You're the wasted breath
The earth caught in the drift
Never liked you so why did you let go
I always remembered the day I met you

You're the smiling doves
The crown of gold
Loved to hold you and beg with my mouth full
In meadows and green forests, I'd always feel you

You're the half-moon sun
The light from both ends
The dancing orbs and
The playing spheres
I knew you'd scatter me
I knew you'd make me
I knew.

But whenever I looked at my reflection
The reflection in your cold white eyes
I couldn't tell what shape I'd become
Not Ever.

Tousle your blue rinsed hair,
I see you smirk in your waking sleep.
Can we prefer this over the things we left in bed?
Looking into the wardrobe mirror,
We saw fuchsia sunsets outside in the garden,
beyond the rusted gate,
I laugh while you flex for me,
Your v-lines stretch and deepen,
Whats your last name?
Lend you my purple sweater,
Come lie down love.
Black coffee steaming on the frozen window sill,
Steam creeping upwards,
Glass chilled from all the sapphire snow.
Outside what a dream,
Do you think we will still talk after?
Bathroom chats while you brush your teeth,
Listen to the drops of silence,
Orange light caressing your open neck,
Move in shadows out of and into dream
Mouth out words in fire
I don't know who I am in this,
Ontop or onbottom we don't care,
Swimming in the breaths of each other
Wish we could talk about it.
Haven't left bed yet,
Your green phone slips from your hand,
Wrestle on pillow and give up in kisses.
Imagine other people down on the street,
Give them names and stories,
deep in wanderlust,
Nothing can hurt you or me,
Blessed are the lovers who choose not to immediately see.

Staring at white cockroaches
Crawling on blue walls
Paint peeling
Pain fleeting
Pandemonium occurs
The giggling from the corners
The sirens from the street
Upstairs chained to the bed
In the attic
So to speak
Downstairs stuck in the basement
In the dungeon under the leak
The white cockroaches never stop coming
From the cracks in the walls
Albino brethren
Wail of noise

Teenage wrists
Nailed onto the ladder
Booming wombs
Locked inside self-made tombs
Over patterns of choice
Swallow it all
To wake the twisting consumer
Of molochlolita
I'd **** you if I can
But that won't make me a man
No wonder the youth is getting allergic
All the magic
Has failed

All I see is him.
Every face.
Every look.
Every tear.
Every cut.
Every clench.
Every smile.
Every laugh.
Every goof.
Every time.
All I see is him.
When I dream, I dream I see him in the sun.
When I dream darkly, I wake up and I see him on the floor dead.
When I dream, he's on the bed next to me.
When I dream, he's there and not gone.
All I know is him.
It's the silence.
It's the pain.
It's the ounce of virtue against the blackest year.
It's the body.
It's the beauty.
It's that one time he took his shirt off and looked at me.
It's the hallucinations.
It's the rocking.
It's that time I took his sadness and choked on it halfway.
All I know is him.
Say it to the baying trees.
Say it to the wind.
Say it to the open window.
Scream it into the shower.
Say it on the phone.
Say it on the documentary screen.
Scream it into the dark.
All I feel is him.
Say it to the friends.
Say it to the counsellor.
Say it to the stranger.
Screamed it at myself.
Said it to the memories.
Said it in my calling.
Say it to myself when I fall in disgrace.
All I need is him.
Looking under green lights.
Look towards hollow hills.
Looking for a reason
Just to hold back and say nothing
All I need is him.
Looking over pages.
Look to the new lover.
Looking for a cure.
Just to stop the bleeding.
All I eat is him.
I eat his sorrow.
I eat his history.
I eat his remembrance.
And devour his black blood.
All I eat is him.
I eat his confessions.
I eat his luck.
I eat his nemesis.
And devour his absent affection.
All I want is him.
All I care about is him.
All I should have is him.
All I worry about is him.
All I can't remember about is him.
All I tear myself over about is him.
All I **** is for him.
All I call is for him.
All I own is for him.
All I do is wait.
For him.

Sometimes I sit in light
And stare at the white.
Stabbing into the blue and black
Sometimes red
Sometimes purple
Not knowing what to write
But still knowing the feeling
Is the hardest thing to put right
When hidden messages bubble away
And lurks in caves and corners too distant to say
I dislike the game
I dislike the play
I dislike the victory of Idea all the way
As it goes I will still have less to say
In one year two year or three or even four
Wrote words of fancy
In muffled grey noise
Try to coax out shapeless love
And fold out furrowed landscape
Pin down stupid symbol
Wheel out old metaphor
Use rhyme all the time
And never fall in front of the stubborn old law
It's a problem with the structure
Its in the letters of old
How can a meaning become new
Or a message so bold
It can't be original
Nothing ever is
But perspective lives on
In its own dreary fizz
Over and over
The battle never ends
Between pen and paper
Between young and old
Between idea and nation
The paper always the victim
never the winner
nor the muse or even the killer
Language indeed is the oldest sinner.

Julia led me here
To where I see the Hypnotic stare
Waking up
Neck rolling open
My eyelids flutter to see
I’m standing in a train
Every seat filled with someone I've loved
Or know
Love in every corner
The carriage Windows flicker and whirr
Lights racing
Images tearing
Speeding down
No noise at all
The rattle of a journey unbound
Just earthquakes in my heart
I see him staring at me
The lights glare at me now
Stop and shine
He steps forward
People move
Family and friends
Old loves and new
Armoured with fury
Grit and teeth
All in it to obey an unseen force
Deep within they
Grab my throat and arms
Press in their fingers
Twist their hold of my skin
Lock their legs against mine
Rip My clothes
Their jaws widening
Fallen stars in their fangs.
Dawdling rampage
Nightmare canines.
Force me to stand and listen
Breathing hard
He moves closer
I try to break free
A Choir of Hurt in slow motion
He reaches
Still time
And Glitches
Static prayer
Am I real?
Whose holding me?
I'm back and I'm dancing
Wonderland gone bust
Smell of alcohol replaces fear
The lights move back and the bass thumps
The track lifted and seats fall back
The train melts and becomes a dance floor
The glass coughs and walks by
Becomes an atonement in authenticity
The metal casing now wooden and flexing
Warps into
the bar from before
I need to stop doing this
Remembering things that never happened
He's gone
But I saw him here
What's happening.
There's a screen on the wall
It’s still playing out
Julia's swimming in the low tide.
Dancing in the seas spray.
Laughing at the spring moon.
Carries a conch shell and fools around.
The Sound drowns her.
Cracked lens films her.
Sunset in her sparkling old eyes
She's crying.
Just Out of sight.
Pink Luminous emotion.
Pale green ghosts.
Hallelujah.
Who am I?
Everyone ignores her.
Is this dreams colliding?
Caught in the crossfire.
Moving.
Falling.
Fallible heartbeat.
All I had.
I need someone to hold me
From this trauma
That isn’t mine
That’s the trouble with dreaming of empathy

Collected punk neon girl
Pixie goth artsy boy
I could read you both anytime
I'm a stickler for a problem
So enough of the courage
Enough of the bravado
I love things I cannot fix
So drugs, mental plague and festering narcissism are the things I like
A secret to only myself
My friend brings on lovers
Who are scared to touch
They look on with pearly eyes
And mouth out words.
With only silent prayer they have --
No action.
She lies there ashamed.
Too pure too touch
Too perfect to be near
She's a gyroscopic girl - a dancing queen of flowers
Too thunderous to tame
Must be nice, I say.
Hell, she replies.
It makes her grow black thorns
Which makes me show her my black moths
In my own brain
Another friend is in a mix
She cannot feel her teeth
As she digs on into cruel flesh
Endlessly --
Prospering off of the mania.
Madness in us all
Sparks only to blame.

Take the halos from our heads;
Grabbed hold of the burden;
Placed them in our eyes and saw;
That pretty face in pain;
& caught our small souls - so raw,
I could even feel you again.

We needed to set you free;
From angels eyes aglow;
So you are not alone;
But our nature hides from view;
This twilight dream has hailstone,
& battered my heart so blue.

If heaven ever took heed;
from our grey creatures fey;
It would know of fairer things;
& not slay 'twisted' love;
You claw at your doll's heart-strings,
But fawn over the silk glove.
You reach into yourselves,
and find no magic dove.
But there is a answer,
to calm your weathered friends,
Creep into the old stories,
let them be known onto you,
greet them like old siblings,
and they will not smother you.
They lost no war in clouds,
and seek and look with no frowns,
they carry themselves with pride,
not banished or forced to hide,
Listen to their song,
Protect their corroding land,
Look at them softly,
and hold onto their immortal hand.
If iron modernity is too much,
In its boil, steam and hiss,
Listen and know only this -
For the faeries hold more wisdom,
than the banker's unkind system.

It hurts so good.
It hurts so bad.
Why leave me alone?
When you can just be mad.

I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna stay.
Can't you hear me?
When I lie I just fade away.

Prom evening sighs.
Drugged night highs.
Bedroom prison lows.
Head asylum blows.

Maybe if I just slowed down?
Maybe if I just stopped?
I could be myself.
I could breathe again.

I'm not a perfect anything,
or even a fallen star.
But you make me heavenly darker,
by just being who you are.
Your fingers burn from my tears,
and sighs.
I can't exist in your heart anymore,
while we just sit there and cry.
It just leaves us both so aching,
and sore.
Spinning down into each other's eyes,
God I wished you loved me.
It's unhealthy.
It can't be.
Even if it was,
I'd be shattered by half past three.
You kiss her,
you can't kiss me.
Better be a broken heart,
than a cruel flutter.

You see me in cherry blossoms
Their fluffy boughs
Glitter and sigh
In the cold light of day
Even when you cut into your thigh.

You think of me in sunsets
You said only sad people do
Your hands cold again
Reading kids’ books
Living this life in your den.

You want me in secret
Lovers or brothers, it makes little sense
Dying to know
If a glance is just a glance
Or a heart able to grow

You believe in me when I hold your head
Resting on my bones
Staring up at the sky
Differently now than you were back then
When you learned how to fly

You help me walk on black ice
Pushing me onto the path
Slipping and falling
Like petals on rivers and snow
You really are my calling to go --

But you say nothing for a year
And watch my calls go away
Without any hope
I write about you in heavens
Now every October I feel stuck under the rope

People say you're nothing
But your still everything
Even to me - after
All this time
I think about you forever
though I'll never see you ever

A Male fatale,
Eyes of golden green.
Hair like a Doré angel.
And muscles so mean.
Subverting the life of another.
Pale or frozen.
Glass blown and sharp.
Angels of heaven dancing on his skin,
A King of Clubs and diamond studded desire,
Keeping me in line.
Leather, shades, and wings outstretched,
A Poet joker.
A dancing demon.
Shush sweet Vampyre.
You devour the love out of me -
Paradise might overhear.
You to me are everything I dreamed -
Jealousy will ensue.
I wish I was your only,
As you are to another,
And another and another.
So help me please.
There's no blessed plot for me now.

I can't quite decide how to start this.
To start moving on from this.
You have wrecked the corridors of my dreams of you.
Not by choice I should say.
So I made an incarnation of you out of:
the blossom of cherry trees,
the light of purple sunsets,
the crooked cathedral smiles in your laugh,
and the great green ponds to make your eyes.
So full of life and decay.
Your skull I found along the path;
inside your cracked motorbike helmet.
You'd forget it, if weren’t for me.
Your skin I took from the sheets of your favourite bed.
Soft and white, they wrapped the old statue of you.
I filled the marble with lemonade and blood.
From a dead deer,
and glued it together with sap,
struck down from a tree by thunderbolt last night.
It bound the objects to your made-up soul,
though pretty it was still so very sore.
It flickered its eyes,
but alas I forgot to make your hair,
So I took the form from a frozen ocean wave,
caught in a breeze.
I placed it on your head where a crown should be.
I lost your old one, its thorns now broken off and rusty.
You stood naked and alive before me.
An image I longed to see from all those memories,
I had of you.
Oh say that you can see,
my true love had finally come to me.
But I didn't need it.
I've lied to you and I created you purely so you could be taken away.
With that I pushed you away.
You looked at me with that dead frozen smile.
Your eyes gushed with sewage and rotten chemicals.
Your skin, teardrop stricken, began to rip at the seams.
The collection of bones began to snap and bend.
The blossom tree aged and became dust under the weight.
The light of the sunsets that made your soul now snuffed out.
The whimpering creatures in the shadows, reclaimed their prize.
My stupid self had been born from sadness,
so sadness it became.
But my drive for release,
killed myself and my friend.
So I made My creation become destruction
so happiness I became to thee.
An that dear reader was the end of me.

You pull the love out of me,
Like scientists harvest the silk of a spider,
Pinned down, days of freedom behind,
nailed to the bed arms outstretched,
How does it feel?
Nailed down there with precision?
Unmoving all strength gone,
Arachne's curse unbound onto me,
In me,
Out of me,
and in the walls,
You pull and you pull,
Weaving your own gossamer dream,
Of silken castles and fort walls,
Do you even want to feel?
No sirens for you to save.
Dancing with death at my traitorous embrace,
Dreams are so flammable,
and so is your heart,
The sparks of feeling,
Undo so much.
Last night somebody loved me --
and undid every word.

I did not see your swarm
O Holy crocodile
A sweet disaster
A monster of madness
You crawl into the mouths of men's hearts
Turn them inside out
Alligator dreams inside their minds
Ripping open its seam
You're a nightmare of red
With fangs of silver
And a flash of green
Your roar gives off a unworldy scent
Between worlds of gore
Not of long lost lore
Your warmth is poison
Your love unravels
Your bite is cancer
It kills with inspiration,
So sleep further than the blade of its knife
Or suffer endless obessions
Throughout the rest of your pitiful life.

My hearts a ***** for you.
It would crack open my knuckles in pain,
Even to count everything again,
Simple I know but its true -
Because I just can't say no to you.

My skins a martyr written in flesh,
I wonder...
Which way can it fold and which way can it stretch?
But I wont cry for you.
It brakes and stutters over words of din,
Paralyzed and looking for some other kin.
For better words to say -- for when the door shuts.

I would name you a monster,
or call on a god.
For little can be left behind when it's written in song,
Midnight kisses sunken in a melody,
Please don’t make me wait too long.
Changing my screams for a new painted faces,
Sickening fake smiles,
They chase me
Into the dark growths of night.
This stage of chaos.
This fool and jester.
At least we had a nice time,
While I performed away my soul.

I see,
The breaking thread.
I hear,
The ticking clock.
I know,
The feeling unspun.
I want,
No real heaven,
That picks apart my soul.
I’ve been in this dream state all my life,
Moving from beautiful wasteland to fertile wasteland.
Of all the ruined lessons,
one struck home.
of millions of centuries,
the truth finally etched in bone,
Never again will I take the ****** surgical knife,
Of memory and rhyme,
Of language and thought,
Of love and delusion,
To open up worlds in people,
Just to hold their hand.

If the dreams are coming true,
Then why can't I see your wings?
Though words of heaven cleft you,
Why is it you still sing?
If spirals of flowers keep you fresh,
And candle lights float on your books,
of old, of hierophant and scripture,
Surely then my angel caressed,
Your heart should surely match your looks.