It was never about
falling in love
was it
It was about how fast
and how effectively
you could fall
out of love
in case he hurt you
and you know
that pain well
don’t you
You know that love
is the ultimate surrender
and you will not fall willingly
this time.

Selfish needs
holding on
to old words
What could they ever mean now

Selfish deeds
to justify staying the night
by your side
What more could become of this

Selfish love
I am to blame

Selfish needs
holding on
to old words
What could they ever mean now

Selfish deeds
to justify staying the night
by your side
What more could become of this

Selfish love
I am to blame

Some nights
there are shadows behind me
Tall and somber
standing *****
and whispering
what I try
so hard
to forget
Only in the dead of night
the silent truths
and forgotten words of the past
come to die
In my arms
and I
weep for them

As a child
I quickly learned that if I blinked several times
and took a few deep breaths
I could stop myself from crying whenever I wanted
and it worked
From child to teenager
no one had ever seen me shed a tear
and I saw this as my own power
to hide my weak self from others
I could be strong
and benefit from my own shield
but it also made me seem detached
with the ones I cared for the most
I feel that one day It’ll happen
I will burst into tears after years of waiting
but I fear
If I start crying
I just may never stop.

I cannot promise to shelter you from the world
but I can shelter you
now
On the cold autumn nights
In my arms
keeping you safe
from your inner demons
for now
and hope
you hold these memories
In your pockets
for the turn of seasons
When I leave with the wind
once more.

Smile for me
once more
When the sun comes out
breathe it in
The day is yours
bright and full of wonder
Open your eyes
Don’t frown any more
You are more than
what you think
Shining so bright
the stars watch with envy
and sing your praises
for all to hear
When you smile
the world smiles with you
so smile for me
once more

You are light
The sun,moon and stars
and every reason to smile

You are the warmth
Flooding through my veins
Engulfing me in the bliss
of a pure moment in time

You are love
For I knew no meaning more true to the word before you

So vivid
So real
A love I could live
eternally

I spoke the blues
and you sang soul
caring me farther away
with every note
A song so sweet
for a moment
I cannot bear
the overwhelming love
and longing
to leave the blues
and live
lost in soul

I was wrong from the start
to look upon you with good will
to keep the harsh words
you left to dig into my flesh
reminding me of how cruel
the world can be
You
speaking of respect and virtue
while tearing down others
simply out of personal spite

I wonder
besides the hypocracy of it all
if now that time has passed
if you sit alone with pride
for what you do

I can guarantee the scars you left
I will carry to the grave
and one day
you will be able to tell the story
of how you killed another
on the inside
because that
is what you caused
so that must be
what you wanted.

Pasted flyers
Busy streets
all account for
a part of me
This sinkhole society
but it’s still my own
Every cigarette ****
Every broken bottle
stain my jeans
my flesh
my teeth
and before we know it
we can’t even see
this sweet little town

                                         Home sweet home.

Listening to the thunder
the rain
the stories my mother tells me of our dark past
the music
Reflective.
Nostalgia.

A world on the tipping scales
of joy and despair
To be left elated
over simple pleasures
and dejected
over days to come

What a curious thought
to walk a fine line
of truth and ignorance
unable to choose
which to follow
through the oblivion

What a curious life to lead
in sunshine and storms
to get dampened from the sun
just to bask in the rain

a feeling
a beating heart

what more could be said about it

so sudden
so simply sweet

and that’s where we left it

with words
with glances

that could not foretell

the beauty
the sweet surprise

and together

we fell

He told me
to reach for the stars
but don’t do it alone

What choice did I have
when no one saw the stars
the same way
no one adored the moon
and danced through the night
as I did

                                                          or­ so I thought.

Until he brought the stars down
for a single night
That was when
I realized
amongst all that I had ever wanted
he was all
I had ever loved.

The ink spills on the page
and I know
these words are hard to come by
Pooling to the rim
my unwritten words lay
unable to keep on the page
unable to say to you
what must be heard
The wind picks up
calling out my fears
I will never know where you are
or If my name
holds any purpose
in your world
or mine
The ink falls over the page
and so do I

I guess this is goodbye.

I cant recall the words
I said to you before
nor can I promise
It was all falsely said

I have forgotten
the colour of your eyes
the length of your hair
your smile
and I fear
you have forgotten me too
and I’ll always be here
thinking of all
I should have said

If you find the time
when days are still
and all your worries
begin to feel
like they are not so bad,
Remember me kindly
as I
will remember you

Sitting here
on the steps
no friends
no family
Just sitting here
Boxes stacked
books
clothes
movies
photographs
Where can they go now
no time to worry
no time to think
Just sitting here
on the steps
Holding the boxes
Staring at my life
so neatly placed in cardboard boxes
stacked on the steps
So many years of life
and all to show for it
boxes stacked on the concrete steps of a place I once called my own
Just sitting there

What was more startling than the intense roar of thunder
sounding through the ever growing darkness
beyond my door,
was the sudden realization
that nothing would ever be as it once was
and never would it be again

Though the rain must fall
to brighten the days ahead
nothing was certain now
nor of tomorrow
and tomorrow again

Certainty had vanished along with the thunder
and left the darkness
beyond my door

How many reasons left did I have
to wake up
When the reality I witnessed
fell apart all around me

The final stages of youth
reveal themselves in the shadows that creep across the schoolyard and beyond the pathways I took every day without fail

To feel beauty fade in the cruelest of ways
Ripped away from me
before a chance could be given to restore itself in the town I would soon foolishly call my home

Among the many I hold so close
Decaying friendships
Abandoned parks
Rusted buildings
The memories are all that remains the same

Days pass
or maybe it was years
I could never quite tell
All I could ever be certain of was my loneliness
And the feeling that all would never be as it should
From now until the end of time

When the streetlights
turn their gaze
to the empty roads,
Leave your sight
in chipped glasses
and your love
in tipped wine
on the floor

Burn your gaze
to me
and move your words
through me
with this toxic love
of blinding mercy
to the lonely night
and the longing to share it
with another
until the sobering dawn

or let this be nothing more
than hazy remains
of a bitter night romance
of cheap wine
and empty words

I will not unlock the door
to stand and face
the demon you’ve become
allowing you
to take over my mind
whenever you please
I will not unlock the door
and allow myself to be humiliated
becoming your target once again
Your screams can be blocked
The endless banging on the door
holds no purpose to me

Stand there all you want
You will never possess me

I will not unlock the door.

I do what I have to
My duty to my own
I hold a weapon
I don't think twice
The enemy deserves no second chances
I shoot because they are not on my side
I look straight ahead as they fall because they follow another's orders
There is nothing else I can do
This is not my war
This is only my fight.

Complexity and pain
sheltered away
Born of water
So calm and mysterious

Piercing waves
Engulf
with each icy blow
Born of fire
will never return
such pain

For in all the realities lived
and all the chances offered
to melt the ice
and condense the sea

Spreading flames
to all the misery
all the resentment
being free of torment
is a life never to be lead

As far as the greatest of opposites go
Fire and Water
Knowing of the harrowing truth
that each vexed action
will keep them farther apart

In the end
The fire
in its passionate desire
will burn again
with no limitation
and the sea
in its mysterious beauty
will remain still
and alone
with no warmth in sight

Pity.
Merciless ways of the universe
befall such a young one
Such innocence left behind
Forward darkness
Onward bound
Sink into the grieving soul
of the one lifeless girl in the white silk dress
So lovely were her words
So delicate her flesh
Seep through the wounds
grief upon the lifeless girl of blushing pink and milky white
She foolishly thought she could love another
when she hadn't yet learned to love herself.
And now she rests
Leaving behind a crimson dress
and the words on her lips.

Time has been passing
a  little slower
and walks home
a  little quieter
than what had been before

Words have sunken
a little deeper
and thoughts have lingered
a little longer
since last we met

I cannot place this blame
upon you
nor can I upon the sun
that chose to rise
despite my wishes to hide away
amongst the gloomy grey
of the storm clouds above

But rather
all can be traced back
to me
clinging to all that has been
for fear of all that will be
without you.

When my mind begins to wander
I miss summer days
The warm sun and sea breeze
holding me in a tight embrace
as I sit at the waters edge
terrified to go any closer
as if the waves would scoop me up
and take me away

When my mind longs for love
I miss summer nights
To be with you
under the moon
walking around our small town
saying everything our minds cared to remember
leaving our worries for tomorrow

When my heart was in your hands
My mind begins to ponder
how much our lives have changed

Who could I thank
for this serenity
and the warmth that floods through me
each day when you’re all I see
I have no one to blame
and no one to hate
when you’re so good to me
I know when the day is done
and it gets harder
the warmth will be mine
and yours
to remember

The streets now are empty
Every time I walk the path
where I met my friends
rushed to work
fell in love
sneaked home late

The wind blows harder than before
opening my coat
Exposing me to the cold
inevitable truth
That life is ever changing

Everyone has moved on
And here I stand
On the path
Where my memories lay
in the past
where I feel safe
where nothing is prone to change
and I remain
afraid to take the final step
Away

Has it really come to the point
where the raising of your voice
brings forth no fear
the words forced out
wont cause me to flinch
and the idea of you walking away
doesn't make me panic
like it did
so many months before

Maybe my emotions
have been used up
to the point of where
I can’t feel
or maybe I just lost sight
of what I really need

Then again
maybe you did.

Today I heard your name
I heard you are well
living soundly with blossomed love
My stomach had turned in knots
and my heart had felt it was pushing its way
out of my chest

This time, the feeling began to fade.

More shocked than I had ever dreamnt I could be
Here I was hearing your name
seeing your face
and feeling nothingness inside
and from there
happiness grew

Maybe this time I can wish you well
with a smile on my face
stemming from head to toe

Maybe this time I will breathe slower
to the beat of my own stumbling heart

Maybe this time
I will not be afraid to live
anymore

Where will you be
when it all begins to crumble

Standing idle and alone
as it slowly chips away
running out of breath
and words left
that could make sense of it all
Nothing remains in your grasp
and all is left
to chance

Where will you be
when it all comes crashing down

I don't know
what brought me here
The shaded lighting
seems to bring me comfort
The strangers
and the bitter taste
fill me with warmth
I know
life is too short
to be in a place like this
yet
out of everywhere else in the world
I chose
to be here
with my glass
and my thoughts of you
to accompany me
through the night

If these streets could talk
they would whisper
holding on to the memories
Keeping them as silent as possible
but sharing them
to all those who
Listen.

If something can hurt me inside out
that once made me feel so happy
then it truly must have been
something wondrous

To have someone
come into my life
and make me feel so beautiful
so right
so lucky to be alive
is something that happened to me
and me alone

How lucky of me
to feel such happiness for a brief time
and maybe
if someone has loved me before
someone can love me
again

After all,
tomorrow is a new day
to live again

I wish I hadn't emotionally invested myself
in anyone who could make me smile
believing every word said
and falling apart every time they left

I know the older you get
tends to change the way you see people
as much as that terrifies me
beyond belief

If only I could stay naive
and love all those around me
without getting hurt
every time
Instead of growing up
to watch the ones I love
drift farther away

A young she wolf is born
Scorched fur of molten lava and heated coal
Flames consume her path
She leaves a soot trail
Ember eyes shine the spark of life
The animal instinct to hunt
And so she will hunt
Through the hell that surrounds her
The hell she creates
A paradise of flames
“The Fire in this Wolf lives”

The world
is a beautiful place
and I am not afraid
to die
leaving this body
In the fields of green
where blood will form one
with the rushing rivers
and steady ponds
bones will grow trees
in the ever fertile soil
and my eyes will see the world
as she ages so delicately
as I become one
with the earth
I am not afraid
of the cold hand of death
whilst the beauty that surrounds me
continues to live

Toiling away
To live is to work
till death
heads down obediently
What better sound
then that of the evening whistle blow
a body drop
a new opening
a job to be done
a meal on the table
No talking now
In the factories
In the streets
In our homes
We are all slaves
to our homeland
our protectors
the government
and our empty stomachs
selfishly crying out for more
A harsh truth we tell
Our legacy we carry on
only to be remembered as workers
in life
but worthless
in death

I do not know
which is worse,
the fact that
you still have the power to tear me down
and continue to do so
or the fact that
as much as I want to believe that I am okay
as many times as I look in the mirror
and tell myself I have grown stronger
your words still tear me
limb from limb
and I surrender
letting you do
as you please
again and again