Maybe it's for you but not for me, but who knows?

When will the time stop and give way to the paradoxical space that will shove the soul out of its life, eventually?

Tend to think that the archetypal white collar worker is what you should be before you delve into the reality?

Jumped into the ripest chord of a void song, and you found nothing but truth and perplexity?

Threw yourself into the wilderness but you are still deprived of happiness, only peace, filled with emptiness?

Crashed the mental into bi-polarizing set of uncertainty and sanity, driving everything towards the ravine of confusion and misinterpretation?

Dropped the last sweat of joy and contentment before you discover the eventuality, pessimistic value of the whole context?  

Until the ultimate full stop appears, will you understand what is the whole story is all about?

Kudos to Kaepernick.

I just cannot drown all my beliefs and ideas, even if it contradicts my flesh and soul. When I heard that not standing up to the tune; that has always succeeded on sweeping all of the messes underneath the sad reality, to be deemed as subversive, I know that Rosa would definitely clench onto the seat tighter than ever.

Kneel, my friend, kneel.

To drag our body out there, all over the precious hills and fields, while acting as if the scale has always been set fairly beneath you all this time, will hurt you more than myself. How can a mere matter of things decide our future, our destiny? We shall shape our fate, you shall shape your own fate, and to be judged on the perception biasedly built in the name of order for thousands of years, is a situation that should not be endured by anyone or anything in a tiny dot within this vast universe.

Kneel, my friend, kneel.

And for that, I cannot stand proudly and profess my love to you as of now, even though I will always wear my heart on my sleeve for you to see. To be cheated, to be manipulated, to be deemed as surplus, by those at the tip of the plateau, that cunningly asked us to forget all the tangles and wrangles for the love of this sacred land, while unashamedly distribute everything off the land, off the ocean amongst them, is the last thing that we should allow to happen. I am one of those people that are not able to put on the mask on top of our meant-to-be honest faces, to say hail to the thief is worse than the eternal grief. I have never dreamed of burying the hatchet with them, not even for a second and if I ever do it, I shall be condemned and dismissed for forgetting the roots, the fons et origo of mine. To love you does not mean to stand still to the soulless melodies, to love you does not mean to bow down to the meaningless piece of cloth that has overseen countless infiltration and bombing over the years.

Kneel, my friend, kneel.

To love you is to fight for the rights of many, by any means, even by not standing up. When black is no longer the symbol of miserable, filth and calamity, we shall then breath with ease, stand on our feet and fully embrace the real meaning behind all those majestic words.

Kudos to Kaepernick.

So you want
to solve a mystery?
tell me, tell me
with all honesty

"Do you want to solve a mystery?"

I could tell you all the pain
darkness, sorrow, eruption
of eternal gloom
but we will become
nothing less than just
dust in this room
our souls will collide
as if there is no end to it
our bones will crumble
one by one,
shoulder to waist
waist to toe
oh, this is all just for a show!

the suffering, the awakening
give me a run for the money
rain on my parade
I know nothing but
we are all slowly sinking.

Mystery, mystery
what good will that bring?

So if I ask you,

"Do you still want to solve a mystery?"

What will you pry
out of your lovely cemetery?

no one is subscribing
to the universal affection
draining subconscious ailment
that needs no treatment
quaking with fear
shaking with revulsion
looking to prolong
an hour, a minute
stretching one second
into ten seconds
where are we going,
past the streetlights
the crossroads
the commotion
inside the canal boat
that surrounds and accompanies
this road -
will it ends one day,
sometimes, somewhere
and brings an end
to the entire's generation
guilt and disease?

there were
shadows
that fought
for the right to
exist
descended off
the stairwell
fell into
the frostlake

and it continues.

before
they struggled
in the dark
then,

everything's gone.

intelligence is
the new authority
resistance is
the new sanctity
velvety memoir
of the patchy ride
in a rainbow rollercoaster,
left everything prime
on the outside
sink into the wagon with
wild, visceral inside
embark on an odyssey
observing the past,
questioning the future.

future is a distant memory
of all the anachronistic glory.

setiap kota
takkan kekal abadi
dan yang ada
di dalamnya
hanyalah penghuni
yang kekal
selamanya ditemani
isi-isi
yang tak berisi
tiada puisi,
tiada seni
tanpa arah
tanpa erti
yang ada hanyalah
imbalan
dan keuntungan
yang berpuing
di udara kota
yang berlegar
di pengairan kota
segalanya
terasa muram
apa bezanya
hidup di dalam
lohong hitam?

break a toilet
mirror
and
look at it.

indifferent.

The doubt is with the night
forever hanging in the head
it sips all the fire
the flickering stars, the
bickering meteors
the maelstrom spews hate
over the pinned madness
the magnetic field emits hate
over the pinned sadness
if it sincerely wants
to be accepted
look no further than
how life has been enacted.

Can you see the chaos?

They are not talking to you
they are in you
in each flow
of your blood
in every inch
of your bones

the dissonance! the abstract!
the lack of discipline!

it showers beaut
it radiates power
push your existence
through this
like what it is,
an existence, known as
ever since
the depression
cut the chain
get rid of the tie
embrace your persona
light the candle
and dance to this:

The moment you slowly sink
into a set of perfection is just
The moment you dissolve into
the motion of indefinite silence.

lights turn on,
and it wakes me.

I want you to know how it feels like to be in my shoes, just like how you wish that everyone can feel the same as you and despite all of the feelings in this world that are generated by the same kind of source; love and hate, kindness and cruelty, sadness and happiness, we still fail at agreeing on the only great fate for us as we are reluctant to determine what is really right for us and therefore, in return, we can never leave our mark in any era, any generation that we are in, for the failure to avoid our will to consume from the deep within will ensure that we will endure another war, another famine, another epidemic that can only be undone by us, by having the empathy and love towards one another.

lights dim,
and it shatters me.

What most
of the people
fear of
is their disappointment
in mortality,
the unconvincing possibility
of invincibility  
and everything that is
waiting for the eventuality
while
all they have
to do is just
to embrace it
like letting the wind
wrapping up
their body on a cold, rainy night.

You can rant,
rant and rant
rant and rant
all you want.

but it is never
intended to be
something fun.

Rant, my son.
Rant.

I wonder
how can you
be content
with a 10-inch horizontal screen or
42-inch rectangular box
that will only make you
fall deeper in the escapism
and forget about the whole sense of realism.

/I
do.not/adore!
-you./

We are all
part of this folklore,
that lead us to the only door.
There is only one single war,
and we keep asking for more.

Burn the flowers,
lose count on the feathers,
veil bought and dropped,
**** all the mobs.

Bomb the tomb they said, bomb the tomb.

I might lay the wreath on the innocence
on this ill-fated day
but in near future day
we will lay the wreath on the ignorance
on one fine day.

War should've been given a miss,
But life, life is a promise.

to:
edward,
you
are
in our
breath.

r[ain

dro

ps

on

ev

ery

fa

ll

en

le

aves]

­ec
l
usive.

Looking for the words
the exact words of prayers
in several agnostic pages
with untidy, scattered phrases
- blindfold yourself like
how you're used to all this time.

In the backyard
of your six feet layers
of loneliness
interrogate the dogs,
like when you breathe in
the happiness.

Assemble
all the words.

Lament.

Express yourself
like how you make love
to the dark, feverish heartache.

thousands
think
after seeing
words,
millions
think
after seeing
images,
but
how many
out there
that think
after seeing
an abstract
collection,
of wild patterns
of unidentifiable
intentions?

today

I will fade away,
or maybe

yesterday
I have died
just to be awaken
in another bad nightmare,

I will never know.

I want to open a business
but I will never trade
every words of sanctity
for it.

Teach me,
on how to open a shop
without a table
without a sign
without a premise
is it all done just
to break the promise?

I want to be like them
but I can't sell my words
on a tee, on a tele
becoming part of
the rotten machinery
is a sign of chaos
and profligacy.

even if I have to wait
at the end of the line
, I will do that.

terus
tenggelam
dalam
kisah silam
kekal
bertentangan
dengan
kisah hadapan
sudah
menjadi resam
penuh
dengan harapan
pencarian berterusan
mencari perlindungan

apakah erti
pendewasaan
apakah erti
kemerdekaan

satu batang tubuh
katanya penentu
jaya atau buntu
kekal tunduk patuh
menjarah sesuatu
diam membatu.

Time is slipping away
and we can't keep everything at bay.

But I can always feel you,
like how the leaf kisses the morning dew.

What if
the black hole,
is something similar
to the door that
Truman Burbank exited;

an alternate world to his, where over there only truth exists?

There are so many things
that you can judge upon;

all I ask from you is to act as
if my soul has long since gone.

I want you to laugh,
honestly.
There is no better thing
that you can do
with your light voice,
light heart and light mind
even the slightest spark of fire
can burn the whole forest
but then again,
the possibility of having
the pain in seeing a perfectly composed mirror
is unbearable for me.

I know, I know,
that there is nothing
that I can do
the moment your face
turns pale
as if it is being drowned
by the darkest cloud,
falling down from the empty cliff,
I realized that
I am powerless,
and your smile is immortal.

but the sunshine appears again
from the beneath of
your pretty face
I have lost for words,
totally insane,
I am deeply amazed.

I want to see you chuckle
until the last light
comes slashing
through this bare eyes.

4/12/2015

well,
it depends.

it depends
on how you look at it.

the anger that
branches in you are meaningless.

the frustration that
rests deep in you is meaningless.

the desperation that
is trapped in you is meaningless.

all of it might poison
you, but you, you are still you.

you are still here,
out there, existing and surviving.

it does not matter
why or how you are breathing.

because you are
just a future ground zero.

and you are still around
pondering over the possibilities.

and performing
at this grandest stage ever
is the proudest achievement
of your life.

He
adores
the
idea
of
his
non-
existence.

comb
your hair
everyday
after shower
before you head
outside.

irrelevant.

Yes I heard and cried
knowing that you have died
in the midst of that ******,
sinful ruckus of Nagasaki
but fate is no longer great
tip-toed twinkle of a pathetic
plunge over the dying Sakura
I have not changed for years but
you, you have changed
for the romance, for the sanity
of your everlasting dance.

Fatal, it is fatal, they said.
Denial, it is a denial, I said.
The balloon has escaped for years
and it can only haunt us for years,
but now,

The balloon waved at me
as I was caught red-handed
by an atomic, stoic handshake
drowning athazagoraphobia,
so I left the *** unattended
and I wander for a sweet end
in Misaki, Sennichimae,
calm, youthful exuberance I love
I no longer remember
the lasting kisses
that she left,
as a soliloquy in May.

I am lost in the wildest dream
of an eternal existence.

bahawasanya
semua binasa
angkara
nafsu
tinggal sisa-sisa
hayat angkasa
dan masa
semakin jauh
meninggalkan
manusia
dengan angka
dengan strata
hikayat termaktub
bermaharajalela.

[Untukmu di Langkawi, 26 Jun 2018]

Beratus-ratus retakan kaca
tidakkan pernah imbang neraca
betapa berat hatiku menunggu
detik-detik tak berpenghujung
beribu-ribu detakan hati
takkan pernah akan ku lari

biar Bukowski dengan kebuntuan
biar Rimbaud dengan ketidaktentuan
akan hanya ada dirimu dalam
laci yang penuh dengan kepastian.

Berbatu-batu kau ke utara
begitulah rasa ini terawang-awang di udara.

If I let myself be myself,
then this world will never
have a case of ****** theft
if I let myself be myself,
then I will never be myself.

As the water runs off the tap,
let it flows, let it glows,
tornado, tornado.

If I ever be myself,
then the book would never
have met its owner off the shelf
if I ever be myself,
then what else would have left?

As the mother falls off the map,
let it shows, let it grows,
innuendo, innuendo.

The cut is temporary,
unlike woes.

But arrows
reside deep in the bow.

we are always
aspired to
be god,

look at how
we systematically
programmed the school,
the difference with a factory?

we are always
aspired to
be god,

check on how
we systematically
organized the prison,
harmless for the society?

we are always
aspired to
be god,

look at how
we unashamedly
arranged the tv and radio
pursuing the utopian future?

we are always
aspired to
be god,

check on how
we unashamedly
clear the forest and rebuild,
as if we care for the community?

we have never stop at
avoiding the eventual fate
trying to take everything
under control
and forgetting our actual role.

the luckless ones
gaze into the empty sky.

Kenapa harus kita
berlari dari
kenyataan
Kenyataan itu
melegakan
Kenyataan itu
mendewasakan
Kenyataan itu
memaknakan

Ayuh ke sini
kenyataan,
kuhidangkanmu
persoalan.

There are lives
that have died and gone to waste,
but there are also lives
that are well-lived yet already gone to waste.

Pengenalan itu satu
pengajaran
pemastautin dalam satu
perubahan
tanpa pengenalan
segalanya tak berpermulaan.

this is the city of faith
the city of doubt
discipline overrated
tough will is decisive
the decider, the dictator
in the grey hazy morning
try your best to make it
celebrate all the symbols
concedes mimicking rats
satisfy the prowling big cats
pick whatever that is left
in your accustomed route
and push through it
till the death of the sun
in each of your weary run.

all hail the lost souls,
see you in the city hall
at the end of the day.

If life
is a collection
of chain reactions
I wonder
who started
the chaos
and
who are at
the bottom of
the receiving end
because if it
falls short at
being fair
then nothing here
is valid.

I am indebted
to this life,
for giving me
the meaning
to the
whole context
despite
the meaninglessness
of it.

For its inexistence,
I am just
going to be
another stardust
in a vast, darkly sky
above the raging sea
in every cold, empty night.

when you asked me
for the only direction
to the campsite of holy Aurora
I fed you with the temptation
and when you laid the blanket
I made you the bed instead.

I was already underneath the lake,
and I extended my hand to you,
waiting for you to realise
that there is nothing at stake,
and there is no wrong in being true.

when you talked to me
about the fiery, empty sunset
there were devils that linger and smile
I painted clouds and rainbows
for you to be sheltered from
partook in a deep sigh and grows.

you are awakened
by the smell of the brewed coffee
filled with our joy and contentment
you are no longer in a daze
forever buried in the strong aftertaste.

stay within my sight,
and touch me with all your might.

not
tucking in
your bedsheet
every morning.

intentionally.

Can't you see
that the fish was gasping for air?

For the sake of your lust,
wanting to have a triumphant end
to such a meaningless contest
you lure it from its world.

How could you inflicted that
on such innocent, lovely soul?
How could you treated its life
as if it is unworthy at all?
How could you even sleep
when you have wounded another soul?

Dead or alive,
you have no right
to irresponsibly acted in that way.

Ignorance, arrogance.

No regret, no guilt.


Yes, because you are all murderers!

Your opinions
will always
be invalid
for what I think
and what I do
I don't need
you to
justify it.

Don't waste
your time
in questioning
the way
I paint my own
land, sun, moon
sand, sea, cloud.

I can even destroy it
within a blink of yours
if I wanted to.

Everyone does it
in their own style.

Don't you think so?

I did so many
foolish things
back when
I was young
but
loving you
is not
one of it.

I have no sorrow in my eyes
only life that I borrow before I die.

the sound of
the crickets
making out
with the cold night
disturb
the temper
of the day,
all together with
the confession
and pray.

Apa yang ku mahu

Hanya ku yang tahu



Biar ada datang membelenggu

Akan datang angin menyatu



Lari,lari pergi saja diriku

Jauh ke puncak aku tetap berlalu



Aku jiwa lama termangu

Bosan, letih jadi diriku



Kerna ada saja yang rasa tahu

Lebih dari rohku.


16 April 2012

The moment you depart
from the stagnant, terrifying pole
I can see it through the glassy eyes
that you picked up the shards,
and shades of all the energy in us
before putting it on the plane
oh sweet soul, sweet untold
but I can feel it, and you can't hold it.

You are the embodiment of truth
a destroyer of corroborated lies
the sun slips away, oh you make it stays
everything in place, oh sunny side days
I am amazed at how far I've went
without having you at the other end
you put the meaning in Ying Yang
gone are the days of firing blank.

The age of understatement passed
horizon hangs from dawn till dusk
enthusiasm for the solitary odeum
helianthus laid at the mausoleum
you killed the ever-present sadness
and the endless parallel to happiness,
the tomb has finally been breached
I'm dumbfounded, bewitched.

You right the wronged in me,
and the spectrum burst into something
unlike the Pandora's box
Magna Carta suffered, and love
is all that I've ever heard.

I am
just
a kid.

a kid
that you
have to
beat.

beat meat, beat meat,
beat meat,
today is
your turn
for a treat.

Flower dwindles
for another flower
Thunder strikes
for another thunder
Summer arrives
for another summer
but human left without
any shadow on sight
and they do not leave
for themselves
but the ego in them.

Nobody forced them
nobody stick a knife
at the back of their neck
if they are not willing,
the door is always open
commitment is crucial
presence is superficial
don't you dare tying
the undone shoelaces
when the sole is destined
for the sweet destruction.