A Crook once told me,
"You are not a painting
You are a river
You have curves you bend you flow
You change
You are allowed to
Because you are not permanently one thing
You flow"

Today the world ends
And you and I will toss the loss aside
And finally be together in harmony
Two individuals taking on life
One needle
One cigarette
One curse word at a time

Our tongues are our shovels
As we dig our graves
Kiss by kiss we fall in
De
     ep
         er
Into our mess we have made

They won't understand us my dear
We are far too complex for even our own comprehension
They can't conquer us though we may feel conquered
They can't hinder us though we may feel hindered
They can't torment us, tear us down or toss us aside like yesterdays news
We are a fit of passion like the closest embrace
We are an army of one united by our hearts that rarely beat and occasionally
Beat too hard and fast
We won't stop in the name of all that is ungodly
We are too good for this world
They know it
You know it
I am starting to believe it
We are poets, writers, artists, lovers
The world is our oyster and we are allergic to shellfish
It's not that we are misfits
It's that this day and age is still too baggy on our bodies
And I pray to a God I don't believe in that we will never grow into those rags
Because we aren't pearls
Or one of a billion
We are beautiful creatures
They are waiting for the day we bite the pills and overdose on bullets
But you won't let them have that bitter satisfaction
And I shouldn't either
We are the beings ardent for what we can take in quantities from this life
So we may write about them
And tell everyone our story
And watch them melt
To our stolen golden lies

Two nights ago I wanted to live forever

Yesterday I wanted to **** myself

Today I want to get a tattoo

Tomorrow I wont know what I want

The day after I might not exist.

I love you
As a lover
As a friend
As a poet
As a trend
For the time being
And then on
I love you
For all that you are
Was
And will be
I love you
Heart and soul
Mind and lungs
I love you

Maybe if I let the music move me
Instead of moving it
The road to success would become one of enlightenment
Maybe if I let my heart guide my hand
Instead of my hand strangling it
I would learn to feel the things I thought were once lost
Maybe if you let me touch your lips
Without kissing back
I would warm up to your breath

Instead of holding my own

The birth and death of me
The eyes of my mother
My first lover
My first crush
My last
The vital existence of my passions thrive in the seas of such colours
They cut me
They cherish me
They undress me
They caress me
They spit lies
They weave truths
They hold my life ahead
They cool my flames
My existence is many shades of blue
Lapis lazuli and cerulean
Sapphire and aquamarine
The treasures of my past
The colours of my present
The looking glasses to my future

The more I see you the less I want to know you
The once charming being
With curly black hair
Who suited rings and ear cuffs
Who laughed at my jokes
And called me gorgeous.
The more I see you the less I want know you now
The violent and always angry
Pathetic creature sprawled across my bed.
You are not what I loved
You are no longer mine
But a slave to hatred.
The more I see you the more I realize
How foolish you are
To not love what you had
I did so much to keep you but now I want you gone
For good.
You are a monster of your own creation
And I loathe you.

Leave me to breathe and I'll write you poison
Of the darkest roses that bury me in your thoughts
You and I are poets of tormented thorns
This plethora of verbal abuse
Our building blocks for emotion
Gives us the power to captivate the very soul of innocence
And unto darkness we reign
For an eternity
Of true thorns
And a rose by any other name

Let's finally see what helps
One pill, Two pill, Three pill, Four
Many colours for every mood
An injection here or there
A puff of smoke for you too
Lets grab that razor blade
See to that pain
No? Still not working?
Lets cut into your head shall we
Take out your brain and shred it into a million red pieces
And stare at yourself in the mirror for hours
Until a smile appears
A taunted simper
A thoughtless tear
No? Still not working?
Lets grab ourselves some Janola
A bit o' bleach and methylated spirits,
Ought a do the trick!
Gulp it back and listen to it gurgle
With a tentative ear of suicidal tendency
No? Still not working?
Pop every pill, swig every spirit,
Cut every main artery and mutilate your lungs
See to that pain
Now tell me,
Is it working?

Touch my mind with tedious talk
Wandering hands crash landing on my *******
So often I wish I could tell you to walk
But I'm tied
Its all for the best
That over to your best friends I will stalk
And fold myself up in his sheets
He loves me more than than the rest
Loves me more than you
His hands are droplets of water not as cold as your waterfall
He knows how to breathe
You can save your breath
Because I'm my own now
I'm going to go out and never rest
The cigarettes don't sleep
And neither will I

No idea
You have no idea this glass princess is shattering
This paper doll is tearing up
She lies in a pool
Of her own suffering
The wounds in her head will never
Heal
She's ice cracking
A rag doll splitting at the seams
You lost her when you stopped noticing
The amount of times she put herself back together
For you
So you could admire her porcelain skin
And glass eyes
Instead you strung her up and struck her heart
With pins
Until the doll became a broken toy
A once beautiful handcrafted love
Used as a blow up *******
And a pretty thing to show off
For your own twisted pleasure
Discarded
She lies in wait
For help
To pick up the pieces
Of her own body
Everything she gave to you
She's ******* now
A bundle of broken shards and rags
Weeping...
Don't hurt me
*No more

I. Am. Bipolar.
I have my highs
I have my
                    lows
I will be laughing about my life one minute
And crying about it the next
My switch is one or the other
But sometimes the switch breaks

And that is the scariest part

The numb feeling
Senseless
Hopeless
Unfeeling
Dead
Wanting to be nothing at all for a moment
So I don't sleep
Or eat
Or sometimes even move
I am a slave to my mental illness
I sometimes watch my friends lose interest
In anything I have to say
Until something knocks the edge and the switch is adjusted
And so is my mood
Then everything is fine
Or ******* awful

I. Am. Bipolar.

I had to get it off my chest
The aching need tearing away
At my heart
The very thought of keeping it from you
Could cause my fickle heart
To explode
I'm not falling
I'm sinking
Into your skin
Deeper
               and
                        deeper
Until I can drown in you
So I gasp
For the air
To say it
I love you

Write it all
***, lies, secrets
Those things eating you up inside
The furious thoughts
Set them on fire
Your darkest kindling
Someone's gonna relate
They've all been there
We all live here
Write it all

Say it. Dear god say it.
She's falling
Your words will be her net
Save her. Dear god save her
She's calling
Your lips she has met
She's gone. It doesn't matter.
Her demise is your wrists
Never mind her
Get in line dear
She was worth more than this

Red is the taste of primitive kisses with sharp tongues
Red is the shade of lipstick buried in your collar
Red is the colour of the traffic light you sped through to get home
Red is the hand print you left on her face because she didn't prepare dinner
Red is the smell of blood from her torn septum ring
Red is the rash on your crotch the girl at work gave you
Red is the reason you wont cuddle
Red is the excuse you gave the police when your wife was reported missing
Red is the name they gave you in prison after you dropped the soap
Red is what lead you to suffocate yourself in court before the jury
Red is your story
Consider it over

Sometimes I choke back tears
Sometimes I hinder in doorways
Sometimes I'm just numb
But I'm always throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I feel like nothing at all
Sometimes I use the scissors
Sometimes I OD
Then I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I think it's all okay
Sometimes I smile again
Sometimes it's not worth it
So I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever wake
Sometimes I wonder if I want to
Sometimes my dreams are everything
I'm just throwing up anti depressants