the tears are gone,
I'm on my own,
don't bother knocking
cuz nobody's home
I'm rid of you
it was meant to be
those feelings are gone
it's time you leave,
leave me alone,
just go away.
don't talk to me
I don't care what you say.
kiss me not,
I don't love thee now,
our love is over
I swear, I vow.

Tired of these games,
tired of the plays,
I'm hanging up my jersey
and walking off this field.
I'm not gonna wait and see,
how it all goes down,
I'm leaving it to chance,
the rest is up to you.
what you see
is what you get
step in line and
make your bet.
they can try
and bring me down,
against all odds
I'll get around;
the fakes and
all the passes.
just watch them
try to stop me.
I'm at the starting line,
I'm ready, I'm set, let's go.

such a pretty girl
with such sad little eyes.
good at hellos,
but better at goodbyes.
she walks the road,
her music blaring,
heart stone cold,
hope waning.
she's living on some **** and wine,
pretending that soon,
it'll be all fine.
her liver's failing,
her thoughts are sailing.
you'll see her come
and see her go
never realizing,
you'll never know;
who she was
or what she did,
how she tried her might to bring some peace.

It just *****.
That's what I tell everyone when they ask me how I'm doing
And don't take my half hearted okay for the ******* answer it is.
It just ***** ya know?
He went barreling out the this world just as suddenly as he came stumbling into mine.

The open road late at night,
Driving down 22 going 80 smoking a cig and smoking a bowl
That's when I feel most alive.
Taking the early exit just to drive by his house
One.
Last.
Time.

For years I stayed through his ****, a compulsive liar, selfish, demanding, always too serious
But i loved him all the same,
Now I stand alone, left in the cruelest way possible.
Ruined before, now ruined even more.
The drugs won him over and now the drugs help me cope.
I was lost with a road map.
Now even that's been burned and I can't see which way is up.
I guess I'll just keep staying, waiting on forever.

He...
He made me feel alive,
And you...
you make me feel secure.
But I never liked feeling secure -
I thrive on the chaos,
I create it.
The craziness makes me feel sane
and gives me the clarity so lacking when I first created the mess.
Now I go along fixing it;
Solving problems,
Working my *** off
All while smoking myself into oblivion.
Bars every night at midnight,
My bed left untouched most hours of the day -
With the trash over flowing
And clothes strewn all over the room.
He fed my wild spirit,
ours on the road make me feel more at home than any place ever could.
Now I have a home and now I have you -
But something in me is lacking,
I thrive on the chaos,
I was never meant to stay.

No one knows I tried to **** myself the other day.
No one knows I took a sip of my favorite wine
As I began to swallow each pill in the bottle ––
Or that I can't even look at that wine anymore.
No one knows I sat there crying, screaming silently
While my roommate chatted outside my door,
Unaware of what was happening inside.
No one knows about the letter I keep hidden in my bible ––
Or how my heart broke to think of who I'd leave behind
No one knows I had lost my will to fight––
At least not until your name popped up on my phone,
Answering my unspoken cry for help and making me promise to stay.
No one knows I wanted to die, but now instead,
Because of you, I live.

Do you ever feel so cold,
almost burning yourself to get warm
yet never succeeding, never feeling soothed
only to realize it all came from within.

"I'm just trying to care"
I've never have words cut so deep before,
you used to tell me you loved me,
how I was the best thing that happened to you,
but now all I get is a I'm trying to care?

words like that are why I don't let people in
why I exist on this planet all by myself,
guarded, locked up, silent
because you shouldn't have to try,
not if you actually loved me.

"i love you, but i can't do this right now.
i need a break to think.
we can try again in a bit."

Do you know how stupid that is?
You don't get to pick and choose when to be with me.
You don't get to wait 'til it's easier and less stressful.
Life will always be stressful,
and love is never easy.
I guess I should have expected this,
from a boy who still likes Hollister.

Sleepless,
Who would have ever thought someone so sleepy would be sleepless...
Yet laying here completely at ease and relaxed; that's what I am.
Because a second sleeping is a second I don't get to see your face,
Time where I could be telling you I love you
Kissing you, making you laugh.
So here I'll lay sleepless,
Watching you sleep
And wondering what's going on in that pretty little head of yours.
It's said you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams
You were my dream and I didn't even know it,
Now its my reality
So here I'll lay sleepless,
But forever happy,
In your arms.

maybe i wanted you to leave
maybe i wanted you to go
maybe it's true i pushed you away,
it's only because i know,
no one ever stays

maybe i liked you a lot
maybe i could have learned to love
maybe your smile filled my world
and the sound of your voice
it made my toes curl

maybe you are just really busy
maybe you're just a little distant
maybe i wish that you knew
about all the things i thought
and i felt for you.

They say that suicide is just exhaustion
from trying to be strong,
or brave,
or happy.
From trying to have hope
when everything seems hopeless
and everything is falling apart.

Every night I'm exhausted
from this part I play
day in and day out ––
from hopelessly trying
to make anything work out
when everything I touch falls to pieces.

They say you need something to hold onto,
but the only thing keeping me going
is this playlist sent to me
by a guy who doesn't even care anymore ––
maybe he never did ––
because you don't leave someone hanging
when you know they're hanging by a thread.

Every night I pray
to fall deep asleep
and never have to face another day.
Or to wake up and drive
to a place brand new
where no one can touch me ––
not even you.

I'd forgotten what it was like,
to feel alive, cared for and wanted.
I'd forgotten that I thrive,
on talking so late at night.
Then you came into my life,
flipped my world right over.
The beauty for life in your eyes,
gave mine a new order.

i heard what you told me
but i saw your eyes...
then i read what you wrote
and now i wish mine were blind.

maybe one day i'll live among the stars
but for now i'll lay awake thinking...

of a place full of bliss
and free of pain
where my heart was never broken
and my body never beaten.

i was meant to live along the sea
but for now it'll consume my dreams...

of a place where the ocean is clear
and the waves are my lullaby
where the sun shines bright
and my smile never dulls.

one day i'll live among the stars,
until then your eyes will have to do.

you're leaving and i don't know how to feel,
is it selfish for me to think of all i'll gain when you're gone?
or is it my way of trying to be okay with it all.

you're leaving and it *****,
i don't know a world without you in it
and i don't know if i ever want to.

you're leaving and i can't say goodbye,
the words won't seem to leave my lips
like if i just hold them in you won't go

you're leaving and i hope you find peace,
for cancer's a ***** and you've been so strong
but i can't wait for you to find rest.

i've been running for months now
searching for what has been missing,
trying to find my way
to a home that does not exist.

i've been crying for months now
searching for another soul,
one as lonely as i
that can understand my pain

i've been scavenging for months now
searching for a way to survive,
selling the old me
in hopes that the new one will thrive

i've been loving you for months now
not that you'll probably ever know,
for your eyes draw me in
and your lips awaken my soul.

I keep trying to think of what to write,
I know it's there yet I can't find the words
and then I realize that it's already been written,
I've lived this story before,
with him five years ago.
But I delve in anyways, heart, soul and mind.
giving it up to a stranger that feels like home.

Maybe this time it will be different,
I really hope it's different,
as I fall in love again.

I can feel me breaking
but my anger is holding me together.
You said you were on your way
that this time it would be forever.

You lied.

There's a common misconception
when I tell people I have depression,
that I should be pitied or treated like glass,
like it makes me weak and unable.
Sometimes it ***** and my world caves in,
I don't know how to go on
and I can't seem to breathe.
There's something they don't realize,
I wouldn't change it for the world,
each day is a celebration of being alive,
of pain, and air, love and just even surviving.
Depression can make you weak
but it also makes me strong
and I love it, and me for that.

I live my life on the phone, listening to the never ending ringing and a prerecorded voicemail asking me to leave a message.
it's not even your voice, which is all I've been longing for
the twang in it, the way you say your name, the way you say mine, I miss you, I love you.
my body craves your touch but my soul craves your sound and the way it makes me feel.
five years ago it started and since then I've spent it waiting, always waiting,
waiting for you to love me like I have always loved you.

Society wasn't meant to handle us
be able to understand us;
and so we cannot understand ourselves.
They don't know what it is like to feel and see everything so deeply and vibrantly
that you begin to feel and see no more.

Instead they diagnose us and they “treat” us.
Say it with me:
“I AM THE MEDICATED YOUTH.”

But I will not be ashamed. I stand proud
Because while the drugs may dull and fix the pain on the surface,
I remain an anomaly, something so rare and unique ––
Something so misunderstood they're afraid and don't know what to do.
uncontrollable, unrestrainable,
free.

because loving you is my favorite thing
and i could spend all day and night
just staring into your eyes,
even if it's through a computer screen,
with 89 miles between us,
but i'd walk that distance if i had to
just to be held in your arms
because falling asleep next to you
brings me joy that i can't comprehend
and hearing your voice say my name
brings me to peace and makes it okay.
because of you i have learned how to love
old scars from the past have vanished,
and i know how to guard myself from you
but doing that would not be to my advantage
because falling for you is inevitable
and all i can do is pray you'll catch me
whisper to me softly
and tell me you'll stay here always.

i miss writing,
even more than i miss you.
but you were my writing,
my hopes,
my inspirations,
my dreams,
and my heartbreaks.
but now you're gone...
and so is my writing

I knew who you were coming in -
I'd heard her name before
but still I dove in head first
and they told me about your ways -
how you'd love and leave
breaking hearts without care.
That you didn't even try to
but her name was always there.
No one really knows what happened
or why she controls you so.
It's over and she's not waiting -
why can't you be over her too?

Why do I feel so empty?
This weekend with you is all that I've wanted in a while.
So then why do I feel so sad?
Her name keeps popping up everywhere.
I wish I knew where we stood,
And where you stand with her,
Where you stand at all.
I just want to be with you and forget about it all
*But I feel like there's another person in bed with us right now.

No need to thank me
That's what he said
But I wanted to
- that was a lie.
I didn't just want to thank you
I wanted to run and scream and tell the world your praises
Why?
You made me smile
When I was starting to forget what it looked like.

those days when you're too sad to write
yet you know writing is the only thing that could possibly fix you
and in that moment you wonder
what will become of you when you can write no more.

Then the tears came flowing
Pouring down her face
And the release in relinquishing her pain into the open,
Even if it was her alone in her room,
Brought a stillness of peace
At least, the closest thing to it she'd felt in a while
And so she wrote and she wrote and she wrote
Hoping it would take the pain out of her and onto the paper instead
Let her make sense of it all
And figure out what to do.
But no help came and the picture remained muddled
So with her tear stained cheeks she curled up to sleep
Praying it would be her last

Talking to you, it feels like home again.
We're not really saying anything
But that says everything
I miss you, I'll come visit,
How have you been?
It's better than nothing
And I'll take what I can get.
It's funny how far we can come,
How much things can change
Yet you're still my comfort
It's like you never hurt me
Back to being just friends.
But, we were never just friends
So here I guess we'll begin again.

you have yours, i have mine
but they fit together so well
we're no longer together
no hope for our future
yet we're still always combined

you make me smile, i'll make you laugh
together things just seemed better
we're no longer together
but we're both always there
helping each other get through

you waited for me, i took too long
ruined our chances of happiness
but i'll always care for you so
just wanted you to know
how much you mean to me.

I was trying to apply for a student credit card
But everyone kept denying me
We didn't know why.
Today I was told my identity was stolen
I wasn't too surprised
It's funny, I've been saying that I haven't felt like myself for years,
I guess I really haven't been...

It's funny how one moment can change you
Flip your whole world upside down
That's how I felt when I met you
In your eyes a new world to be found.

It's funny that you're so honest with me
A trait that's been lost over time
So easy to talk to and easy to know
In your words a new song to be sung.

It's funny that I feel this way about you
To barely know you yet feel so at ease
For the first time in a while things have changed
In you I see a piece of me.

I already feel sick, thinking of seeing you,
spending the night with you
and not even being able to really be with you
3 months still to go.
but I really want to go, and I can't let you hold me back
you're always holding me back,
from trusting, from loving from falling
3 months still to go.
what will I feel, what will I say, will I be able to read you
like you've always been able to read me.
I want to touch you, my body craves you
but I know you're not mine for the taking.
3 months still to go
they ask me if I can do this, I smile and say yes
yet I've never been more unsure in my life.
you were my person, you were my happiness
and you left me so empty, how could I ever move on...
3 months still to go...

To You,
I'd pinned all my hopes on you
now I'm feeling sad and blue
together we had so many dreams
and were so in love, or so it seemed.
I know I should get over you,
but I'm not sure I really want to
you had been the perfect guy,
can't believe I bought all those lies.
                   *wait,
but now I can do what I want to
without worrying what you would do
now if only you could see
just happy I could be
without all the rules you had
worrying I would make you mad
there's part of me that wants you back,
but I realize it's too late for that
you've moved on and I should too,
it's something that we all must do.
our lives have change I'll be okay
the twenty-eighth will be just another day
I really loved you with all my heart
but now I'm ready or a fresh start
goodbye to you
I'm starting new,
but just so you know I really did love you.
**-From Me.

watching my world come crashing down
causing turmoil all around
the world is never as it seems
feeling the pain fade as it bleeds
like a dagger to my heart
wishing there had never been a start
to these feelings that i feel
this pain these thought i believed were real
this is what i keep inside
looking away trying to bide
time to hide all my tears
wiping away all my fears
that are right there in my eyes
but you're too busy with goodbyes
not noticing how i want to die
and with my last breath i whisper goodbye
my love you will never know
how i felt when we stood toe to toe
whispering secrets and murmuring teases
seductive yet secretive it always pleases
you helped me to feel alive
and now i feel like i have died.

I’m sick of being single
sick of being alone.
I’m sick of being angry,
sick of being tired.
I’m sick of being sad,
and feeling so depressed
I’m getting quite sickof it
and asking you for help.
I’m feeling like I’m drowning,
will you pull me out?

like an animal waiting to pounce,
the effects are disastrous
and tough to undo.
she’s dying to be noticed,
dying to be loved.
she’s crying at night,
it’s her lullaby.
there’s a mask on her face
that hides all the worry,
locks all the pain inside.
when you look into her eyes,
look into her soul.
don’t stop just on the surface.
she’s crying inside and asking herself,
why can’t anyone hear me?

for once in my life I felt beautiful,
and I felt like I was enough.
for once in my life whispers didn’t matter,
I was someone no one could touch.
for once in my life I was committed
and didn’t feel any pressure,
for once in my life I was risky
yet had never felt more secure.
for once in my life, those 3 little words had a meaning,
and for once in my life I meant them
and I thought you did to.
for once in my life I let someone in,
and tried not to push them away.
for once in my life I am heartbroken,
because for once in my life I cared.
for the last time I will feel this way,
for the last time I will cry,
but for once in my life I was vulnerable,
and for once in my life I am sure
that I will never be anymore.

if nothing lasts
but nothing fades
what is left
for us to gain.
hide your fears
behind the wall
count you steps
don't lose it all.
shadows conceal
but the sun is bright
our pasts revealed
in the light.
what hands can open
curtains cover
don't stow away,
love one another
it's all we've got
yet it doesn't exist
don't be afraid
to find you way,
don't look back
keep going, don't stop

once i thought i was straight.
i dated a guy,
wrote about a girl
and blamed it on him not loving me.

once i thought i was gay
then his name popped up
i remembered how much i loved him
and blamed it on her distance.

now i've realized i'm human

and i only have myself to blame.

the tears are gone
I'm on my own,
don't bother knocking
cuz nobody's home
I'm rid of you
it was meant to be.
those feelings are gone
and it's time you leave.
leave me alone,
just go away
don''t talk to me
I don' care what you say.
kiss me not
I don't love thee now,
our love is over
I swear, I vow.

running in circles
can't stop looking back
the memory of you chasing me
just waiting to attack.
the key to my heart
was stolen from me.
i just wanna let you go,
but i can't let it be
for a story unfinished
is a torturous thing
until all is said and done
neither can win.
a hand in my face
awakens my mind
and take it i do,
without another glance behind.

the stars remind me of your eyes;
           so bright and brilliant
far, too clouded to see.