Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
May 2021 · 289
Youth
Jaicob May 2021
Youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow.
Treat them with respect because
They'll be the ones in charge of your corpses.
If you treat youth with incredulous rudeness,
We'll decorate your tombstone
With the very same slurs you throw at us.
May 2021 · 387
Sounds Like Greek To Me
Jaicob May 2021
Η ζωή είναι δύσκολη...
Γιατί να μην την τελειώσω;
Αυτό φαίνεται πιο εύκολο
Δεν είναι;

Και πάλι, είμαι στα πρόθυρα του θανάτου
Δεν είναι περίεργο πώς τελειώνει πάντα έτσι;
May 2021 · 91
Sweet
Jaicob May 2021
Sugar, aspertame, nectar, glucose,
Molasses, syrup, fructose,
All naturally sweet...
But your taste can't be beat.

Your lips are sweeter than honey,
And your words are gentler than silk.
Every granule of sugar you consume
Morphs into your figure's plume.
May 2021 · 99
Worse.
Jaicob May 2021
I'm just a ghost,
A rotting mortal shell,
A husk without bones,
The one who speaks uselessly
As he waits for his final death.

I may be just a bit more
Suicidal than before, but
If you listen closely
To the story I dare to tell,
It only
                
               gets

                        


                                                              ­                                                   worse.
May 2021 · 98
Poetry
Jaicob May 2021
Some may say
It's cliche,
A strong "Nay"
Sent their way.
May 2021 · 537
Eternal
Jaicob May 2021
Twisting, tumbling, turning,
Falling, gasping, yearning,
My love sits withing, burning,
Wanting nothing more than to
Spend eternity with you-
A duo, a perfect pair of two
<3
Yeah... I suppose I've fallen
May 2021 · 593
What could stop me
Jaicob May 2021
Nothing could...
Even if it be something deadly-

Cancer
biting my tongue,

Poison
on my lips,

Venomous snakes
Drooling expectantly,

Fear of defeat
From spiked punch,

Or even from guns
And bombs against my skull,

Chemotherapy, overdose,
Pretty poisons and drowsiness...

Nothing could stop me
From loving you eternally
May 2021 · 852
Lucky Penny
Jaicob May 2021
You're a lucky penny
In a land full of rust,
A shining sea of glitter
Foaming with iridescence

You're a present to my life
A gift that keeps on giving-
Sometimes good,
Sometimes terrible.

"It's the thought that counts..."
Well I can't think a coherent thought
When your name crosses my mind.
April 9, 2021
---
I found this poem in my notes app...I literally forgot I wrote it
Jaicob May 2021
To feel yourself falling in love
With somebody over the course of months
Is to realise that you're more kind,
Happier, caring, gentle, and sweet-
A better person in general-
Keeping that person in mind.

No matter what you do,
Nobody else will understand
The way you feel every day,
The bubbliness of your actions,
The air of generosity and dreaminess
In every word you say.

To fall in love with someone
Is to notice you're not alone
And that you're loved and cared for.
It is to notice you matter as well
And to better yourself and others
Through kindness you pour.

To fall deeply in love with someone
Is to fall in love with yourself,
To fall in love with life as a whole,
To fall in love with everything.
Before you even know it,
Love has taken its grand toll.
For Aidan, the first person I've ever felt love like this toward

Thank you for helping me out of the immense depression when I'm not doing too well. You truly have no idea how greatly you've helped me.
May 2021 · 65
I Just Realised...
Jaicob May 2021
In every class in school,
There is always the quiet kid
Who says nothing,
But stares menacingly.
You cringe when he reaches in his bag,
And you protect when he's called '***'

My class doesn't have a quiet kid.
As I was looking around,
I realised he is I...

I am he.
May 2021 · 72
This, too, shall pass
Jaicob May 2021
Don't worry
These people
They'll die soon-
It's okay-
We all do.
May 2021 · 584
Hydroxyzine Pamoate
Jaicob May 2021
ten ten ten
Milligrams
of a drug
is not good.
Not enough
to get high
but enough
to die from.
Hundreds of
little pills
fill my mouth
as I drift
Off to sleep.
Suicide.
I could use
these green pills
May 2021 · 1.5k
Cold Diet Coke
Jaicob May 2021
Cold Diet Coke
Administered intravenously
Injected into my veins
And fueling my anxiety.
First, it was only a few
Drops to keep me ready,
But now it's full gallons
And even that's not quenching.

People always ask me,
"Why push milligrams and ounces
Of cold Diet Coke?
It'll make you choke.
After time, you'll croak.
You're such a stupid bloke,
Pushing Diet Coke."

To this I have to say that you
Are quite mistaken, sir.
I only do it because I am
Addicted to the tiny bubbles
In my fizzy bloodstream.
I know it's very dangerous,
But I haven't died quite yet.
I might just try some other kind
To fix my upset stomach.

"Zero calorie soda,
Amazing as it is,
Though it tastes delicious to you,
Isn't healthy food.
It's gonna cause an issue.
You're still depressed and blue.
Your face is green in hue."

Again I must say you lie
To steal my fleeting happiness.
I need the drip, drip, dropping through
My swiftly closing arteries.
I don't have much time left,
And I'm at Death's bright doorstep.
I'm taking my final breaths,
And I'm on my deathbed.

I just want to tell you
You made me do this.
It's your fault.
You're to blame.
Yours is the shame.

You outlive yet another son.
You could've saved this one.
My chances are slim to none.
I approach the glistening sun
As the fungus and rot outrun
The weight of death o'er a ton.
May 2021 · 60
Men's Room
Jaicob May 2021
Locked in the stall
Waiting for you to pass
Time stands still
As you sit on your ***
Not moving an inch
Just talking to your friends
Making my life worse
Until the world ends
I've been in here for fifteen minutes, but you just continue your worthless conversation.. I have all day
May 2021 · 619
Lemonade
Jaicob May 2021
Lemons into lemonade...
That's what they tell me.
It's so hard to make lemonade
When your wrists want to bleed.
The juice stings my flesh
And I just want to end.
The scars remain on my flesh
A reminder of my friend.
Pain is the only one I can tell
Nothing else is real.
Other people will spill and tell
The secret of how I feel.

Lemons into lamentation
That's all I have today-
Nothing but hopeless lamentation-
Until life stops dumping lemons on my tray.
May 2021 · 93
Cursed?
Jaicob May 2021
I must be hellbent on making my life worse
Either that or I guess I'm cursed
May 2021 · 122
Cage
Jaicob May 2021
My body is a cage.
This broken mortal frame
Grasps onto air and lies
As it falls and fails to try.
I morph its ugly worthlessness
With personality and fitness
To break my ribs and then to
Cause fat to redistribute.
My body is a cage,
And its broken, warped frame
Will never, ever cease to be
Something that disgusts me.
May 2021 · 3.9k
Deadname
Jaicob May 2021
No matter how many times I'm called beautiful
or pretty, of gorgeous, or any other comment,
I will always cry when I hear the name
You try to call me adoringly...

It is dead.
I bury it here
In the words.
I write its tombstone.
May 2021 · 2.9k
A Letter
Jaicob May 2021
Oh, {deadname},

You're my beautiful daughter.
I know you're only lying.
You'll never, ever be a boy
No matter how long you keep trying.

Give up on transitioning.
Your mind has been poisoned.
The media has consumed you-
All the lies eating their way in.

Finally, you are my precious baby girl.
You're very smart, and you know that.
Don't think you're a boy- you're not.
You should put on your smiling mask

Until you're not sick anymore,

-Your loving mother
I want to leave this house... It hurts to look at myself.
May 2021 · 709
He.
Jaicob May 2021
He.
Writing words in his skin,
A young boy looks in the mirror.
He can no longer cry...
His chest rises and falls
Until it rises but falls no longer.
Never flat enough, he screams,
Slashing his wrists to prove he bleeds.
He wants to live... but can't
Seem to escape fate.
He was born wrong.
He doesn't look the way he wants.
He isn't right. Broken.

I am not your daughter.
May 2021 · 70
Fallen Stars
Jaicob May 2021
I swirl my finger in the stew
Of water, blood, and tears.
As the ripples flow through streaking liquid,
Rocks show the motions, wearing down over years.

Seafoam froths along the shore,
Blistering the scorching sand
And floating off the world as I
Try to catch falling stars in my hand.
May 2021 · 53
Broken
Jaicob May 2021
Humanoid figurines dance along
Barely distinguishable from each other
As they dip and twirl across the floor.

Adversaries to what I've done...
Haters of the methods I've used
All dance across my mind in violent war.

They struggle to keep balance as
I shove them away, trying to save
Whatever is left of my battered core
Apr 2021 · 781
Dysphoric
Jaicob Apr 2021
Pain wracks my fragile bones.
Everything hurts me,
So please, please don't
Come close or touch me.

I can't look at my body
Because it isn't what I want.
I know it's selfish, you see,
But it's a paper without a font.

My skin is a tapestry of
Beauty and pretty and all
In the perfect girl you'd love,
But guys: absolutely appalled.

Nothing matched on me-
I'm the missing left sock,
My bones' rattle is all I'll be
Until I take the final walk.
Just another day of being awake at 0300 and being unable to go back to sleep... Dysphoria knocks to the ground my mortal frame, shaking and quaking with power (or lack thereof).
Apr 2021 · 915
Diet Mtn Dew
Jaicob Apr 2021
Bottles of carbonation
And bottles of tears,
Bottles of death wishes
And bottles of jeers,
I've bottled all the nasty looks
People've given me over the years.
Now all that's left to get over
Is all of my worthless fears.

Bottles of carbonation sit silently
Humming and buzzing beside me,
Sitting open on my nightstand as I
Avoid conversation with the
Other hundreds of people who try
Desperately to strain to reach
Me before my wounds ooze pus
And blood and Death comes to reap.

Drinks keep me alive through his pain
It now courses through my veins.
It's why I twitch when hearing my name,
One final desperate gasp of breath
Before I succumb to painful death.
I'm not doing so great... I hope it gets better
Apr 2021 · 1.5k
Life's Ride
Jaicob Apr 2021
Drowsily dreaming the dreary day away,
I lean 'gainst the sill, looking out on the city.
Deep sighs cascade from my open mouth
Before I close my eyes and hum a diddy,
Remembering the people who've shown me pity,
As the train rattles on heading south.
Apr 2021 · 1.7k
One-ten
Jaicob Apr 2021
110
The cursed number
110
In bone and blubber
110
The taste inescapable
110
My thoughts are nonsensical
110
Shrink it further
110
To be skinny I'd ******
110
The burden of weight
110
All myself I hate.
skinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinny
Apr 2021 · 87
HB-21
Jaicob Apr 2021
Thoughts circle the drain
As crimson beads follow 'round,
Chasing thoughts to death
Before the body can be found.
Apr 2021 · 58
Soap
Jaicob Apr 2021
As suds wash down the bathroom drain
I hope I'll never see you again.

I wave the mirror goodbye as I leave.
My imperfect reflection I still grieve.
Apr 2021 · 7.2k
What Is Love Made From?
Jaicob Apr 2021
Gentle smiles
Friendly waves
Hands in hands
And warm embrace

That's what love is made from.
Apr 2021 · 56
Bathwater
Jaicob Apr 2021
3am caffeine-induced high
Humming in blissful peace
The smell of breakfast frying-
Eggs cooking in blistering grease.

A dazzling sea of despair
And gemstones of radiant agony
Ripple through the scalding bathwater
As it fills up in silence uncanny.

Steam runs throughout the house,
stretching over sheets and tile
As water follows hastily after,
Spilling out in cascading piles.
Apr 2021 · 542
It's All the Same
Jaicob Apr 2021
A dense mist hangs over the ground
Spreading tendrils over flora and fauna.
Clouds begin their quiet weeping.
Soft, gentle drops fall on the pavement.

A young girl hops along, splashing in puddles.
She trips and scrapes her knee...
Red liquid oozes through freshly ripped jeans.
Soft, gentle drops fall on the pavement.

After some time, the girl is all grown up.
A casket is lowered under the soil.
The girl, Tiffany Clear, walks home sobbing.
Soft, gentle drops fall on the pavement.
Apr 2021 · 815
Day After Dying
Jaicob Apr 2021
The day after dying,
Your mortal shell will rot
And be filled with sleeping pills
No, sugar can not
Hide the pain you feel
From failing your many deaths,
Immortal now and always,
A hundred final breaths.

The day after dying,
You're nothing but a husk,
An empty, rotting hell
That lies awake until dusk,
Just contemplating painful existence
That wounds every inch of you.
Words, knives, and other pains
Don't feel enough in joy's lieu.

The day after dying,
Nothing will even change.
You'll still be a hopeless wreck.
You'll still be from peers estranged.
You'll still be a walking corpse.
You'll still never be alive.
You'll always wish you'd succeeded.
You'll feel useless just like I've.
Apr 2021 · 72
The Morning After
Jaicob Apr 2021
Waking up after trying
Is the worst feeling in the world.
You feel groggy
And sick
And tired
And empty
And full
And done
And dead,
But the worst part is life.
You're still alive,
And that hurts most of all.
Apr 2021 · 63
What do I Want?
Jaicob Apr 2021
I've been thinking again...
I guess that's dangerous.
I've been told I won't live past twenty
If I continue on this path.


But isn't that what I want?
Apr 2021 · 1.5k
Touch
Jaicob Apr 2021
I usually shy from feeling
Another person against my skin.
I'm fragile and gentle and tormented
My bones are paper-thin.

You, however, are an exception.
I love your sweet caresses.
The love and warmth you give
Pull me from emotional messes.

Though I can't see you now,
Know it you of whom I'm thinking,
Dreaming of the better times
When you've saved my soul from sinking.

Now I'd write the world for you
To simply show the grasp you have
Of my entire beating heart, you see,
I've not withheld myself even half.

The words wouldn't come together,
And I'd ramble on for hours,
Never finding the proper way to tell
How intense I feel love's powers.

I know you've much better things
To do than read more lines
So I guess I'll end this letter here
Until your lips once more graze mine.

<3
Apr 2021 · 2.2k
Ink and Paper
Jaicob Apr 2021
Drown me in ink.
I don't want to see anything.
I want to be choked out
On the one thing that gives life meaning.

Slit my wrists with paper.
I don't want to live anymore.
I want to bleed crimson onto the page
And give meaning to the words I write.
Apr 2021 · 1.0k
Get out.
Jaicob Apr 2021
"Get out,"
I was told.
"Leave my sight"
I packed a bag.
"Just leave"
I rode off.
"Come back"
I was chased.
"I love you"
My bike was taken.
"You can't leave"
I'm crying.
Your arms hold no comfort for me.
My parents say they love me... Is love chasing somebody away from their home and taking their bike?
Apr 2021 · 344
Kicked.
Jaicob Apr 2021
I know that I'm crazy.
I know that I'm not okay.
I now don't have a home
I have nowhere to be safe.

I want to cry,
I want to die,
I can't even try
My tears won't dry...
I've just been kicked out of my house.
Feb 2021 · 96
Wasted Work
Jaicob Feb 2021
Three coffee-stained pages
Of beautiful, artistic poetry
Fall onto the sodden earth
And are buried in salty tears.
Feb 2021 · 71
Weak
Jaicob Feb 2021
I lean against the door.
I cannot stand anymore.
My mind is in a war.
I crumble to the floor.
Feb 2021 · 78
The Friends of Ana
Jaicob Feb 2021
I'm nothing more than numbers on a scale,
Nothing less than a whale,
To your beauty I pale
In comparison, I fail.

I'm not as pretty
As the models on TV,
As the Instagram fashion pieces,
The ragdolls with features
So close to human
They feel almost real.

I'm loose inside my skin,
This cage of flesh and bone,
This prison of insanity
And harmful repetitions.

The gore I put myself through
Every day to stay thin
And to one day become pretty.
It all goes to waste
In a flaming dumpster of shame.

Starving myself daily,
Refusing any sustenance,
"I'm not hungry," I declare proudly,
Maybe one day it'll mean something.

My insides are drowning
In the litres of water and tea
I consume to desperately avoid
Gaining any extra poundage.

After enough time, It's over,
I end up ravenously searching,
Rummaging through the house
For every remaining scrap of food
Because I'm STARVING.

I eat thousands of calories
In only a few minutes,
Struggling to keep it down in time
To reach the bathroom to purge.

Hurled pathetically over the bowl
Viciously throwing up every morsel
Of food I consumed
In efforts to keep from gaining.

Stinging tears well in my eyes,
Seas stream down my face.
I choke on my own half-digested food,
Swimming in overconcentrated bile.

When I stand, I nearly faint.
I pass out upon walking.
I just want to be pretty,
Is that so much to ask?

I'm not good enough for myself,
Or anybody else for that matter.
I don't think a soul in the world
Could bear to stand with me.

I'm all alone.

The silence is deafening...
I try to scream to drown it,
But it just seems to amplify
The situation's dire hopelessness.

I'm falling in a hole of my own creation,
Slipping further down the *****,
Hiding from myself
In every camera, mirror, and pool.

I hate myself more than anything else,
And I want to be nothing.
I desperately wish to be a cage
Made entirely of bone,

An example to the ones
Who dare enter the same path as me,
The ones who hate themselves,
The friends of Ana.
Feb 2021 · 63
Strange Feeling
Jaicob Feb 2021
I get this feeling sometimes
As I walk through the empty halls
Of my childhood home.
It's like tragedy and danger as I fall...

On my knees now, gasping
For a memory I've forgotten since,
I sit wondering why I know nothing-
Why from random things I wince.
Feb 2021 · 3.8k
Oh, Ana,
Jaicob Feb 2021
Ana,

I've known you for a while,
And at first I was afraid.
I didn't know what you'd do
Or whether you could help me.

Now I don't see why
Everyone I know is so
Pressed about me
Being friends with you...

I don't know why
they don't like you.
They try to keep me away
From you and your help.

You're a kind person,
And you've helped me.
You make me happy.
You fix my problems.

I hope you can explain
Why people don't like you.
Feb 2021 · 673
Brother,
Jaicob Feb 2021
I will always protect you.
I will keep you safe from all harm.
I promise...

              u
                 n
                    t
                      i
                        l

                    t
                 h
              e

                 v
                    e
                       r
                          y

                                    end.
Feb 2021 · 961
May I Ask?
Jaicob Feb 2021
I have a question for you
Plucked from the day we met.
I have pondered asking for a while
And still I haven't yet.

Especially with important matters
Or ones dealing with certain subjects.
But as I sit here wondering, waiting,
I think I may be ready for what comes next.

As we talked about chess,
Poetry, movies, and songs,
Random facts, and paradoxes
All these evenings long,

I sat thinking still...
Gazing thoroughly upon
The face you wear
And the smile you had on.

As you may be able to see,
I can often tend to be
Incapable of stammering out
The words I desperately want to shout

I get that I don't know you well,
But I feel I may want to..
As long as it works with you...
And maybe if you too...
Could possibly like to do...
If only I already knew...

Would you like a coffee with me soon?
I don't know whether I should send this or not...
Jaicob Jan 2021
The sweet serenade of continuous ticking
Slowly lulls me to restful sleep
Under the stars above.
At present, I now have eight timekeeping devices in my room (excluding digital clocks/phones/watches/computers)
Jan 2021 · 68
Untitled
Jaicob Jan 2021
I look around at the world around me.
I don't see anything worth loving about myself.
I've given up on being a decent human being. I'm never okay.
Some days I can't even wake up without being in pain.
This was written and drafted the day before I was sent to a mental health institution for attempting suicide. I normally wouldn't share this, but I believe it may shed some light on the situation I was in.
Jan 2021 · 428
Oblivion
Jaicob Jan 2021
I sit up on my roof and admire the stars...
They're wonderfully brilliant,
Sparkling like sapphires,
Rubies, and quartz,
Radiant gemstones, and
Jubilant amethyst.

I await my turn to fall into the abyss,
But it's not yet,
And won't be for a while to come.
The last two weeks have been hectic, but I've been depressed for the past few months. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself out of this rut.
Jan 2021 · 691
The Final Drive
Jaicob Jan 2021
I leave my house for the last time
And prepare to drive for the last time.
I planned where I would go
And how they would never find me in time.

Soft rain pours down the windows
As I pull out of the driveway.
I look at the hazy world around me in awe
Of how dreamy it looks.
Suddenly I don't want to go anymore.

Life may just be worth it again...
I'm in the middle of a rough patch. I relapsed again, and I've pretty much given up on being clean. Forgive me because I know I can't. I wrote this poem hoping that maybe I will believe it eventually. Until that day, I'll just honour the pinkie promise I made.
Jan 2021 · 1.8k
Dead.
Jaicob Jan 2021
I wish to be tossed
Onto the soft, rich topsoil
And devoured quickly
By wriggling worms and insects.
I wish I was dead.
A haiku about fertilization...  Nothing more :)   No secret meanings at all... This totally isn't a desperate cry for help
Next page