Use your words
Write them down and make a statement
Speak them out and make people aware
Use your words because they are the most powerful thing you have
You can use them to make an impact
To voice your opinions
To let people know how you feel
Your words are the strongest thing you have
You can use them for good and bad
So let's use them for good and be the strength lacking in this world
Use your words and show the world how powerful you are

i don't think you realize how much you hurt my heart sometimes
cause not even giving me a chance hurts me even more
i don't want to be your ****** friend
i want to kiss you every time you say something stupid
i want to hold your hand and take you to my favorite cafe
i want to show you off to all my friends
i don't want this unknowing *******
i know your scared and so am i but we gotta take a chance sometime
because i don't wanna stay in this weird limbo we have going on
i want to call you my girlfriend and be proud of you
i want to be scared about falling head over heels in love with you
and if you are scared that's fine, if you aren't ready i can deal with that
but at least tell me why you are scared and why that's stopping you
i promise you i wont let you hurt me
i promise you i wont ever just abandon you when you need me
i promise you i will be whatever you need me to be
but please for just once be what i need

Too many miles lay between
me and my favorite people
Too many numbers
that cause emotional
early morning conversations
But in the end we know
that these numbers are only numbers
And one day these numbers will go down
and we will be together
Because numbers can't destroy
a connection so strong

when i see her hanging on your arm
hanging like an accessory
i remember what it was like
to have hung on
appearing for just beauty
and i realize how grateful i am
that i gave up my place
because i saw how you didn't care
and despised the way i am
my loud mouth was too loud for everyday wear
my androgynous clothing was too masculine for your style
my devoted interested were to permanent for your living
ad my strong beliefs were not agreeing with yours
so i'm glad
that i got away
and stopped being your accessory
but i feel sorry for any other
that lets you adorn her
for the world to see
yet lets you bat no eye
for her when you leave for home

I have been born and raised in the midwest of the United States
And I have learned many things, some of which I have learned to hate
People here live the same **** lives as the people before them
People meet, they fall in love, they get married, they have kids
Their kids grow up and go to a tiny high school
They go to college, get a job, find someone and do what their parents did
But the thing is they never leave
They are never truly living
They live the same **** lives in a repetitive cycle and they never have a taste of unfamiliarity
And in my years of being alive, I have learned to hate this mentality
To live the same lives as everyone around me
I want something different
I want to have stories and scars from travels and years of being alive
I want something more than this town and this segment of a country could ever give me
With its familiarity and hatefulness towards difference
I strive to leave and to actually be alive

i adore my best friends lover
in a platonic way i think he is one the best kinds of human
he holds all of these emotions and he isn't afraid of them
he shows his vulnerability and the ability to be wounded
and he gives you his faith that you won't
he gives all of his love to the people he cares about
and it's very rare to see that in someone his age
but i think the most astounding thing he has shown me
is his infinite amount of love for her
he loves her with every fiber of his being
and i don't think i have ever seen someone love another human
quite like her loves her
i adore him and how he cares for others
he is so beautiful in his energy and he deserves the whole world
i hope he's always aware that people love him
and that good will stick to him as long as he allows
i hope he doesn't forget that we care

i have always feared thunderstorms
i have no idea why but they terrify me down to my very core
the sound of thunder makes me want to curl up into a little ball and hide away from everything until it stops
thunderstorms make me feel so small and weak and i absolutely dread them
and the only way i can cope with my fear is if somebody hugs me and is there
but this isn't always attainable as people are people and aren't focused around me
it makes sense but it's absolutely miserable for me as thunder makes me curl up in my bed hiding under my blanket like a child
hopefully one day this fear will dissipate into nothing
but for now i am terrified of thunderstorms and am in dire need of somebody to sleep in my bed with me so i can sleep
because it is currently storming and i am shaking

Let's not make this easy
Let's make this hard and crazy
Let's make nearly impossible dreams
and almost unachievable goals
We are not gonna be the teens that go the easy route anymore
We are gonna be the ones with wild dreams and full imaginations
We are gonna be the ones with fun stories and eventful lives
We are the ones who want to go the down the interesting road
Cuz the easy road got boring generations ago
And we aren't wanting that anymore
We don't want your cookie cutter lives
We want graffiti covered careers
We want adventure filled schooling
We want bass filled stories
We are sick of being told to go the easy way
We just want to have good lives with fun stories

i have this sudden longing to feel life again
it seems as though the past few years it's disappeared from me
and i just need to feel it
i need to go to an ocean and feel the water move beneath my feet
to see the fishes swimming and thriving
i need to sit in the front of a car with music playing
to be with my favorite people and feel the wind against my fingers
i need to be in the woods on a rainy day
to hear the water hit the trees and feel the droplets fall to my cheek
i need to feel something and life seems to be the best fitting right now
i need to be somewhere i can breathe
where i can exist and not be forced to be anything
where i can feel mother nature pumping through me
life just seems to pulse through her and i need some of it to transfer to me

I saw the way she looked at you
When you were talking to him
She was watched you
Not in the creapy way
More like she was admiring you
Admiring you in the most loving way possible
But you didn't even notice her
Because you were devoted to that conversation
When she was devoted to the way your lips moved when you spoke
The way your eyes stay focused on whom you spoke to
The way your arms swayed at your side
She noticed that
And she adored every single detail about you
Because you are everything she wants
And you are everything she could ever need
Because she loves you
She loves everything about you
You just didn't see it
Because it can only be seen by the eyes of others
While yours are blind to her affection for you

to my friend who knows none of my writing
yet supports my passion with everything in your being
thank you for supporting me with everything in your soul
you haven't seen any piece that i have written
yet you believe that what i write is beauty
i appreciate you so much more than you percieve
and i hope one day that i am able to fully tell you how spectacular you are
i adore how kind and accepting you have shown yourself to be
i know we have only gotten close as of recently
but i am glad that i am able to know a person quite like yourself
our friendship reminds me of allen ginsberg and jack kerouac
speaking of honest emotions and desires
thank you for supporting the poetry you have yet to see
and thank you for supporting the honest me

i walk into the kitchen
to the smell of mornings when you were alive
and it brings tears to my eyes
and a head full of memories
it reminds me of salty eggs
and letter shaped pancakes
it shatters my heart
cause that's the first time i've smelt that
in over two years
cause you stopped cooking when you got sick
and then the pancakes and eggs weren't there
so there was no warm kitchen
just stress of doctors and death
but i walked into the kitchen at 7 pm on a thursday
and i could've closed my eyes
and still imagined you there

in the early months we see beauty return to the world
right when we thought colorful art would stop returning
in these early months we learn so much
one of the hardest for most to accept and see
is that everything will die eventually
the beautiful flowers will one day wilt and return to being soil
the leaves on the trees will fall to the ground and become a playground for children
and one day the grass is going to be covered by the freezing snow
and just like plants, we will one day die too
this is simply just how it is
we die and will become food for worms and fertilizer for new life
but our spirits will live on and return to the beautiful spring
although most fear dying, you don't need to my dear
because the flowers have shown us that good always returns
you have existed before, you exist now, and you will continue to
accept this, for you are a flower too

i love movies and music
that get me in this exact mood
this mood
that is undescribeable
where it feels like life is a film
filled with the emotions
that come rare in life
and this mood comes often
but no one would understand
because its as though i'm the only one feeling it
it's as though i'm living through nostalgia and newness altogether
as though i'm floating through everything
it may be the most difficult thing to describe
but it is the most desired thing i feel

i've never been one to have the desire to always live in a small town
to know the story of everyone
and to have the map of the town tattooed to my palm
i've always liked the idea of unknowing
to not always know what's two streets away
to not know everyone in the city
and i've always enjoyed the beauty of it all
in a small town you will run out of views and sights eventually
but in a city, they are infinite
when its constantly changing you can see everything newly
new lights, new faces, new buildings, new streets
change to some can be intimidating
but change to me is something of beauty
and to prefer that over similarity is not wrong of me

I've always had the urge to live somewhere bigger than me
something larger than life i suppose
and It's the night that has shown me this
Once the streetlights turned on and we roamed the streets
I fell in love
Small towns only hard stars and similar roads
The cities held more to me
Was it wrong to fall in love with streetlights?

once upon a time...
god that's such a cheesy way to start out a tale
i mean
it could be a reasonable way to start this out considering we are no more
but it is just too fairy tale esc if we take in the fact of how we ended
well we were once very close
and I at one time thought you were my best friend
then our friendship ended...and then it started and ended again
and today i got an anonymous message
and i just deep down knew it was from you
you claimed to be shocked at how we once were close and aren't anymore
and that you don't even know me anymore
but this is how life goes and you hope the best for me
i don't know why i was so shocked by this
it might be because of how much time has passed
and how i've avoided you quite successfully
or it might be because of the hell you brought into my life
today i was reminded of you and i don't really know how to feel about it
i'm not particularly filled with hatred when you are mentioned
but i don't really wish to ever befriend you either

Toast
Such a beautiful taste
So crunchy
So tasteless
Toast
Such a beautiful word
So bland
So bleh
Toast such a beautiful thing

People say that history will always repeat itself
I don't really believe that that is always true
It's all up to you
You choose how the future will be
When things happen in the past
You can't hide
because then you're going to miss everything
Open your beautiful eyes
And take an adventure
Make friend with someone across the world
Be a groupie on your favorite bands tour
Buy that thing you've been eyeing for months
Make a random adventure
Because life will always stay the same if you let it
And if you leave like that history IS going to repeat itself
but if you hope and take risks
The future won't be the same
So open your eyes and take a leap

this world is full of lonely people
some of these people are surrounded by others
some of them are surrounded by no one
there are a lot of lonely people
i think that the world just excretes loneliness
and it comes to us like a disease
after that it doesn't go away
it stays, and it travels like the common cold
we are all reeking in the fumes of our loneliness
and there's nothing we can do about it
except sit, smile, and get used to it
we're all lonely people surrounded more other lonely people
we just don't even realize that we are

the day i saw your eyes
filled to the brim with heatrbreak
my soul shattered
seeing how my actions could break another so
but as i stood in front of you i watched it change
i watched that shattered heart form into a mess of blind hatred
and i think that didn't make me mourn but made me pity
to see how one could switch from love to hate in a matter of seconds
i pitied how your moment of vulnerability made you hateful
your moment of vulnerability was maybe the most of you i ever saw
because in your eyes i saw everything
and to see that seeing me you angered you so
my presence was enough to send you over the edge
that's what made me pity you most
i once held remorse for shattering your heart but then i couldn't

oh how strange it is the way we learn that heartbreak and hatred are in love
the strange dance they play on one's emotions and actions
the vulnerability and fury in a tangle
and how we can only see this moment through the heartbroken's eyes

It's going to be okay
It's okay to be scared
It's okay to be stressed
You will get through this
I understand that this is hard
And this is terrifying
But you will get through this
You are such a strong person
And everything you believe, think, and are is valid
You deserve to be the real and beautiful you
Things are gonna get hard at times
But things will work out in the end
It's going to be okay
You are an amazing person
And I am glad that you have survived every hardship and battle
And I am so grateful to be speaking to someone
Who is strong and true to themselves
So thank you
Everything is going to be okay
As long as you are willing to fight
And get through this long battle
Everything will be okay

i realize why all the ones before me
were addicted to the one i love
because her lips are like ******
and shes everything you could ever desire
she can be shy but
you never knew she was flirting unless you wanted her to
she can be inexperienced
but know how to do everything right
she doesn't know how to dance
but does it quite well in eyes of lust
shes like a drug
one touch and your addicted
everything about her is addictive
her eyes
her lips
her chest
her hips
her

I used to believe that people could be completely happy
But then my grandma died
And life happened
Then i started believing that no human could be completely happy
I dont believe its even possible
Humans can be happy
But humans will always disappoint
We always have these expectations and goals
And they cant always be reached
So we get dissapointed
So we as a species are just bound to disappoint
Over and over again whether we try to or not
We will never entirely fill each others goals and requirements
So we will never be entirely happy

i truly which that more people my age
were shown the true beauty of poetry
i wish we were more informed of its true impact
i wish we were taught the classic poets
who did that for a living and could do that
i wish we were taught what it truly is
and not just something that rhymes
i wish that more people my age
could truly understand and adore the art that is poetry
because being a poet and writing it is so much more
than what society perceives it to be
because poetry has so much emotion and thoughts behind it
and i wish that society could understand the true art behind it

i've always been the kind of person to give people multiple chances
regardless of how badly the wound was that they previously left
but after awhile when i get so broken
i have to give up and let them go
so please dont ever say i give up too easily
because i have never done that
don't wear me down and blame me for cutting those strings
i have my reasons for burning bridges
and if you aren't gonna let it go until i tell you then so be it

i got so emotionally drained and i felt like a walking zombie
being friends with that toxicity of a human
i did such terrible things and outside of that state i would've never done them
but the biggest reasons i cant do it
no human should get blamed for a suicide attempt
especially if they are just trying to help
no 13 year old should have to take away her friends scissors
because she won't quite cutting in school
nobody should break at the sight of a human

no human should have to go through that
and then feel the need to turn around with a smile and keep helping
so when i say i cant do it
i cant go back to that
don't torment me and make fun about it
because i don't have enough of me to go through that again
im done giving chances to the person that made my soul shatter through a phone call or a letter from the psychiatric unit
im sorry but im out of chances

why is it that i want to ask you every question known to man
yet not have any courage to go through with the action of asking?
it might be that i am scared that my curiosity may scare you away
or possibly because i am scared of you never wanting to answer
but either way i'm scared and just wanting to know how you work
i want to ask you why you don't believe god and what spiritual path you think you will follow
i want to ask you why you love math so much and how it can bring such a smile onto that face of yours
i want to ask you why you love that one film so much and what about it makes you laugh so much
i want to ask you why you are so scared to let people in and why you apologize for everything regardless of whether it's your fault or not
i want to ask what makes your depression and anxiety worse and what i can do to the best of my ability to make it easier
i want to ask you how you could've gone your entire life without anyone showing you just pure love
i want to ask you how you tick and what makes you run
i want to see your entire painting and see if i ever appear on it, even if just in a form of a hue
i wish i had the courage to ask you these things and so many others
but i don't know how you could ever feel about my curious soul

No one noticed when the girls skinny jeans got baggy
No one noticed when she started shiveing when it was 80 degrees
No one noticed when the girl who was usually very loud became very quiet
No one noticed when her typical t-shirt turned into sweaters everyday
No one noticed her
Because no one notices the outcast
Especially when she's anorexic and depressed
Until she speaks out
Then they noticed her favorite jeans are 3 sizes too big
Then they noticed the goosebups covering her arms and legs
Then they notice how her head is always stuck in a book
Then they noticed the scratches covering her left arm
Because they wouldn't even know something was wrong
Unless she told them
Because nobody notices the girl with the tears on her textbook
Nobody notices the girl that's sad

i hope that all people never forget
their own self worth
that everyone is worth all the things in the world
regardless of their relationship status
outside of this relationship you are still you
you are still a capable human being
you are capable of doing wonderful things my dear
i hope you never are confined to title of someones partner
because you are and will always be more than that
and yes, relationships may be nice
but you should never, ever, ever forget
that no one's hand will ever fit yours quite as nicely as your own

i have begun to hate this new life we've started to live
because your never here
and when you are your always asleep
don't get me wrong, i understand why it's like this
but i hate it
because your never really here
when you are awake your exhausted and your in a sleepy haze
and i can't talk to you anymore
there's no time to
and your my safety blanket
you are my human
you keep me sane
sitting and talking and thinking with you is what keeps me steady
and yes, i might be acting selfish right now
but i just want it go back to the way it was

i love books, i love them with my whole heart
i have always been a book nerd and had my nose stuck in a book
i've been like that my entire life
and no part of me is upset about it
books are one of the largest parts of my life
i read an insane about of books
and with the amount of books i read i've learned what my favorite kinds of books are
and the only way to describe them is that they are all consuming
the worlds gobble me up and swallow me whole
i'm not me, i am whatever this character is and i'm in this new world
i'm on dangerous adventures or i'm head over heels or i'm learning lessons
they consume me and i don't return until the story is completely
i always return different and with new parts of me discovered
that's what i love most about them
they change me and they absorb me just as much as i absorb them
books are the only true escape i can acquire
and i am always willing to succumb to the stories they tell

as i drove by on the interstate
i looked outside my window
and i saw flashes of light produced by fireflies
but i could only see blinks of it for the speed wouldn't allow me to take it in
and it was then that i realied
i don't want to live life on full speed
i want to live life to where i have enough time to sit and take in everything
to not feel as though i'm running out of space to stand on the treadmill
where i have to keep running to live comfortably
i want to sit and admire the fireflies
i want to be able to spend hours reading and talking
i want to live life at my own pace
and not at one set up for me

i don't know what it was that drew me to her
it could've been her courage to speak to me
or her love of the music she was dancing to
but i was drawn to her
all her beauty and strength
she was intriguing
and with every second we spent together
the excitement of something new drew me in
the exhilaration of something new excited me
and it gave me a new sense of thrill
that i'd never felt before
i was never fearful for i knew i was safe with her
she only brought me newness and thrill

darling please don't ever be afraid to feel
because feeling is beautiful
feeling is one of the most human things we could do
so, it's okay
it's okay to feel hurt, sadness, anger, happiness, loneliness, fear...feel everything
all I ask is that you don't sit there with the negative feelings
sit on the joy and happiness and let it fill you up and spill from your pores and gather at everything you touch
that is absolutely beautiful
and darling don't let the negative emotions sit with you
they can come and visit and be the rare guest, that's okay
to feel that is to be human
but to let it move in and be permanently attached is not something i suggest
because it won't spill out of your pores, it will consume
the hatred and hurt and anger, will just take everything from you
there are so many people in this world who have let the negativity consume them and they have become lost inside it
please be the rare butterfly that spills good
the world needs more people like that, darling
please always strive to be the good

i sometimes wish that i could draw
and sing the music of the world
but then i take a step back to see
all the amazing things with me
i have a long family
and fantastic friends all over the world
i have amazing passions
for music and literature
i have a loud voice that stands for what i believe in
and a whisper that helps people when they've fallen
i have self-acceptance and body-confidence for days
along with a list of mental health issues that i'm okay with
i do sometimes wish that i were capable of more
but sometimes the few steps back
help me realize all the amazing things i already have and am
and i become content with everything that i've been given

The only reason you bullied her
was because you didn't think she was beautiful
because you thought your definition of beauty
was the same as everyone else's
because beautiful to you
was twig thin
model skinny
thigh gap legs
perfect skin
long blonde hair
baby blue eyes
no freckle face
perfect cheekbones
and a nice pretty smile
that was beautiful to you
but that's not what beautiful means to everybody
because there are so many beautiful things
outside of the models in the magazines
beautiful flaws like stretch marks
freckles
dimples
gap tooth teeth
thick thighs
curly hair
brown coffee colored eyes
chubby cheeks
acne prone skin
and chunky stomachs
everyone has their own definition of beautiful
so just because something is not beautiful to you
doesn't mean its not beautiful to someone else

thank you
thank you for shattering my heart
you were the first to ever break it and it hurts like hell
you walked in and you ******* wreaked havoc
it feels like everything in me is broken and can never be fixed
and it's all because you wanted to be with that boy
I could spew you lines of **** about how this isn't the worst thing I've felt
but that would just be a lie
because this is probably the most hurt i've ever felt from another living human
nothing about this hurt is beautiful or romantic
it's just hurt and the ache of losing somebody you love
nothing good has come from this except the lesson i learned
i learned that heartbreak is miserable, but i can live through it
even though i know it doesn't feel like it at moments
i'll live through this, because when i was head over heels in love
it was the happiest i've ever been because another human
if the risk is having my heart broken, maybe that's okay
so thank you for teaching me what it feels like to fall in love
and to be swimming in that moment
and thank you for letting go and making me feel like this
and even though i wish i could hate you for making me feel this
i'm no longer afraid of letting myself fall in love
because it's actually a ******* brilliant and beautiful thing
and i now hope to fall in love with somebody who deserves me

Sometimes you just have to believe in what you believe
No one else can make you believe any differently
It is all up to you
You get to believe in whatever god(s) or no god at all
You get to believe in finding true love one day
You get to believe in having a good life
You get to believe feminism if you wish
You get to believe in anything you want
If you can believe in it
No one else can make you feel any differently
Because it is all up to you
No one can change you
Or how you think
People try to force their beliefs onto everyone else
But the thing is everyone believes differently
Some people believe in some things and not in others
But all you need to know
Is that you can believe anything
It's all up to you
And no one can make you think any differently
You're unique
Everything about you is unique
And that makes you special

i wonder if you ever think of me
when you see butterflies fluttering past
when you see an old book with yellowing pages
when you see daisies for sale at the farmers market
when you see gorgeous castles with large libraries
when you hear thunder pound on the roof at night
when you read poetry and see the profound meanings that lay behind it
when you smell lavender and incense float past you
do they remind you of me?
of all the moments and hundreds of conversations we had?
do you ever get reminded of all the things that make up me?
i remember all the things you used to write down about me so you wouldn't forget them
and i wonder if they stuck and ever remind you

thank you to every star that decided to enter my little section of the sky tonight
you put on a beautiful performance
with your beautiful specks of light
that shone through the darkness of the world
i feel at peace every time i see you
every one of you did spectacular in your own way
i give thanks for not everyone appreciates your beauty
thank you for giving me your nightly visit
i'm even feeling courageous enough to think i may bring a friend next time
for your beauty shouldn't only be seen by me
thank you for giving me courage and the knowledge of beauty
thank you for showing me that light will always be there

I sometimes wish I could buy happiness
Because sometimes I don't really have any
I wish I could go to the grocery store
And grab my milk, eggs, & happiness
But I can't
So I lay here cowering with the overbearing feelings of sadness and anxiety
And confusion laced in all of it
Because I have nothing to be sad about
Yet I am
Because I have nothing to be stressed about
Yet I am
I wish I could buy happiness
For moments like these
When I feel like I've lost myself
For moments like these
When I feel like I'll be stuck like this forever

I wish that sometimes I could pause life
I wish that I could just take a break from all of this
I just need some time
To get through all of this
I need time to stop feeling like this all of the time
I need to feel something, anything at all
It's been like this for months
I just need to pause everything
So i can get through this
If only I could

When you see my scars
You think that if you say 'i'm sorry'
And help me
And that when I get better
They will disappear
But these scars won't disappear
And I don't want them to
Because they are my sign
That I have lived
That I am a warrior who has been in many battles
That I am a survivor from the devil's hands
They are my reminder
That I can go through hell and come back alive
So these scars may fade
But they will never disappear
And nor will I

I believe that the most beautiful things are hidden
And I don't mean that they are in plain sight and you're just overlooking them
I mean the gorgeous girl in the store who doesn't know how pretty she is
I mean the boy with the amazing eyes reading in the back of a book shop
I mean the best friends walking down the street holding hands and smiling
I mean the sisters going on their first date and coming home and telling every detail
I am talking about the beauty that doesn't know it's beautiful
The beautiful that we see everyday but we don't identify as beautiful
I think that's why I love this quote so very dearly
'i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it'
Because i take it as everything is beautiful
But sometimes we don't see it as beautiful
I believe that everything that contains beauty is hidden
And beauty is everywhere

Dear Mom,
    Right now I am listening to you read a book to Po and I just realized how much I appreciate you.  And I don't think I tell you enough that I do or that I love you enough.  You give me so much and I am so grateful for that.
     I'm so grateful for everything you have ever given me.  So thank you so much.  Thank you for making different voices when you read.  Thank you for letting me cry about stupid stuff I shouldn't care about.  Thank you for supporting me in everything I do and believe in .  Thank you for being my mom and my best friend.
    I've learned over the past couple of years that not many people are gifted with great people like you in their lives.  And I wish they did because you are an absolutely amazing person.  I wish that everybody had an amazing person they could go to.  And I have been gifted with you in my life.  So thank you.
                                                                                i love you with all my heart,
                                                                                                            H

PS~ i know you may not believe me but you are absolutely gorgeous when you smile:)

imagine how boring of a world it would be if there were no problems
we would have nothing to work forward to
imagine how terrible that would be
we all have our problems and that's what keeps us motivated
like we are all sitting in this circle trying to pretend that we have no problems
when that seriously is not the case
we all have our issues and our problems
and that's what helps us individualize ourselves a little bit
those issues are what drive us to overcome these obstacles
so why are we trying to pretend like we are perfect

The thing about people who write
They can communicate so much better about everything
They may not know how to say it out loud
But they can write it out and it will explain everything
The thing about people who write
They are always writing
About their thoughts, feelings, life
They could write the most beautiful piece of work about something as simple as math
They could write the perfect poem about your giggle
They could create a beautiful song about how you squeak when your get tickled
They could write a novel about a kiss on the cheek
They can write anything about something
If it means something to them, they can do it
And it can be a painting of flowers that creates a beautiful poem
The thing about people who write
They are constantly writing
In their head, they are creating beauty with words
The thing about people who write
They have a special gift
And it is the gift of magical words

When you're close to someone with anxiety
You being to notice and think about so many things
You notice when they grab your shirt and stand closer
You notice that their eyes are trying to focus on something constant
You notice that the coffee shop is not as busy as the food court
You notice that they're clinging onto their swear when it gets loud
You think about if they'll be okay at the mall on Saturday
You think that they should on Sunday instead because it's not as busy
You think about their date this weekend and if they'll be okay
Because their date doesn't know and can't precaution
When you're close to someone with anxiety
You do things to prevent stress and anxiety attacks
You tell them where you are gonna be for the next week
Because if they know where you are they can find you if they need you
You order food for them when you're out because they can't
You hold their hand in the grocery store because it's crowded and they're nervous
You don't invite them to busy events because you don't want to cause any of it
When you care about someone with anxiety
You notice the things that cause the stress and anxiousness
You think about how you can prevent the anxiety
You do things to make life easier for them
When you're close to someone with anxiety
You notice things & you think about things & you do things because you care
And if it means doing all of that,day and night, you'll do it

It's starting to get cold again
Everything is starting to stay still
Everything is going to stay the same
But it can't get cold yet
Not yet anyway
I don't want to be sad for too long
I can't do this anymore
I want to be happy again!
Why can't I be happy again?
Summer, please come back
Maybe when you're here I'll smile again
Why won't you come back
I need to be happy before it snows
Stop snowing!
I don't want to be sad anymore!

On days like this,
when music from my many playlists
is the only thing keeping me going
i realize how much it
has helped me develop as a person
music has always been a large part of my life
but in these past few years
it has been one of the few things
that have stayed constant through everything
through friendships ending, deaths, anxiety, depression,
and the roller coaster that life has been
music is something that i have always turned to in my dark hours
to lift my spirits and make me smile
and when i'm happy i turn on my music
because it's something i always looked forward to
and I've come to realize
that music has helped me grow
taught me that however i'm feeling is ok
and with this i've learned how to understand and accept myself
and also connect with people on a more personal level
and gain deeper friendships
so music has been a huge part of my life
and i admire the artists i listen to
for being able to plant the seeds of people
and be able to watch them grow

i always tell everyone to not hurt themselves
yet i sit here
and i hurt myself
trying to help you
by giving you this adivce
im giving you peice after piece of my soul
and in return i get nothing
but a fake thank you
and some counterfeit conversations
yet i sit here alone and trying to just forge a smile
for the world to see
yet your smile is full and truthfull
because it's filled with the soul of mine
that i sold so you could be happy
and get over every conflict you've dealt
so i tell you to not hurt
yet i sit here and i give myself away
piece by piece
and bit by bit