you could search for
the reasons your entire
life but truth be told
you're ****** up and
that's all there is to it
beautiful or not you
are a walking tragedy
there's nothing more
disappointing than
waking up on accident
taking all the pills that
should have killed you
but couldn't get the job
done this really *****

i understand everyone
gets sad at one point or
another but god when
does it ******* end

it's hard to look in the mirror
some days and sometimes it
gets too hard to connect with
people and i just can't force
myself to be interested
it feels like there's a blanket
covering me and it's comfortable
but i can't see anything and it's
getting hard to breathe and i'm
starting to miss the fresh air and
the people that care
i keep trying to crawl out from
under this small fortress but it
won't move so i guess i can't either
and i'm getting scared
i miss talking to my mom about
the sunny days and listening to
my sister ramble on about things
that happened at school
and it's messed up but most of all
i miss the way you would come home
and you'd be angry about work so
you'd rant for hours about how you
can't believe people are so stupid or
you wish you didn't have to sit at
that computer all day
i only wanted to help you and take
the stress away but you always
shunned me and pushed me away
like i was some kind of stranger
breaking into your home
you broke into my heart and left
a terrible mess then you left me
alone to clean it up but there's
blood on the walls and bits
of you in everything i do
i don't think this is going to work

everything's gone to hell but
i'm still clinging on to the hope
that i will wake up one morning,
finally feeling at peace,
and turn everything around.
but, until then, i'm muddling
through the storms and
crawling through the barbed
wires and that's okay with
me because i know this, like
everything else, will pass.
in time.

i can't control
my emotions but
**** it they
******* control me

i've seen you missing
her and her missing you
and i feel like i'm in the way
of something better but i can't
make myself leave you're under
my skin

i've been slipping in and out
of consciousness and i wish
i could pick one because this
back and forth is almost as
terrible as what you did to me

it was nice of you to
say you loved me but
it would have been
nicer if you meant it
it was kind of you to
tell me you cared but
it would have been
kinder if you had been
there when i needed you
it was sweet of you to
say i was yours but
it would have been sweeter
if you had kept me

it's almost 4am now and i keep
having small flashbacks to the
first time we hung out and how
you kept saying you were sorry
for where we ended up but i didn't
care i was just happy you were around
i've never wanted someone to stay
so terribly my entire life and that
day still makes me smile

the woman in white will tell you
"you shouldn't be doing that" and
she'll give you a slap on your other
wrist as not to stain her gown and
you'll look at her and then at the
man in grey and he'll wink and tell
you it's okay and that she's not upset
and he'll encourage you to do it again
so you will because you don't know
why but you want to impress him and
defy her so you keep going and ignore
the woman and slowly pull away from
the man because you want to be on your
own now and then you're alone and you're
playing that risky game again but the blood's
coming out too fast this time and you can't
stop it on your own and you can't find
those old friends anywhere and you're
completely alone now and you know
it's your fault but you're still looking
for someone else to blame or help or
hold on to but this is it this is the ending
you thought for so long you wanted and
it's beautiful and it's ugly and you hate it
and you miss the slaps on the wrist because
she cared and you hate the wink and smile
because he made you this way but he didn't
because you did this and you're dizzy now
and everything's getting fuzzy and you
can't get up and she comes back not to
slap your wrist but to tell you to go home
with her and you do and it's peaceful
you're finally happy and that was all it took

staying up all night
getting high to forget my problems
judging everyone i see
watching too many movies
ignoring everyone
constantly overthinking
drinking until i pass out
sleeping all day
paying bills late
biting my nails
screaming into pillows
missing old friends
smoking
overdrafting
not taking any advice
avoiding social opportunities
pocketing candy at the market

it's late at night it's
the middle of the day
it's early in the morning
it's all evening it's every time
i'm alone it's when i try to
hangout with other
people it's when
you're busy
i miss you