It's strange
How the myths
Tell of reality in such parallel
Speaking, preaching of a greater force
When in fact that force is found within
When we truly realize the simple
Yet utterly complex truths

Nothing is set in stone, but in mind
We are in control of our own actions
Our choices domino, and affect others
Even in ways we could not possibly imagine

Life is the ultimate gift;
The fact of not knowing what comes
After we have passed on and our soul departs
Makes our lives all the more meaningful

The meaning of life
Is as simple and complex as that;
Life
To breathe, to move, to learn,
To listen, to grow, and to know

Face the hardships,
Endure the pain,
Learn from failure
Learn from the pain
To become stronger
To become better
Than those before you

To create a better world
Or perhaps see what lies before you
Heal the damage that has been done
Heal the broken bones of the world
To regrow, to be stronger than before
For life to once again thrive
Just the way it should

- Jay M
August 27th, 2021

I'm dancing around
Like a ray of sunshine
Can't keep my feet on the ground
For some reason, this day is mine

Sudden bursts of energy
Suddenly, I feel so free
I smile in this anti-gravity
My work flowing through the air
Done with time and care
Finally paying off
Now nobody can scoff

Still, I have miles to travel before I sleep
No more shall I weep
For the battle isn't over yet
The stage is all set
So let my work tell the story
And bring me the greatly sought glory

So here I go
Figuring out the flux of numbers
Like the smooth stitch as I sew
Barely getting good slumbers
But through the late night hour
I have gained the knowledge and power
To proudly take and pass the test
Finally allowing me a decent nights rest

Rising early in the morning
Hurry, get it done, heed the warning
Send it into the air
Done with time and care
Do it right,
Win the fight

At the end of the day
I'll soon be able to go outside and say,
"I did it, I survived and passed my first year of high school."

- Jay M
June 2nd, 2020

Better together than apart
Close as two people could be
Their love a beautiful melody
A true work of art

Seeing one another once in a week
Occasionally more
A call and a knock on the door
Embrace, then away
To talk and to stay
For a meal
Impossible to believe such could be real

Then suddenly
A silence fills the air
No more words of tender care
Then words like a viper
Hitting the heart like a ******
Not from the lover
'Twas from another
Putting a stop to their days
Cunning in so many ways

Forbidden, what more could be done?
The Discord had won
In separation, yes
In full, no
Love cannot be so easily smothered

Technology is funny
So don't call them honey
When they find a way
To work through and around
The rules they thought would stay
Firm as the ground

Loopholes and favors
Strings pulled and hope strong
On the way, playing a song
Listen to your heart
And bring back that work of art

There, nervous and hopeful
Giddy yet petrified
Then, calm in an instant
Being so careful
But there's no need for caution
Realizing all is well
In this moment, no longer a living hell

Meeting and conversing
The others would be cursing
But there, in that cool night breeze
It put them in a somewhat ease

Laughter, memories so fond
Keep safe the hidden bond
Thrive, even though it is forbidden

Communication shall remain secret
From those who do not approve
They shall never forget
To the others, they shall prove
That they are truly meant to be

Start slow,
Remain so
Until the timing is right
Since time is tight
And all is rather tricky
Situation rather sticky
But survive it shall
This forbidden love.

- Jay M
May 11th, 2020

Lover's drive
Knows no bounds
Not distance, nor rules
With the other they thrive
Running along like gleeful hounds
Eyes glittering like the most prized jewels

- Jay M
August 21st, 2021

Student
Racing about
Scattered here and there
Learning all it can
Then, somehow
Reading a work
So inspiring
A true keeper of knowledge
Hidden among them

Seeking improvement
Of works and self
But so occupied
Barely time for such
In a hurricane of stress
Pressure and emotion
Far beyond itself
The student tried
A deed so selfish
Then reflected
A work resembling the moment
Easing themselves in part
That it was released
But horrified
Of what could have been

Looking up
To their mentor
A keeper of knowledge
Held in high respects
But when seen
At the weakest
Cast away
As one of millions
But the student
Wished
Yearned
To be more than one of millions
Pleading to be taught
To be made an apprentice
Alas
No more
No more

- Jay M
November 6th, 2019

Crying in the night,
Mother, uncertain of what to do,
Tried so many ways to hush her,
Yet she cries in her arms.

Taking her outside,
Under the star light,
In the moonlight,
The beauty it is,
Soothing the child,
The cries slowly stop,
Giving way to slow, sleeping breaths.

Years later, the child is restless,
Sitting in bed, unable to sleep,
Finally getting up, and going to the window,
Looking out to the moon,
Giving her that soothing feeling,
As the many times before,
Yet a bit of energy,
Some sort of comfort,
So strange, yet familiar...

Night falls again,
The child is older,
Senses the connection,
Goes into its light,
Basking in it as the moments go on.

Found, she is brought in,
Puzzled, the mother asks why.
The answer comes,
Easily, like breathing;

"It comforts me,
It soothes my soul,
It connects somehow,
So familiar,
Yet so...different."

Realization, though not entirely,
The mother brings her in,
Seats her, and holds the child in her arms.

"Not even I understand,"
She admits,
"But it soothes me too."

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

More than they seem
In the midnight gleam
Emotions run as a stream
Ever flowing, ever growing
Or perhaps moving steadily
Pooling far below
Into an unknown depths

- Jay M
August 2nd, 2021

Music is my drug
Plug it in
Let it course
Through my empty veins
Bring me back to life
Or just give me that
Much needed life support

- Jay M
January 6th, 2021

So over
All this bad luck
Stuck on repeat
Misfortune is a clumsy duck
Falling, tripping over it's own two feet

Told I'm strong
Told it'll all be okay
But if I were strong
Why must this pain be so long?
Remaining, oh to stay,
Promises, promises,
Too many vows
But each one I shall keep
To stay stronger than stone
On a stage, deep bows,
Miles to go before I sleep
Shivering to the bone
But I am not alone

Awaiting are those who care
Those who dare
To share
Their time with me

Set me free
Running wild
Earth crunching beneath my feet
Nearby, the buzzing of a bee
My, feeling free like a child
Let me run wild
Heart tender and mild
Easily broken
Yet on display
Given a token
A part in the song, you shall play

Sing me a song
Play the melody
Now, it won't be long
"Just one more.", I plea
Another note
Of the song you wrote
Written across the pages
Destined to be on stages

Hold me
When I ask you to leave
For I am testing you
Please, hold me,
When I ask you let me be
For times, I grieve,
But please, do not leave

Seated on my own
Reaching out for you
Take my hand
Make your presence known
I need you
To hold me in the dark
To guide me, be my light
Hold me, darling please,
When the light fades,
Tell me you'll be there with me
Help me be the person I'm supposed to be

There's sometimes when I don't wanna wake up
Don't let me go, don't let me go,
I need backup
To let my colors show, let my colors show

I don't know what will become of me
Help me through the dark
Only you hold the key
Heal every mark
When the light fades
And it's just you and me
Breath in sync
Heartbeat for heartbeat
When the hope begins to fail, sinking deeper,
Somehow I feel your heat
Your light burning in the dark
Saving me, oh you save me,
My hero, my angel
My archangel

- Jay M
December 30th, 2019

I tried
So hard
To be where you are
Dancing with the stars
Yet
I only made it as far as the mountain top
Unable to take my feet off of the ground
Tethered to it
By countless lines
Invisible to your blissful sight
For you are dancing with the stars
Twisting, laughing among them,
Whilst I am twisting,
Crying alone
Yearning to be by your side
And say
I am here, too
So don't you ever cry alone
Friend
I hear you cry
The tears of an angel

As you frolic
With the others
Just please
Remember me..
Just once
Where you embrace me
Without me saying a word
Would be enough
To make my heart soar
Brighten my day

I know
This isn't right
But I can't help it
Begging you
Because I feel like I'm losing you
To everyone else
And it scares me..

When I pass by
Will I get so much as a "Hi!"?
Even that would be enough
It would be enough

I'm waiting here
For you
Again
Hoping you see me
From over there
Across the room
Laughing with them..

How badly I wish I were one of them
How desperately I wish I could change the past
Alas
I cannot
For it is too far gone
And no matter what I say
No matter what I do
It'll never be enough
And I know that
But please
Forgive me...
Friend, forgive me...

I never meant to hurt you
I just didn't know what to do
You were so easy to talk to
So kind, and understanding
I didn't realize it then
But I was killing you
Burdening you
And what now?

So many times
I've tried to apologize
But nothing
Nothing
Can make up for my mistakes
So instead
Of falling over myself in guilt
I just ask this,
In all seriousness,
Not a shallow answer,
But truly...
Do you forgive me?

I only want to see you smile
Carefree, and happy
Not weighed down by anything
And if you are
I am beside you
In spirit
So just seek me out
Give me a call
I will come
Ready to listen
To help, if you want me to
All you need to do
Is ask me
And I will come

Trust me
Is all I ask
Because I'll be there
Whenever you call me
Just say my name
And I'm on my way
No matter how far away
If you need me
I will come
Bounding through the thickets
To you

Anything
To be back to the way it was
Before

Laughing, smiling,
Seated side by side
Like we ought to be
Once again

- Jay M
June 23rd, 2019

My heart races,
As I think of my future,
Wondering what lies there.
What lies behind those eyes?

Is it fear,
Is it annoyance,
Is it pain,
Or is it something else?

In the end,
I am wondering…
What awaits me?

- Jay M
May 15th, 2018

Loving and fighting
Wordlessly and real
Inaudible and echoing
Accusing, denying
I wonder what has become of my mind

Helplessly crying
Forever denying
Won't let them in
They won't know
The deadly truth
That will get me sent
Far, far away
To a land unknown
Destroying my home

I deserve to be alright
I deserve to sleep at night
Suffocated by regrets
Past mistakes

One day
I fear
I could lose all I hold dear
All so near
To my heart
To my very soul

I can't imagine a world
With them all gone
Lying on the floor
Would they hear me screaming;
"Please don't leave me!"?

Take my hand
Help me
Make it alright

Pacing back and forth
As threats fly
Slipping for a second
Then I hit the ground
Play dead?
I've been dead

The aching in my soul
Driving me to suffer the extremes
Of the what the human mind can do
All to itself

Hold on
That's all I'm trying to do now
Not stay strong
Just stay

I swear
I still love you
Even if I'm doing these things
They're to myself
Punishment for my wrongs
Yet they are seen worse

Hold me
That's all I want
One person
Whomever they may be
Hold me
Tell me it'll be alright
Maybe not now
But someday

Give me someday

Help me
Give me a tomorrow
But don't take me away
Don't strip me of everything

Don't take all I have left

- Jay M
May 8th, 2019

It is hard
Keeping it internalized
For such things
Keep me paralyzed
From time to time

Seated there
Talking to you
One wonders
How such a marvelous creature
Could be in a life such as mine

So close
Yet so far
Out of reach
Yet just a touch away

Still...

I swore an oath
Never to be broken
Alas, if such happens
I am to punish myself
For I am to never
Never
Be in romance again
Or to hold you in my arms...

Why?
Because I'm scared of hurting anyone
Ever again

So from now and forevermore
As long as I can
I shall never love again
Or at least never reveal it...

Still...

I find myself yearning for you
Wishing to hold you in my arms
Alas, such shall never be
For the likes of me

So here I stand
Alone
To bare the ancient tide
Strike after strike
Wave upon wave
Until I grow old
And fade from this mortal realm


- Jay M
August 30th, 2019

Walking to fate
Door opens
Familiar face
But even so
Not all things familiar
Should be welcomed with embrace

Waiting
Discussing
Then
The new solution!?

No
Only anger
Impulses
Thoughts still uncontrollable
"Go, go.."
But that's not what they're supposed to say.

Still the same thoughts
Unchanged
Never caged
Not for long in the least

A cure?
Impossible
No such thing could be
Even if it were
Without me knowing
It would be buried
Deep inside me
Beyond that of which I cannot recall
Cast to the lowest it may go

Tears, screaming, pain,
Everything becoming dull
My reason for being made null
But still I remain
Still I drag myself along
This rugged road
Feeling so much
But nothing at all...

- Jay M
April 15th, 2019

Can't stop

These trauma-based nightmares

So I'll drop

Going down these endless stairs

To

           f
a
            l
l

To my doom

Locked in an empty room

Alone to my thoughts

While slowly it rots

From the inside-out.


R e p l a y i n g

Over and over

Again and again

Never to leave me be

Reminding me

Reopening old wounds - well I threw over a cover

Flashbacks going over in my mind and then

It stops

When Love walks in

Putting my mind at rest

But back to chaos

When I sleep

And in my head I weep

Like a test

Of

My

S a n i t y


- Jay M
January 14th, 2020

Night; such beauty, so serene, and a bringer of slumber to some, whilst to others; awakening. Her endless sky, stretched out across the vastness above, filled with twinkling starlight in the void that is the darkness. Unto the ground below, casting such wondrous light; her wondrous light. When night finally does fall, I am awakened; never to give in to rest, running wild and free as a great beast, where none shall pay me any mind, nor shall they care what I do or say; a time all to myself, alongside those I chose to share it with, though in most; I am alone. Around me, they slumber; but not I, for I cannot; far too awake, far too alive for sleep, therefore I must not give in, not until I can carry on no longer, having reached my limit; collapsing at last to be encompassed by the land of dreams.

Grassy fields lay before my eager feet; their softest grasses swaying ever so gently, whilst the night inches on, owls hooting overhead, the scents of grass, earth, and feathers filling the air; freedom, indeed this truly is. A night to last for all of eternity, alas all within the span of a few hours, until the next dawn emerges, all to disappear, fading into the next day, surely to bring about new opportunities for all to enjoy; just as the night once had, just for me.

Once more, the night falls; I stand at the waters’ edge, in a long dress of deepest blue flowing gently in the breeze, my puffy brown hair (which resembles a lions mane) somehow tamed, and my eyes turned to the stars above me. Filling my eyes are the shimmering lights of a thousand stars, and filling my mind are a thousand dreams, hope being cast up to each little light, yearning for each little dream to come to pass. A name is called in the wind; I turn away from my dreams and the stars to face yet another dream; a handsome fellow around my height, in a suit of smooth black and white fabric, his chocolate brown hair slightly swept to the side, and his eyes set on me in a dreamy sort of way.

Taking his familiar hand, beneath the light of the pale moon, we take to a gazebo; its wood painted white, slightly chipping away in places, and we dance; not a dance capable of being placed in words aside from these few; spinning me in my dress of blue, making the stars look like little comets spinning about me, then taking me back and dipping me, my hair just barely brushing the wooden platform below my feet. Gazing to the side, there is the water, reflecting those dreamy stars and the vastness of the galaxies above. From one dream to another; looking into different galaxies, seeing into dreams so familiar and wonderful, entranced by the very moment.

Birds chirping overhead
Songs echoing in beauty
A different type of speech
Nonspecific, yet still so
An impossible possibility

A black and white photograph
Stirring memories
The dust inhaled
Coughing fit
Just like
That day
Years ago

Every little sight
Sound
Texture
Scent
Taste
Brings it about
And back into the light

Relive the good ol' days
The magic
When you were young
Didn't know much
Or knew too much

That summer
Way back when
Under the tree
On top of the hill
When we were kids
But that was then
But please
Take me back to when
We were kids
Just some good ol' nostalgia

- Jay M
September 3rd, 2019