Ebony black Pearl!
I play music tonight.
Listen carefully.
3:57 AM
27.07.17
Tina RSH ©

Star, Scarred, barred from gleaming
beaming to the world, seeming
as if light has the ultimate might
to shower the glassy body with power
of being, seeing the present as it is
or is not, but cut off from the sky
Star marred, far away from home
roams, the sky in wanderlust and sorrow.

There came a tapping on my eyes
A muffled voice, an urgent plea
to wash away the tranquil ignorance
and replace it with turbulant daze
O the effect it had on me..
Had the world gone black
for two days or three
I would've thrown a late night party
invited every star one could see
in the ***** of sky, at the hand of moon
and their shiny reflections in the black sea
But that my grey dreams come true
in the wake of sun's ascent
to turn its golden rays to dead ashes
leaves me without a single clue
if there's a dawn to marry the end of this night
If it's what I'll always be through..

Everything has a way of going awry
profound changes have to tell a story
How air may freeze and earth drown
in ashes of snow and tumble down
Lilies may turn red and violets green
All the opposite of what we have seen
I cannot stand against nature's will
With all these dreams I yet have to fulfill
All that foreseen, but dear love!
To the moon and heavens above
I swear my love for you does end
When Gods die with no love to lend.

Eve! 
Alas my vicious mind overrides this place
Of sheltered freedom and tacit grace 
The magnificence of moments each passed by, poor
As a holy tidal wave,depositing debris on the shore 
I stood aimless mourning over the bygone landscape
That in my head crumpled and slipped through a gape
A foremost scar on my veins, coloured black 
An outraged bull, ready to make an attack back
Eve! O Eve! 
Here I dwell so secret on a perished soul, withdrawn 
From the miraculous bliss I found moments after dawn. 
The Elixir of bliss slipped through my fingers to fade. 
My weakened feet have no more road to wade. 
Eve! O dear Eve! 
Cherish this perished soul with your divinest love 
Seal my eyes, heal my wound, and let me hover above. 
As shiny stars are the jewel of night sky,
Give your love to make my heart glorify.
© Tina RSH

Through and through, he pulled me through 
With a magnet in his heart, a dream in his smile 
Befallen me, a timeless masquerade 
And Ceaseless feet 
That mindless grew, grew, grew...
Did I ever pause to rob a quick kiss
Or glance a furtive glance? 
I know not, I know not. 
No momentary pause , he took me high
He took me high
And higher and higher we flew.
Where did we travel to? 
I couldn't say, I had no clue. 
And When The world fell asleep
I muttered to his sweet ears: 
I have always loved you.
Tina RSH ©

If life were a hundred years
I'd lose my name at the hand of time
and travel to the end of the world in advance
at the scoching border of hell I'd dance
to the delusion I was fooled to suffer
and glance back once more
to see I cannot ******* lover's lips
or let the majesty of a butterfly
steal my attention for eternity
I'd watch the gloom strip me off my shell
close to the border of hell
and ask if all along it were mine
can I then succumb in peace
break a ******* with God
and deride the masquerade he hosted?
that of which he always boasted!
But time and time again puts me to bed
with a mouthful of uncertainty
about the end of this entity
which I believed was me
or whatever me could be
life can embarrass time
and cease to age inside the corpse of years
or wilt the petals of a feisty poppy
That is the burden of those whom life endears
For that I sit here and wonder
why indeed did time go under?

I came out with a little something
To tantalise the world with
I put on a magician cloak
And a top hat to top the world
There was that mind blowing show
At 7 pm each wednesday.
I sold people embroidered lies
And bought their colossal blunders
Yet, none could feed the hunger I carried
In the pit of my stomach
Or the thirst that would wipe out my barren eyes
Till some intruder having planned before
Broke in to the show, blasting the door
As audience fled, my cloak caught fire
The top hat descended like acid rain
corroding my magic into pieces of wood and wire
All gone and I stood watching
How my utmost dreams flew away .
Two tinsy droplets began dancing on my cheeks
The hunger that ached my stomach for weeks
Muttered: Voila!
And the intruder had left with nothing to say.

I have sinned so far 
With your honeyed lips 
Dived against a dozen hazel waves
And Stolen pearl-filled shells
From the ocean of your eyes 
Begged your precious ears 
To let my foolish chatters pass by
For your rosebud to give off words
That dance around my heavy head
Gathered the scent of your cologne in my ***** 
That beats for every inch of your proximity
It burns my flushed flesh with searing sin 
And my heart with pleasant remorse  
May Lord God be Merciful to rebels
Who ran from sacred sanity to Love.
Tina RSH ©

Jealousy is more than a word
It's a thirsty pain
That rushes through my veins
To drain each drop of blood.
Wnen I see the pillow that escorts your head
The bed that embraces you in your weariness
And the lips that form a heart-robbing smile.
Jealousy is strange.
I wouldn't wish to have you split in two.
One for me and one for you
I want all of you
Living inside of my chest.
It has a way of making me become you.

Intrude my silence and set free
A dozen words never spoken with tongue 
Written on a heart harassed by sudden pain
My eyes never unwind from flowing rivers 
And certified facts prove this noble insanity
This parallel insomnia 
Residing in my head 
Clasping my throat 
With merciless force
Where do I begin? 
The nasty smell of drained blood
On my left arm 
the expanding ache 
In the pit of my stomach 
Or the numbness coming to freeze
Even my fingertips 
I am quite so done 
With the starry nights I enjoyed the least 
The rainy evenings I spent dreaming 
Of a sunny Sunday 
To awake with a soulful smile 
That never came...
I am done 
With the loveless parties 
I faked to take part in 
And every bit of the truth 
I swallowed 
Now I am done with this self
That was never mine.
4:49 am 
Tina RSH ©

Endurance through unknown chains 
Wrapping themselves around each bone 
Making any move beyond possible
A catastrophe to breathe,
In or out; no attempt! 
Made by a swollen chest! 
Your heart, about to explode
From the guilty pain 
Caused by your brain
These chains clank and wriggle
Around your very throat..
Breeding warped words 
Out of your mouth 

Your damaged womb 
Of priceless pleasure
Copulates with heavy burden
Passing onto old wounds 
The emergence of haemorrhage
From lips that could smile in bliss
And kiss...

With no proof 
That life exists 
Beyond that shared moment   
And you..
Still in self made chains 
asking for some justice 
None can give.

Those derelict dead
ends of the soul
that bear mad
houses on their
shoulder,
All Nazis who came
back from the war,
the war that killed
sixty million cells
in their brains.
They came back for
love, put roses
into their guns and
shot like a madman.
There they dwell in
lonlely lonley
cells,
Within their own
boundries
Ceasing to feel
life pass through,
As the starving
walls hold out
their hands, for
the food that was
never given.
Tina RSH

Slightly ajar 
The door to my soul 
Before, Slammed shut! 
And now shaking hands with illumination 
All too well do I smell hope 
Blowing with a gentle breeze 
Towards these feet that carried no zest 
All too careful do I listen to this heart 
tantalisingly tickling  my ribs
And seducing my chest with each move 
Up, and down it swirls. 
An invitation to a play of life
Renouncing with each breath I take 
Eternally I do not exist 
But for now. 
The wind is soon to pass 
Over the greenlands of joy
Oh how too sweet it caresses my cheeks. 
And makes love to my eyes. 
I could give my soul to you 
And leave the door open 
Forever more..

Like resistless air torn by a bullet
Life unmasked itself in a baby
innocent, playful, illiterate...
for half a second or so,
and ran!
Past Mother who, amazed by your giggles,
called you mon âme!
Past father; arriving home
to say goodnight,
and a quick wave before bed.
Past school days and holidays,
taught to eat books and ***** information
lost through thorough knowledge!
Aye! Aye! Black cats and red eyed bats.
Past the lustbird who made love
to your left ear and slammed the other
shut!
Life passed your very black hair and set it white.
Seems like the bullet hit sharp in your chest.
And now a baby cries bald..

This is where I stand.
Intrinsic beauty in each drop of tear
that splashes my eyes.
Pride in my unclad figure
like faith in a benign tumor
Behold the majesty of surrender
as I severe ties with a talking mind
that feeds on attention; evermore
Since I stand,free of giving.
Behold! I no longer am
the hands you can shake
or the lips you can kiss
My peers envy those tears
they cannot cry.

Tina RSH

I prefer to sleep all day long
You see, keep my eyes closed
Than stare at this multitude of ants
following the taste of something sweet
Where are you? In a hopeless dream I had
as I wallowed in the bitter reality
of your absence..
your absence..
your absence..
I will live to dream you are here
darling,
I hope those ants keep away from you
Lest you be bitten..
Lest you close your eyes.
-Tina RSH

At 4:40 am I sat alone in my bed
and embraced the thought of you
that rapped me gently across the knuckles
The night seemed distant now
and the dawn took years to arrive
The dawn of a new gloom
The dawn of my end
The black hand of sorrow
That pulled me out of each dream I made
to keep even the faintest smell of you alive
You weren't there to hold my hand
or to be sorry.
At 4:40 am I thought of you much
and the front wall swallowed my sobs
love was the last item on my shelf
It was coagulated and nasty now
I picked it up and placed it by the door
Perhaps the approaching sun could burn away
all the impurity, injustice and adulteration
of what we held in high esteem
and kept sacred with our illusory reasoning.
the thought of you faltered into a tear
and I knew our story was at an end.

Every breath I take reeks of calamity
I start counting the biscuit bunnies I had yesterday.
which sadly reach up to eight.
Not my favourite number at all
I look like an exploding fireball
but despite that everything is dark
and ruddy.
like the insides of a trash bin .
My hands are clammy,
throat, a jammed highway of emotions!
If I used ten thousand oceans
as ink, and a million deserts as parchment,
I would be unable to describe my pain
for it was born a torchering antagonist,
a piece of congealed blood in my lungs
and my breath reeks of calamity.

From whose eyes shall I reclaim my lost self?
While it is you,old love, that their eyes reflect
Your words having me well under curses and spells
Telling of slippery youth and the world's defect

whose rickety mind shall I enchant to distort
To revive the shape of you again, my sovereign?
You stabbed my back and now I have fallen short
of welcoming hearts of realms distant or foreign

The night is an ill bed for my jagged scars
But I doubt if my dear self was stolen by stars
You sailed on my tears and sealed my lips
And I promised to desynchronise your warships

As I was busy cleansing my tears off you
I knew forever gone was a half of me or two

I missed you 
Somewhere along the lines of humanised solitude
Or in between a chaotic rampage of thoughts 
The dagger that dips deep in my back; this mind! 
Upon sumptuous portraits hanging off walls.
I missed you
Perhaps, wide awake, watching a nightingale pass away.
Or a tabby cat meowing loud in the bitterness of December. 
As I drowsily dozed on the fireside armchair.
Wearing my brand new woollen socks along  
I missed you
Or I missed myself first! Before my eyes. 
Underneath a dozen dark veils of refusal 
I deposited you and left off for gradual death.
Wishing, I were the nightingale that flew free.

In the beginning, there was skin
fresh, soft, unblemished, unnamed
bound to be clad by blooming blue rose
baby bud bearing but thorns in its heart
Drifting along to kiss every inch
of that ****** beauty with grace
And there came the first scratch
Thirteen drops of blood
A drop of tear
And a full stop!
Congealed blood! Evaporated tear!
In the beginning there was no scar
but a tender rose to teach pain
pain with all its notoriety
and calamitious cloud of nothingness.
scars tiptoed towards the chest of skin
Now nourishing, naming each narrow path
No blood, no tear.
Thus, as a woman's womb gives birth
to hold up this tipsy life,
pain is a must.

Let the child breathe and the warm air flow
This tragedy needed an end, we were too young
To shoulder a battle devoid of arrows and bows
Pity our play, meant short, already took long
We lost precious blood to tie up a loose end 
Rewritten distorted meanings of sadness and pain
Bitter Loss over gain so we could make amends 
We fast fed the pain, all we felt left, the main
Let the sweet lemonades drain and burn away 
We played possum to ourselves and died for real
What killed us was a trick, what kept us at bay
Was the solidity of death that couldn't be healed 
Yet, by some misfortune  I kept an eye open
To see these corpses walk every now and then. 
 
26.10.17

The delicate delusion in each moment
There is, the trick of life
imminent omnipresent agony in each living system
Human, or human not.
We are bound to break.
We are bound to suffer.
Till the truth taps his mask off
and we drop dead in dignity
Still blind, burning.
So what of it now?
Aye, dear life?
Our skeletons turned to dust
Our hearts no longer beating
What was this mascarade all about?

I guessed, an end would arrive
and take us all to separate graves
Not at all brave
from the scratch, we were scarecrows
repelling parakeets and sparrows
till, a stranger gave us wings to fly
high above the graves
Shared,or separate
and ends
Off guard, unforseen
We then bounced back
to the scratch
all too befuddled.
And lived as one, as we'd always been.

Old friend, we lost it all!
We went our separate ways
While rain pummeled the rooftop
and mellow autumn wind caressed a poppy's cheek.
We drove home together, but felt far apart.
As if we never knew each other..
And the bond between us severed
As the lumberjack uproots a tree,
Merciless and mandatory!
Old friend,
Although I still hear the rustling of paper from your chamber,
Your heartbeat seems to have stopped
And your congealed blood reeks of hostility.
I sit here, hiding my head in my bony hands
Which you would hold as we fell asleep.
We were children at the time
innocent and whimsical.
We were captives of our own little kingdom
Funny how our fortress tumbled down
and we chained ourselves to the ruins that remained..
This is not how our stroy should have gone.
Tell me if there's anything I can do other than cry, miss those days
or pour my heart into a poem you'll never read...

O floating cloud! 
Take me to the end of the world
Deposit me on a solid piece of ground
My fists need to bite every inch of dust
My arms need to embrace the thin air 
And declare their nothingness
My hidden tears need overflowing 
And this thorn in my throat 
This thorn in my throat  
Scratches my voice
Blood pours out of my words 
And I breathe in a touch of silence 
The antidote to a dozen weeps 
I cannot withhold
I am one with the serenity 
Of a frozen lake, 
And The tranquil  ‎blackness of winter nights
O floating cloud! Be proud!
I have no wind to carry me anymore.
Tina RSH ©
13.07.17
7:23 PM

Morning is such a desperate lover.
How else could she make
you meet her if she didn't
steal your dreams at night?

I? A Heroine? You care about the end?
A nice story to encourage children for life!
While I wade through a swamp of thoughts
ugly, muddy, smelling of death trolls underneath.
I do doubt if there is an end at all.
I do doubt each temporary sense of joy.
I call them clever decoys, set by time
And time to fool us all like a group
of chickens fluttering wings for food.
yes, darling! All heroines passed the road
put an end, bold as brass, daring as a dagger
but I,baby-like, stumble and stagger
This isn't fair, and fair is not the point.
Let the pain crumble each muscle and joint.
But life! oh life plays her cards close to her chest!
And knows how to make disorder manifest.

I wanted to stay
and bellow out from
the depths of my heart
how very much I loved you
****! But I knew our demons
would blow the horn to
another ****** war if I did
I love you darling, very much so
only.. from safe distance.

#TinaRSH

I have a way of saying I love you 
To every word that escapes my mind 
Where do you travel to? 
Do you fall beneath conscious sheets 
Or attach to my soul with glue? 
How many days I spent collecting you? 
In a noisy basket full of pride and panic
I guess half a dozen and few. 
Enchanted by your power, your snobbish hue
I search an empty basket over, over again 
This breath is wasted! This mind is subdued.
Tina RSH ©

Let us get out of
this augmented
little world
Mankind was
solitary from the
word go
Creating a roughly
meaningless charm
It is meaning I
yearn to seize
beyond this verse,
more so
When words fail to
paint the void I
breathe
As I watch each
moment pass away
I sit grieving for
a year or two
Before there comes
the unexpected
sharp dismay
And subdued
undefined
melancholy.
There is air beyond
my lungs
And love in the alr
And infinity in
love.
And meaning in the
dreams man ceased
to follow.
Tina RSH

Come, tug at my rib cage-
reach inside and take yourself
away.

Who said it was meant to be a straight line?
Tiptoe, crawl behind illusory fences
in pursuit of deceptive safety.
Caution, and caution more!
Till it bores the death out of us all.
We might well stand tall
and bounce back, or forth as it goes.
And trip over a brick, collapse and call it fate.
Who said it's a running race, or an empty song?
Who ran the road and came back to tell us there's a prise at the end?
I wished it woudn't be a lose lose match
between us and time.
But it sprints on and we drive this car back
to the scratch.
All the more alone we both become.
We rise and fall over sharps and flats
and forget it's the piano that plays.
And the musician knows to music
no ending is valid.

I wish for the monster to be hidden
forever, lest anybody else be bitten
as I am, but that is no matter, la!
my blood succumbs to its venom
my ruptured veins and invaded serum
His black hand draws a smile on my lips
It takes a second or less until it flips
into a torrent in my eyes to wash away
every happy feeling I had during the day
But what if someone counted every scar
sustained and found this little girl bizzare?
Let the sleeping monster lie and never speak
outside this verse, lest they call you a freak.

On the count of three, my journey begins
Through soft silence touching my bare feet
Three: Too much noise in my rucksack to carry
malignant, cancerous, deceiving on the contrary
Swallowed by silence and my rucksack is free
pure!
**** that constant pain I had to endure!
Two: My heavy eyes search for an end
at the far end of the sea.
My eyes fallible and fed with grandiosity.
The sea sniggers.
A sudden closure.
One: The journy pulls me through like magnet.
Not that I feel ready.
Not that I feel.
Not that I think.
Not for a moment of certainty I move or blink...

Once uopn a time, a lonely loving rose
bending with the wind, gentle in each pose
The meadow was green, and the sun aglow
Not a sign or gesture of pain and sorrow
Parakeets would sing and the rose flushed
Till the weary winter brushed past with a rush
And she stole anthems from love birds
A sigh was the last sound the meadow heard
young rose with all its roseness fresh and red
cut with its roots haunted as a captive held
To her doomsday she hauled, past a willow tree
Past that feigned majesty she was ordered to be
What about the blood ****** off her petals
Our mushy rose beaten like heavy metals
Soon she whispered to the cold ears of winter
What of it now, and passed with one last whimper.

Yes! She was me in a way or two 
She suffered from inadequacy 
A pink rose who wasn't sky blue 
In terms of beauty speaking,
She didn't have enough palms to hold attention
Her eyes no ocean to push a lover through 
The girl I killed was petite and serene 
khaki trousers ,white  woolen pullover 
Timeless words,‎ her mouth full of God 
She was a gifted, gifted scene in daily deja vu 
I never saw her from what she was 
I never breathed her breath or saw her cry
Instead, I destroyed her habitat, I cut her mahogany hair 
I cut her tender voice through 
I killed the girl I knew 
In a sense, I've killed myself dozen times more ado
I lost the girl who whispered : I am you.

Tina RSH ©

My blood is sacred for it waters
the burning drought that surges
the barren outskirt of my skin
It ignites the grave of every dead muscle
killed for shooting a wide toothy smile
across my unquivering lips
It tells long forgotten tales
of all the women I used to be
but failed to see,with eyes shut
vomitting tears of self disdain
and a widespread rash over my skin
My blood is a red flag of relief
from a heap of decapitated veins
and the sardonic cold inside each *****
Every drop, a stifled scream for help
a pitiful plea to be noticed
And a scar-let seductress
waltzing across each arm
In the fading light of room
and the dying music of my heart
but my sacred blood still shines
it spills like barrels of wine
down the outskirts of my barren skin
and from each tiny particle
rises a woman that says "sacred"

If I were in pieces Could I grab the phone
and give you a call?
Would you wipe away my tears or care about me at all?
Would you hear my pain if someone dragged a blade across my heart?
Would you stick my pieces together before I fall apart?
Would you for no reason hold my hand and say it'll be okay?
Is it too much ask? Would you like strangers to just stay away?
I don't know you at all but I wish you picked up the phone and said hi.
I've been with too many people who called only to say goodbye.
Sometimes I read this from the dying passion in their eyes
Sometimes from the awkward silence and often from their lies.
Will you sit through my grief long enough that it turns into a smile?
Will you, Will you for once tell me I am strong even though I'm fragile.
I'm in the telephone box now dialing random numbers on an imaginary list
praying in my heart someone like you can still exist.

When rain drops kiss the face of earth
When the skyline shakes with mirth
When coffee fills up a white cup
And four year old Ben craves a lollipop
I die to put a we
at the beggining of our endless road
And make all the little "mine"s
great Ours.
sitting here like a relentless toad
begging, begging of God
for all roses to sing ballads
For my blood to be the ink
of your pen to write
why those nightingales sighed
at my ailing sight.
Or why
the rain stopped
and I wept instead.
But, believe it or not
Sweet love!
God lost his power
over natural elements
birds, ants and mice
As your love had me lost
more than twice.

You come to me in hunger
preying on my flesh.
I nuzzle your weary feathers
Now they feel robust again
And fly you high to the sky.
I am not your food dear.

I wandered the world
and I wandered with no aim
Everybody's colours changed
but yours remained the same
Their fleeting sparks of joy
was the pure love they used to claim
You thrived for a simple sanctuary
while they all fought for fame
they took the award
and we took the blame
An award for playing pretend
A blame for having no shame
It seems we lose every time
but we can always play again
play like the wounds have healed
play like it'll be a fair game
And in a room full of kings and queens
I would still call out your name
To tell you the world hasn't seen your kind
stay the same! Stay the same...

Baby I pray you find peace among the broken pieces of your mind.
That which you claim to be whole

I pray you never have to torture anyone's heart
To console your own tortured soul

I have stuck my love together with glistening tears
and bear you no ill will at all

Sweet baby of mine, I pray you heal
from the black pain you projected on me like nightfall

Be safe baby and I pray you find peace  
for in the cage of your heart there's a door to release.

By #TinaRSH

You cannot **** a dead man.
Nor can you break someone
who is already into pieces.
#TinaRSH