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anonymous999 Feb 2015
i tried to **** myself
and two days later i got a concussion from a car accident
everybody asked me "how's your head?"
and i said "fine"
but i thought about how no one normally asked me about the state of my head
because i was not fine
i was not fine
concussions aren't the only things that can be wrong with your brain
but why does nobody ask you about them?
just some thoughts.
anonymous999 Nov 2014
when you say "no" and he says "please" SAY IT LOUDER
when you say "drive me home" and he says "five minutes" SAY IT AGAIN
when you say "no" and he says "just once" LEAVE
when you say "no" and he says "nobody has to know" SAY GO **** YOURSELF
when you say "no" and he says "but i bought you dinner" GET OUT OF THE CAR
when you say "no" and he says "yes" SAY NO

when you say no, SAY IT LOUDER, SAY IT AGAIN, LEAVE, GO **** YOURSELF, GET OUT OF THE CAR, NO

No.
anonymous999 Mar 2015
you can't feel other people's hurt, but you can read it
5w
anonymous999 May 2014
5w
you  were  my  favorite  mistake
anonymous999 Oct 2015
being mean to people that hurt you won't make you feel any better.

2. whatever it is, you've got to get over it. it made you sad then, there's no reason it should make you sad now. live, learn, and move on with love.

3. there's nothing wrong with using social media. use it to educate yourself. follow national geographic, the new york times, politicians, zoos, museums. the world is at your fingertips. or use it to watch worldstar videos, i don't care. whatever makes you happy.

4. don't apologize for who you are. maybe you're sassy, introverted, independent, cheesy, maybe you love 70's rock, maybe you love starbucks, maybe you love justin bieber. it's all perfectly fine. never let anyone make you feel sorry for who you are.

5. if someone acts like they don't care about you, it's because they don't.

6. you might never understand all that your mom has done for you. be nice to her.

7. you need to be nice yourself, too. treat yourself to sunrises, puppies, sleeping in, and morning runs followed by donuts. you deserve it.

8. what's meant to be will be. in the meantime, respect yourself enough to  walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. the best days of your life are ahead of you.

-e.d.
in honor of my 18th birthday in a month. i am very open to critique and suggestions
anonymous999 Jun 2014
sometimes, you can't feel the sunshine and you can't see the flowers and there could be a fire roasting on open coals inches from your hands and you could still not sense its warmth. sometimes you just can't help it and ******* im so ******* sorry that you're telling me you love me and i cannot feel it.
i'm living in a fog and it's not lifting, all i can see are the headlights that are all coming at me, all approaching rapidly.
i skinned my knee but it doesn't really hurt. you left me for her but it really could be worse. all i know is i'm alone in this big empty world. sometimes the sun is shining but you cannot see it. do not scold a blind man for just not seeing. do not fault a boat for being rocked by the water.
sometimes it's all one can do to not be pulled under
i promise i'm trying to swim but i fear i am more a rock than a fish; meant less for the water and more for the ground
i just really want to to swim
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i've found it much easier to have nothing than to have half of something
even smooth rocks become sharp when you break them in half
that's why i felt so much better when you left
i would rather feel nothing than lay in a bed of broken glass
i wish someone would have told me to let go of the pieces that were cutting my hands
anonymous999 Aug 2013
these times i go to a heart-shaped place
you were my rock, i couldn't replace
i'll always remember the look on your face
when you said that i was like the stars in the sky
too pretty to meet their demise
anonymous999 Jul 2015
one day, you'll love a girl.
and her laughter will warm you from the inside out. her happiness will be your happiness, her sadness will be your sadness. it'll hurt you too when she cries. you'll crave her presence, her hugs, her kisses. you'll do anything to make her smile, cheer her up when she's sad. the thought of being without her will make your heart ache, spending time away from her will make your heart ache, you will feel disgustingly vulnerable. you'll forgive her, and forgive her, and forgive her, even when you shouldn't, because you just can't bear to let her go. your heart will smile when she's around, and you'll be on top of the world when she falls asleep on your chest. your favorite place in the world will be her arms, your favorite sound will be her voice.

when she leaves, you'll have to go and try to find all the pieces of yourself that you gave her. you'll have to try and remember who you were before her.
when you love a girl, you would never do anything to hurt her.

i'm sorry i wasn't that girl. that's how i felt about you and i'm sorry that it couldn't be the same

one day you will meet a girl and her laughter will be your water and her smile will be your sunshine and you'll know.
i'm sorry i wasn't enough
anonymous999 May 2015
i know i told everyone i hated you, but oh, baby
alcohol will not fill the hole i left.
you can pour as much ***** down your throat as you want but if it tasted like my name after two shots, it will still taste like my name after twelve.

oh, baby
alcohol, contrary to popular belief, is not a truth serum.
it will not cure your compulsive lying, it will not provide you with a newfound empathy for others.
liquor is not a cure, it does not make you better, it makes you worse.

oh, baby
alcohol does not make you forget.
four days after i found out about you and her and all the lies, you sent me 80 drunk texts begging me to return to your abusive relationship. do not tell me that alcohol makes you forget.

i've never drunk texted you but it only takes my drunk self 15 minutes at a party to find a boy to fill your role for the night. seven shots later and i'm holding this boys hand and he's holding me up - i did not forget that he was not you, i merely remembered that i was alone.
alcohol does not make you forget.

oh, baby
alcohol will not help your grades.
i heard that your new study partner is named smirnoff, i know textbooks don't have blonde hair and soft lips but i promise they would make a better replacement than that bottle.

oh, baby
alcohol will not make you nicer.
drunk texting me that this is all my fault for being so jealous is not endearing. calling her a ***** is not endearing. falling over is not endearing.
baby, alcohol will not make people like you more.

oh, baby
i know that you are carrying some baggage but alcohol will not make them lighter, alcohol will not make them more colorful, alcohol will not make them more valuable.
it will not help, it is not appealing, ***** breath is not a cool accessory.

i am never coming back, but the boy i fell in love with is inside of you somewhere and he does not deserve to be treated like this.
anonymous999 Feb 2015
please, i beg you, take care of yourself. when your stomach rumbles, eat. when your eyelids droop, sleep. and when your voice quivers, find a comfortable spot and cry, cry your little heart out. but when you're done, dry your eyes, occupy yourself, and know in your heart that you are better than that. do not be sad, be angry. become a roaring fire and burn the memory of all those who have wronged you.
do not let the leaky faucets **** you. do not drown in a bucket of tears. light it on fire. pour it out. throw it. scream "*******" to sadness because you are so much better than it.
let it out, let it out, let it out, then be done.

because yes love, right now your sadness feels quite heavy but the truth is that it is just a paperweight. learn to turn the page.
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i am aggressive.
aggressively happy, aggressively sad.

i will be the sun that crashes through
your window and warms your living room with my laughter, i will melt your candles and burn your eyes with my smile. i will furnish your home with my voice and hang memories of us on the walls of your heart. i will scorch you by surprise like a seat belt in july, i will scald your cupid's bow with my cherry lips and you will never get my taste out of your mouth. i will set your house on fire.

but on the hard days, i will not.

i will drain the color from your life. my tears will wash the pigment from the walls and pull the curtains shut. you won't remember what sunshine feels like. my shivering shoulders will **** the warmth out of our shared home, establishing a winter not with crystalline ice but with a bone-chilling cold whose frost bites at anything exposed - your heart, your fingers, your nose - don't let me get too close.

i will be your sunshine, and then i will leave you out in the rain.
i wish i could be a calm, pleasant day, but i can only be fire, i can only be ice.
i'm sorry, but i've never known gray - i've never done anything halfway.
anonymous999 Apr 2015
today i thought about how i'm better off without you.

lights shine brightest in the dark, mountains appear greatest among plains, bulls are most frightening by themselves, and i gleam clearer without **** on my surface.

i'm so much happier now.
anonymous999 Dec 2013
i am always in bed, but never asleep
and constantly smiling, but never at peace
by myself, but never alone

it's me that you're haunting
we've been down this road

to the doctor's, and then back home
i've said this before
please leave me alone
alternate title: voices
anonymous999 May 2014
being a mother
is not about
making bread
and dinner every night

being a mother is about trying to understand
and not gossiping to your friends about my bad choices when i broke up with the boy who
i decided
was not right for me

and believing me
when i told you
that i had an eating disorder
that my brothers constant jokes about my weight had not helped
(i could hear you say to my father, 'but bulimics lose their teeth')

being a mother
is about
being there
when im in the kitchen crying and i know that you can hear me
but you do not come out
being a mother is about hearing the tinge in my voice
when i say that i honestly don't know when i will be ready for school
and the day
and not accusing me of attitude
but hearing that i am struggling
being a mother is about
supporting me
and not telling me that you're waiting for my next mental breakdown
and that im foolish for taking on so much
and trying to do well
because you think i can't do it
well
then maybe i can't do it

but you have failed
a mother's essential job is to help their children conquer the world
and you are not helping
it's mother's day tomorrow
but i do not want to celebrate
i'd say that i'm sorry
but i'm not

happy mother's day
anonymous999 May 2014
i have always been a gentle person
i walk on my toes,
i speak softly so that i'm always repeating myself
i always set my plate down slowly so that it makes no sound
i always check before i cross the street, before i make a decision
i've always been cautious

but you, i loved without holding back
with you, i had no second thoughts
i was more sure about you than i was that the sun would rise tomorrow, or that one of my legs will always be a little bit longer than the other
i rushed into your arms,
without looking both ways, without making sure that it was okay, without checking if anyone else wanted to be in your arms
because for once, it did not matter to me
i screamed your name in the middle of the night when i woke up from a nightmare,
called you up and told you that i was lost without you,
without looking around to see where i was
without checking
because i knew i was lost
without you

i never had any doubts
i'm sorry this is dumb and doesn't have a good ending yet
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i was diagnosed with clinical depression, and by clinical depression i mean that the weight of a ten-story building compresses my chest at all hours and my eyelids function like a broken door; i spend all day waiting until i can crawl back into bed and escape the world

the other day i got a D on a test and i cried because i'm not good enough not good enough not good enough

depression is when your lungs are not big enough and your head is not smart enough and you can't breathe can't breathe and can't sort things out

i do not belong here
i do not belong here
edited
anonymous999 Dec 2015
i crave love.
i could live forever without cherry pie but i may not make it through the night without someone by my side
i don't need strawberry donuts but without your lips i would starve
my stomach grumbles for your kisses,
my waist itches for your arms,
i'm craving something,
something to keep me warm
just a silly little something
anonymous999 Sep 2013
just a little
damaged
pieces of me broken
parts scattered on the floor
waiting for one day,
the owners of the pieces
to come together
and make me whole
once more
anonymous999 Mar 2014
some days may be dark,
darling,
but be confident
that there will come a day
where you will not hate the fact that you woke up,
you will greet the day
sleepily,
but eager
and you will not feel the world caving in
when you're alone
in your bed
at 3am
you will be asleep
you will be asleep

one day
you will not be sad
and it will be worth it
i promise
so darling
hold on,
hold on.
it will get better
i promise
anonymous999 Jun 2015
dear mother,
my mental health is not a spectator sport.

you do not get to tell me "you need to go to school to learn to be a decent person" when i am too depressed to get out of bed and then brag about my ACT score.
it is not your score. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to tell me that you are sending me to a psychologist to "learn how to treat other people" and then ask me if i am okay. i am not okay.

dear mother,
you do not get to watch me hyperventilate under a bed on a school morning and get angry and then brag to your friends about my GPA. it is not your GPA. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to scream at me for "upsetting your household" and order me to take easier classes and then brag to your friends that your daughter took 5 AP classes. yes, that is hard, but you made it harder.

dear mother,
you do not get to scold me when, yes, i stayed up all night but didn't finish my work but then brag to your friends about my success. it is not your success. it is mine.

dear mother,
you do not get to push me down and then comment on how wonderfully i got back up.

you do not get to cheer me in success and boo me in defeat. i am not a sports team, i am your daughter

dear mother,
you are not my mother. you are my fair-weather fan, and yes i am doing well now but i do not have time for autographs.

dear mother,
goodbye.
anonymous999 Apr 2015
i am tired
of asking people
to love me

flowers do not
beg honey bees
to land

shores do not
beg ocean tides
to return

if my sweet scent
does not lure you
nor does the moon guide you to me,
i do not want you,
if anything less than gravity pulls you
to me
anonymous999 Dec 2014
do not fall in love with a romantic.
when he leaves you, every red rose you come across will remind you of the ones he surprised you with

do not fall in love with a romantic.
the song he would play for you on his guitar will echo in your ears for years; each time you hear it will feel like a small dagger in a fresh wound

do not fall in love with a romantic.
for two years, your heart will jump at every unexpected knock on your door, because you think that maybe it's him on another surprise visit.
eventually, you will guessing that these unexpected knocks are your new boyfriend, surprising you. your heart will jump, then fall. your new boyfriend doesn't make surprise visits

do not fall in love with a romantic.
you will find yourself ***** in your boyfriend's bed crying about how you think he doesn't love you
because he doesn't love you like your old boyfriend did
you'll apologize, and he'll apologize, but he still won't love you like your old boyfriend did

do not fall in love with a romantic.
you'll embarrass yourself drunk texting him a year after you broke up

do not fall in love with a romantic.
i promise you that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't compare your lips to sugar and your eyes to oceans.
you are still his beautiful flower, even if he doesn't know how to spell hibiscus

do not fall in love with a romantic.
i promise you that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't surprise you with roses
i promise that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't write you letters
i promise that your boyfriend loves you even though he doesn't write you poetry
i promise that your boyfriend loves you

do not fall in love with a romantic,
you will never get over it
one of the most honest things i've ever written. we broke up a year ago today
anonymous999 Sep 2014
can you ***** my finger and measure the dopamine in my veins? collect my teardrops and tell me if i'm going to be okay? can you light up the darkness with magical pills?
decide if i'm too sad to go to school?
can you tell me if i'm just being melodramatic? measure my blood pressure, maybe that will work. write me a prescription for 5 Happy Days in a row, and 3 hugs from Someone I Love.

doctor, doctor
i'm not feeling well today
doctor, doctor
i don't know if i should stay

sadness isn't a sickness, but it's infected my mind. can you write me some antibiotics to get them out in time?

sadness isn't sickness, but i think i might've caught something from doing a little too much of Having No Friends. don't you know how much i've been Laying In Bed?
sadness isn't sickness, but i think i'm coming down

doctor, doctor
i've got a severe case of the I Don't Want To Lives
can you write me a prescription?
make it go away?

doctor, doctor
you've let me down this time
doctor, doctor
i'm not in my prime

can you tell that i'm not healthy?
'cause i don't think you can
oh, sadness isn't sickness,
but it's fatal,
if all goes according to plan
anonymous999 May 2014
you reach the bright light that enticed you and you walk into a white, glistening room. there is a boy, the kind that reminds you of autumn leaves or the ocean during a storm, standing behind a cozy chair.
"hello," he manages with a pained smile. his voice is rugged and deep, but sad. he motions for you to sit down, and sits across from you. after a moment of resting his face in his hands, he looks up to tell you that he was waiting for you. his voice cracks and his fist clenches as he says, "we were soulmates," his eyes are piercing as they fill with tears. "this isn't right," he croaks out.
he leans back, swallows, and tries to gather himself. after a moment he sits forward in his chair and his eyes trace your features; he can't pull them as he says "god, you  are  beautiful."
he takes a deep breath. "we were going to meet at twenty-three," his eyes still glued to you. "i just don't know what i'm supposed to do without you," he looks at his left hand, rips off the ring and throws it, now in hysterics. "we were soulmates" he cries, and paces, aware that he's running out of time. "you shouldn't have done it!" he screams, tears rolling down his cheeks. you remain completely still, you couldn't move if you wanted to. "if only you wouldn't have done it," he sobs. and all at once, he disappears, and you are left in a plain white room, alone with two chairs.

if only you wouldn't have done it.
anonymous999 Dec 2015
i am 18 years old and i've kissed 17 boys. i've passed 16 classes, and cried at school 15 times. sophomore year i missed 14 days of school. i've figured out 13 ways to say "i didn't do my homework," and i am halfway through the 12th grade. my longest relationship lasted 11 months. i once left a picture up for 10 minutes, and received 9 comments about how unacceptable my shirt was. i have gone through 8 best friends and 7 phones. i've gotten lost on the road 6 times and i have 5 friends i plan to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. at my first job, i made $4 an hour. i've fallen in love 3 times, i've seen two therapists and i'm still holding on to this one thought that everything is going to be okay.
everything is going to be okay.
anonymous999 Aug 2013
At any moment I can pretend it’s all okay,
And that’s just what I’ll do to get through my day

I’ll sit and I’ll smile, I’ll chat and I’ll wave.
No one sees through the way I behave.

When my feelings creep up on me once again,
I’ll push them away till they creep back in,
And I’ll cry, way past ten

When it comes time again to go through my day
I numb myself, and the pain goes away

The best part is, you don’t even see
you would never imagine all that’s happening to me
I hide behind my own brick wall,
Build to hide from myself, the thoughts, the words, and everything else
Sadness captures every thought,
My capacity to love is becoming wrought
I can’t tell you what’s happening, deep inside, but I can tell you to please, be very kind
Because you’ll never know when there’s a kid just like me
Crying themselves to sleep without a reason to be seen
They can’t ask for help because nobody believes
Just exactly what is happening to me

And nobody, ever sees
It’s part of the trick, the curse, the scene
Tragic as it may be, it’s happening, everywhere you look
Everywhere you can’t see

Blinded by the simple thought that a smile means you’re happy,
And a frown that you’re not
I can’t believe how little you see,
Shocking, slightly, it kind of is
But then I’ll think I don’t want you to know,
And as another tear drops I’ll curl into a ball
No, no, this isn’t happening
But oh it is, darling sweetie
Voices, inside your head, fight with one another, oh, who will win?
Twisted, insane and sick thoughts
Creep through your head
And you can’t tell a single soul,
Oh, you hide it so well

No one will ever know
anonymous999 Aug 2013
These heaves and sighs and faults of mine,
They haunt me in my sleep;
These failures, mistakes, and disgraces,
They do not speak of me.
The shortcomings, embarrassments, rebellions
Just come out of the flame
Every part of me that I cannot quite tame:
The hips and thighs and zits that cry "I'm ****, don't come near,"
Cheering on my bulliers, and bringing me to tears.
anonymous999 Oct 2014
your fingerprints are on my heart and i haven't quite been able to get rid of them at all
it's been six months and i owe my current boyfriend an apology because ****, i don't love him
i never asked for these lingering prints and i've tried so hard to get rid of them but tears did not wash them away, and loneliness did not erase them. now im learning that a heart in new hands will not cover your marks either and to my boyfriend, i'm so incredibly sorry, but you're not him
i'm a ****** person
anonymous999 Jan 2016
you made me feel so warm
i didn't even notice
you were setting me on fire

you burned me to the ground
and i'm not even sorry
if someone had came before you
and offered to douse me
i would have said no,
i would rather burn

now all i am is ashes
doing all i can to keep these embers burning
and trying to savor the warmth

i never knew, but you've always been fire, and i've always been easy to ignite
fires must move on to new fuel to stay alive
so goodbye
you burned so bright
anonymous999 Feb 2015
five.
five days ago you came over. we broke up two months ago and we hadn't kissed since, but then we were wrestling and you pinned me and we paused for what seemed like forever until you kissed me. we kissed like we were making up for lost time, until we went upstairs to lay in bed together. i wrapped myself around you, hand in hand and head on chest and heart, mine, in your hands. happiness flowed through my veins.
four.
four days ago, i show up at 12:30. you're drunk. you barely say hello. i help you to the couch, you fall off, i help you back onto the couch. you're covering your eyes, does the light hurt your eyes? here, drink this water. i got you a straw. drink it all up! you'll thank me tomorrow. you want to go to bed? i stop you from falling down the stairs and tuck you in. i come back ten minutes later and she's trying to crawl into bed with you, i tell her to leave. i ask if it's okay for me to get in bed with you. i have 8 inches on the wrong side of the bed, but that night, i was the big spoon, and we slept. my arm over your waist and my heart, again, in your hands. we wake up, it's valentine's day. good morning, how are you feeling? i rub your back and you bury your face in my neck. you tell me you have to work till 8. i hurry home from the mall before 8 and almost decide to visit you at work. i change my mind. you text me at 9, they made you stay late. your parents wouldn't let you go out. i cry, but it's okay. i understand.
three.
three days ago, you apologize for not treating me better and thank me for putting up with you. you promise to be better in the future. i start crying because i feel like you're not trying. we talk on the phone for three hours, all is forgiven. i spend half an hour telling you cheesy pick-up lines. we say goodnight at 1:45am.
two.
you promised me we would hang out, but it started snowing and your parents wouldnt let you. okay, but if you break another promise i'll be mad. i cry, but it's okay. goodnight, i love you too
one.
yesterday, you asked me to hang out at 1 o'clock. i want you to plan it, but i eventually give in and say lets go ice skating. you come over at 1, we watch mean girls and hold hands. then we go skating. "hey, is it okay if i go to winter formal with this girl, just as friends?" no, if you want me back you have to act like it. "okay, i'll tell her i can't go" okay.

one.
yesterday, you hung out with her until 12:30, and then drove straight from lunch with her to my house. you let something slip and i made you show me your phone. i start yelling at you. i continue yelling at you. don't touch me. i'll block your number right now, don't even worry about it.
two.
two days ago you casually told your church friends about "doing stuff" with her on valentine's day.
three.
three days ago we talked on the phone for three hours. we hang up at 1:45am, you text her at 1:47. "are you up?" yes, she's awake. "love ya" "i meant what i said. i care about you." 2:06 and you go to bed.
four.
four days ago was valentine's day. you said "i was so confused when i woke up next to her. it was so weird" you told me you worked till 8. you worked till 7, stopped by her house for two hours, went home at 9. i guess "basically dating" doesn't include on valentine's day.
five.
yesterday i made you show me your phone, and this is the conversation you had about five days ago. "why did you go over to Eva's house on friday?"  
"she was upset and i had nothing better to do."  
"why did you kiss her?"  
"i didn't, she kissed me and i just went with it."
"why were you hanging with her?"
"i don't know. trust me i would've rather been with you."

zero.
today i found out that after eight months, you told her you never loved me. i guess you really never loved me.
just trying to share my experience
anonymous999 May 2014
but can we          be  more
than   friends?    hug  me  tight
and  never  let  me  go.  my best
friend,  secretly   love   you   so.
what to do,  when all i want
is  you.   what  to  say,
oh,   im   happy
f     o     r
you
anonymous999 Nov 2013
glass heart
painted red
you are dancing but your eyes are dead

glass heart
prettied up
lines on eyelids but it's not enough

glass heart
starved all day
wasit tiny, watch her waste away

glass heart
all taped up
you are smiling but your edges rough

glass heart
pointed shards
hurting others, leaving scars

glass heart
cold to touch
i know sometimes life is rough

glass heart
icy case
inner warmth, revealed one day


my dear glass heart
please make it through
it may hard
but i believe in you
anonymous999 Apr 2014
i used to convince myself that you were a drizzle, not a hurricane. that you were not a force of nature but a gentle breeze that made my life better. i used that to tell myself that you weren't right for me. and i was wrong. you are not a drizzle, or a gentle breeze. you are a swift kick in the gut, one **** of a powerful blow to my stomach. you were always there and i knew you would be. you were always the one that cared more. always there, until one day, you weren't. you did not ruin my house and soak all of my belongings; but you ruined my insides and left me doubled over throwing up by side of the road right when i needed you most. you left because you were losing me. but i wasn't really gone until you left.
anonymous999 Dec 2014
life is horrible sometimes
you'll go from on top of the world
to under it
in a matter of minutes
it happens

life is sad sometimes
but you do not deserve to be sad
so turn your music up loud enough to tune out the loneliness
and drive until you can't feel the tears on your cheeks
sleep, and sleep, and sleep, but then please, get out of your bed
put on your favorite clothes and go to the mall
walk past those boys and know that you look good
even if today is not your day
watch movies that will make you laugh
be around people that will make you laugh
read things that will make you laugh
laugh
go to the pet store and play with some puppies if that's what's going to make you happy
but do not destroy yourself
you are not allowed to destroy yourself
even if you are cripplingly sad
there is help out there
and you are not allowed to destroy yourself
there is happiness out there
all you have to do is find it
anonymous999 Jan 2014
he held my hand tonight
we were ice skating
and he was about to fall
he held my hand
but it wasn't the same

it wasn't at all like the rush
i get
when holding hands with you
his fingers weren't warm
nor did they make me feel warm
they didn't interlock mine
like yours do
he didn't use them
to fix his hair
far too often
like i know you would have
they weren't callused
from pressing on frets
making beautiful music
with his guitar
and he was lacking a scar near the bone of his right wrist
his hands were neither sturdy nor familiar
and his voice did not soothe

he's not you

and that's
not okay
to me
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i'm terrified of you leaving me

he told me that he left because
he could "never make me happy"
and it broke me

because you know?
i could never make me happy either

and i'm so scared
that when i'm not "i can't stop smiling" and "i'm so glad to be alive"
that you won't be able to stop me
but i just want to be good enough for you

i'm terrified of being a gray spot
in your vibrant life

my greatest fear is
that i'm going to fall apart,
and you're going to let me
and leave me with the pieces
anonymous999 Mar 2014
i do not know yet if i believe in love but i believe in the sound of your laughter because it makes me happy when you're happy and i know that i love looking at you when you're tired and when you're happy and when you're not paying attention but i hate looking at you when you're sad because it feels like someone put icicles in my chest and your eyes may not have killed me when i left you but what did was the way that your arms hung limply when i hugged you goodbye. i believe in the way that i could not stop comparing his eyes to yours his hands to yours his hugs to yours and how it was not okay to me because maybe there is one single person on this big green earth that is meant for me and i do not yet know if i believe in that but i know that if soulmates exist, then out of all the people i have met in this life, mine is undeniably and without a doubt  you
anonymous999 Mar 2014
but i love way that you laugh when i tell you i hate you and the sound of your voice when you tell me that i don't, i'm not going to fall for you but maybe i'll fall for the way that you say good morning no i am not in love with you but i might be in love with the face you make when you're concerned that maybe today was kind of a bad day for me oh i swear to god that i don't love you but i'd be lying if i said i didn't need you
i wake up every morning and i think of you i sit in class and wish you were there making me laugh i ride home wishing you were beside me and i fall asleep to the thought of your arms around me
you  are  the  light  of  my  life
but i do not love you
i could never love you right
anonymous999 Oct 2014
i don't love you but hello god it's six months later and i'd like to thank you for allowing me to meet such a beautiful human being

you made it difficult for me to believe that anyone else really loves me does anyone else really love me if they won't jump mountains and cross deserts and swim oceans and run miles? because you did. and you did.

you're burned into my eyelids and you are ringing in my ears
i can sometimes feel your lips from hundreds of miles away but tonight all i can say is thank you god
it was an honor knowing you
anonymous999 Sep 2014
i don't want you back,
but sometimes your name tumbles out when i'm searching for words

i don't want you back,
but sometimes i think of you and it hurts

i don't want you back,
i know we can't be

i don't want you back,
but i want to know you're happy

i don't want you back,
but i don't want you to hurt

no, i don't want you back,
but i don't want you with her
first thing i've written in like three months!!
anonymous999 Dec 2013
i looked at you
and i saw the world falling apart in your eyes
i just hope you didnt cry
know that losing me is not as traumatic
as when the boy across the street made you do things when you were nine
or when your grandpa died
because i know you've only cried twice
please know
i'm not important enough to cry over
for you are far better than this

and i hope your palms don't sweat when you think of me
and your breath didn't catch when you saw my bracelet on your kitchen counter
i'll forever remember how you always touched your fingers when you were talking
and the way you you rubbed your face when you were tired
and don't think i'll forget the little scar on your right wrist
or your crooked dimples whenever you finally smiled

know that we were not meant to be
in this place, and in this time
and know that
i hope you didn't cry
anonymous999 May 2014
im screaming at the clock to please stop ticking seething at the moments that won't stop sprinting through oh why are you running away i am crying for the nights that i was not crying i am longing for the nights when you longed for me too i'm searching for the time i've lost because who gave it the right to just ******* run away
i'm sitting here in pieces shattered by a memory
who gave it the right
to just become a memory?
anonymous999 Jan 2016
i can't stop throwing up and
i think my body is
rejecting itself
i told you i hated you
and i told myself that i was better off alone
and that i deserve better than you and
my body is choking on my words and
it is not beautiful
anonymous999 Aug 2013
i get so jealous of those people
those people who all really hate each other
and have horrible friendships,
and tons of fights
cause they're out there
doing things
crazy ****** things
regretting it later,
but doing things
getting out there
while
im
just
here
anonymous999 Jun 2015
to you these are just shapes on a page, sounds in the air
but when i tell you "i loved him,"
i can him smiling in a thousand different places and when i say "that was a good day," i can feel the butterflies in my chest and my light heart and the sunshine on my face and when i say "it was nice to have someone," i can feel his hand on the small of my back and his soft voice asking "are you okay?"
i can say "i really ******* loved him," and maybe you can hear the pain in my voice but you'll never experience the agony of being ***** in his bed and saying "you don't love me,"
you'll never know what it's like to **** yourself daily to try to hold on to something that isn't even there. yes i can show you a picture but you'll never know how beautiful he was to me

i can say that it hurts, that his absence ravages my insides, that meeting him was like drowning and finally being pulled to the surface, like living in darkness and someone finally turning on the light,
and maybe you can imagine what it is like, but i cannot make you feel my pain.

"How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it's just words."
-David Foster Wallace
how odd
anonymous999 Dec 2014
if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like his love is penetrating your veins through your mouth, if he kisses you and you feel like you owe him something more, if he kisses you and it feels like his tongue is searching for a "yes" in the back of your throat, if he kisses you and you don't feel like it is a direct pouring out of his love for you from his mouth to yours, if he kisses you and time doesn't stop, if he kisses you and the room doesn't spin, if he kisses you and you're not floating, if he kisses you and his lips aren't the only thing keeping you grounded, if he kisses you and he doesn't need both hands to steady himself, both hands to keep his grip on your beautiful face so he doesn't get lost in you then darling, he is not for you.
if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like he loves you, then darling, i am sorry, but he is not the one for you.
i tried to describe it feels like when you kiss me
i'm sorry for being such a hopeless romantic
anonymous999 Sep 2014
there are many things more important than those good grades we all strive for
like a healthy mental state
and friends
and good character

i could be my school's valedictorian,
but it wouldn't matter
when i killed myself

you could be a genius rocket scientist,
and still make this world
a worse place

you could grow up
and make millions of dollars
but have no one
to share it with
and be terribly,
terribly sad

so if you wake up on monday morning and your head is too heavy to lift, darling, stay in bed
stay in bed
for life is more important than letters
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