Almost died by the sound of the night.
The silence like a knife,
stabbing me from the inside.

The substance like oxygen,
I breathed in the pain.
Wondered why I did this.
Wondered why I won't speak up.

It sickens me that I am such a scarred soul.
I beg for happiness.
But what's given is sorrow.

My heart is wild,
It's trapped in a cage,
It could easily break,
I should let it escape.

But if I do,
It has no where to go or stay.
People will scream,
Once it's in sight anyway.

No matter what,
My heart will not be happy.
Outside or not,
Still it's so weak.

My heart shouts for my mind to think.
Like a glass that fell,
My heart is shattered.
A book with skipped unwritten pages.
My mind is incomplete,
And confused of what story that's hidden within.

Aimless,
Confused,
Soon to be breathless,
I am hardly amused.

Till this day I still wonder why we don't make sense to eachother.
Our unending doubts with eachother caused us too much pain.
Our ego caused too much jealousy and sadness.

Was I supposed to look at you?
Was I supposed to stop on my tracks and lay eyes on such a perfect imperfection?
Was it supposed to be me or someone else?
I sometimes wonder what would I be now if I did not turn my head.

These months of challenges we face together.
This year if needed concentration on important exams.
Why did we meet this late?
Why can't you stay for another year?
So that I can know where exactly am I going with you.

But I realized.
You don't need another year.
This year is enough.
I've been in love with you for over a year and half of it we met so informally.

Rejections and lies that I seem to hold on to so dearly.
Why am I doing this to myself?
Why is my love stronger for you than anybody else?

I just need an explanation because you and I have such little time.
Either we are or we're not.
I fell for you first.
It's time you cut the rope or hold on to it.

To just care and ask is not enough,
To love and embrace is not enough,
To tease and to hurt is not enough.

The things that I do for you is not enough.
I might be right if I said that I am not needed.
Because I see other souls,
Capable of giving you 'enough'.

I just want to be enough.
As a person.
As a friend.
And I'd be so **** happy if I am enough as a dog.

You're beautiful in a way that makes other people want to look like you.
You're beautiful in a way that makes men, better yet women fall in love with you.

You have that kind of beauty that makes people stop on their tracks just to make sure they have your image engraved in their minds for awhile.

Your beauty makes someone's tears dry,
Your beauty makes the sun come up in a person's life,
Your beauty waters the seed that's in people's hearts, helping it grow into a flower.


Even this, your  beauty does have it's flaws.
Your beauty is clumsy,
Your beauty is confused,
Your beauty overflows its mind with thoughts of sadness and heart with sorrow

Beyond your low self-esteem,You're beautiful in so many ways.
Be it physical or not,
You're beautiful in ways that I cannot explain,
In ways that I never knew before.
You're beautiful in ways that you, yourself don't understand.

I can assure you, that you are beautiful.
And not anyone or even you can tell me otherwise.

10 years of friendship.
4 were drowned and forgotten.
Found our way back
To shore in 2014.

Without much introduction,
We clicked and fit eachother like two pieces in a puzzle.
We both went through laughter and tears together.
Sad to know that these are the last tears that I will share with you.

You've always thought I was an idiot,
You weren't any different either.
But we contradict so much and it was never an issue for us.

Playful punches on my stomach,
I laugh off the pain as if it didn't hurt me as much as I thought.
I've insulted you so many times,
It's amazing you're still here.
But remember that behind every insult,
I always compliment you inside.

How great you are,
How incredible you are,
How strong you are,
How beautiful you are too.
I never agreed when you say you are ugly,
eventhough I said I agree, I don't.
You're beautiful, You've always been beautiful.

I find joy in making you smile,
I do it as much as I can because I'll never know when's the last time I'll live another day to see your stupid face.

I'm sorry that I have to leave like this,
It was never in my plan to just go.
You can be mad at me all you want,
No one can disturb you behind these white walls.

You can hit me all you want too,
I promise I won't feel the pain.
You can curse at me as much as your heart desires.
I'm deeply sorry for this.

I can't be there on your birthday and tell you how much work I've put in decorating Your birthday place.
Or how much my present for you costs.
I can't be there to complain of how late you are to our meetups.
Or tell you how stupid you look in that dress.

I can't be there on your wedding day to watch you walk down the aisle heading towards that lucky guy you finally found.
He might be shawn.
I can't be there to see that.
I can't be there to cry for you because I'd be so happy.

I can't crack jokes to you anymore or make puns that don't make sense.
I can't see your confused face when you don't understand me.
I can't be there to hear you say that you hate me..

So if you still see me breathing for my life someday,
Before they pull the plug.
I'd like to hear your last "I hate you"
Because I know that you actually mean
"I love you"

What do you mean get out when you're the one who invited me?
What wrong did I do when all I've ever done was love you?

What do you mean no when you said yes?
You let my heart in with open arms and now you want to kick it out?

What do you mean Leave me alone when you begged me to stay?
I was the only one who was there for you,
Eventhough I could not see your tears,
You were dying inside.

What do you mean we're over when we never even started?
My attempts on courting you failed many times.
Thus, I fall into the circle of "just friends"

What do you mean you love me when you don't?

In a classroom where sport is more interesting than books.
Where the color violet is more loved than blue.
Just like everyone else, you have to choose.

Tired of my anger that can boil like steaming water in a kettle.
But what's great is my love that shows up as colorful as the rainbow in the sky after the rain wets the earth.

I am patient with your confused thoughts.
I am ready for your final decision.
If you choose me as your friend, then let's go out and burst bubbles, breathe in the new air.

Forget that you were ever alone.
Because my eyes still sees your smile.
My mind still dreams of beautiful things about you.
If I choose to fly for good tonight,
search for the seed in my heart and water it.
It is not important if it grows into a tree or not.
Whatever it is, care for it as you have cared for me.

Being in love with a paradox,
can be quite a ride.
A lesson in months,
Love in days,
Or it just loops the other way around.

It's never boring,
You have something to love,
Something to be disappointed of,
You have something to believe in other than the existence
Of a God.

You learn about strong will,
With the hard times and the downfalls of the relationship.
But yet,
You with your hard head,
In love with a paradox of feelings,
That is quite a fitting contradiction.