You use it like a currency
One coin — after another —
when slipping through the mouth
of a vending machine
is no longer enough
You shove and pound on!
Until I gag:
When I ask You:
“Do You regret gambling away
in me the Life that was promised
as a wasteful investment
when my open hand holds only
You answer with conviction
suffices to convict me
“Blood is thicker than water
so I will try harder”
as I swallow — each —
and — every —
— well — meaning — copper —
flood my throat
in the ****** beautiful taste of Love
I shall never starve for Love
if only I had the stomach for such Food.
You’ve been working so hard
To provide more than what we need now
For what we will need in the future.
Because we used to have nothing.
You’ve been planning so thoughtfully
For the next 20 years,
But you’ve never lived in the current.
You’ve been ignoring what you feel now
And saving your happiness for later.
But you’ve never stopped worrying about the future.
Now he is gone forever for both of us.
You lost your happiness,
Which had never happened.
But I lost my happiness,
Which had been making me feel alive.
It is not just grief of his death.
Now father is gone forever for me.
It is the emptiness in my heart
Constantly consuming me.
When I am nervous on the stage,
Who else will always applaud for me again?
Who else will always love my performance again?
I know you don’t care what I care,
And you only approve what you care.
But can you just look at who I am for one time?
I wish you can live more in the current
And worry less about the future.
Because I treasure every single second in my life,
When you are still with me.
Live in the current.
You never know what will happen next.
When I was a kid,
All I saw was the care and attention
My cousin was getting.
I wished I was always sick like her.
A crying baby needed others' help.
Now I am an adult,
All I want is to be healthy and independent.
I can't afford to be sick.
I need the energy to wake up everyday.
A strong woman can take care of others.
— The End —