I wish I had the words
To perfectly describe
Everything in my life

I feel so full of letters
Of words with no real phrases
That don't seem to come together
Or form a clear idea properly

I wish I had the words

In search of a buzz,
I emptied my guts.
Why do I do this?
I must have gone nuts.

There are too many things in the world
Too many objects
Too many people
Too many places
Too many sounds
Too many smells
Too many words
Too many letters
Too many feelings
Too many lies
Too many books
Too many countries
Too many faces
Too many sites to see
Too many tourists
Too many dishes
Too many personalities
Too many hairstyles
Too many theories
Too many stars
Too many films
Too many chairs
Too many trees
Too many computers

It's truly a shame.
There's too many things in the world;
I could never experience them all.

I'm pretty sure there's something there
Behind my eyes
Or under my skin.

Something is waiting to be set free
Something willing to **** to get out

Perhaps there's a bug
Or a sickness
Or something else..

Maybe it's adoration
Or weird love or friendship
Or other corny stuff..

I just think I'm too sentimental
And need to let go

I feel their screams..
first just one
then a dozen
then hundreds:
the miniscule stab mouths
drowning in darkness.
they're scraped across,
almost saving them,
but the dark pools remain
filling the scream mouths

for eternity,
leaving art
unless the mouths fester
or rot away completely

I haven't written in ages;
Now words flow through my hands.
The river falls on its own
Over the cliffs of satiation.

The dam has broken..
Like a failing wall, once towering,
Now toppled,
The once still water cascades freely,
Filling my mind.
Running through my arms.
Spewing out my fingertips
Unaided by mental power.
The works I've not posted until now
Have been waiting anxiously
For this moment.

I can't stop writing.
Phrases leave my mouth
Already poetic.
Already emotive
Already grasping
For a chance at publicity

No longer pleased by quiet passing,
I write and fill notebooks.
Every scrap of paper is coated,
Bleeding black ink,
Gasping for a chance
To be seen
Before it's crumpled and thrown on the floor,
Gathered with discarded others near the bin

Penning my thoughts
Penny's worth weight
Pinning me down
Pounding my skull
Pulling out hairs

This time it was my grandfather..

Mother tells her version of a story
Everyone believes her instead
Getting on her side
And making me wish I was dead

I just wanna leave this town behind
Ditch all the things that remind
Me of this place.
I wanna live all alone
In my cozy home
That I've made.

I care more about my music than
Any type of mathematic lines.
I need to get away from here
Before I go c'razy in my mind

I'll write the world away
And I'll run and run all day

My frantic verses evolve surely
Leading into failed runs of thought
Or perhaps they'll fly away
Into the sun

The whiteboard is empty.
The classroom is buzzing.
Summer's almost here,
But I won't do a thing
Except await next year
For school to reappear.

It tastes repulsive.
It has a nasty texture.
It's the bane of gods.

But the table you sit at
Holds so many memories
And will always feel like home.

Everything you do is covered in love

I ate some raspberries today
They were cold
And sweet
And soft

But their seeds get stuck in my teeth
They just sit
And ****
And poke

Until I get them out

Writing something down so I feel useful..

I'll get to my homework eventually

why is every call empty
why is life meaningless
why are conversations lies
why are compliments shallow
why are you so optimistic
why is hope unfindable
why are there so many questions
and why are there no answers

why is there nothing but emptiness
why is there no rest other than death
why are my messages always
unanswered
why is my voice never heard
why does everyone move on without me
why does silence seem so loud
why is loneliness comforting
and why is being alone so painful

why do you seem to love me
but only when no one else is around

..but not on my own

.

I don't know why,
But I'm sad

The perfect response..

Somebody could be a natural at many things
Like singing or dancing or drawing things
Other people are great at writing things
And I'm good at poetry

I naturally write in verse,
Poetic as I think,
I've even been caught mumbling
Words without any ink.

I'm a natural poet
(and most don't even know it)

It doesn't help at all.
I wish it did, but I'm
Just to stupid 2 listen.

Besides if you don't care
whether I'm safe, why
Should I listen when you say so?

If safe to you means alive, then
I could beat myself black and blue
and still be 'safe'

I could tear my ******* skin off
I could roll in flames
And dance through thorns

And still
Be
"Safe."

In the Autumn months,
Everything withers and dies,
It's the seasons' turning.
Little white snowflakes
Arise from hibernation
After summer's heat
And bring coldness to the world
flying through the air.

Sky's dark and dreary
Rainy, dashed with thunderstorms-
Perfect time to play

Where the wind will blow
Is beautifully darkened
Past the horizon

Life is sunshine,
Bright and yellow,
Peaceful, keeping
My mood mellow

that is..

Until you came
Fueled by anger
And tear my closet
Hanger from hanger.

Clothing scatters
On the carpet.

I'd write that down,
But I can't start yet

To make a move
Toward the pencil

Or the paper-
I am trapped still

In my quaking
Mortal frame

And you keep yelling
All the same.

I know you're angry,
But you've no need
To yell and fuss
And scream at me.

You've no need
To stay this way,
But that doesn't mean I
Still want to play.

Sure, you yell loud
And put up a fight,
But life is sunshine,
Yellow and bright.

Sunshine is light and very cheery,
But it's also painful and makes me weary

Deep in my heart,
There's a crow who sings
Songs of love
For his darling wife.
Their love lives on
In my fragile heart.
Though he's mute
To others around,
he is headstrong
And keeps me moving.
He's quiet still,
Recalling the
Memories of the past
When his wife
Still walked the earth-
Before you
Killed her with your words.

There's this horrible taste in my mouth.
I can't get it out.
Why can't I get this taste out?
What can I do to fix this?
I've tried everything.
It just doesn't work

I'm a walking corpse
Who should be dead.
I should die
But can't
****

I'll hide myself in the pits of hell
If that means I can escape
The tint of a toxic faith
In the heavenly realm.

The word is ending.
Every person is too.
I'm not ready yet,
And nor are you.

You aren't here
You aren't anywhere.
All you ever do in life
Is blow clouds through the air,
Wasting away through strife.
You know your wife hates it.
You know your children do.
You know that all our money goes
To your selfish habits and you
As your addiction grows

I love you though...
I just wish you'd end this phase-
The one that's spending all our cash
And shortening your days until
You're turned into dust and ash.

You're an absent father
(MY absent father..)
Only here when you need to be
Then you're gone for the end of this verse
And most in between
Either spaced out, asleep, or hearsed.

I've been taken advantage of.
I've been lied to a thousand times.
My mind is awfully broken now,
Adn my body is riddled with lines.

I can't believe you did this to me
After you said you loved me.
In the end, it was just a trap,
And the ransom was my sanity.

I made myself pretty for you,
Dolled up with bows and paint.
It was never good enough though.
You stole more of me every day.

I tore myself apart because
I couldn't be enough.
Even then you yelled at me
"Get over it.. Life is tough"

You never believed me when I said
A thing you didn't like.
I told you I hated you in my life
Always feeding me molten lies.

Even then, you pushed me away
And tore me limb from limb.
Everything I did to myself
Was caused by you, mum, not him.

Bruised and bandaged blisters
On hands ravaged by wars
Against one's own life through years
Paired with cascades of burning tears
And left dangling o'er wooden floors.

Though you may run from your fate,
You'll never escape its iron grasp.
Reality will grab you and hold you down,
Pulling you under a diminished frown
Until you end the pain at last.

Cross your arms
Hold your breath
After a while,
All will be right.
Close your eyes
Then open again-
Time is renewed.
You'll make it though the night.

Deep inhale,
Sharp exhale.
Keep the rhythm.
They won't know.
Just say hi, and move on past.
This is the day.
Keep carrying though.
You'll keep living because
Today is not your last.

You pass as cis.
You've made it, dear.
You're important.
You matter to me.
I need you here.
You can do this.
Don't bother what they say.
Just let it be.

Being the eldest son is tough.
You always bear the toughest blows
From punishments and such.
Parents blame you for everything
But thirteen years of it?
God.. That's just too much.

Sure, my sibling is cute,
Smart, and headstrong too,
But they're just such a pain sometimes.
If there's anything to remember,
It's that they're a selfish, stuck-up brat
To the point it should be a crime.

My sibling has ruined my life.
If only I just lived alone.
That would honestly be great...
I wouldn't have to deal with them
Or hear another one of their whines
While they look at me with hate.

I'd have my parents all to myself.
I'd have time to finally relax
And have peace like no other...
I'd waste my time all day
And wouldn't have to share my stuff,
But I wouldn't get to be a brother-
THAT is reward enough.

Love is a word
Love is an emotion
Love is a noun
Love is a feeling
Love is an adjective
Love is visible
Love is a verb
Love is a word

Look to the hills-
Ocean waves float by
Veering to the right
Ever so slightly.

Listen! There it is!
Oh, how the waves turn,
Visiting one another
Evacuating below the tide.

Love is a word.

Open your eyes.
Break the habit.
Cut the old
With a hatchet.
Don't you worry
Don't you stress.
I will help you
Through the rest.

I'm your mentor.
I'm your guide.
I'll light your way
Through life's ride.
It's no problem.
I'm on your team.
Just take my hand
Before you leap.

It'll be hard.
It'll hurt a little,
But looking back
Where you started
Is such a miracle

Close your eyes.
Turn off the lights.
Take a deep breath-
Let it settle right.
Shake out your shoulders.
Stretch out your legs.
Fill your chest.
It'll be okay.

Take this chance.
Make it right.
Let this calm
Last you the night.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.
Let hate go
With a hearty shout.
It's not yet tomorrow,
So start with today.
Just take your time.
It'll be okay.

What's stopping me
From ending it here?
Is it the thoughts of my friends?
Some sort of mortal fear?

No. It's none of these.
The only thing keeping me alive
Is the possibility
I might, by some chance, survive.

My lungs are filled with ash.
My blood is watered down.
My brain is floating idly,
And my body won't be found.

Summon the great wall,
The one made of flesh.

Don't worry if you don't understand:
I'll be your guide.

A t   t h i s   p o i n t ,   I ' m   l e s s   h u m a n   t h a n   a   s k u l l .
T h e   u n c a n n y   v a l l e y   i s   m y   h o m e
E x c e p t   I   d w e l l   s i x   f e e t   u n d e r   t h e   s u r f a c e .

A few stray pennies,
A nickel, and a dime-
That's all I'll ever need
To have a good time.

I want no glamourous phone
Or the newest fashion trends.
I only need some crackers-
Just enough to meet ends.

I'm a self-made, messy,
Gay *******.
I don't need any help
But a roadside ditch.

I'm a lonesome self-starter
In search of better days,
But all the good times
Just keep running away.

I just want a few quarters
To start me off right
And a piece of stale bread
To get me through the night.

I want to live in a van,
A ******* tent.
I want a ragged, old RV
I don't even have to rent.

I guess what I'm saying is
You don't have to hold me here,
Trapped against my will
Living in pools of rotten fear.

I can live all on my own
In the middle of the woods.
You can forget about me now
I'll be in the past for good.

I'll leave you alone,
Or I can keep escaping free.
What I'm saying is that
You have no real grasp on me.

I've run away before
I'll run away again.
I will keep on running
'Til I get away in the end.

I don't need you
Or anybody else.
All I need is my mind
My bones, and my ugly self.

I'll leave you for good.
I'm no use to you.
Just set me free already
You will forget about me soon.

Collagen created
By drawing across skin,
A boy playing with blades,
Stretching his flesh thin.

Collagen ladders
Made in his war,
Leading up his side.
He will make no more.

Collagen scars,
Spelling out words
Of hate and disgust,
Fade slowly from his form.

Collagen fades,
But memory doesn't.
He'll look back with a smile
When the future becomes present.

One more word, and I'll blow up.
One more day, and I'll grow up.
One more drink, and I'll throw up.
One more week, and I'll give up..

But words don't have to be said-,
Growing is an ongoing process,
Drinks don't have to be alcohol,
And help is easily available.

1-888-299-1188

Reader,

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                 live stay alive stay
                                    alive stay alive
                                        stay alive

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                  live stay alive stay
                                      alive stay alive
                                              stay alive
                                                stay ali
                                                ve sta
                                               y al
                                              ive
            ­                                 |-/

A way of expression,
A method of destruction,
A powerful shield,
A mighty weapon,
A piece of art,
An escapism...

No matter what you call it,
Poetry is beautiful.
Keep at it, young poet-
I believe in you.