My heart has held on to you
like an anchor holds a boat.
The current beats against
the bow, over and over,
wearing away the memories
that can never be repeated.

Your eyes resembled the deepest
parts of the ocean. And anyone
that came along to make sense
of them would easily lose their way.
Unfortunately, I fell into the trap,
and I could never find my way out.

I love kissing your lips
until an array of rosy pale bliss
shines along your ashy cheeks
breathes a sigh of relief.

Sometimes I look back on the past,
where our bodies intertwined like vines,
and our hearts bloomed with ivy.

I reminisce a simpler time.
I listen to Lana Del Rey past midnight as if it's 2013 again,
pretending her graphic imagery is my actual life
while I search for my exes on google since they don't use Facebook,
wondering what ever became of them.
Is my high school sweetheart happy he got married and had a family with someone that wasn't me?
Did my college boyfriend ever snap out of his depression and regret breaking up with me in the middle of the night at his Boston apartment leaving me to wander the streets aimlessly until the sun rose above the city skyline?
As much as I crave answers, unfortunately my google trail runs cold.
If I had blinked twice, would my life had turned out that differently?
And if it had, would I even want to be me?

I never expected the attachment.
It came at me quickly and hit me
defenselessly from behind.
I was on my knees struggling to
rid the feelings I harbored.
It felt like the secret need I have,
to keep my favorite sweater hidden
away in the closet so it’ll never get ruined.
My heart felt heavy containing the
new information of territory uncharted.
I was expecting the unexpected,
until the expected got the better of me.

I see
a collision of atoms,
I feel
the stardust gathering
in my veins
from the
explosion of my logic,
because it decided
to tell me
that you were
no longer
the one
I needed
to stay
grounded.

My reflection is murky, and
I'm trapped underwater.

My mirror shines the withered
teal tides that wrap my body
in such a way that doesn't feel
too loose or too tight back
into my pupils.

My eyes stare back through
the misty fog layers
trying to dig out of my muddy-
bottomed melancholy soul as I
grip my porcelain pedestal sink.

Dirt cakes underneath my fingernails
from trying to dig you back
out of the grave in which I tried
hiding you in six feet deep.

My hair is a wild,
untameable sea of brown
plastered against my spherical face
from the dreary rain clouds above.

When you left me, there was no
other place to trap the rest of
the memories except in a cemetery
of restless souls and lifeless nostalgia.

They will never see colors as bright
as the watercolor painted sunsets
God has bestowed upon the plateaus
of this shaken up earthen structure...

Ever again.

I was the deep golden
yellow hue of the sun
and you were the cerulean
picture-perfect ocean.
When we crossed paths and
created an avocado green,
you decided that it made you ill
to see grass that didn’t belong to you.

I can finally look at myself
in the mirror without your figure
standing behind me observing
my every detail and every flaw.

I'm thankful to say I have
moved on from you entirely
and that your presence no longer
intimidates my inner being.

Your last words are still the fuel to my insanities,
and they never seem to run dry.
They're a force to be reckoned with,
and dare I not even try to understand.

"Do we hug, shake hands, or should I just walk away?" I asked.
You smiled that same smile and reached your arms around me,
and you whispered, "We hug."
You told me goodbye, and that was the end.
I never once saw you at the train station,
and I never did pass by your figure in a store window.
You were gone with the wind,
and sometimes I wish
that you had let me go
with you.

Your eyes are the lanterns
that bring me out of the
dark forests within myself
that I seem to get lost in
time and time again.