I'm just gonna,
Be a poet?
And write you some cheesy stuff?
Is this how you do it?

I've seen quite a lot of beautiful things in my life.
But they were all a different beautiful from you.

I can't seem to focus.
I fall asleep with my eyes wide open.
I can't see it happening now, but I just keep hoping
That tomorrow will be a better day

It's not because of my eyes that the world is blurry,
My mind is always a little bit behind.

I wrote and thought, erased and tried.
Because sometimes, being a poet hurts.
But then I looked at you, and right away,
I knew I'd found the exact right words.

"He's either a madman or a poet."

"Can't I be both?"

"You already are."

Bleeding poetry fills the pages like ancient Rome was filled with wine.
The flowing words never make sense, but at least they're mine.
Every line the same lie- Im fine.
How long until this kindom will surrender?

Like the Vesuvius hidden in Pompeï.
Like a volcano hidden far away.
When the volcano erupts, will you stay?
And let me hold you strong and tender?

In this kingdom of fire, let me protect you.
I will hold you, through and through.
Call me your percecutor, that will do.
Will you let me be your defender?

This world is dark and full of fire- I see.
But it can be beautiful if we want it to be.
And as long as you will fight the world with me-
One day, we might comprehender.

You probably didn't expect a poem from me,
Did you?
Well, I just wanted to say thanks.
Do you remember that one English class, where you read some of my poetry? You almost cried.
I wanted to quit writing at that point.
You made me realise that I had a 'Talent'
No, it was more of an 'undeveloped skill'
If it wasn't for you,
I probably wouldn't have been writing now.
And I'm glad I'm still writing,
Because it saved my life.
So, uh, yeah. Thank you

If you ever look for poetry,
In this weird place.
Just look under my alarm clock.

Hey. Our philosophy teacher gave us an assignment about something with luck and hapiness, so I'm writing to you again. (Not that there's a difference) I love you. You make me one of the happiest people in the world. And, I'm really glad that you are in my life. I really hope you feel the same thing. You make my heart skip a few beats whenever I see one of your texts popping up on my screen. You manage to make me smile at any hour of the day. You light up the world when it's too dark for me to see. You make me so happy. In a  that no one else does. You make me smile in such a manner that people sometimes ask what the cause is of this 'happening.' You're just, everything? You're beautiful, by the way. I'm gonna tell you until you believe me. Because you really are beautiful. People always say that you look better when you laugh, but you don't even need to smile. Not that I don't want you to smile- You smiling is one of the best things in the world to me. I don't really know how to explain.
I'm wondering why I keep writing everything down. We don't live in the 17th century anymore. Ah well, not that it matters.
Sometimes I'm also wondering if you think about me a lot. If you ever do to be honest. But mostly, what you think in those cases. It's not really a bother, but it pops up in my mind at times. When I say this, I think that you must also know that I think about you a lot. Whenever I see a poem (Which I do, a lot) that reminds me of you or something, I get a little distracted from whatever I was doing. But, in a good way. I think. Can it ever be bad to think about someone a lot? It probably just shows how much you care, which I also do, a lot. I do really care about you. You're an amazing human being and I love you. It always surprises me how fast I can fill a page whenever I write something for, or about you. Well, it's not really 'surprising' me. More like 'reminder of how much I'm in love with you.' Welp. It's a good thing though, probably. I mean, I'm just writing stuff. It's not like I'm bothering anyone. (I hope?) And it just keeps getting better. You make my life a little better every day. So, thank you. Really. I'm so happy you're here. (You're adorable by the way) And hopefully, it will stay like this for a little while.
Sincerely, Me

I really don't know anymore.

Fifty-one lines exactly,
Counted on my arm,
As always.
Kind of ironic,
Since I was clean.
For fifty-*******-one days.

I tried to write the most beautiful poem for you,
Until I realised you were the poem.

I'm losing my mind,
But you're here to catch it.

Tja, ik probeer wel nederlands te schrijven,
God weet dat ik het niet kan.
Ik ga niet nog een ******* boek lezen,
Dus we maken er het beste van.

Eerst moet je bedenken wat je überhaupt gaat schrijven.
Geen idee, niet dat ik ooit goeie ideeën heb.
Dus dan gaan we maar weer rijmen,
Alsof het van een rijmwebsite komt, het is haast "nep"

Als je dan eindelijk inspiratie hebt,
*** ga je het dan verwoorden?
Nederlands is gewoon een kuttaal.
Rens, ik ga je op een dag echt nog vermoorden (misschien)

En nu is het klaar met die kutrijmpjes,
Het werkt alleen maar in het Engels.
Ik wilde een rijmwoord bedenken,
Het eerste dat in me opkwam was "soepstengels"

Help lol

Okay so I was listening to Beetlejuice, and he sings
'Jesus pass the Dremamime'
And I knew it was a drug, but I didn't know the effects. Turns out it causes halluciations. Well, that's the main thing, there are a lot of side effects. And to be honest, hallucinating explains a lot about Beetlejuice, and the whole musical.

[16:25, 9/24/2019] You: I read your letter
[16:26, 9/24/2019] You: and I also can't communicate so taht's good
[16:26, 9/24/2019] You: but I love you too

[16:26, 9/24/2019] Me: How do you make me so happy, it's unhealthy??

[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: literally though, talking to you makes me feel like I'm drunk, or high
[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: but in a good way

[16:27, 9/24/2019] Me: Finally someone who understands

[16:27, 9/24/2019] You: awww
[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I wanna kiss you
[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I want that so badly

[16:28, 9/24/2019] Me: I'm not gonna stop you.

[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: are you sure?

[16:28, 9/24/2019] Me: Yes. Really sure.

[16:28, 9/24/2019] You: I have no experience whatsoever
[16:29, 9/24/2019] You: I probably **** at kissing, jsut warning ya

And you said:
~
I'm also so ******* in love with you
And together we will move forward, I also don't know what will happen.
But we will get those good things together

Hey. Guess you'll know it's me by now. I don't really know where to start. Again, I wrote you a ton of these kind of letters. They all ended up in the trash too.
You know, It kinda suprises me. You said that you read the line "I'm in love with you." from the last poem I sent you, thirty times. but, In the letter I wrote you, I said it too. I really thought you'd noticed. I really thought you already knew. Not that it matters a lot anymore now. In a good way though.
I really don't understand the stuff you do to me. remember the first day of school, when we hugged in the middle of the hallway? Lucky me, you walked away for a sec. I was shaking, it surprised me you didn't see. How? I don't know. Or when you told me; "I would date you." And my brain just, stopped. I literally couldn't think anymore. It really felt like a dream, and it still does. I dreamt about you last night, I vaguely remember. It was kind of a nightmare, but before it got scary I woke up. But seriously, when I think about you I just, I don't know man. ****'s confusing. But yeah, I really am head-over-heels in love with you. And, I don't know what's gonna happen next, but I know it'll be a good thing.
Sincerely, me.

That's the thing with life,
No one makes it out alive.

I've put so much of myself into my poetry,

That I became whatever DARKNESS I shaped with   p e n   a  n  d  ~   i  n k.

My parents made me
Wear a skirt, and a short sleeved t-shirt.
The only reason they didn't see
The scars that covered my arm
Is because they bought make up for me 2 days ago, in which I hid the scars.
"Because you're a girl."
Right now, I ******* feel like
'Micheal in the bathroom'
Anyway, I'm gonna continue crying in closeted trans now, bye.

You have all the right to not believe me,
It really wasn't your fault baby.
But I know that I want to keep you in my life.
Who knows what the future will bring, maybe?

"Are you really sure you'll do it?"

"Yes. I've wanted to do it for so long now."

"Yeah."

"But then what?"

"And then, me?"

And, that moment, when we stared into each other's eyes, I knew it was meant to be.

I can't believe it's actually happening,
It's all I wanted for so long.
And fantasy becomes reality,
But it all feels so wrong?

I know you looked at me,
But I don't think you saw me.

My scars are finally starting to heal a little,
But my veins are itching for more.

Hey. It's me, again. Probably not such a surprise, is it? I wrote you a whole lot of these letters. About all 9 of them ended up in the trash. Partly because they just 'weren't right,' but the biggest part was because I was too self-concious to give it to you. So, yeah, I'm in love with you. You may, or may not know. I really understand it if you chose to ignore that part. And, I like you, okay? Not only as in 'in-love,' but as a friend too. You were there when I needed someone, and I'm really glad that you were, cheesy as it sounds. It's kinda messed up to be honest. (I'm kinda messed up too) And, I feel like a creep again. What about this idea; You read this letter, You ignore it, I drown in sadness like I usually do (probably) and I never talk to you again. My feelings will hopefully dissapear and you can live a happy life with your friends and family without me. Sometimes I really wish I could do that. God knows I'm way to helpless for it. I'm sorry, this has really turned into one big mess. I tried to write it with my own mind, but that just keeps wandering off. I'm not sure what to say anymore. Sorry man.  Uh, there's a little "poem" on the back for you. I still have to write it, but, you can see.

Sincerely, Me

I don't understand what's going on in my own mind anymore

Hug me, hold me tight.
With you, I will say goodbye

It hurts to imagine you beside me,
Because I know it'll just never be.
But everywhere I look I find you.
Never with me, but it's all I see.

{ "Here, take this test I made for you." }

"Okay?"

{ "Step/Question one: How do you really feel?" }

"I guess I feel... numb? I'm not supposed to, there's no reason, but I feel so, so empty. I mean, I can write about a lot of obvious things I feel. You know, everything you see in my poetry. And people think: Oh, this is just a little part, She must be so sad. But in reality, everything I write, is everything I feel. If you take away [name] and all my feelings for [pronouns] I feel nothing. I'm just dark inside. Dark, empty and numb.

When I stare at my face,
And look deep in the mirror,

It's never the love that creeps in,
Always the 'horror'

I see a girl standing there.
An average looking girl.

She's not to tall,
But also not short.

She has brown hair up to her shoulders,
With blue and indigo streaks in it.

She's wearing pants that are a little bit too big,
Because her disorders make her lose weight.

She's wearing a red and black 'lumberjack blouse'
It's a little too big, it's from the men's departement.

She has a pretty small mouth,
But her lips are pink, and kind of plumped

She has bushy eyebrows,
But not in an ugly way?

She has beautiful grey, blue, green eyes.
It depends on the day and her mood.

She has a little bit of a crooked nose,
That a tiny bit too big for her face.

She has a chubby face, not so much
But she's a little chubby over all.

She has braces on her teeth,
But that's pretty common these days.

She has a pretty normal body,
Normal figure, a little on the "fat" side.

She has an arm full of scars,
But they have always been there, so it's fine.

And all of the above,
Every day that's what I see.
But what I see in the mirror,

She's a girl.

She   is   not   me.

Beetlejuice
bEEtlEjUIcE
BEETLEJUICE

If you could let me in?
Not just in your mind,
But in your heart?
That would be enough.

Waking up from a dream
not knowing if I'm really awake
Am I remembering a memory?
or is this thing inside my head a dream?

Days go by and I don't know
memories are overflowed by dreams
I look around and wonder
What if this was real?

I don't think words are quite able to capture the beauty my eyes see, every time I look at you.

I wanted to write a goed poem,
But words don't always work in the way you expect them to.

Tap tap
Does the rain against the glass
As I blow my nose another time,
And wish I wasn't sick.

So, here's another thing I've written to you. I've filled pages and pages, and, I kept a record. It's calles: "All the things I wanted to tell you, but never did." Usually, I call it "All and more." I just read one of 'em back. And I still can't explain the anger I felt. "3 months you've been posessing my mind." I still feel the anger from when I wrote that down. I was so mad. Not at you, but at myself. At the world. For letting me feel this way, and allowing myself to feel this. I used to think you were just a wave of lurid inspiration. But you weren't. You weren't just a wave, you were the entire ocean. And everyone knows how beautiful the ocean is.

I have so many tests to study for,
Yet I'm sitting here, wishing to die.
I have so many things to do,
But all I do is mentally cry.

I can write poems, essays, paragraphs,
Fill the entire world with all of you.
But I don't really want that sadness,
I just want to write our love story.
Even  if   it    isn't     true.

I sent you a letter,
To explain the way I feel, and the rest.
And I don't exactly remember what I wrote,
But that's probably for the best.