I am an introvert.
I am an introvert because whenever I go outside,
The bugs flying around me feel like they’re tearing me from the outside in,
Leaving nothing more than my indestructible bones.

I am an introvert.
I am an introvert because whenever I talk to somebody,
I am reminded of all of the words once spoken to me,
It’s deteriorated my head, allowing for me to just sit there in silence.

I am an introvert.
I am an introvert because for my whole life I was walked upon.
The bruises are still there from where they left their footprints,
Damaging my skin time and time again.

I am an introvert, but I wish I wasn’t.
Maybe then I could prove my talents,
My worthiness.
******* it, I just want to be able to talk to people.

earlier,
i was listening to the sound of my heartbeat.

it sounded like the pitter patter of the rain,
in the abyss.

what does your heart sound like?

the yes would still come through fog and rain;
clear as day, the words escape your lips.
your beautiful, glowing lips;
that i wish i could touch once in my lifetime.

the yes would still push through your teeth;
even if it came next week,
even if it didn’t come at all.
you would say yes.

forgive the sinners of their sins, for they did not know what they were doing.
like a saint, you speak to me.
yes, yes, yes, you say.
you want her lips again.

why am i so small,
when my ambitions are far too tall?

i want to soar in the wind,
i want to feel a lovers kiss.

i want to be good at helping others,
so i may help my mother.

if i want to be tall,
then why am i so small?

they say that pictures tell a thousand words,
for every lie you tell, another curse
that you’ll never be enough for them
you’ll never make it to the end

because this photograph you gave me,
you hold onto my memories
it shines like a star in the night sky

if every story had an ending of its own,
why is mine cut off
by the white lines that surround the story
of my life

in a photograph

why is it,
that going to sleep at night,
makes me want to stay up all day?

as the sun splashes on my face,
i wake up to a brand new day.

where the sun is harsh and it hurts my eyes,
blinds me,
removes my disguise.

in the day,
i am naked.
in the night,
i am disguised.

one is my freedom,
one is my demise.

everything i do,
the moment i wake up the sky is already gloomy;
preparing me for the day ahead.

the biggest accomplishment i’ve made this week was making a decision,
about how i wish i was in bed.

the piano is too loud in my ears and it pours out my eyes,
wishing there was a way i could desperately change the skies.

i’ve worked three years
of my sweat.

of my cold, red blood
seeping out of my neck.

and the rain still pours
when i despise of its day.

but still the sun
comes out one of these days.

three long years
of working instead of play.

just to help people
who feel like the rain.

i cannot wait to walk with you.
to grab your hand beside mine,
look at the ocean view.

i want to tell you “i love you”,
through whispered breaths
buried in the sand.

and when we lay for a night of rest,
my breath will follow your shallow pattern.
until our hearts
are two, beating as one.

i've been asked to be
in fancy anthologies,
be in fancy magazines.

to write freely on the page,
fill it with words,
light it up in flames.

after all,
everything i've learned to love,
vanishes in the end.

imagine if i could
glide across life,
like the way figure skaters
glide across the ice?

a triple salchow,
i’ve taken flight.
my biggest dreams,
those fearful nights.

if i could glide,
the wind in my face.
how easy would it be,
to make a mistake?

and ruin the whole program.

sometimes i wonder,
what it’s like.
going on life’s,
biggest rides.

yearning for the grounds touch,
i fly higher and higher above.

but i can never reach the stars,
for i have never learned,
how to be strong.

in a society where we are not allowed to speak to one another;
how does one know if they are being seen or truly heard?

the words spill out as letters on a blue-light screen,
bright enough to make me see;
but am i understanding the depth of the people around me?

i wish you didn’t feel.

i wish you have never been in love,
gotten to feel the palpitations where they don’t belong.

i wish you have never felt heartbreak,
or at least; i wish you had gotten over it.

i wish you weren’t as creative as you really are,
clinging onto the past of horrid dreams.
they enclose me in a box;
“choose me” they whisper, delicately towards your eardrum.

you were wearing headphones. you felt it all.

I’m going to push my boundaries,
And the deep walls I have buried within.
Because this song is about loving me,
And if I keep playing the same tune it’ll wear me thin.

So if I change it up,
Switch the beat and play myself up,
Maybe I can find a way to be tough,
And yet still be me.

It'll be hard but it’s worth the try,
If I can hold your hand and look into your eyes.
I’m willing to push my boundaries,
Just for you to love me.

I grip your hand as I cling on for dear life,
Our life has just begun,
But it’s time to wake up.

I cling onto you as I feel your invisible breath on my neck,
I’m trying to get the most of you,
But my breathing is getting heavier.

I finally open my eyes,
Just wishing you were truly there,
Right next to me.

What empowers me most,
Is that here,
I am seen for who I want to be seen as,
Not someone I accidentally portrayed when I was younger.

All the wishing on eyelashes never worked.
Close your eyes, breathe in, blow it off your hand.
But nothing ever happened,
Because I just wanted you.

I was wishing on a shooting star,
And then you called me.
Eyes closed, fingers crossed.
You watched me light up like a Christmas tree.

I wore a penny in my left shoe to school the next day.
I was wishing for you to do something,
But that day went on like normal, like any other.
Please, I’m slowly diminishing,
And I just need you to speak.

I picked out all of the green M&M’s so that I could just have you.
But when you said you knew,
I was in a million pieces.
Because I just wanted you.

I don’t believe in magic,
I don't believe in love,
All those wishing on shooting stars,
It’ll never be enough.

Because I can’t control emotions,
And I really just wanted you,
To like me the same way I’ve always liked you.
If all the wishing on eyelashes worked.

A beautiful thing to remember,
Is that what is will become once was,
And what is now once was still is.

Everything must come to an end,
But that doesn’t mean the story is over,
It means you have just found the beginning.

In order to see the true meaning,
You must understand the ending.
And in order to open new doors,
One must become closed.

So while I am surrounded in sorrow,
I shall remember;
What is will become once was,
And what is now once was still is.

And it shall remain forever.

one of my biggest fears
is that one day,
you’ll view me the same way i view myself.

the world became a ****-show,
I was into the sciences.
Staying at home,
Has made me appreciate literature,
In a way I haven’t before.

take your emotions,
put them on blast.
it's not a facade,
it's just an act.
am i really in love?
or is it just the same again.
the life of a poet,
it's always pretend.

Your voice is like sweet music to my ears,
But I haven't heard sweet music in a long time.
The way your mouth forms that ‘O’ shape,
Or the way our fingers intertwined.

You’re like a song from my childhood.
You brought me and still bring me joy,
Yet you also come with pain, guilt, and my wicked childhood.
But I still love your sound.

You’re the same as a tune that couldn’t be forgotten.
I still think about you every night,
The way you bring me pain yet oh, so much delight.
And the way I play you on the piano and belt out the lyrics that I had stored inside.

But am I the sweet music to your ears?
Do you think about me as much as the reoccurring thought of your face bursts into my ever so ****** up head?
Am I the childhood song that you cry yourself to sleep to,
Or was I the childhood song you forgot you even had?

At the words on the page,
As my eyelids droop.

I learn
About their adventures,
And their hopes.

I smile
Because it’s the only thing,
Keeping me from engulfing myself
Into the black pitter-patter of the rain.

There was a way
To condense my words.
Maybe then
Somebody would
Listen.

Want to kiss someone.
Afterwards, we could look up at the stars,
Picture anything else but reality.

Realistically,
I am sitting in my bedroom,
Watching others take advantage of my dreams.

I’ve been using my lip chap,
In hopes it would pay off when she and I touch lips,
For the very first time.

I just want someone to kiss,
Someone to look up at the stars,
Picture anything but reality.

Is my wish too big?

I want to be seen as many things.
One of those things is with you.