My very presence exists
Entirely with
Depression.
I
Can't seem to find
A cure to my emptiness.
The sense of hopelessness
Engulfs my whole body.

My attempts at seeking therapy were
Extremely inoportune and unconstructive.

You're the hurricane
Swirling through my brain,
Your words are the lightning,
And my tears are the rain.

Nothing will make up for
The scars and the pain;
The suffering and tears,
And cursing your name.

I feel so depressed;
So upset and ashamed,
My world without you
Will never be the same.

Am I making sense
Or am I insane?
You are an anchor,
And my love for you is the chain.

I'm stuck on you,
Though you are the one to blame,
I got so hurt,
Yet you remained the same.

I'm drowning in my love for you,
Or is it hate that I now show?
After all that you've done to me,
I love you, but want you to explode.

It was your average heartbreak,
Except it wasn't really all that average,
And only one heart broke,
But can a broken heart break again?
Because if not, then there really
Wasn't any bloodshed...

It was complicated you see,
Because I loved her and she loved me,
But she didn't think it was right
Or meant to be,
Or something along the lines of
We shouldn't be a "we".

But that's not all, that story is plain,
You see, now we're long distance,
Five and a half hours via plane.
Not only that, but no one knew,
They didn't know about me or you
And certainly not us two.

But I was in love and I gave you
Everything that I could afford.
I gave you my soul, my love,
And bought gifts til I was poor,
But it wasn't enough
To keep you on board,
So you left.

And when you left,
I became severely depressed.
I locked myself in my room,
Taking pills around the clock
Smothering myself in a hazy gloom.
I stopped eating because I could,
People told me to get help,
But should I? I should.
But I didn't
Because the only opinion that mattered
Had up and left me on the floor,
Tears streaming down my face
As you walked out of my front door.
You walked out on me that day,
And you've never come back since,
We were going to live life like a fairy tale,
Two princesses, no prince.

But now I lay here,
On a bed made for two,
And only one side gets slept on.
If we meet a genie and get three wishes,
I only want one thing,
To move on.

She always seemed to be going somewhere,
She was always up to something,
But never told anyone what.
She had friends, but they were few,
She was always up to something,
But not even they knew.
She never stayed in one place long,
She was always up to something,
It was only a matter of time before she was gone.
Onto her next journey; her next voyage,
She was always up to something,
But no one could have seen this coming.
Right when everyone expects her to leave, she doesnt,
She was always up to something,
But she never left then.
She waited and waited until they would least expect it,
She was always up to something,
She wanted no trace to be left.
But she was always up to something,
Planning her escape,
And with that,
She vanished...

Is it normal
To cry
For no reason?

Does anyone else
Sob silently
To fall asleep?

Do you ever
Get angry
And lose it?

How do you
Control it
Or does it
Control you?

Are you ever
Enraged; depressed;
Does it stop
Will it?

My lungs are burning
And I start to sweat,
Not being able to breathe
Is my biggest threat.
My lungs fill with water,
And my breath gets shallow,
My chest is pounding,
But my heart is hollow.
My pulse is slowing,
And my stress is on the rise,
The pressure inside me is increasing,
As tears gather in my eyes.
My throat starts to shrink,
And my airway begins to close,
I begin to fall unconcious,
And blood drips from my nose.

It's as if I left you the key
To my heart;
It was under the mat,
And you used the key to rob me
Of all I had;
My dignity.
I try to walk it off,
Holding my head high,
But tears stream down my face
And its hard to look strong
As you're puffy eyed.
My heart hates you,
But my mind won't stop
Reminding me of you,
The way you used to be,
The old you.
Broken, shattered, and torn,
My heart has been thinly worn,
And that might just be all I can handle.
So get a handle of your life,
And I'll try to get one on mine,
But this wont be easy,
Because no matter how hard I try,
I just keep slipping
And asking myself, why.

It's in the time when you're surronded
By nothing but air
And no one to talk to that the
Pain becomes too much to bear.

It's when you need it most,
That no one is near,
You bottle everything up,
The pain, emotions, and fear.

Starting a new life,
In a place with no one you know,
Can be one of the hardest things,
But it's a fear you can't show.

You have to protect your brother,
He can't know that you're scared,
As if moving across the country wasn't enough,
Then your mom's health - you weren't prepared.

You suit up to take life head on,
Act as your baby brother's second mom,
Take care of your mom, the house,
And family, while trying to remain calm.

It's a lot to deal with,
A lot of pain to bear,
But you're stronger than you know,
And by this, I swear.

Your support stretches across the country,
You've got people who care and love you,
Life hands us things that aren't easy or a choice,
But we know you're strong enough to push through.

May God bless you and your family,
With whatever life may bring you to,
You are always in my prayers,
I put my faith in Him to take care of you.

I miss you more than ever,
And as the tears stream down my cheeks
It's too much effort to be clever,
Because you're gone
And it's been three years
Which only make the tears
Stream faster and longer.
I still remember you how you were,
But I can't forget the way I last saw you,
It hurts me to know how much pain
And suffering you went through.
And to think that everything that's happened
In the past three years,
You never experienced.
I had surgery, to remove a tumor,
I'm in better shape now than ever before,
You never saw me graduate and walk that raised floor.
You never will know who I grow up to be,
Or what I grow up to do.
I don't know why,
But right now it's so hard to focus on life,
Because more than anything else,
I miss you.

When you think about it:
We spend the majority of our lives
Behind closed doors.
Whether it is in the privacy of our homes,
Or in our offices, schools, or church.
Most of what we do is hidden from the world.
And you never really think about what
Other people might be dealing with,
But a simple word could have them in tears.
We don't take the time to ask about
Their scars or any defining aspects of their life.
We live in a world of small talk,
And artificial friendships.
Talk to a veteran. Understand.
Find people that you have known for years,
But never truly got to know them.
Many of us don't know each other's full name,
Let alone what takes place in their household,
Or what their financial situation is,
Or why they stopped texting you back.
In reality we assume that we grew apart from them,
Or that they are mad at us; melodramatic.
But their phone service got cancelled because they
Couldn't make the payments,
Or their house got foreclosed and they're embarrassed
To talk about it.
If we consider ourselves to be their friend,
Then we should be there for them in every situation.
Be personable with everyone,
Forgive people who do wrong to you,
Love people; not just some people,
Love everyone.
We spend to much time and energy
Hating people and things.
How many times a day do you say,
"I hate"? And how many times a day
Do you say, "I love"?
That is what is wrong with people today.
Don't forget to pray
To keep it away
Keep the hate away,
Love everyone.
Inhale the future,
Exhale the past.
And pray.

We can be taught
How to read and write
And cook meals
And ride a bike;
We can be taught
Simple things
Like running, swimming,
And going high on the swings;
But no one can teach us
How to love and cope
Or mend a broken heart,
Or hold onto hope.
And no one tells us
How it will feel
When you're in love,
In love for real!
Or how to handle
A lying cheat
Whose poisonous words
Are full of deceit.
Or what to do
When your heart is full
And the one you love
Has your heart strings to pull.
Or when you're in their grasp
Running on their track,
With love in you're heart
But they will never love you back.
Because the thing about love
Is that it's followed by pain,
And when you're in love with the wrong person
It will drive you insane.

As I look around me,
The room is filling with smoke,
There are people drinking, smoking,
And people snorting coke.
I guess you could say,
I ended up in the "wrong crowd" of people,
There's a banging on the door, "police, open up",
And someone looks out the peephole.
There's a cop in the doorway,
6 foot 2, brown hair, and semi-large ears,
We all scramble and scream,
"**** there's no way we're all getting out of here".
This will be fun to explain,
To my parents who thought I was studying,
"I was testing the effects of drugs,
It was ******* that I was snorting".
Come on, this isn't fair,
None of you understand me,
Lock me away in jail,
So I can plead "insanity".
I need mental help,
From a psych ward or something,
I'm willing to go, or you can baker act me,
It'd be better than doing nothing.

Are roses really red?
Are violets really blue?
Of course not, they're violet,
A shade or perhaps a hue
Thats purple and blue.

So do roses express love?
Or do they express anger?
Red can mean either,
So how do we know if roses portray
Love or anger, or maybe neither?

But what do violets represent?
Melancholy, depression, or resentment?
Or does it even matter?
Do violets have a meaning,
Or do they exist to fit the rhyming pattern?

In a garden full of roses,
I am a violet.
In the world full of love,
I am the resentment.
Are we all one or the other?
Maybe thats what they represent.

So when you take the next girl,
To the "special romantic place",
And surprise, its the rose garden,
Ill be there, a violet, disguised as a rose,
Red for you may mean love
While in me, the anger grows.

She sets herself apart,
Though not with higher respect,
Sometimes she gets up to average,
But settles for the level of regret.
She does not want your sympathy,
She just wants someone to listen,
But she can't find the words to speak to anyone
Even those whose hearts glisten
With a passion to help her.
She is a lost cause,
A case that can't be solved,
She has a negative mindset and intentions that she needs to be resolved
By someone, who understands what it's like to be so alone,
While still among many others whose lights in their hearts have shone for them, She needs that light.
She needs someone who can help her to make sense of it all,
But no words can describe her feelings or why she has them,
But she needs to tell someone what's going on
Before it eats her alive,
Before she explodes,
Before she dies inside.
Nothing in this world can show what it's like,
Living every day without light,
And living life without nights
Because she doesn't  sleep much,
If ever at all,
She seems to be losing touch with the world
As it slowly keeps turning from Spring to Fall.
She closes herself off
And shuts herself down,
She shuts everyone out and let's no one around
To help her,
Though inside she's screaming "SOMEBODY HELP ME",
It's impossible to just let all of it go, and
She can't set herself free.
She is tired of fighting so hard to stay strong,
Now the only strong thing about her is the stream down her face,
Everything in her life was dreadful or going wrong,
And the only thing that could possibly help is God's grace.
Nothing seemed to please her more than the thought of leaving this Earth,
It seemed to be all she talked about;
Her only thought since birth,
Or at least as far back as she could remember,
A thought which seemed like an ember with such high potential to start a spark;
A spark that could become a fire,
Growing farther and higher that could burn down this whole world,
This place we call our home,
Burning the world, however, might do justice to those like her, who feel so alone.

I've been living in sadness,
Deep inside my heart,
My blood aches in my veins,
And it tears me apart.
The mention of your name,
Sends me hurdling down,
And leaves me with nothing
To rely on, except the ground.
My eyes fill with tears,
My heart and brain fill with fears,
Yet it's been so long;
Almost three and a half years.
The worst day of my life,
Was the day you broke my heart,
You ripped it out and
Tore me apart.
I'll never forgive you,
For the pain you've caused me,
I've suffered for over three years,
While you never shed a single tear.
You weren't hurt,
Of course you were alright,
While I spend most of my time,
Crying myself to sleep at night.
All the tears I've shed,
Along with blood from my veins,
And the bottles I've drank,
Are all linked with your name.
So remember, Chris,
The next time you get inside
A girl's metastasizing heart,
Don't cut your way out;
Because, it will tear her apart.
Just let her heart grow,
Swelling in your illness,
Pretty soon the love will **** her,
And you'll be held as a witness.
Or maybe they'll convict you,
Of your torturous crime,
Getting girls to trust you,
Before you rip out their heart and spine.
Now remember, Chris,
I fell deeply in love with you,
You said to me, those three words,
But it was meaningless to you.
You throw your words around,
Like you did with my heart,
I loved you then, I love you now,
I haven't stopped loving you, since the start.
So farewell, my true love,
The past four years have been great,
Just kidding, they've ******,
Because it's also you, that I hate.
Yes, I hate you and love you,
It still confuses me,
I want you to suffer,
But I still want the two of us to be we.
I hate you and I love you,
I don't know what to feel,
It'd be nice if I just woke up,
And none of this was real.
Too bad I can't do that,
Just erase a large part of my life,
My world since you left me,
Has been a continuous strife.
A strife is too small,
Without you, it's been a war,
But were you the enemy,
Or what I was fighting for?
You're last words broke my heart,
Like an atom bomb inside me,
You ran off to avoid the shock,
While I just laid there, dying.

I feel like I'm falling,
Yet floating in mid air,
The thought of you brings me down,
But the sight of you is perfect, down to each and every hair.

Is it regret?
No, just mistakes I wish I could fix,
But you'll always be perfect to me,
Your voice, eyes, smile, it's a collective mix.

I wish I was done with you,
As I made it out to seem,
But to be honest,
Being around you makes me want to scream.

I feel like a psych ward patient
Every time I see you,
Maybe it's the lost connection,
Or maybe I'm still in love with you.

I go crazy when I hear your name,
My heart races and skips a beat,
It's like I'm falling for you all over again,
Like it's the first time we were to meet.

How do you react
But with utter sadness
And sorrow when
You're given a time frame?

When there's a time stamp
On your life as you know it,
How do you act around
Your family and friends?

Do you spend the six weeks
That you've got left,
Moping and sulking,
Or making the most of every moment?

It's hard to focus on success
When you know the ultimate reality
That you're being faced with,
And quite frankly, it *****.

Your life went from whatever
Normal may be for you,
To living every moment
On a severely impairing time crunch.

Six weeks, seven at best,
But regardless, it's not enough time.
You need time to cope,
Time to heal mentally.

You need time,
But that's the one thing you don't have.

And in that moment
I fell for you like a bullet to the chest;
You took my breath away
As I had fallen
So deeply in love with you.

My smile might be bright,
But my soul is black,
My heart turned to stone
When you stabbed me in the back.

I completely stopped caring,
I don't know why I'm still alive,
I'm dead on the inside,
Yet for some reason I still survive.

All I know is I'm not the same person,
I'm not who I used to be,
You aren't either,
But I still wish you'd come back to me.

They say people change,
And ****, are they right,
But honestly, I miss you more and more,
Each and every night.

Now don't get confused,
Don't let my bright smile fool you,
I seem all put together,
But my heart is still shattered.

Where have you been?
Where are you going?
We suffer day in and day out,
Without understanding or knowing.
Explain to me where you've been,
You'll say, what you've done,
And how proud you are,
And it is, but doesn't seem to be so bizzare.
We are so shallow with each other,
We know nothing about our friends,
We share our deepest problems,
Hoping that maybe they can solve them.
But they don't know our past,
They don't really know who we are,
So how are they to help us?
And why do we, in them, put all our trust?
We are confusing beings,
Creatures of our own
Problem creating, attention seekers,
Without reason, we're emotional believers.

Maybe one day I'll meet a person who will willingly get down on their knees and help me pick up the pieces of my heart that you broke and slowly bind them back together again in hopes of being able to love.

Some people are pig headed,
Others are good for nothing,
Losers, Jerks, *******, etc.
But you, you're more than all of that,
Or should I say, less.
You don't even deserve to be called anything,
You are nothing to me,
Except the ruiner of all things good and holy,
A destroyer of innocence.
I hate you.

She has potential,
Greater than any mountain
And for her, obstacles are nothing,
Every goal is attainable.

So young and so strong,
So brave and talented,
An outstanding young woman,
Who loves to be challenged.

She'll amount to the most,
And she'll go far in life,
She'll defeat her biggest wars,
And even her smallest strife.

I can't say where she'll end up,
Or what it is she'll be doing,
But I hope its something grand
That she is pursuing.

A dear friend of mine,
She will always be,
I will always love her,
Unconditionally.

Close your eyes,
Shut them tight,
Your mind is restless,
And it's late at night.

Your thoughts keep racing,
Your head is pounding,
And before you know it,
Your alarm will be sounding.

You need to rest,
Trust me, dear,
Go to sleep
And ignore your fears.

A new day is starting,
As this one comes to an end,
Gather your last thoughts,
And let the days mend.

You needn't worry,
Be anxious, or have fear,
No matter how far I am,
For you, I'll always be here.

As I read,
The words on the page
Turn into bugs,  
And crawl around.
I feel my heart beat,
In my head,
While my feet
Are on the ground.
My senses get mixed up,
I feel schizophrenic,
My heartbeat increases dramatically,
And I begin to panic.
I feel the air getting thinner,
With less of it to breathe,
If my heart stops beating,
Will there be anyone to grieve?
All this pain and suffering,
Was clearly meant to be,
But what I want to know is,
Was it truly intended for me?
Shots to keep me calm,
Pills to heal my pain,
So many perscriptions,
Just to heal my brain.
I'm scared of nearly everything,
From bugs to snakes to the dark,
To who knows what could be lurking,
Across the street at the park.
I try to conquer my fears,
At least one at a time,
The one fear ill never escape from,
Is the thoughts inside my mind.

Pint sized cutie,
With a black girl *****,
She's got so much sass,
And it comes from that ***.

On the outside she may seem
Sugar coated;
Sweet and perfect to you,
And she is, but she's human too.

She's been knocked down more times
Than she could keep track of.
Not unlike the rest of us who have had
Someone and lost them in love.

She has grown as a person,
Making a name for her self,
Working two jobs, being an adult,
Taking care of animals and her own health.

She truly is a star,
And definitely outshines the rest,
She's become a role model to me
And she's more than a friend - she's the best!

Addicted to the bottles,
Addicted to the pain,
I'm addicted to you
And it's driving me insane.
These ***** are my only friends,
They bring me warmth inside,
I think to myself,
"If I keep drinking, pretty soon I'll die".
The thought of death
Doesn't bother me,
It doesn't frighten me;
Rather, it brings security.
How will I go?
Overindulgence,
Or too many pills,
It wont be long before we know.
These thoughts run through my mind,
While I put on a fake smile,
All the time thinking of death
Or dying in just a short while.
Painkillers numb the pain,
But not for too long,
Pretty soon more pills are in my hand;
I take them to stay strong.
With bottles lined up,
And pills scattered across the floor;
A razor blade to the wrist,
My body propped up against the door.
Our lives aren't long,
Though life is the longest thing we do,
But I can't find the point of living,
If I can't be with you.

Kiss me softly
As I drift asleep.
Play with my hair
As I start to count sheep.
One. Two. Three. Four. Fi-
Kiss me sweetly
As you watch me drift away.
Let us rest together
All night, until day.
Kiss me gently
I want to wake in your scent.
A night like that
Is a night well spent.
-ve. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
Kiss me strongly
Pull me in, close to you.
We'll get each other's name
As a rib cage tattoo.
Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thir-
Lay with me every night
As I fall asleep.
And help me to
Keep counting those sheep.

They say, "it's for the best"
and "it just wasn't meant to be",
but maybe it wasn't him at all,
maybe it's me.

Maybe it's always been me,
it's always been my own **** fault,
how can I sit here blaming guy after guy,
for what has happened to my heart; assault.

It was the fault of one guy,
and it happened long ago,
but it's affected every relationship
I've been in since then, though.

Maybe I pick losers,
or guys that don't know
how to treat a girl right,
or maybe it truly is me, my fault, and I.

Some people get married early
and last until the end of time,
others like me, stay lonely,
never having reached their prime.

Maybe being with someone isn't for everyone,
or maybe its just me,
I guess it will be a while before I find out,
but this is probably as happy as I'll ever be.

Because of you, I have grown to love coffee and the
Environment of a coffee shop.
The bonding between regulars as well as customers and their baristas
Had never seemed like it could be
Anything, really. But you have shown me what it means to have family that's
Not related by blood,
Yet, we've created a bond so strong, I don't know how I'll drink coffee without you!

If I had one wish,
Would I be with you,
Or would I have left you,
Would I hold you close,
Or would I push you away,
Would I pick you up,
Or would I be the one who knocked you down?
If I just had one wish,
Would I love you,
Or would I despise you,
Would I be honest,
Or would I lie to you,
Would I be with you,
Or would I be anywhere else?
If I had one wish,
I would still be lost,
Not because thats what I want,
But because thats where I am;
I am lost without you and lost with you.

I'm all out of options,
I'm out of opportunities,
You were a sickness,
And I lacked immunity.

Now no drugs can cure me
Or my love sick heart,
You'll be what killed me;
You'll tear me apart.

Being sick can be nice,
Because people take care of you,
And you can tell who really cares,
And which friends are true.

But as the sickness continues,
Your friends will run thin,
And the only thing that keeps you going,
Is your heart, beating within.

Your heart beats slowly,
It's been weathered and damaged,
Now it's barely pulsing,
All wrapped up and bandaged.

You'll be what kills me,
As I'm near my last breath,
Let that sink in,
And I meet my death.

I fell for your trap,
It must've been clear to see,
That I wasn't anything to you,
But you were my ecstasy.
I got high in your presence,
And came down in your absence,
To me when we were together,
We were like a mixer and absinthe.
Little did I know,
You were the sin in absinthe,
And my love for you left me feeling
Blinded in a labyrinth.
You were always so perfect,
You were my ecstasy,
But I was your nothing;
You just wanted your ex to see.
You see, that's the difference,
In the two types of people;
There's those of us full of love,
And those, like you, full of evil.

You were a giver,
You gave me everything,
Thats why the worst day,
Was when you grew your angel-wings.
You went up to heaven,
And looked down from up above,
You kept on giving,
You gave me all your love.
I make it through day by day,
Because your love absorbs the pain
And knowing that you're watching,
Is all that keeps me sane.
Though you barely knew me,
Or maybe you just don't remember,
You're my guardian angel,
A special gift that I treasure.
You lie within my heart,
Your spirit in my dreams,
When I'm asleep I feel close to you again,
Closer each night, it seems.
Rest in peace and take it easy,
You are loved and deeply missed,
What I would do for more time with you,
Has me sad and kind of ******.
A blessing to many,
A spirit that must live on,
You were one of the greatest I've know,
Nana, I can't believe you're gone.

Running, eating, sleeping,
She lives a hurried life,
From one moment to the next,
Everything can change.

Sleeping, running, eating,
She rushes from here to there,
On to the next thing
Before the last had finished.

Eating, sleeping, running,
She's always five steps ahead,
Moving quicker than you can guess,
It just doesn't stop.

Running, eating, sleeping,
She lives a hurried life,
She russhes from here to there,
She's always five steps ahead,

Until she stops, dead in her tracks,
Unable to breathe, her heart pulsating
Faster than what is healthy,
And he tells her, "you have asthma".

Im invincible,
Not invisible,
Or remarkable,
But capable.
I am able
To make do,
With all I have,
But I don't have you.
Without you
I am nothing,
Because you,
You're something,
Something untouchable,
Unchangable,
You're shapable,
But completely stable.
Whereas I,
I'll never have
Stability
Or the ability
To maintain
A high agility
Like you;
Rather I'll be described
As having much fragility
Not fertility;
Sterility.
Its confusing,
I know,
But I cant express
Or repress
What I felt because of you;
Except with one word,
Depressed.
The rest
Will be forgotten,
Left in the dirt to rot
In a mound of memories
That no one recalls.
But those memories haul
A lot of pain
And emotions that
I let drive me insane.

If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would change a lot of things.
I wouldn’t tell my parents how much it irritated me when they chew,
I would spend more time praying and trusting my faith.
I would still go to church and read my Bible.
I would slurp spaghetti, one noodle at a time.
And I wouldn’t waste my entire high school career moping over you. You aren’t dead, you weren’t stripped from me. You chose to leave, at that’s that, your choice. We all make choices that hurt other people, and unfortunately for me, I’m the one that got hurt. I spent so much energy, cutting into myself, and sobbing into my pillow. I blew everything out of proportion. I missed you, but that was no reason to hate my friends that you also dated. I was a *****.
If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would fix all of that. From the moment you broke up with me, I would’ve tried to fix things between us, and if it didn’t work, I would have moved on to avoid my whole depressed phase. I was a *****. If it were possible, I’d stop that from ever happening.

Dear Mom and Dear Dad,
I am alright, I swear,
But you see, I have lied,
I am here, not there.

I was going to a friends house,
Or at least that's what you thought,
But once I arrived there,
It was a party that we sought.

You should be disappointed,
This isn't how I was raised.
I'll spend the night with strangers,
Alcohol, and a smokey haze.

Don't worry Mom and Dad,
I promise I'll be alright,
Like when I promised you that,
I was with my friend, spending the night.

Well we were spending the night,
Just not at her house,
She told her mom we were
Sleeping over with someone else.

We had our schemes worked out,
You never suspected a thing,
In the end, everything was always fine,
Or at least, that's how it seemed.

I'd come home a mess,
Halfway through the next day,
Saying, we were up late last night,
To get you to go away.

I'd come home and shower,
To rid myself of my sins,
Oh, and sophomore year in high school
Is when this all began.

With every word you speak,
I cut deeper and deeper,
Reaming holes in my veins,
With scissors and tweezers.

The deeper I cut,
The fewer words I hear you speak,
I begin to grow lifeless,
All cut up and weak.

As my blood flows out,
I begin to grin,
Because I can no longer hear you,
I only hear my heart beating from within.

Until,
It stops.

My heart is beating fast.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop. No.
This anxiety is killing me.
It feels like a heart attack.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop.
I want to cry; I want to scream.
My heart hurts.
I'm so mad.
I hate you, but I love you.
I don't know what to feel.
But can a broken heart, break again?

Lightning struck,
Now you're dead,
Is it all in my head?
I don't know,
I don't care,
You're just gone and I'm glad.
All the lies you said,
All the girls you told "I love you"
Would strike you down with a hit to the head.
But the lightning got you first,
Did you suffer?
Did it hurt?
Did you drown in your lies?
When you were struck down
Did you cry? Like we did when you broke our hearts.
Could you feel the pain?
Did you know you were dying?
Did you want the truth, but think God was lying?
It was destined to be,
Otherwise God wouldn't have done it,
I wonder what it's like where you're going,
Because when I'm called home, I'm going to the summit

I hate that you're always on my mind,
That my last wish would be to be with you
And have our bodies once more intertwined.

I hate that during every instant,
Thoughts of you run through my mind.
We were once so close, but now so distant.

I hate myself more than I hate you,
But most of all, more than anything else,
I hate the fact that I would've given up everything for you.

I never thought it'd be you.

I never thought I'd fall in love,
At least not after the heartbreak of last time.

I never thought I'd meet
Someone like you,
Who would change me so quickly.

Someone like you,
Who listens, knows, and cares
About what I'm feeling
And why.

Someone whom I can trust
And rely on, no matter what,
No matter when,
And know for a fact that they
Will never leave my side.

Someone like you,
Whom others would know
As a close friend,
Or maybe even a best friend.

I never thought I'd be saying this,
But you're more than a friend,
My love runs so much deeper.

I never thought I'd fall for someone,
As great as my best friend.

I never thought it'd be you.

I'm growing up,
So daddy, let me go,
I'm not sure when,
But yes, I'll come home.

I must move on;
Explore the world on my own,
I'm not sure when,
But yes, I'll come home.

Don't try to hold me back,
Because I need to do this on my own,
I'll always need you,
But this, I need to do alone.

I'll miss you too,
But it won't be long before I'm home,
So daddy, don't cry,
I'll miss you while I'm gone.

Dry up your tears now,
There's no need to cry,
I'm just growing up,
I'm not going to die.

I'll be back before you know it,
I'll wrap my arms around you,
You'll pretend you didn't miss me,
The way you always do.

But daddy, I must go now,
I have places I need to be,
So stay strong as I promise you this,
This won't be the last time you see me.

I close my eyes and count to ten,
I try to count sheep; those *******.

The haunting thoughts keep me up,
I'm exhausted but restless.

I try and try to keep my eyes shut,
Then once again I fail.

Maybe I'll sleep better in this position,
I think as I roll over.

Thoughts race through my mind
And continue to keep me up.

The good, the bad, and the ugly,
They all have the same effect.

The pillow is too hot, time to flip it,
Yeah, I'm sure this will help.

But I can't sleep because my life is
A living nightmare.

My dying wish
Is to hate myself less,
Love others more,
And stop being depressed.
To pick myself up
And move on, not regress.
But these feelings
Are hard to suppress;
All the distress you put me in,
Still shows to this day,
You can see it on my face,
I doubt it'll ever go away.
But maybe if im lucky,
My wish might come true,
My life would be over,
And thats when I'll get over you.

Nothing could have prepared me
For the way you make me feel,
The way you look at me,
The way you smell,
It's all so real.
Or is it surreal?
I haven't figured it out,
Because every time we're together
My heart races in my chest,
Pounding on the walls of my rib cage,
Beating faster and faster,
*Let me out