Sure*, at first it's easy
Suppress the feelings
Drown the world out with
Music, but soon
It gets harder and harder
And harder and you need
To voice it out, to tell someone
That's alright, tolerable
But what worries me is
In the end, how will I cope?
When not even music can
Drown my own thoughts out?
What will I resort to?

You may not have someone to cuddle with
You may not have someone to give you sweet kisses
You may not have someone you can call yours
But you have someone you can confide with
But you have someone who will help you through anything
But you have someone who will love you no matter what
And I'm **** glad that's me

I just want the innocence
When people find our laughs have resemblance
When I grasp your hand so tight
When one single hug, might
Just cause us to look into each other's eyes
Even in daytime, we see the night skies
With the stars dotting the universe
All we can see, is us

i know you care
deep inside
you redirect the topic
but you do
i know it
in my bones
in my veins
in my blood
each cell of me knows
you pretend not to
but you do
i know you do

My knees creak when I stand
And it leaves me wondering
Is my sad body too heavy?
Or is it that my knees
Are tired of carrying
The weight of the world
Tired of carrying
Everything so much
That a rest
Is all it

Kneeds

life is one big exam
what are we studying for?

My heart flips every time
You start with 'hey baby'

I know it's just friendly
But I can't help it

What we had was good


I'll find one that's *better

I used to think
The only way to not be
Scared of monsters was to become one

So I *did

You were an acid
Destroying others
Making them nothing
And hungry for more

I was a base
An innocent mind
Eager for adventure
Reactive to a select few

We were neutralised
With me, you were tamed and docile
With you, I was someone new
Our beaker fell off the counter top

And
                                                        ­  s ha  t  t   e   r  e      *d

just when i thought i was over you
you re-enter, in my dreams
doing the same  **** thing
that made me fall in love

in the first place

Secrets, I do not wish to keep
But if I don't, how am I to sleep?

Home is where the heart is
At least, that's what they say

But what if
Your heart has been
c  h  o  p  p  e  d
splintered     k
b                 o                             n
   r                            e
Into a million pieces

Each part belonging
To a different
Person, place, time

Who will teach me how
To love again, when? Now?

Hunger fills me, the worst kind
It doesn't go away.

Difficult to be filled, but impossible?
I sure hope not

Come to me, embrace me
Love me, like never before

As I act as a medium
For conversations between lovers
I watch them fall deeper
And deeper in love

I watch as everyone around me
Falls in love ever so sweetly
While I am here
With *no one

Oh, what a life to live!
You are the day
I am the night
Together, we make one revolution

I cannot exist
While you do the same
For we are destined
Never to meet

Like ships passing in the night
We acknowledge each other
But never see, hear, feel
The other's presence

Oh, what a life to live

the real question is
if i say, think, feel
like i dont like him anymore
why does my heart
still trip and stumble
when i see a text from him?
why do i still get the urge
to call him and say
come here, i need you
right now

When your arms are too heavy for your shoulders
When your legs can't bear your own weight
When you don't know what to do
But then again, what's new?

Will you decompose me?
Take me apart piece by piece
Bring me back to my roots
Until I am
                     no
                              more

Your branches, they reach out
Scratchy and rough, but warm
In your embrace, I am vulnerable
But at the same time strong

Now flourish, the flowers
And fruits of our labour
Don't leave, I'll be powerless
I know you will, sooner or later

That's when I truly decompose
Not with you, not even close
I decompose to nothing
Exactly what I am to you

Which is worse?
To be the one who leaves
Or the one who sees others leave
That is the question

The latter, in my opinion
To see the people you love, leave
And you continue doing the things
You always did, except

This time, there are holes
Holes where the people used to be
Holes where there could be new memories
Holes in your heart, for friends turned family

The hardest is to let go
Move on with your life
But the weekly reminder does not help me so
Only prompts me who isn't there

Oh the irony
When we're young and innocent
Find someone we like and filled with joy
Next, everything falls and crashes

Years later, we meet others
But this time we question
Not them, not others, but
We question ourselves

Can never trust our own minds
Is it nothing more than an infatuation?
We will never know
Oh, the irony

Just when you think life is happy and swell,
Well, what if nobody  ever falls in love with me?

Do you think we could go
                               back      
                         to
                    a
         time
when life was simpler?

But why would you want to?
Simple is boring
If you do, what's the point in living?
Instead, please
                            keep
                                        moving
                                                        forward

What if it doesn't go the
Way I want it to?
What if it becomes a big
Flop?

Excitement and fear
Battle it out in my heart
As the hour draws near
So close yet so far

And then it hits me
Like a cannon freshly fired
This matter, simply trivial
Just the way my brain is wired

Why should I worry?
Let it go the way it does
All these fears, bury
Because think about this

If I can worry about that
Equal fear then goes to:
What if the sun doesn't rise?
What if I never wake up?

All equally scary
Once you take a moment
To
        *think

You know where you are
What you are, when you are
But not really, you feel almost
           Detached

From the world
And all its people
From those closest to you
And those you have yet to meet

You read the words on the page
But not through your own eyes, no
As if you are merely a lonely
Thing floating through time and space

Not living, but breathing
Barely surviving, but existing
You walk, run, fall
But it doesn't feel like you

At all.

It gets easier
Somehow
In a weird kind of way
Slowly, day by day

First you're crazy
Head over heels
Want to see them desperately
Needing something to feel

Then you see you're not in their eyes
Not even in peripheral, something at the side
Just a friend, nothing more at all
How do I accept it? How do I move on?

Still stuck on them for a few more days
And slowly, the sickness drifts away
Leaving your body faster than you thought
Are your feelings for them all but naught?

Finally you realise
There's no chance, move on
It's the easiest way to do it
Just
            forget
                          about  
                                         it
                                                 all

Somehow.

What hurts is not the leaving
No, no, I'll get over that
It's only a matter of days
What hurts is the return

Not seeing you for weeks
Just numbs me, but gives peace
All thoughts of you are almost neutral
That's not what hurts

It's when I see you again
When I see your cheeky smile
Hear everything you say
Laugh at your jokes

Roll my eyes at your quips
And then I see you and think
I'm back now, but why
Why does it hurt so much?

I should be happy, joyous, grateful
But it only reminds me that
After today you'll go home and
I'll go back to mine

And see, that's what hurts

Just ten minutes was enough
To build up the longing
That would last, and definitely hurt
While I wait for you to return

It was so innocent, so gentle, so pure
Just a simple lean and I knew for sure
I needed, wanted, yearned for more
I wanted to see what life had in store

You asked me a question, just a mischievous thing
But it came out and I started thinking
Turning and looking at your face (I nearly wanted to run)
Elbowed you gently, smiled and said 'this one'

Perhaps one day I would look back
And see that was when it had just begun
Maybe one day I will turn to you and say
You are the one

No this is not a poem
About the saddest people in the world
Or my own saddest experience
It's about words

Words we use so often in our daily life
If only, almost, could have
Do we not realise their true meaning?
Only blinded by exaggeration

If only. If only it had happened
If only I had smiled
If only I had said yes
Just a bit earlier - would it be different?

Almost there now, but not quite
Almost did it, but not really
Almost happened, but didn't
So close, yet so far, right at your fingertips

Could have, had the ability to, but didn't
Too fast?
Too slow?
Didn't think it was worth it?

See now how such simple words
Can give a person so much more
Like the migrating of birds
Will you give your all and soar?

Be strong for those who can't
Those who couldn't find a reason
Those who couldn't take it anymore
Those who left prematurely

Find that single reason
The most powerful one that will
Keep you going on and on and on
For that could be your success

Find joy
Take heart
Be happy
Live life