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Sep 2017 · 2.3k
Aspen Sep 2017
today i thought
of you
and i didn't flinch
my heart didn't
beat any faster
my mind didn't
i'm getting along
without you
Jun 2015 · 908
i want to be more
Aspen Jun 2015
you are so important
to me i need you like
a fish needs water i
just wish i wasn't so
******* disposable
Jun 2015 · 678
scalpel please
Aspen Jun 2015
i've seen you missing
her and her missing you
and i feel like i'm in the way
of something better but i can't
make myself leave you're under
my skin
Jun 2015 · 691
jibber jabber
Aspen Jun 2015
i feel so stupid i get sad over the
dumbest **** but ******* it i
wish i didn't have to feel like
some kind of ***** secret i
want to know why what
other people say matters
so much i want to know
you're proud of me i want
to feel important to you
i'm so tired of feeling
like i have to hide for
you to like me
Jun 2015 · 556
somewhere near baltimore
Aspen Jun 2015
it's almost 4am now and i keep
having small flashbacks to the
first time we hung out and how
you kept saying you were sorry
for where we ended up but i didn't
care i was just happy you were around
i've never wanted someone to stay
so terribly my entire life and that
day still makes me smile
Jun 2015 · 711
please don't tear me off
Aspen Jun 2015
it's almost like some
kind of terrible joke
you are paper
i am glue
i'm so *******
stuck on you
Jun 2015 · 622
too much time
Aspen Jun 2015
it's late at night it's
the middle of the day
it's early in the morning
it's all evening it's every time
i'm alone it's when i try to
hangout with other
people it's when
you're busy
i miss you
this with you / without you ratio is killing me
Jun 2015 · 905
it's just math
Aspen Jun 2015
if a train is going 95 on the
tracks and has to slow down
to 65 on the turns how long
would it take for the train to
push the thoughts of you
out of my head
Jun 2015 · 879
Aspen Jun 2015
if i could i would
turn everything
around in a second
but i cannot so i
will lay in bed and
hope tomorrow
will be better than
every yesterday
Jun 2015 · 560
rly dumb
Aspen Jun 2015
i can't control
my emotions but
**** it they
******* control me
Jun 2015 · 834
doesn't matter
Aspen Jun 2015
i hate this feeling
like i'm never good
enough or kind enough
or assertive enough or
positive enough or
smart enough or
creative enough or
just enough in general
i feel disposable and
replaceable and
the worst is when i
realize these aren't just
thoughts they're
Jun 2015 · 978
Aspen Jun 2015
it's been a few hours
and a few drinks
i miss you
Jun 2015 · 477
you had cool hair
Aspen Jun 2015
i miss movie nights in
your apartment i miss
being the one for you
i miss sleepovers and
waking up to your cat
i miss feeling like we're
the last two you built
me up and made me
love i wish i was still
the one
Jun 2015 · 641
damn it
Aspen Jun 2015
missing you is like watching
the tide draw back and waiting
for it to return to nip at my
ankles but never again feeling the
relaxing touch of the water
Jun 2015 · 430
not ok tonight
Aspen Jun 2015
i understand everyone
gets sad at one point or
another but god when
does it ******* end
May 2015 · 558
i'll miss it all
Aspen May 2015
the late night rides in your
car and the mornings you
made me breakfast in your
bed and rearranging your
entire apartment just so we
wouldn't think about the bad
times and the moments you
almost said you loved me
by mistake and the evenings
spent laying on your couch
watching terrible movies on
netflix and the time we spent
that'll never be the same
May 2015 · 593
you were never there
Aspen May 2015
it'll be a few days before
my body will ache for
your touch again and my
mind will scream for
your kind words to fill it
once more but i'll pull
through without you
Apr 2015 · 496
words like weapons
Aspen Apr 2015
you could tell me you
love me a million times
but without sincerity
it only feels like you're
choking me with
barbed wire
Apr 2015 · 683
an attempted explanation
Aspen Apr 2015
you won't be expecting it
and you probably won't
even want it but it'll hit
you like baseball bat to
the shin and you won't
be able to get back up
for a bit and it'll hurt
like hell and it'll leave
it's mark on you for a
while but everything
fades eventually
and that is love
Apr 2015 · 478
i'm waiting
Aspen Apr 2015
i knew everything was
going to hell but we had
eachother and we were
sure that was enough and
i guess all i want to know
now is why you had to go
and change your mind
Apr 2015 · 372
memories of you pt. 1
Aspen Apr 2015
under the light of about
three stars and a tiny
sliver of moon i caught
a glimpse of your face
you were tired and sad
and void of anything
else it's like you were
drained of all thought
and emotion and refilled
with tears and exhaustion
things were rough then
Apr 2015 · 900
little drunk rn
Aspen Apr 2015
you could search for
the reasons your entire
life but truth be told
you're ****** up and
that's all there is to it
beautiful or not you
are a walking tragedy
there's nothing more
disappointing than
waking up on accident
taking all the pills that
should have killed you
but couldn't get the job
done this really *****
Apr 2015 · 578
Aspen Apr 2015
in your car going 80 on
the highway weaving
between cars you sang
along to your favourite
songs and talked and
yelled and i never
thought one person
could be so beautiful
but there you were
next to me working
your way into my
heart i hate you
Apr 2015 · 492
it's been too long
Aspen Apr 2015
with an old record neither
of us ever remembered
buying playing in the
background and your
hands around my throat
i finally felt your love
Apr 2015 · 1.0k
things i need to stop doing
Aspen Apr 2015
staying up all night
getting high to forget my problems
judging everyone i see
watching too many movies
ignoring everyone
constantly overthinking
drinking until i pass out
sleeping all day
paying bills late
biting my nails
screaming into pillows
missing old friends
not taking any advice
avoiding social opportunities
pocketing candy at the market
(this isn't even everything)
Apr 2015 · 528
okay hang on
Aspen Apr 2015
it's hard to look in the mirror
some days and sometimes it
gets too hard to connect with
people and i just can't force
myself to be interested
it feels like there's a blanket
covering me and it's comfortable
but i can't see anything and it's
getting hard to breathe and i'm
starting to miss the fresh air and
the people that care
i keep trying to crawl out from
under this small fortress but it
won't move so i guess i can't either
and i'm getting scared
i miss talking to my mom about
the sunny days and listening to
my sister ramble on about things
that happened at school
and it's messed up but most of all
i miss the way you would come home
and you'd be angry about work so
you'd rant for hours about how you
can't believe people are so stupid or
you wish you didn't have to sit at
that computer all day
i only wanted to help you and take
the stress away but you always
shunned me and pushed me away
like i was some kind of stranger
breaking into your home
you broke into my heart and left
a terrible mess then you left me
alone to clean it up but there's
blood on the walls and bits
of you in everything i do
i don't think this is going to work
Apr 2015 · 322
explaining to myself
Aspen Apr 2015
you asked me where the
little raised lines came
from and i told you
when i was little i
fell a lot but i lied
and i know you
know it
i'm just not ready to
admit to you i am
weak and fragile
i still can't fend off the
sadness and i still miss
people i shouldn't but
i haven't let the razor
touch my skin in
months and that's
got to count for
Apr 2015 · 1.2k
Aspen Apr 2015
it was nice of you to
say you loved me but
it would have been
nicer if you meant it
it was kind of you to
tell me you cared but
it would have been
kinder if you had been
there when i needed you
it was sweet of you to
say i was yours but
it would have been sweeter
if you had kept me
Apr 2015 · 999
Aspen Apr 2015
my nail polish is chipped
and my knees are bruised
and my eyes have dark
circles and i don't smile
often and getting out of
bed everyday is almost
painful and i miss too
many people at night
and i stutter when i'm
nervous but at least i'm
not dead yet i guess
Apr 2015 · 597
Aspen Apr 2015
it's easier on my
stomach to drink
until i can't remember
my name anymore than
to think about you and her
Apr 2015 · 291
so sick
Aspen Apr 2015
i'm so tired of trying to make
other people feel better when
i can't even drag myself out of
bed half the time
i wish i could take my friends'
pain away so they'd all be ok
or at least better than me
maybe then i could focus on
myself but that's a distant
dream i couldn't reach with
fifty-foot arms
sometimes i feel doomed to
lay in bed alone and scream
at my reflection every time
i pass the mirror
this is mostly just rambling
Apr 2015 · 653
Aspen Apr 2015
i've been slipping in and out
of consciousness and i wish
i could pick one because this
back and forth is almost as
terrible as what you did to me
Apr 2015 · 428
doubt it
Aspen Apr 2015
i've been missing you lately but
more so i've been wondering if
you've been missing me as well
Apr 2015 · 627
csi: my heart
Aspen Apr 2015
i've been watching those crime
shows where they figure out
who killed who and i almost
related to them except i know
it's you who's killing me
Apr 2015 · 888
Aspen Apr 2015
everything's gone to hell but
i'm still clinging on to the hope
that i will wake up one morning,
finally feeling at peace,
and turn everything around.
but, until then, i'm muddling
through the storms and
crawling through the barbed
wires and that's okay with
me because i know this, like
everything else, will pass.
in time.
Apr 2015 · 660
brain games
Aspen Apr 2015
i always think the worst of
any situation and i always
think you're ignoring me
and i always think you
don't want to talk to
me anymore and i
always think you
hate me and i
always think
think think
think thi
Mar 2015 · 798
Aspen Mar 2015
i was so sure i was better
but then you came back
around and you knocked
the air out of my lungs
with every little kiss and
every random embrace
you built me up and tore
me back down again i
was hoping you would
say "just kidding" and
come over out of nowhere
like you always did but
i know you don't care so
much anymore but god
i still do and i'm so sorry
Mar 2015 · 2.2k
memory loss
Aspen Mar 2015
i couldn't tell you when
i last smiled and i have
no clue when i laughed
genuinely but i can tell
you about all the nights
i held the pills in my
hand, ready to swallow
every last one and i can
remember exactly how
it felt to know i'm not
even strong enough
to finally set myself
Aspen Mar 2015
the woman in white will tell you
"you shouldn't be doing that" and
she'll give you a slap on your other
wrist as not to stain her gown and
you'll look at her and then at the
man in grey and he'll wink and tell
you it's okay and that she's not upset
and he'll encourage you to do it again
so you will because you don't know
why but you want to impress him and
defy her so you keep going and ignore
the woman and slowly pull away from
the man because you want to be on your
own now and then you're alone and you're
playing that risky game again but the blood's
coming out too fast this time and you can't
stop it on your own and you can't find
those old friends anywhere and you're
completely alone now and you know
it's your fault but you're still looking
for someone else to blame or help or
hold on to but this is it this is the ending
you thought for so long you wanted and
it's beautiful and it's ugly and you hate it
and you miss the slaps on the wrist because
she cared and you hate the wink and smile
because he made you this way but he didn't
because you did this and you're dizzy now
and everything's getting fuzzy and you
can't get up and she comes back not to
slap your wrist but to tell you to go home
with her and you do and it's peaceful
you're finally happy and that was all it took
Mar 2015 · 402
i guess
Aspen Mar 2015
recently i've been falling apart
more often than not and i've
been saying i'm fine when i
feel like i'm slowly but surely
deteriorating and i've been
telling people i'm better even
though i know that's a lie but
maybe if i say it enough i'll
start to believe it
god i hope so
Mar 2015 · 503
the kind of sad
Aspen Mar 2015
you can feel flooding your
chest like a tsunami
you can hear in the pauses
on your rainy-days playlist
you can see in the cracks in
the pavement
you can smell in the blown
out candles
you can taste in the bitterness
of your lonely morning coffee
Mar 2015 · 338
she always hides from me
Aspen Mar 2015
i've got friends and they
follow me around and
they whisper secrets
in my ears but they
mostly just make
me cry and hide
and i can't see
them very well
but i know they're
there and sometimes
i wish i could shake
them off my back but
i know i'm not strong
enough and their names
are Loneliness, Self-Doubt,
and Hopelessness and they
wanted to play today but
i couldn't find Confidence
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
pathetic i guess
Aspen Mar 2015
i'm trying to forget
how it felt when you
ran your fingertips
across my skin and
the sound you made
when i kissed your
collarbones but god
i can't help it i can't
erase you from my
mind and you know
i'd still drink your
******* bathwater
Mar 2015 · 904
well actually
Aspen Mar 2015
lately i've been doing more
staring at the pages than
actually reading
and i've been doing more
smoking than quitting
and i've been doing more
laying in bed wishing i was
anywhere else than sleeping
and i've been doing more
binge drinking than trying
to sober up
but mostly i've been doing
more missing you than
forgetting you and that might
be the biggest problem here
Mar 2015 · 716
it just hurts now
Aspen Mar 2015
i don't know what to do
i've forced myself to hide
from commitment and
push away the thought
of love and i can't even
make myself feel worthy
of a relationship anymore
god help me i wish i could
fix what i've done but the
damage is too great
Mar 2015 · 585
i'm so tired
Aspen Mar 2015
i'm tired of waking up
and feeling like i never
even fell asleep and i'm
tired of falling asleep
minutes before i have to
force myself back out of
bed again
i'm tired of the small talk
and meaningless garbage
spilling from the mouths
of boys that swear they'll
never hurt me minutes
before ******* and tossing
me to the rest like i'm some
insignificant toy
i'm tired of going to the
city and not seeing the
beautiful buildings but
the rooftops i could leap
from and finally prove
people can fly
if only for a few seconds
i could fly
Feb 2015 · 636
already full
Aspen Feb 2015
you shoved flowers in
my ears and told me
to listen closely as
though forcing
the good in
will efface
the bad
Feb 2015 · 662
glitter words
Aspen Feb 2015
i'm so sorry i can't
believe you when
you say all of those
nice things
they fall from your
mouth effortlessly
and i get weak in
the knees
i want so terribly
to trust in all of
your pretty words
but you'll have to
forgive my unsure
heart and wary
others weren't so kind
Feb 2015 · 498
well here
Aspen Feb 2015
you cast me away like
it was nothing
like i was nothing
i hit rock bottom and
then some
i pulled myself up and
over all of your harsh
words and too-tight
grips on my arms
i'm ******* soaring
so when you come
knocking on my door
asking for the compassion
and understanding i once
wasted on you
don't be surprised when i
launch you out to sea
Feb 2015 · 815
okay (not really)
Aspen Feb 2015
it's one of those nights
again where i can feel
my chest tightening up
at the thought of you
and my eyes are burning
fighting the tears that
you once promised to
never cause
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