Tightly twisted inside out
Other offers are outside the house
Holding head in hands
heart beats fast
folding faintly forwards
forgive me
I can’t grasp
going groaning
to the tables telling them
all about angry antics
stuck saying and swaying
talking temptations tightly twisting
inside my head
heart hearing Holy Spirit
Soul searching and I can bare it
heaven opens here
finally
feeling free at last .

Lord tear me down
Oh, tear me down to the ground
Where I need you , I want you
Lord I just want to be found

Oh, Lord tear me down
Tear me down to the ground
Here on my knees help me please
Help a cold heart come
unwound

You’re re-building me up
Piece by piece
Tear me down

Oh , Lord tear me down
Tear me down to the ground
Lord please hold me
Holy Spirit please fill me up now

You’re re-building me up
Piece by piece
Come unwound

Tear me down, tear me down
Where I’ll be found.
Lord Jesus tear me down.

To my dearest husband
only 3 years we've been married,
but now for you, for our marriage
against me
I will truly take a stand.

I always thought that a "help-meet" meant
to "help" the other person,
become what they "should"
or "could" become. To reach their highest potential.
I know now that lie was not heaven sent.
As it is believed by some.

I must tell you
that I have just recently discovered
how to be your wife
and not to be your mother.

I just started to see instead
what I should be doing
to be your help-meet and
your dearest friend.

I pray you will forgive me,
with this sincere apology.
I am so sorry
it was always you
I was reprimanding,
without even noticing
who I was becoming.

Now I promise to own my own responsibility.
I will no longer try to be your conscience
but to love and admire you forever,
however bad the weather.

I promise to do this for you
fully
and
completely.

You see the truth is that
I believe...
you are so much better than me!

A wiser woman taught me over coffee
to live above
whatever this world gives me.
The best thing is
that it is not invisible
it is something we can see!
  
"I don't know"... she whispered kindly
..."about you, but I am a visual learner."
So, then she held her hands flat downward
hovering close above the table.
Our coffee mugs rested full,
cold and by now, undrinkable.

"See"... she told me gently,
"this is what is happening to us down here..
do you know...
that moment where your feelings take over
and threaten to control you,
as it happens to all of us
and we can also do to others?"

Then she raised her hands up over her head
as high as she was capable
still facing downward
high above our table.

Now saying joyfully,
"Up here, this is where God sees all of our lives"...

At that I took a sip
and into cool liquid I took a dive.
I shiver, sigh and think
now i'll have to spend another five!

Then she continued...her hands still raised up high,
"this is where I try
to go to live
to see , what's happening...to you and me,  
when I can't see anything clearly
I go to see what God...
you know... how He sees all of us
and loves us all completely...
you just can't imagine the peace that this brings me."

Suddenly I stopped thinking about my cold cold coffee
because it began to taste
so so much sweeter to me...

For this truth, I could now see
was so right, even in the cool cup I was drinking.
For this wise woman who taught me
how to love everyone and everything....
even cold coffee...
she forever changed where I was living.

Take
me
away
with
a
well
tuned tale
of
tiny twigs twitching
to the
sweet, soothing sounds
of
swaying songbirds set seaward
to
shores
that
reach rocks rolled
upward
and
under undying undertones
of
washed, wayward welks woven with
the
wind
and
waves whispering water's ways
to the tune
of
twitching twigs
and the
sweet, soothing sounds
of
songbirds
taking
me
away
with
a
well
tuned tale.

Music meanders mightily moving my soul seeking songs sung by strings and piano plays purposefully pounding perfectly pretty rhythms running round through thick thought of only one nicely named note.

Who is more creative than our creator ?

Mysterious
All knowing
Merciful
Forgiver
Redeemer
Father
Friend
Giver
Soul healer
Maker
Love and Joy
Peace and patience
Pen and paintbrush
Oh Mr. Cole,
I do not mean to rush,
These words spring forth from a dam,
But the creator of creation
He says "I Am".

The poems I read here are mostly tragic beauty.
Line after line
I can see that we are not all just
fine and dandy.

The letters chosen
are strung together.
They just keep going on forever.

The words they make , however,
each are splendid and
profoundly, purposefully unique.

The thoughts spilled out here
are often troubling at best.
I can't help but pray
for each poet's souls end to unrest.

These words of course have to be real
but they also have so much power to heal!

For those words are each unique
and can express so much more
other than our darkest street,
but more and more of hope
and of our highest highest peaks!

A baby's breath speaks softly
and fiercely into the dark,
to the girl whose breath
first met theirs.

It whispers love
in the darkest places of her soul.
As she struggles to rise
from resting, this baby's breath
is suddenly her own.

In that moment,
all the girl ever wants
is the chance to be a breeze
they will breath in , heal
and remember her by.

Peace presses hard around us.
Like water seeping through
laid brick cracks.

It finds it's way to the soil
we're made of.
Saying let me be love
in your roots and
grace to help you grow.

Those bricks we laid
will crumble some day and
water will flood
new life forever,
as we
finally
break
aw
a
y.

His wonderfully wide hands
held petite palms.
Together, pressing fingers further to hers.
Entwining rugged,northern and salt stained
with
silken, light and southern rain.

Swept from shore to shore,
they claimed to climb lighthouses.
Letting love light up their lifelines.

Giving all their gold to God's grace
that grew deeper into the furnace.
He let them hear His plans,
as they both were then held hopefully
all their lives
in His wonderfully wide hands.

Love is cruel
only if it is lost.

A man, a woman
can only love so much.

So only the love
of my Savior I first trust.

New life knows nothing
yet more than I can imagine.
It flutters in a safe, warm cocoon
awaiting the day to see this strange world.

New life hears muffled music and Mommy's voice.
Mommy thinks every second of how she loves you
and how to keep you strong and faithful, but
give you free will and show you how to be still.

For now new life needs nourishment of the healthy kind
the basics of life and love. Mommy thinks in a panicky way
of how she can give you the same peace your whole life,
keep you safe from strife.

But knows it can't all be given by her, who will learn you.
Only by Him, who already knows you,
can show you.

* To my little one

Far flung freedom
feels feverish,
a fierce fire
burning brightly,
but both bear burdens of
pursuing purposeful pain
pinned to people pondering
for future father's from families
far flung from fire
and each other.

Rain is really rainy
running, rolling round'
rendering rhythms on
roofs rather randomly
yet really relying on
rays reaching right
as rehearsed.

What do I write about the rain that never ends?

Does it feel like cool round beads of silk or metal?
I don't know I can only see it from my window.

Does it smell like fresh clean linen or limes?
I couldn't say I can only see it from my window.

Does it sound like children's small feet or toes?
I can't think I can only see it from my window.

Does it taste like a new beginning or old endings?
I refuse to learn because....

I can only see it from my window.

I love surprises!
Well, most of the time,
if they fall in line
with what I had in mind.

And should that surprise me?
Should it be so?
That something unexpected
is not something I will know?

The way life has gone
and the way it will go
is that God will surprise me,
no matter what I sow.

God's surprises will be
unexpected and so
my mind devised
that though I may love it or not,
should I be surprised?

I stood gazing.
Light shed behind a wooden cross
overlooking your kingdom.
Overlooking your river steady and true
flowing to your sea.
From a distance it seemed to be moving
with the life and morning life of you.

I moved, drawn closer to the life,
at peace, but my heart quickened.
Your cross grew larger and leaped faster,
not away, but towards me.
Now I saw a new color of the day,
the color crimson. Alive on your cross.
Crimson lept away and towards me in time and space it seemed.

When I opened and focused my eyes fully,
I gazed on a miracle of your making.
A harmless, simply beautiful, creation.
Hundreds of pure crimson ladies, your blood shed for me,
danced in hope and joy around on your sacrifice.
The cross you bore for me.

After my wide eyes settled I sat quietly, serenely.
I felt your cool morning dew laying on your jade toned grass.
I sat near enough to soak in your beauty fully,
Just enough to feel hope landing on my arms, harmlessly.

Hope then crawled and spread a joyful smile on my resting lips.
Only enough to absorb grace and all that there was, then.

I sat and looked up, using gifts given , bent my neck to spine.
I sat and saw the wonder you showed me.
I sat and heard your voice whispering through my hair.
I sat and breathed in your breath fully.
I sat and believed in you, still I sat alone with you.

Time unknown went by and then there were more of us.
We sat together no words spoken.
We sat together in weary morning amazement.
We sat together with our hands folded , spirits entwined with yours.
We sat together and the eyes you blessed us with soaked in wings of pure joy.
We sat together and believed in you.

Crimson ladies danced to sow in us peace, love, serenity, creation, quiet,
joy, connection, beauty, light,  sound, feeling and it all meant love.

The cross of your creation, dancing with life.
The sacrifice you made.
Made for us, made for you and me.
We are grateful for all and your crimson ladies.

2008....about my first experience with the Father, Son and The Holy Spirit, which happened in 2002. I lost the memory and my way for a a while and the experience found me later and brought me back to Him in some ways.

The biggest mistake I ever made
was missing the chance I didn't take.

The ground beneath my feet, I feel,
is moving slowly, sharpening steel.

The smallest sign was blind to my eyes,
and now my heart can feel its shrinking size.

The chance He made
I chose not to take
always was my biggest mistake.

There is just no sleeping tonight
I am trying but the twirling of my head
won't let everything be alright.
So I sit, gaze straight instead.

No, there is just no rest in sight.
The coffee *** is waiting ready
for the dawning of early morning light,
but I keep my gaze steady.

If there will be snoozing against minds might
tomorrow will come in glory
to greet me without a fight
and I will continue on
to the following verse of this story.

Verse 2...Still no sleep

Magnitude of mighty morals
must mind minutes on laurels.
Lay lying in lighted luck lamenting.
Love lives lively less forgetting.
Find favor of Father's future.
Fair in fun filled creature.
Crawl in crevasse created.
Can of cold cards played.
Pain of posture posed poignantly.
Part in pretty petals painted loosely.
Learn of leaning lantern low.
Lid open liturgy's lighted meadow!

Rolling on by east west way
I could almost see behind me,
As I almost did yesterday.
In my right corner eye
I saw the sun shine setting
and on my left the ocean was swaying and swelling.
Rolling on by east west way.

The sand searchers toy store
was full and flowing more and more.
Yet while staring at it straight ahead
I only saw a light changing to red.
Rolling on by east west way.

So I glanced a moment to the setting sun
and to my right was the only direction
I could see the light.
But the sand searchers toy store was blocking the rays
and it only beckoned me to play.
Rolling on by east west way.

If only I could've rolled on by east west way
as the sun was rising over the ocean's sway.
Then perhaps I would see and stay
in the right light.
Not rolling on by east west way.

The sky expands and light follows through
down to the tumbling ocean blue.
A cross at the point guides fishermen there
and its bark in the sand reveals God's grace like a chair.

So have a seat and smile awhile
don't be afraid, don't cry child.
God is here though the sand stings your sight
and the clouds close black like the night.

So close your eyes and put yourself to bed
don't be restless and rest your head.
The sky will expand and
his light will follow through
down to the tumbling ocean blue.

With ships sailing from dusk to dawn,
this is when God finds His prodigal sons.
Who swim in circles
searching the shore.

With sails filling from rise to fall,
this is how God hears His son's mournful calls.
Which flutter and fail
through winds wailing more.

With sands shifting from near to far,
this is why God knows His sons live for stars.
That burn and die
leaving them an empty core.

With souls trailing from up to down,
this is where God sees His sons stroke toward ground.
Where He watches ready
to open His heart's beating door.

There is a way of making the day
all upside down and inside out.
A pout starts a draining
of drops from deep eyes.
As lies build up
from behind those lids
I fee just like a grown up kid.

Head bowed,
eyes closed
and praying.

There is a way of making the day
build it backwards and see it all
right side in.
Give the day a spin,
turn it around,
and keep on, just keep on
following Him.

For a while
begin with a smile.

Head bowed,
eyes closed,
and praying.

The only way
for me to see what he is saying;
will be to begin and end the day....

Head bowed,
eyes closed,
and praying.

Dawn is creeping closer
and the wind is blowing past me.
The face of a poser
walking by slowly.
My head is turned away you see,
but not long enough for me to really breath.

I am just sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
I am never alone.

Afternoon opens my mind to another time
and the wind is blowing by me.
The face of a mime
walking by silently.
My eyes are watching you see,
but not long enough for me to really believe.

I am just sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
I am never alone.

Pretending is easy,
but somehow never pleasing;
and I am sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
No, we are never alone.

Night is falling in front of me
and the wind is blowing through me,
the face of forever , lingering in my heart.

My soul is simply praying
just long enough to have a little faith.
Only now as my head is bowing
I am truly breathing.

I am kneeling here saying...
I am never alone.
I believe we are never alone.

My feet
hit the street
eyes down
cast on the ground
trying not to be distracted
by the soldier with a gun on the corner
now I reacted.

Turning my head in circles to the burning sky,
the noises of confusing cars wrestle by.
I hope I can safely cross
for I was warned
there is chance of a loss.

While Tegucigalpa taxis fight for a ride,
I patiently wait for an ebbing tide.
My feet again hit the pavement,
as I wonder what a flower vendor's words meant.

I made it to the other side,
but my time I cannot bide.
For before the first bell rings,
in front of a classroom I will be standing.

Do you know I love you,
every bump and bruise and wrinkle
every glow and smile and ribbon
every day and night and trouble?

Do you know I love you?
You never have to hurry.
You never have to run away.
You never have to worry.

Do you know He loves you;
until your mind has mended;
until your final trial;
until all His time has ended?

My soul's shifting of tides
is ever more
real
changing
and true
as the running river does flow
to a sea

The difference here is the route taken and
the way
my soul
finds me.

To meet my soul swimming against currents and tides
Is always
a difficult
and challenging
ride,
but to be greeted into deeper oceans
after riding through narrow rock ways and rapids
is a much more comforting notion.

This is so because after
the quick
bumpy
ride
through a
narrow water path flowing;
I am sure to find
the end
and a deeper way of knowing.

So even though the tide
of my soul
is still
shifting and true

I choose to take my soul
the narrow way
of a river running quickly towards a deeper soulful You.

You will be the one to hold close
The voice my ears hear the most
You will be the one with I can bare
The time and all of our cares.

You will be the one who is gentle
The way faith is so simple
You will be the one where I know
The love of God will grow.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one who is bound
The ring on a finger might be found
You will be the one who shares
The love of God will mend every tear.

You will be the one I will run to
The rhythm in my shoe
You will be the one I will age with
The rocking of God’s true gift.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one I will meet
The smile after a long, long street
You will be the one I will ask for
The other side of God’s great door.

For now you are the one with whom I wish to be
The one I wish to see
The one who is at a distant shore
The one God knows I pray for.

The one will be my friend
My world’s helping hand.

Tell me what happens when lonely lights burn out
when right turns wrong
and people study your clout.

Tell me what happens when steady streams run dry
when slow means fast
and people see you cry.

Tell me what happens when cars crumple
when steel is weak and
people begin to stumble.

Tell me what happens when real does not belong with rules
when happy is distant
and people want to fix tender hearts with tools.

Then tell me what happens when you hear the wind whisper
when a man’s flushed cheek frown becomes a smile
and people know he missed her.

Because the soul is not a body of water or hard as steel or ruled by ruling
because I have believed this so
and it was only myself I was fooling.

Instead a soul needs a comfort zone, a home, a feeling to believe in
and if you are willing to trust in Him
He is always here to help you begin.

Now tell me what will happen….

I need to let it be
with the strength He’s given me
This way it seems
is struggling
To be free

This covering crawls
With thoughts less worthy
Each time every try
Stumbles and falls
And then He asks, “but haven’t you heard me?”

Then grace falls down
Pouring slow like fresh dipped honey
Heavy lifting this frown
And I wonder aloud “now am I worthy?”

I need to let it be
With the strength He’s given me
This way it seems
Is struggling to be free.

In the face of young eyes
Years of hurt exposes steely tries
To cover older years of lies

For in a younger year
Their mind turns a gear
But it is only spinning for fear.

How many times
Must a child be a mime?
For someone elder’s crime.

Look in their soul
Give them a goal
To never be troubled nor sold.

Pave the Lord’s long way
Always straight and true will stay
And they will bloom as full as May.

It’s like lines from a movie
the kind where all goes well
The scenery doesn’t matter
as they look at each other
and know it is all real

Happiness is here but joy is all I feel
When you open up the door for me
I see the future I hope to be
It is all meant for you and for me.

Meanwhile we’re making up our time
In-between these movie lines…..

Through small troubles and the rain
I fear no enemies or this pain.

Because of you I will remain
and endure all through life’s little strain.

Because of you I will grow
a better person
from my head down to my tiny toe,
while, whispering ears
and liars tongues will always be witness
beyond my small selfish fears.

Through the years
and hard fought tears
my healing heart always smiles
by many mindful miles
knowing many many tiny trials.

Because of you, if I stumble,
I will know never to mumble,
but to cry out loud in prayer
Because you are my only savior.

So many times it is hard to move
from this place
and I won’t leave soon
but you you’re there
to answer every prayer
Lord I’m thankful to have you here.

Though the night is dark and dim
the light of love shimmers in.
In hope I find you waiting strong
waiting for me to tag along.

How many times will I have to remember
that you are steady and never weather
a strength that I can bear
a strength to carry me near your stare.

I use your hope to get me through
and get one more second closer to you.
Not a drop of dreaming will I loose
because it is you I had to choose.

No one is more grateful than I to be here now
and use my head to bow
before your glory
because you are the beginning
and end of my story.

Life is passing me by
Through car glass
I am asking why
Because I saw you in the corner of my eyes

I saw you when there could be no way
I saw you running by
I saw you but I could not put the strength together
I saw but did not stay

Life is passing me by
Through car glass
I am asking why
Because I saw you running by my eyes

Tires that did not belong to me
Kept rolling on by
Through a place we both often see
I don’t suppose you saw me?

Anyway
What would I say
What more can I say?

Life is passing me by
Through car glass
I am asking why
Because I saw you but I turned away my eyes

And I cannot say why…..

Baptism…Foreward

I prayed and hoped
I lost and wept
I was found by a boat
I, by the Lord’s waves, have been swept.


Baptism…Afterward

I pray and hope
I loose and weep
I am found by a boat that helps me cope
I, with the Lord’s waves, will sweep.

For the way we treat eachother
There is no way
To say how we do these crazy things
Yet we’ll change our minds
For nothing more than diamond rings and earthly kings.

One day we love how we talk
And sing and walk
The next we try to look away
And walk on to another day

If we have a soul how does it know when to stop and to go
But if we never burn or glow
Then what are we then?
We are simply nothing and no one wins.

We are so afraid of how we feel
That suddenly we can no longer be real.
We’re turned into something, someone else
until the tension softens and melts.

So now we feel fine or
Ok
Or alright
And then eventually we begin
To fall
Because we feel nothing at all.

All just for the way we treat eachother
Maybe we forget we are all sisters and brothers
Yet brothers hurt sisters and sisters hurt brothers
We are so worried about our own hearts beat
We loose ourselves in our own tension and heat.

We should look outside ourselves and let the feelings flow.
Unless we want our souls to fade
Let’s show each other a better way.

And there I go again
Wanting you to notice me
Jealousy will begin

I just don’t know
What to expect
I’m not sure
Where my heart is to direct.

The Lord has it all
But could I share it with you
I would if you wanted me to.

I fear that you
Only used me for awhile
I made you feel for a moment
Like you were alive
I remember your smile.

Even then
It is always easier to be friends
But that is what I pray for
To be the “best of” through the end.

The Lord has it all
Cradled in his hands
My life, my love, my heart, my hurt
Yet here on earth I am alone in this land.

Winters eventual end will see you near
I am giving the Lord
All of my fear
And cut like a sword
All my doubts will soon disappear.

If you’d ever leave
I wouldn’t know who to be
I wouldn’t know where to turn
I’d have all these bridges to burn

If you’d ever leave
The sun wouldn’t be as bright to me
If you’d ever leave me
My heart would be missing a beat

And if you ever leave
I just wouldn’t know how to see
Even though you would be free
I would never forget that memory

And if you’d ever leave me
I would look out on our seas
In a different way
I would wish you’d stay
If you’d ever leave.

Jesus!
We shout out in shame
as we are looking
for someone else to blame.

Lord!
We exclaim in vain
as we look to see
the falling rain.

Oh God!
We report in a storm
filled with salt
as we decide it is not our fault.

We know it
we say it
but do we believe it ?

Use our heart
Just help us start
On Calvary our heart's he won

So shout it out
to the Son!

God’s been here
Now there’s you
God has me
Now you do
There’s a way to make this work
There’s a way to know the truth
God found me you.

I live my life for love
The kind that overflows
God  has loved us both
Now we do

Because there’s a way to make this work
There’s a way to know the truth
God loves us together
Just like I love you.

I could live my life without it
I could live my life alone
But I could never be so free
Without the love you both bring me.

So God please leave your love with us
Together we go on
In your freedom truth be told
We’ll never be alone.

There’s a way to make this work
There’s a way to know the truth
God loves us together.
Just like I love you.

Temptation tangles tearing tendrils teasing
Thoughts think through thickening thunder
Lips lying like losers lifted lungs
Loud like lighted lamps

Follow fairly for fainting faces
Friends fight for feeling free
Eat education entirely
Energy eases enemies
Daring dear defend

Take the loving Lord
Fight eternally to the end.

You Will Be

You will be the one to hold close
The voice my ears hear the most
You will be the one I can bare
The time and all of our cares.

You will be the one who is gentle
The way faith is so simple
You will be the one where I know
The love of God will grow.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one who is bound
The ring on a finger might be found
You will be the one who shares
The love of God will mend every tare.

You will be the one I will run to
The rhythm in my shoe
You will be the one I will age with
The rocking of God’s true gift.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one I will meet
The smile after a long, long street
You will be the one I will ask for
The other side of God’s great door.

For now you are the one with who I wish to be
The one I wish to see
The one who is at a distant shore
The one God knows I pray for.

The one will be my friend
My world’s helping hand.

I’ve found you now
That real life I prayed for
Is something more than I ever hoped for.

So many words had written a story
Of fleeting dreams of fear and worry.
And here you are the last piece of life
I can see myself in distant time

Then, now, and forever
I am so blessed
To live.

Storms could chase us down
But I know we would wait it out
Those days will pass
And our love will forever last and last

By Grace from God
We are so blessed
To put away the past and
To live life at last