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Feb 2016 · 2.7k
royalty
anonymous999 Feb 2016
you crowned me queen and put me up in your beautiful castle

i tried to run, i tried so hard to run away but you pinned me into my gown and you locked me in my tower and told me you would love me
and you loved me
and for the first time, i thought myself a queen
not because of my jeweled head but because the love you shed

now my crown is gone and i'm not quite used to the absence of its weight
i'm running around and falling over drunk on the idea that
you don't love me anymore
and begging someone to lie to me again

i do not miss the crown on my head, i am just sad that the castle wasn't real

next time you build, make sure that you aren't building out of broken glass
i'm unsure how this will be interpreted
Jan 2016 · 2.0k
tragedy // wisdom
anonymous999 Jan 2016
whenever things fall apart,
people say
"it wasn't supposed to happen this way"
but you cannot learn
to pick up the pieces
until someone knocks them out of your hands
everything is as it is supposed to be
Jan 2016 · 1.4k
fire
anonymous999 Jan 2016
you made me feel so warm
i didn't even notice
you were setting me on fire

you burned me to the ground
and i'm not even sorry
if someone had came before you
and offered to douse me
i would have said no,
i would rather burn

now all i am is ashes
doing all i can to keep these embers burning
and trying to savor the warmth

i never knew, but you've always been fire, and i've always been easy to ignite
fires must move on to new fuel to stay alive
so goodbye
you burned so bright
Jan 2016 · 1.6k
wonder
anonymous999 Jan 2016
i wonder if
you wonder if
i'm sleeping

i wonder if
you wonder if
i'm fine

i wonder if
you wonder if
i'm knowing
there's another reason
that you can't
be mine
i'm sorry my writing *****
Jan 2016 · 1.5k
vertigo
anonymous999 Jan 2016
you left last week and
i have vertigo
the room spins if
i move my head
in any direction and
i think that
my body is telling me that
i need to keep my head up or
literally, i will fall
the universe is funny sometimes
anonymous999 Jan 2016
i can't stop throwing up and
i think my body is
rejecting itself
i told you i hated you
and i told myself that i was better off alone
and that i deserve better than you and
my body is choking on my words and
it is not beautiful
Dec 2015 · 946
strong women
anonymous999 Dec 2015
there is fire in my mind and kindling in my mouth and if you can't take the heat then you **** well better get out of the kitchen
Dec 2015 · 2.2k
craving
anonymous999 Dec 2015
i crave love.
i could live forever without cherry pie but i may not make it through the night without someone by my side
i don't need strawberry donuts but without your lips i would starve
my stomach grumbles for your kisses,
my waist itches for your arms,
i'm craving something,
something to keep me warm
just a silly little something
Dec 2015 · 2.1k
eighteen
anonymous999 Dec 2015
i am 18 years old and i've kissed 17 boys. i've passed 16 classes, and cried at school 15 times. sophomore year i missed 14 days of school. i've figured out 13 ways to say "i didn't do my homework," and i am halfway through the 12th grade. my longest relationship lasted 11 months. i once left a picture up for 10 minutes, and received 9 comments about how unacceptable my shirt was. i have gone through 8 best friends and 7 phones. i've gotten lost on the road 6 times and i have 5 friends i plan to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. at my first job, i made $4 an hour. i've fallen in love 3 times, i've seen two therapists and i'm still holding on to this one thought that everything is going to be okay.
everything is going to be okay.
anonymous999 Nov 2015
you are not delicate.
when your flesh bruises, when your bones break, when your head aches, when your lover leaves, you will carry on.
there is a reason tears do not burn skin.
your muscles were made to lift your heavy heart and leaden legs.
you were made to carry on.

so when he tells you "i don't love you anymore," your bones will not allow you to collapse, your muscles will carry you forward. there is a reason your eyes are in the front of your head. don't look back.

you will not break.
you are not a cheap manufactured toy.
you are an exquisite human being hand-crafted by the likes of god,
your weak joints cannot be snapped.
you are made of blood, sweat, and tears and you are resilient.

your heart strings are made of solid steel and though you may not have an iron grip, you learn to catch the curveballs. i promise.

so no, you will not break.
you are not delicate. you are strong, you are beautiful, you are unique.
you will not break.
you will endure

e.d.
edited from a previous version
anonymous999 Oct 2015
being mean to people that hurt you won't make you feel any better.

2. whatever it is, you've got to get over it. it made you sad then, there's no reason it should make you sad now. live, learn, and move on with love.

3. there's nothing wrong with using social media. use it to educate yourself. follow national geographic, the new york times, politicians, zoos, museums. the world is at your fingertips. or use it to watch worldstar videos, i don't care. whatever makes you happy.

4. don't apologize for who you are. maybe you're sassy, introverted, independent, cheesy, maybe you love 70's rock, maybe you love starbucks, maybe you love justin bieber. it's all perfectly fine. never let anyone make you feel sorry for who you are.

5. if someone acts like they don't care about you, it's because they don't.

6. you might never understand all that your mom has done for you. be nice to her.

7. you need to be nice yourself, too. treat yourself to sunrises, puppies, sleeping in, and morning runs followed by donuts. you deserve it.

8. what's meant to be will be. in the meantime, respect yourself enough to  walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. the best days of your life are ahead of you.

-e.d.
in honor of my 18th birthday in a month. i am very open to critique and suggestions
Jul 2015 · 916
a letter to my ex
anonymous999 Jul 2015
one day, you'll love a girl.
and her laughter will warm you from the inside out. her happiness will be your happiness, her sadness will be your sadness. it'll hurt you too when she cries. you'll crave her presence, her hugs, her kisses. you'll do anything to make her smile, cheer her up when she's sad. the thought of being without her will make your heart ache, spending time away from her will make your heart ache, you will feel disgustingly vulnerable. you'll forgive her, and forgive her, and forgive her, even when you shouldn't, because you just can't bear to let her go. your heart will smile when she's around, and you'll be on top of the world when she falls asleep on your chest. your favorite place in the world will be her arms, your favorite sound will be her voice.

when she leaves, you'll have to go and try to find all the pieces of yourself that you gave her. you'll have to try and remember who you were before her.
when you love a girl, you would never do anything to hurt her.

i'm sorry i wasn't that girl. that's how i felt about you and i'm sorry that it couldn't be the same

one day you will meet a girl and her laughter will be your water and her smile will be your sunshine and you'll know.
i'm sorry i wasn't enough
Jun 2015 · 2.0k
dear mother
anonymous999 Jun 2015
dear mother,
my mental health is not a spectator sport.

you do not get to tell me "you need to go to school to learn to be a decent person" when i am too depressed to get out of bed and then brag about my ACT score.
it is not your score. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to tell me that you are sending me to a psychologist to "learn how to treat other people" and then ask me if i am okay. i am not okay.

dear mother,
you do not get to watch me hyperventilate under a bed on a school morning and get angry and then brag to your friends about my GPA. it is not your GPA. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to scream at me for "upsetting your household" and order me to take easier classes and then brag to your friends that your daughter took 5 AP classes. yes, that is hard, but you made it harder.

dear mother,
you do not get to scold me when, yes, i stayed up all night but didn't finish my work but then brag to your friends about my success. it is not your success. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to push me down and then comment on how wonderfully i got back up.

you do not get to cheer me in success and boo me in defeat. i am not a sports team, i am your daughter

dear mother,
you are not my mother. you are my fair-weather fan, and yes i am doing well now but i do not have time for autographs.

dear mother,
goodbye.
Jun 2015 · 697
just words
anonymous999 Jun 2015
to you these are just shapes on a page, sounds in the air
but when i tell you "i loved him,"
i can him smiling in a thousand different places and when i say "that was a good day," i can feel the butterflies in my chest and my light heart and the sunshine on my face and when i say "it was nice to have someone," i can feel his hand on the small of my back and his soft voice asking "are you okay?"
i can say "i really ******* loved him," and maybe you can hear the pain in my voice but you'll never experience the agony of being ***** in his bed and saying "you don't love me,"
you'll never know what it's like to **** yourself daily to try to hold on to something that isn't even there. yes i can show you a picture but you'll never know how beautiful he was to me

i can say that it hurts, that his absence ravages my insides, that meeting him was like drowning and finally being pulled to the surface, like living in darkness and someone finally turning on the light,
and maybe you can imagine what it is like, but i cannot make you feel my pain.

"How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it's just words."
-David Foster Wallace
how odd
anonymous999 May 2015
i know i told everyone i hated you, but oh, baby
alcohol will not fill the hole i left.
you can pour as much ***** down your throat as you want but if it tasted like my name after two shots, it will still taste like my name after twelve.

oh, baby
alcohol, contrary to popular belief, is not a truth serum.
it will not cure your compulsive lying, it will not provide you with a newfound empathy for others.
liquor is not a cure, it does not make you better, it makes you worse.

oh, baby
alcohol does not make you forget.
four days after i found out about you and her and all the lies, you sent me 80 drunk texts begging me to return to your abusive relationship. do not tell me that alcohol makes you forget.

i've never drunk texted you but it only takes my drunk self 15 minutes at a party to find a boy to fill your role for the night. seven shots later and i'm holding this boys hand and he's holding me up - i did not forget that he was not you, i merely remembered that i was alone.
alcohol does not make you forget.

oh, baby
alcohol will not help your grades.
i heard that your new study partner is named smirnoff, i know textbooks don't have blonde hair and soft lips but i promise they would make a better replacement than that bottle.

oh, baby
alcohol will not make you nicer.
drunk texting me that this is all my fault for being so jealous is not endearing. calling her a ***** is not endearing. falling over is not endearing.
baby, alcohol will not make people like you more.

oh, baby
i know that you are carrying some baggage but alcohol will not make them lighter, alcohol will not make them more colorful, alcohol will not make them more valuable.
it will not help, it is not appealing, ***** breath is not a cool accessory.

i am never coming back, but the boy i fell in love with is inside of you somewhere and he does not deserve to be treated like this.
Apr 2015 · 743
alone but not lonely
anonymous999 Apr 2015
today i thought about how i'm better off without you.

lights shine brightest in the dark, mountains appear greatest among plains, bulls are most frightening by themselves, and i gleam clearer without **** on my surface.

i'm so much happier now.
Apr 2015 · 3.2k
desire
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i am tired
of asking people
to love me

flowers do not
beg honey bees
to land

shores do not
beg ocean tides
to return

if my sweet scent
does not lure you
nor does the moon guide you to me,
i do not want you,
if anything less than gravity pulls you
to me
anonymous999 Apr 2015
some days i was proud of myself for not swallowing a bottle of pills; some days i refused to be proud of my six A's and one B. you try and try and try to love yourself but some days all you can give yourself is existence.

some days i had to force myself to eat because my stomach was too full of anxiety to have room for an apple. some days all you can give yourself is breakfast.

some days all you can give yourself is food and water and air and that is okay. but you are not allowed to deprive yourself of your existence. you are not allowed to deprive the world of your beauty.

some days it was really ******* hard, but every night i tried to tuck myself in, every morning i tried to do something positive, and every day i tried so ******* hard not to swallow that bottle of pills. my grandmother does not deserve for her only granddaughter to die at the age of 17.

and here i am. i'm okay. i'm telling myself that i'm okay. right now i'm in a dark valley and i can't see the sun over the horizon but i still know that the sun eventually will rise. there are brighter days ahead of me, and there are brighter days ahead of you.
the only way to feel the warmth on your skin is to wait for the sun to rise.
wait for the sun to rise.
i edited this and this is the new version
Apr 2015 · 3.5k
aggression
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i am aggressive.
aggressively happy, aggressively sad.

i will be the sun that crashes through
your window and warms your living room with my laughter, i will melt your candles and burn your eyes with my smile. i will furnish your home with my voice and hang memories of us on the walls of your heart. i will scorch you by surprise like a seat belt in july, i will scald your cupid's bow with my cherry lips and you will never get my taste out of your mouth. i will set your house on fire.

but on the hard days, i will not.

i will drain the color from your life. my tears will wash the pigment from the walls and pull the curtains shut. you won't remember what sunshine feels like. my shivering shoulders will **** the warmth out of our shared home, establishing a winter not with crystalline ice but with a bone-chilling cold whose frost bites at anything exposed - your heart, your fingers, your nose - don't let me get too close.

i will be your sunshine, and then i will leave you out in the rain.
i wish i could be a calm, pleasant day, but i can only be fire, i can only be ice.
i'm sorry, but i've never known gray - i've never done anything halfway.
Apr 2015 · 1.7k
a four line story
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i've found it much easier to have nothing than to have half of something
even smooth rocks become sharp when you break them in half
that's why i felt so much better when you left
i would rather feel nothing than lay in a bed of broken glass
i wish someone would have told me to let go of the pieces that were cutting my hands
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
march 25th // dear diary
anonymous999 Mar 2015
i kissed a boy today.
i didn't receive life from his lips,
i didn't feel love on his fingertips.
our lips just came together,
and i realized that
i miss your kisses.
even if i don't miss anything else about you.
Mar 2015 · 1.7k
satisfaction
anonymous999 Mar 2015
i don't have to be your sun and your moon, but if i can be the warmth that always soothes you and the cool water on your face in the morning; then that is enough, that is enough for me
anonymous999 Mar 2015
you are not delicate.
when your flesh bruises, when your bones break, when your head aches, when your lover leaves, you will carry on.
there is a reason tears do not burn skin.
your muscles were made to lift your heavy heart and leaden legs.
you were made to carry on.

so when he tells you "i don't love you anymore," your bones will not allow you to collapse, your muscles will carry you forward. there is a reason your eyes are in the front of your head. don't look back.

you will not break.
you are not a cheap manufactured toy.
you are an exquisite human being hand-crafted by the likes of god.
your weak joints cannot be snapped.
you are made of blood, sweat, and tears and you are resilient.
your heart will not break. the average human heart heart has over 2 billion beats in it. until you are old and wrinkled, your heart will be there, ba-thum, ba-thum, reminding you that yes, you are alive, you are so alive.

your bones don't break on a nightly basis.
a force of 1,700 pounds per square inch is required to fracture a femur, and yes, i know his words felt like punches, but your ribs are quite alright.

i know that your past sits on your shoulders, i promise that you were made to bear its weight.

your heart strings are made of solid steel and though you may not have an iron grip, you learn to catch the curveballs. i promise.

so no, you will not break.
you are not delicate. you are strong, you are beautiful, you are unique.
you will not break.
you will endure
don't give up
Mar 2015 · 2.2k
11 word story
anonymous999 Mar 2015
you can't feel other people's hurt, but you can read it
Feb 2015 · 1.1k
five, four, three, two, one.
anonymous999 Feb 2015
five.
five days ago you came over. we broke up two months ago and we hadn't kissed since, but then we were wrestling and you pinned me and we paused for what seemed like forever until you kissed me. we kissed like we were making up for lost time, until we went upstairs to lay in bed together. i wrapped myself around you, hand in hand and head on chest and heart, mine, in your hands. happiness flowed through my veins.
four.
four days ago, i show up at 12:30. you're drunk. you barely say hello. i help you to the couch, you fall off, i help you back onto the couch. you're covering your eyes, does the light hurt your eyes? here, drink this water. i got you a straw. drink it all up! you'll thank me tomorrow. you want to go to bed? i stop you from falling down the stairs and tuck you in. i come back ten minutes later and she's trying to crawl into bed with you, i tell her to leave. i ask if it's okay for me to get in bed with you. i have 8 inches on the wrong side of the bed, but that night, i was the big spoon, and we slept. my arm over your waist and my heart, again, in your hands. we wake up, it's valentine's day. good morning, how are you feeling? i rub your back and you bury your face in my neck. you tell me you have to work till 8. i hurry home from the mall before 8 and almost decide to visit you at work. i change my mind. you text me at 9, they made you stay late. your parents wouldn't let you go out. i cry, but it's okay. i understand.
three.
three days ago, you apologize for not treating me better and thank me for putting up with you. you promise to be better in the future. i start crying because i feel like you're not trying. we talk on the phone for three hours, all is forgiven. i spend half an hour telling you cheesy pick-up lines. we say goodnight at 1:45am.
two.
you promised me we would hang out, but it started snowing and your parents wouldnt let you. okay, but if you break another promise i'll be mad. i cry, but it's okay. goodnight, i love you too
one.
yesterday, you asked me to hang out at 1 o'clock. i want you to plan it, but i eventually give in and say lets go ice skating. you come over at 1, we watch mean girls and hold hands. then we go skating. "hey, is it okay if i go to winter formal with this girl, just as friends?" no, if you want me back you have to act like it. "okay, i'll tell her i can't go" okay.

one.
yesterday, you hung out with her until 12:30, and then drove straight from lunch with her to my house. you let something slip and i made you show me your phone. i start yelling at you. i continue yelling at you. don't touch me. i'll block your number right now, don't even worry about it.
two.
two days ago you casually told your church friends about "doing stuff" with her on valentine's day.
three.
three days ago we talked on the phone for three hours. we hang up at 1:45am, you text her at 1:47. "are you up?" yes, she's awake. "love ya" "i meant what i said. i care about you." 2:06 and you go to bed.
four.
four days ago was valentine's day. you said "i was so confused when i woke up next to her. it was so weird" you told me you worked till 8. you worked till 7, stopped by her house for two hours, went home at 9. i guess "basically dating" doesn't include on valentine's day.
five.
yesterday i made you show me your phone, and this is the conversation you had about five days ago. "why did you go over to Eva's house on friday?"  
"she was upset and i had nothing better to do."  
"why did you kiss her?"  
"i didn't, she kissed me and i just went with it."
"why were you hanging with her?"
"i don't know. trust me i would've rather been with you."

zero.
today i found out that after eight months, you told her you never loved me. i guess you really never loved me.
just trying to share my experience
Feb 2015 · 5.2k
a love letter to myself
anonymous999 Feb 2015
please, i beg you, take care of yourself. when your stomach rumbles, eat. when your eyelids droop, sleep. and when your voice quivers, find a comfortable spot and cry, cry your little heart out. but when you're done, dry your eyes, occupy yourself, and know in your heart that you are better than that. do not be sad, be angry. become a roaring fire and burn the memory of all those who have wronged you.
do not let the leaky faucets **** you. do not drown in a bucket of tears. light it on fire. pour it out. throw it. scream "*******" to sadness because you are so much better than it.
let it out, let it out, let it out, then be done.

because yes love, right now your sadness feels quite heavy but the truth is that it is just a paperweight. learn to turn the page.
Feb 2015 · 1.8k
"how's your head?"
anonymous999 Feb 2015
i tried to **** myself
and two days later i got a concussion from a car accident
everybody asked me "how's your head?"
and i said "fine"
but i thought about how no one normally asked me about the state of my head
because i was not fine
i was not fine
concussions aren't the only things that can be wrong with your brain
but why does nobody ask you about them?
just some thoughts.
Jan 2015 · 970
public service announcement
anonymous999 Jan 2015
DEPRESSION IS REAL.
depression is not being sad. depression is gray-tinted glasses that affect how you see the world, depression turns your emotions from stone to glass, you never knew the meaning of "emotionally unstable" until someone drops you half of a foot and you shatter. until someone cancels on you and somehow you find yourself sobbing in your room because the demons in your head tell you that nobody ******* cares about you, nobody ******* cares about you, nobody ******* cares about you.
depression is real. i can feel it in my chest and on my eyelids and in my head and i can even feel it's iron death grip on my throat.
some days i swore to God there was a four-ton elephant sitting pretty on my chest, but i was the only one who could see it. some days there were five-pound weights hanging from my eyelids and the only way to keep myself awake was to pump myself so full of caffeine that my hands shook while my eyes were still tired, making me exhausted and anxious and hyperactive all at once. some days it took hold of my head, squeezing my eyes so that my reflection was warped and twisted and grotesque, whispering into my ears that i needed to eat less. you need to eat less. some days it attacked my heart. i can not describe the sensation better than to say that some days it felt like my aortas were being beaten by dull wooden stakes or like my blood had been replaced with icewater.
you're sitting in class enjoying a captivating psychology lecture when that thought pops in your head: "why are you even alive?" and your blood freezes, your ribs tighten, and something grabs hold of your windpipe so that all you can do to not say "i want to die" when the teacher calls on you is shake your head and say "i don't know."
you're sitting in math class and you're supposed to be learning about integrals but all you can think about is everyone's reactions if you didn't wake up the next day; you're sick but all you notice is that no one noticed you were gone. maybe no one would notice if you were gone.

one year, food was all that could make me feel happy; i found hope in the dopamine rush from the sugary calories; i rejoiced at the satisfactory feeling i got from devouring half of a pan of brownies.
the next year, yes, i know i have always loved dark chocolate but today i just can't seem to taste it. or anything for that matter.
the only thing i could get myself to ingest were liquids that would take my memories away for a while. i had no problem pouring cheap caramel apple ***** down my throat but could not get myself to pick up a golden delicious and bite into it because i knew i wouldn't have be able to finish it anyway.

depression is real. depression is a ****** up monster that leaves no part of you untouched and can steal the very essence of who you are if you let it. depression can ******* rip you apart. someone will tell you that they love you and all you will be able to say in return is "no you don't."
depression takes away who you are. because you haven't always cried every day, you haven't always been unable to eat, you used to be able to stomach an "i love you" and you used to smile when you saw your little sister.
this is not you, this is depression, depression is real. you are not pretending, you are not 'not trying', you are not 'broken'; honey all you have are some unbalanced chemicals in your brain. but we're going to try as hard as we can to make them go back to normal. i know you're in there.

depression is real. but so are you.
Jan 2015 · 2.8k
ten word story
anonymous999 Jan 2015
i finally learned to love myself, but everyone else forgot
Jan 2015 · 903
wait for the sun to rise
anonymous999 Jan 2015
some days i was proud of myself for not swallowing a bottle of pills; some days i refused to be proud of my six A's and one B. you try and try and try to love yourself but some days all you can give yourself is existence.

some days i had to force myself to eat because my stomach was too full of anxiety to have any room for a slice of bread. some days all you can give yourself is breakfast.

some days all you can give yourself is food and water and air and that is okay. but you are not allowed to deprive yourself of your existence. you are not allowed to deprive the world of your beauty.

some days it was really ******* hard but every night i tried to tuck myself in, every morning i tried to do something positive, and every day i tried so ******* hard not to asphyxiate myself with the trash bag that i keep under my bed because my grandmother doesn't deserve for her only granddaughter to die at the age of 17.

and here i am. i'm okay. i'm telling myself that i'm okay. right now i'm in a dark valley and i can't see the sun over the horizon but i still know that the sun eventually will rise. there are brighter days ahead of me, and there are brighter days ahead of you.
the only way to feel the warmth on your skin is to wait for the sun to rise.
wait for the sun to rise.
you have to keep trying
Jan 2015 · 7.7k
melancholy
anonymous999 Jan 2015
i know he never loved me, but i relished every second that he pretended
anonymous999 Dec 2014
i hope the ed sheeran playlist that i showed you makes you think of me, i hope you read your ****** dystopia books and remember me reading aloud the back covers, i hope you remember which one was my favorite, i hope you ******* loved it and remember that i always had good taste, i hope your cruise was awful, i hope you know i bought you christmas presents and had to take them back, i hope you know that i was glad for the returned cash. i know that the girl that is all over you is annoying, i hope that makes you miss me because i wasn't, i hope your heart aches like mine does, i hope you're doing worse than i am, i hope you find the letter i wrote you for our six month anniversary and i hope you read it over and over again, i hope you cried this time, this isn't going to end with you making me dinner and us making out, this isn't going to end with me taking you back again, this isn't going to end with me getting hurt again; this is the end.
this is the end.
this isn't even poetry. i'm sorry
anonymous999 Dec 2014
you are full of tears
but that does not make you sad
you can get emotional but you are so much more than a shipwreck
maybe you get upset sometimes but that does not reduce you to a puddle of saltwater

you am so much more than sad.
you are strong, you are intelligent,
you are sweet, you are wonderful.
maybe you are sad but you are also inspiring and beautiful and valuable and unique

do not ever let yourself be defined by an illness. do not let a boy leave you because you are "sad", because you are so much more than a tear on your cheek, you are so much more than **** crying, you are so much more than smeared makeup and sad is a feeling, not a state of being, not a personality trait.

do not ever let yourself be reduced to just "sad"
and tell that boy to go **** himself because you are so much more than sad
highly relevant to my life
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
happiness
anonymous999 Dec 2014
life is horrible sometimes
you'll go from on top of the world
to under it
in a matter of minutes
it happens

life is sad sometimes
but you do not deserve to be sad
so turn your music up loud enough to tune out the loneliness
and drive until you can't feel the tears on your cheeks
sleep, and sleep, and sleep, but then please, get out of your bed
put on your favorite clothes and go to the mall
walk past those boys and know that you look good
even if today is not your day
watch movies that will make you laugh
be around people that will make you laugh
read things that will make you laugh
laugh
go to the pet store and play with some puppies if that's what's going to make you happy
but do not destroy yourself
you are not allowed to destroy yourself
even if you are cripplingly sad
there is help out there
and you are not allowed to destroy yourself
there is happiness out there
all you have to do is find it
anonymous999 Dec 2014
do not fall in love with a romantic.
when he leaves you, every red rose you come across will remind you of the ones he surprised you with

do not fall in love with a romantic.
the song he would play for you on his guitar will echo in your ears for years; each time you hear it will feel like a small dagger in a fresh wound

do not fall in love with a romantic.
for two years, your heart will jump at every unexpected knock on your door, because you think that maybe it's him on another surprise visit.
eventually, you will guessing that these unexpected knocks are your new boyfriend, surprising you. your heart will jump, then fall. your new boyfriend doesn't make surprise visits

do not fall in love with a romantic.
you will find yourself ***** in your boyfriend's bed crying about how you think he doesn't love you
because he doesn't love you like your old boyfriend did
you'll apologize, and he'll apologize, but he still won't love you like your old boyfriend did

do not fall in love with a romantic.
you'll embarrass yourself drunk texting him a year after you broke up

do not fall in love with a romantic.
i promise you that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't compare your lips to sugar and your eyes to oceans.
you are still his beautiful flower, even if he doesn't know how to spell hibiscus

do not fall in love with a romantic.
i promise you that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't surprise you with roses
i promise that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't write you letters
i promise that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't write you poetry
i promise that your boyfriend loves you

do not fall in love with a romantic,
you will never get over it
one of the most honest things i've ever written. we broke up a year ago today
Dec 2014 · 1.9k
kissing
anonymous999 Dec 2014
if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like his love is penetrating your veins through your mouth, if he kisses you and you feel like you owe him something more, if he kisses you and it feels like his tongue is searching for a "yes" in the back of your throat, if he kisses you and you don't feel like it is a direct pouring out of his love for you from his mouth to yours, if he kisses you and time doesn't stop, if he kisses you and the room doesn't spin, if he kisses you and you're not floating, if he kisses you and his lips aren't the only thing keeping you grounded, if he kisses you and he doesn't need both hands to steady himself, both hands to keep his grip on your beautiful face so he doesn't get lost in you then darling, he is not for you.
if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like he loves you, then darling, i am sorry, but he is not the one for you.
i tried to describe it feels like when you kiss me
i'm sorry for being such a hopeless romantic
Nov 2014 · 15.0k
the two types of anorexics
anonymous999 Nov 2014
there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

some eat cake with their eyes
while others are busy planning their demise
one wants to see bones, another, headstones

one could love themselves if they were just 40 pounds thinner
"maybe i'll love myself if i just skip dinner"
the other has no appetite, a battle with calories she does not fight

a battle, rather, with herself
to **** herself or stay in living ****
too preoccupied to care what is on the pantry shelf

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
memories
anonymous999 Nov 2014
there's a blister on the ******* of my left hand
from carving pumpkins with you
my toes are still painted pink from when we went to the school dance
and there's a scar on my right cheek from when my brother got too angry and you
were the first one i called
but
the blister will heal
the scar will fade
and i think i just might paint my toes green

your memories will fade
and i will be okay
anonymous999 Nov 2014
when you say "no" and he says "please" SAY IT LOUDER
when you say "drive me home" and he says "five minutes" SAY IT AGAIN
when you say "no" and he says "just once" LEAVE
when you say "no" and he says "nobody has to know" SAY GO **** YOURSELF
when you say "no" and he says "but i bought you dinner" GET OUT OF THE CAR
when you say "no" and he says "yes" SAY NO

when you say no, SAY IT LOUDER, SAY IT AGAIN, LEAVE, GO **** YOURSELF, GET OUT OF THE CAR, NO

No.
anonymous999 Nov 2014
i hope my shadow follows you through the rooms of your house
i hope my perfume lingers in your bedsheets and my ***** body lingers in your mind
i hope that when you look at your backyard, that all you can see is the red hammock that we broke
and we laughed and laughed
i hope you sit in your living room and remember when i counted the fourteen fake candles. i hope you count them and find fourteen and remember when we kissed on the floor
i hope that blonde hairs litter your possessions. i hope that you find them on your clothes, in your car, in your room, for months after i've left
i don't want to be so easy to get rid of.
i hope my voice has stained all your family photos so that all you can see when you look at them is how cute i thought you were
i hope that the sight of your empty passenger seat physically pains you and i hope that every day you feel as if something important is missing
and i hope that that something important is me  
i hope your lips burn bitter with my aftertaste and your hands grow lonely just like your friday nights without me

i want you to miss me
even if you won't
i'm sorry i wasn't enough
Nov 2014 · 1.5k
self worth
anonymous999 Nov 2014
when your ex texts you in the middle of the night, "wanna come over?"
tell him
"go **** yourself"
and when the boy who turned you down three years ago because you weren't pretty enough tries to get in your pants, tell him to **** a ****
when the girl you were best friends with in second grade is now too cool for you, tell her that you never liked her anyway
when your mother tells you that you look fat in that outfit, tell her that it's the new trend.
when your father lays a hand on you, call the cops.
when your boyfriend cheats on you, leave him.
when life bites, bite back.

be your own hero, and your own biggest fan. respect yourself. you are worth so much more
words of advice
anonymous999 Oct 2014
the smell of old alcohol lingers on my sheets, less potent that of your cologne but it still brings back memories of 2. your face is all i can see in this swirling whirling darkness. 3. i swear i can still feel your hands wrapped around my waist holding me together but they are not there. the only thing you have a grip on now is my 4. heart, beating louder than a runaway train because of cloudy memories of your 5. taste overcoming me. you were so sweet, all that was left in your absence was the melancholy taste of loneliness
i never knew love could be so ironic
Oct 2014 · 2.4k
science
anonymous999 Oct 2014
you never tried to analyze me.
you never took a flashlight to the darkest parts of my mind, never checked my aching bones to make sure they were alright.
you never checked my lungs to see that they were filled with water, never saw my shoulders, the burden they were under.
you only saw my face, readied and pristine, my face constantly smiling whenever i heard your name.
you never examined the backs of my eyes to see what keeps coming back, never checked my spine to see if something makes it *****.
you never checked my muscles, you never checked my heart. if you had dusted it for fingerprints, you would've only found his marks



[this heartbreak hollowed out my bones, and weighs a thousand pounds, it pushed me underwater, but your name, i can't quite drown out. you're trapped inside my head, i hope you do get out, you're the burden i am under, i really have no doubt. if you had checked for fingerprints, you wouldn't have been invested, if you had checked my heartstrings, you wouldn't have been tested.
you failed the science test this time and i'm so sincerely sorry. but if you had checked for variables you wouldn't have had to worry]
i don't even know
Oct 2014 · 5.5k
fingerprints
anonymous999 Oct 2014
your fingerprints are on my heart and i haven't quite been able to get rid of them at all
it's been six months and i owe my current boyfriend an apology because ****, i don't love him
i never asked for these lingering prints and i've tried so hard to get rid of them but tears did not wash them away, and loneliness did not erase them. now im learning that a heart in new hands will not cover your marks either and to my boyfriend, i'm so incredibly sorry, but you're not him
i'm a ****** person
Oct 2014 · 438
i don't love you pt. 2
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i don't love you but hello god it's six months later and i'd like to thank you for allowing me to meet such a beautiful human being

you made it difficult for me to believe that anyone else really loves me does anyone else really love me if they won't jump mountains and cross deserts and swim oceans and run miles? because you did. and you did.

you're burned into my eyelids and you are ringing in my ears
i can sometimes feel your lips from hundreds of miles away but tonight all i can say is thank you god
it was an honor knowing you
Oct 2014 · 534
heartbreak
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i'm terrified of you leaving me

he told me that he left because
he could "never make me happy"
and it broke me

because you know?
i could never make me happy either

and i'm so scared
that when i'm not "i can't stop smiling" and "i'm so glad to be alive"
that you won't be able to stop me
but i just want to be good enough for you

i'm terrified of being a gray spot
in your vibrant life

my greatest fear is
that i'm going to fall apart,
and you're going to let me
and leave me with the pieces
Oct 2014 · 1.7k
clinical depression
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i was diagnosed with clinical depression, and by clinical depression i mean that the weight of a ten-story building compresses my chest at all hours and my eyelids function like a broken door; i spend all day waiting until i can crawl back into bed and escape the world

the other day i got a D on a test and i cried because i'm not good enough not good enough not good enough

depression is when your lungs are not big enough and your head is not smart enough and you can't breathe can't breathe and can't sort things out

i do not belong here
i do not belong here
edited
anonymous999 Sep 2014
there are many things more important than those good grades we all strive for
like a healthy mental state
and friends
and good character

i could be my school's valedictorian,
but it wouldn't matter
when i killed myself

you could be a genius rocket scientist,
and still make this world
a worse place

you could grow up
and make millions of dollars
but have no one
to share it with
and be terribly,
terribly sad

so if you wake up on monday morning and your head is too heavy to lift, darling, stay in bed
stay in bed
for life is more important than letters
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