your skin
Leave your imprint on my mouth
Of your sweet **** melanin

Your cheek so high and defined
The color of Cafe Au Lait
Smooth like satin sheets
Flawless like a bright clear day

Craving every part of you
But your face I long to touch
Tracing you with my fingertips
Aching for you so very much

Should I someday have the pleasure
To have your cheek pressed up on mine
I will bless you with my kisses
Our hearts forever intertwined

As a little girl she always knew
That she lacked something special
Her own mother reminded her constantly
And the lass is now a grown woman

Adult experiences confirmed what was true
That she was just ordinary and dull
A woman with no it factor
Invisible to all before and around her

She's heard and hears stories of other women
Who use their wiles on hungry men
'If only I had that gift I'd feed a hundred of them'
Instead she's bypassed like she's not even there

Old age is catching up to her now
She may as well be thin air
The only ones who see her are other women
But never the men she dreams of

Ordinary is boring and typical
Nothing exciting about this creature
She might as well be dead and buried
Along with any hopes of truly being seen

His hair so rich and thick
Spiraling upward higher and higher
Voluminous in appearance
Bold in its statement

Copious curls demanding attention
Natural, beautiful and free flowing
Standing tall to whomever it encounters
Sunlight beaming into its brown hue

It tells a story of bloodline and culture
Narrates history, prejudice, acceptance
Perseverant by nature
Resilient against criticism

I worship his hair from a distance
Yearning to feel it in between my fingers
Kiss his strands one by one
Inhale its scent like aromatherapy

Until I met you, I had no idea that someone like you existed
My hopes had all dashed away and I grew jaded
It felt as if I were the only *** without a lid
And so I sat on the stove top all alone with nothing but emptiness
Entering my stratosphere and as I watched
Other pots with their lids be conjoined
A rage filled with blistering pain filled my insides

To lay here beside you I would’ve never imagined
Finding home within your arms and heart
Never did I believe I was worthy of such a love
Yet you fill me up every day and nourish
A heart that was so vastly hungry for affection

Not sure what would ever happen
If you left this poor soul behind
I waited too long to find you
Too many winters afflicting my soul
Your warmth my only salvation

I hate your stupid face
Those squinty eyes, them closed lips
Your expression so emotionless
Flat and stagnant is what it drips

Those masculine eyebrows, your expansive hair
That skin void of blemishes and scars
Complexion of espresso dancing with milk
Leaving the beholder seeing stars

Empty of smiles and feelings
Your visage the definition of dry
I go seeking for some semblance of life
Through your dark mysterious eyes

So I hate your stupid face
For it is the one that leaves me breathless
Casting the root on my heart
Rendering me into a state of restless

These emotions are thin like loose leaf
Yet visible with the ink and stains of my sorrows
Smears, fingerprints representing my scars
Scrunched up, wrinkled and harrowed

Feeling a rip here and a tear there
Endless amounts of tape can't hold them in place
One split away from becoming dull confetti
Too fragile to withstand a heavy duty case

Shredded is life for these delicate woes
The wind setting their mark to blow
Away these particles to the unknown
Landing scattered on the Earth to sow

I love you yet I have to let go
Never granted me the chance to get close
I've been running tirelessly in circles
Waiting for you to love me back

You cast a powerful spell on me
Three and a half years long
Yet you've barely uttered a vowel
Your eyes put the root on my weak heart

So I ran inside this hamster wheel
In hopes you would set me free
Time is up and need to break out
No more of this dizzying runaround

Walking through the door at night
Awaits a quiet that I've grown tired of
Some days I hope for it to move out
Yet it sits in darkness awaiting my arrival

As I settle in from a long day at work
Candles are lit to keep me company
Pull up a chair to my window
Watch scenarios play out before my eyes

These are the sneak previews of what is to come
Life becoming lonelier as I approach golden years
A painful silence will become my roommate
Such a cruelty sentenced to us with lonely hearts

A lonely woman stands in the distance
As the apple of her eye is perusing the apples
That sit on display outside the market
She watches her apple grab a basket

This woman waits in the cold February breezes
To catch her forbidden fruit emerge
When said apple steps outside
Her heart pulls her like a toddler to follow

As her eyes focus on her beloved subject
Her feet begin to pace in slow motion
The subject so far away now like in a tunnel
Her mind interjects with words that hurt

Leave that apple hanging on the tree
Along with its happy family
Pick not what isn't yours and never was
Return to your own empty branches
Where you shall hang alone

Mornings and I don't get along
We are like oil and water
There is no sweet connection
They don't ever get my attention

Conversations invade my mental fog
Please be quiet and don't speak
Give me just five minutes to clear out
Before closing me in with words from your mouth

Allow me to refuel with some caffeine
Marinate my senses through coffee beans
Let it break up the fogginess screen
For if you don't I will let out a piercing scream

No one knows how my soul searches for you during the darkest night
Or how my feet gravitate towards your street on the regular
The air cold like your soul caresses my skin

The sounds of guitars and melodies decorating the streets in the distance
My starving heart aches to be fed by your presence

No one knows, truly knows
The scar you've left on my existence

Life can be a bore
A huge loud snore
Excitement is needed more
Mischievous adventures like never before

Life can get old
Makes me wanna fold
Need it to be bold
The lack hasn't got me sold

Life has become stagnant
Attracting lethargy like a magnet
The good old days just fragments
Day after day feeling so repugnant

She was once a little girl with aspirations as wide as her brown eyes
But lethal words were planted into her psyche and poisoned her to infinity

That little girl now a young woman dreamed of meeting, loving, and marrying the man who would whisk her away
Yet he never made it to her doorstep and so she is now a grown woman

This now grown woman had to accept her solitary confinement; no wedding aisles to march down
And no sweet sounds of 'I love you Mommy' being sung in her ear

She envisioned a career that would bring forth abundant wealth
Yet poverty and lack have chained her

So this little girl who became a young woman and evolved into a grown up has finally accepted her given fate

No use in trying, no reason to hope, no point in fighting.
She looks to the day where she'll feel no despair through eternal slumber...

-DS

I dream of Sundays with you
In the next life after this one
Where your snore will awaken me
And your spiral curls tickle my eye

We'll lay in your bed under sheets
Witness the light of the sunrise
Decide on where to have breakfast
Feel too lazy to get up and dressed

I won't be void of your affections
In the next life after this one
You'll be my sweet baby
And I your greatest love

-DS