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Jay M Mar 2019
Whispering just through the wall
Some words grasped
Others lost in the space between.
That name, blame, and denial...

Not everyone has a good memory
Not everyone tries to be the perfect student
Not everyone can dance
Not everyone can be happy
Not everyone can be free...

Words cut like glass shards
Digging deeper and deeper into the flesh
Rivers of crimson stream forth
Twisting in this skin; this mesh

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019
Jay M Jan 2021
No lock on the chains today
There is nothing left for you to say
Besides you can't put me on display
No way that I'll stay
Sound okay?

Pick the color, the style
Tell me to sit, stay a while
Wanting to go the extra mile
Not this time

Couldn't get me last time
Won't get me again
No matter the song or rhyme
The roses and then
The same old ****t
Year after year
Don't call me "dear"

Gifts and a meal
Won't make this dream of yours real
I won't play pretend
Can't this game just end?

Let me do what I please
Let me have a day of ease
Maybe sitting under the shade of trees
Enjoying the delicate breeze
Just let me seize
The day for myself
Instead of sitting quietly on a shelf

- Jay M
January 29th, 2021
To my dad, and how every Valentine's day is his day. All I want is to do something for myself, something that makes me happy.
Jay M Mar 2020
I try and I try
To prove I'm more than
Numbers and letters on a computer screen
But so far
I'm still a small fry
Still, I'm not a fan
Of those numbers and letters and their sickening sheen
Commanding my life around
My hopes tossed to the ground
Of everything I had dreamed of
I'm no dove
And my love?
Those letters and numbers took that too
Nothing's as easy as two plus two.

- Jay M
March 10th, 2020
It's funny how your grades can control your life..
Jay M Aug 2022
Fed the scraps
Accepting the slight
Mere ways things
Were better than before
But obsession isn't love
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imaginations aren't love

Actions speak louder than words
I hoped for acceptance, you gave me
Regurgitated words and thoughts
I hoped for simpler times
You gave me conflicts
And a new part
In my endless
Cycle of this
Pain

It was set up, but I was never warned
Dove into the water head first
Didn't stop to think, not even once
We both wanted happiness,
Neither of us truly are
You may not understand
I didn't either, not at first
But obsession isn't love
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imagination aren't love

When I saw the flags
Bright scarlet, waving
I ignored them, set them aside
Right in front of me, didn't hide
The facts hit me like waves
But I wouldn't face the truth

I was in love with a fairytale
The idea of you, just as you
Are obsessed with the idea of me
So much so that after a breakup
You mourned louder than a baby
For days and nights, you grieved
Inconsolable, nearly sent away
Nearly sent away, all because;
Obsession isn't love,
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imagination aren't love
And regurgitating more than simply thoughts
Shouldn't have even happened,
Nor should we have gotten back together

What can I do, what can I say?
There's a line between healthy
And prodding concern
There's a line between love
And deep rooted obsession
There's a line between odd
And perverse collections
There's a line between us
That neither wanted to see
But it's there, it's clear
But lines are often ignored,
Or well worn and misunderstood

Neither wants to face the truth
Surely none moreso than you
But this is all that I can do
So just as predicted,
It's time to see this through;
The story of me and you
Should end here
Not tomorrow,
Not next week;
Now, when you're done
Reading these last few words.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2022
I'm sorry, but I can't keep doing this anymore. Yes, fun was had, but you must understand. I only hope that this makes sense, and that you will be okay.
Jay M Aug 2019
1

Thoughts, dreams;
All seem so real
Yet reality
Seems false

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

~

#2

Forced down
So deep
Far beneath the surface
Writhing in agony

Days dragged out
Made eternities
Stretching my torture
Far beyond the breaking point.

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

~

#3

Failure;
We don't deserve happiness
Not a drop
Not an atomic second

Reminded;
What you love most
What you raised
Will go
If you don't stop fighting.

-  Jay M
May 6th, 2019
I just found these in a journal of mine from last school year, and thought I'd type them out.
Jay M Oct 2021
One night, as the hours grew late
It would seem it were a stroke of fate
Two so eagerly awake, eager to in, take
But a moment of the others time
Despite all reason or rhyme
To sleep or otherwise be occupied
Though others they may have defied
All became well in paradise

- Jay M
October 21st, 2021
Jay M Jun 2019
Awaiting the moment
When all shall be well
The roaring quieted
The monster caged
Silenced for a time
Of peace

Security of the ones you love
Protect them with your life
And all you have
Give onto them

Give them shelter
Give them warmth
Give them food
Give them water
Give them hope

Be with them in their darkest hours
In their moments of weakness
Keep them strong
Build them up
And never let them go

- Jay M
June 8th, 2019
Jay M Dec 2020
Frigid to the touch
Bitter yet sweet
With the flip of a coin
Constantly running a thin edge
Nearly sharp as a knife

Memories play like old films
But not everything is black and white

Not a word
Not a breath
But my own
For what lies in the past
Make each moment last
Between then and now
This is what I have to bare
The sweat upon my brow

The mark of a year
How this would bring fear
Now that it is here
Right upon me
It refuses to clear
Suffocating like smoke

Pour a glass of water
Try to be a better daughter
Let the past be that
And nothing more
Either way;
It shall haunt me forevermore

The dulling of pain
Was all I had to gain
And I had everything to lose

This day
Brings shaking hands
An unquenchable thirst
A whisper
To turn back the hands of time
But no
Never to come to pass
Not again...

- Jay M
December 10th, 2020
I'm at a year here. It hurts to think I'd have to say that to begin with...but I made it. Hopefully I'll keep going, and won't slip up again.
Jay M Feb 2020
Pacing around
Stuck on the ground
Music blast
A trip to the past

The truth is, I want to hold you
Tell you
That everything is gonna be okay
If not today
Then tomorrow
You don't have to be in sorrow

Love, I'm right here
For you my dear
I will listen to you
No matter what you do
I'll be here
For you

I caused alarm
Didn't want to cause harm
I'm sorry Love
I just want to see you free as a dove

See me now
This is how
I am inside
I try to hide
From the world
My knees curled
To my chest
Where you say I have a heart of gold
Like buried treasure

Music blaring
I'm still wearing
The bracelet you made me
And when you look at yours
As you do your chores
Think of me
And I hope
You do not mope
And that you can forgive me

All I want to do
Is hold you
Brush your hair behind your ear
And hear
You say,
"Stay,"
"Here with me."
And we can be
Just you and me

Please
I reach to seize
Your hand
Please
Take me to the land
Of dreams
Where we are dancing in the moonbeams
And I can feel again
Free as a wren

It's like I'm falling
And you're falling too
I reach to you
And I can't see

Wind stinging my eyes
Blinding me
I feel so far from you
But you're only 12 miles away
Love, I want you to stay
With me
You hear my plea

I said words that got carried
In my head they are buried
You told me one thing
Told your mother another
That's okay
But just tell me that you'll be

I love you, I miss you
I'm right here, my dear
I care, and I dare
Say that I always will
Because baby
Just maybe
If you let me
The future could be so bright
Bright as your shining eyes
So please stay
Here with me.

- Jay M
February 19th, 2020
He told me he was depressed, maybe a little more than that, and I was shocked. I cried, and my mom found me and told his mom. They talked, and I haven't heard from him. I'm giving him space, because I'm scared he may not trust me or want to talk to me. I may have ******* things up, and I'm really really really hoping I didn't mess things up. I've been...somewhat numb all day, and when I did feel things all I've felt is just down. Like I'm stunned from rolling into a wall, and kinda dazed. I...I should have been more calm, but I...I don't know. At least they (him and his mom) got to talk, and things will be okay. I just...I miss him, and just want to hold him and tell him everything is okay. But...I can't right now, so...here I am. Just...scraping by, as they say.
Jay M Aug 2019
Gazing at the sunset
Waiting for the moment to arrive
When I can bask in the moonlight
Laugh in the starlight
And nobody will tell me anything

Free to be who I'm meant to be
A bird in flight
Soaring beyond the clouds
Into the heights
Of beauty and wonder

Standing my ground
Proving my point
Living while I'm alive
My heart like a journal
Showing people
Letting them in
Trusting them not to tear it
And to accept what is within.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
How do you love someone,
Without getting hurt?
How can you feel so much,
Yet nothing at all?
How do love someone
With a broken heart?
I've been asking myself for a while,
Never been so lost,
Hopeless, but not dreamless,
Nightmares and dreams,
Both cloud my mind,
Thoughts rushing like rivers,
Tears, invisible but there...

Drip

Drop

The poison won't stop,
Black as my tainted soul,
Struggling to survive.

- Jay M
November 2nd, 2018
Jay M Oct 2022
Our love is a spinning chair.

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022
Jay M Nov 2021
If I have you
And you have me
Perhaps we can see
All that we're meant to be

The road is long
With cracks, ***-holes, and detours
But we'll always be singing the same song
Even that little thing reassures
That we're on the right right road
Less traveled, but it's home
Even if it's not your typical abode
It's ours, in this place we roam
We'll go together, and call it home

- Jay M
November 3rd, 2021
Go on your own road, even if it's the road less traveled. Leave your own footpath in the forest.
Jay M Apr 2019
Pretending to know,
Pretending to be one of them...

One of the group,
Belonging to a people,
Yet no matter what,
Somehow,
I end up on the outside...

Expected to know so much,
Yet knowing so little,
So naive, so foolish,
Feeling little connection,
Yet so strong.

Being on the outside all my life,
Wanting to find a place I belong,
Yet when I think I find it,
I am cast out,
Thrown from all I then know,
And tossed to yet another empty road,
Eventually picked up out of pity,
Or drifting to people after the loneliness is unbearable.

The bonds once so strong,
Yet faded so easily,
On one end;
Never mine...

So desperately I hold on,
Trying to come back,
Yet, they never want me back...

Once an outcast,
Always an outcast,
Once a reject of society,
Always a reject of society.

Never again will they talk to me;
Not unless it is to turn me away,
Never again will they see me over;
Not unless they are so desperate,
So needing for company,
And all else turn away but I...

So long I have tried to find my place,
Yet never have I truly fit anywhere...
Will I ever be at rest?
No, I suppose not,
Considering that none stay for long,
No matter how long I've known them,
No matter if I give them gifts,
No matter if I try to talk to them,
No matter if I try to be the person they want me to be...
Because no matter how much I try,
I can never be that person they want me to be,
Or even me...

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019
I'm here too...
Jay M Mar 2019
Alone in the grey room
Painted by you so long ago
So it seems...

The demons linger with you.
Test you
Telling you to do it
So in that moment
You break
You listen
You obey these horrors...

One, two, three,
Before you know it
They cover the canvas
Bleeding in pain
Bleeding in beauty
Unseen, feared to be seen,
Yet begging to be.

Looking over, across the room
Pills; happiness in a bottle
One, two, three...

Dizzy, fizzy, wizzy!
Laughing, but nothing is funny
In pain, but you smile
It feels so good
This rush
This temptation to go over the edge
Peering over it
Daring it to poke you
Tipping you over...

In the morning, feeling hungover
But you're not
You didn't drink a drop
Just a little pop...
Pop..
Pop.

A week later, here we go again
Six on Monday
None on Tuesday
Eight on Wednesday
Six again on Thursday
Eight again on Friday
All of this pain,
It's so addicting.

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Wish I could take it back
What have I done?
I’m sorry
I just want to be okay,
Let me be..
Let me be okay…

How can I say this without breaking?
How can I put it into words,
When it burns like a flame?
I don’t want them to know,
The secrets I do,
I loved, and I loved,
But it wasn’t enough...
Not for them,
No hem to fix this…

No matter how hard I try,
No matter how hard I work,
I can’t sew it back together,
This broken soul,
All these broken souls,
Surrounding me,
Why must they be in pain?
Bring it to me,
Set you free,
Let you be....

It’s taking over,
I’m slipping,
Falling away,
I can’t catch my breath,
Can’t fight this,
Can’t help but give in...
Yet, some small part of me still holds on,
Still doesn’t want to fade away,
But the demons silence it,
Drive it down,
Further and further from the light…

Why must I be this way?
So tired and lost,
Some say it’s idiotic,
Some call me lazy,
But no; I simply have no energy left,
All will gone,
Left to float through the rapids,
To drown in the depths of pain,
To drown out the screams,
The thrashing and fighting,
How much longer can I go on?
Hold on to this life,
Before I am no more…?

- Jay M
October 12th, 2018
Jay M Apr 2022
Howling to an unseen moon
Pale luna,
Shine upon me your light
Beam upon my eyes
But a ray of moonlight
Dance across reflections
On the dark waters edge
Dance in your light
Oh pale luna

Enchant me, enthrall me
With your mysterious allure
Your gaze, your wonder
My most dazzling, brilliant muse
Shine upon me your grace
Your nature illusive
Just escaping my grasp
Brushing delicately past my fingertips
Pale luna
Oh pale luna

Bless me with your wisdom
Bestow upon me your gentle touch
But a simple gesture
Would grant me a great
Vast embrace of the heart
Without hands, yet ever
So tender and warm
Against the cold, dark night.

- Jay M
April 21st, 2022
Jay M Mar 2019
Motionless in your bed,
Voices echoing in your head,
Memories flowing in and out,
So many regrets,
Too many things I should have gone without...

I'm lost and it kills me,
Inside,
I'm numb inside,
Waves crashing over me,
Somehow I live,
Somehow I need it,
Just to go on;
Those toxic waves,
That artificial happiness,
The feeling of being alive...

- Jay M
March 25th, 2019
Jay M May 2019
Whilst the sun doth rise
Bird and beast awaken
From slumber
So profound
Canceling all else out

In the cavern
Walking into the tavern
I should have known

Awaiting me
Temptations
Sins I should not know
Never should I commit such a terror
Yet
For reasons I simply
Can no longer grasp
Such was completed

Swiftly
Quicker than a hare
I flee
Feeling it
Closing in
Making my skin ripple
Crawling uncontrollably

Walking up
The stairway to hell's door
Have it
I shouldn't
It won't hurt...

A quick sip
Pain rushing in
Regretting all in an instant
Never touching it again
No
I didn't even know me anymore

Close my weary eyes
Open again
Peace to chaos
Wondering what went wrong
Then realizing
Panic
It's all over now...

Toss it aside
Bring it back
Tear myself apart
Drag the pain across
Blood oozing
Punches
One after another
Thump, thump, thump
Please
I plee
To me
Let me go...

Uh-oh
Watch it all go
Mocking you
Talking to you
Shouting
Screaming
Run
You do
Only momentarily eased...

Nothing I can do
About these past regrets
But look back
Take the attack
Head on
Then submit
To the painful defeat

- Jay M
May 1st, 2019
Jay M Oct 2020
Through dawns of possibility
Through nights of pouring thought
Still your presence lingers
Warmth around my
Shivering body
Your scent in the very air
Filling my nostrils
Even if you can't be
By my side

Silence across
Nothing more than radio static
To be such for years
Even if there are tears
Time shall pass
And it alone shall tell

Miles of earth and stone
Lay cold and unforgiving
But still the torch is lit
On this side of the expanse
Though words unspoken
Still the flame does wave

Going to the places we had been
Standing before the crashing waves
Taking in the salty, chilling air
Lingering, yes I dare

Dancing on a cliff side
Twisting with the wind
Shell between my small fingers
Taken to the cliff face
Letters into the space
Etched into the sand
Done by caring hand

Still keeping the charm
Claiming it's of luck
When it is what I have left
Made by your hands

Patience is key
Trust me
I get a little nervous
Knowing I just can't take your hand
But I'd wait eternity
If it meant you might return to me

- Jay M
October 22nd, 2020
Jay M Oct 2021
Persephone,
Goddess of spring
Queen of the underworld
Bringer of death
And life anew
Bringer of light
Powerful and knowing

Darling maiden to ancient Queen
Truest display of duality
All that one can be
Magnificent in all she is
Of divine wonder
Mortals, how they marvel
At her strength and might
And her astounding grace
Upon the mortal world

Goddess of delicate care
Blessed is the fertility she bring
To a world when birds sing
Flowers to bloom, blossom
Into the beauty of spring
Bringer of plenty
Venerable one
Whom many hold high
The Great Goddess
Divine maiden

Hand in the land of the mortal
And the other far below
Decisions made, legends abound
Over sky, seas, and eager ground
Carrier of fertile seeds
To grow and for the world to know
Of her power and wonder
Thousands know her name
The Goddess Persephone

- Jay M
October 5th, 2021
Decided to write a poem about the ancient Greek Goddess, Persephone. She is the Greek goddess of spring, fertility, and the Queen of the underworld, wife of Hades.
Jay M Mar 2019
Somewhere along the journey,
Memories stir, shifting soundlessly,
All memories have a hidden twist;
It's just not the same.

The person I once was has faded to nothing;
A mere memory.

When I was younger,
I wished every day to be alone.
Every day I was surrounded,
Suffocated by people.

Now I wish to almost never be alone;
Being treated as a ghost some days,
Barely keeping alive,
Getting weaker and weaker,
Yet they see me as a strong person.
That is surely false.

I yearn for sleep,
I yearn for a moment where I can be happy,
No weight keeping me bound to this depression;
This parasite that has consumed me.

- Jay M
March 20th, 2019
Jay M Nov 2019
My Perspective

Ghosts;
There are many kinds
Those that appear in images and audio
And those that appear in our minds
That haunt us to our cores
Plaguing us
With flashbacks, fears, insecurities
Issues with trust, issues with companionship;
Whatever it may be
These ghosts never leave us be
Not a moment to rest
And when they give us that moment
It disappears in an instant
Vanishing as soon as it had come
Not to be seen for a time yet.

~

My Mother's Perspective

An entity that may or may not exist
A shadow, or a lingering spirit
Such has been debated for ages
Yet, the question is; what do I believe?
There could be such
The soul of a person lingering in a place of importance
Trapped in a memory they had
Possibly keeping people away
Possibly inviting them to stay
Such is unclarified
Unverified
Left for us to be believers,
Or skeptics.

~

My Sister's Perspective

Yes, they are all around us!
Dreams so wondrous,
Nightmares of the dangerous,
Hidden in photos
Detected in sound
Things move when nobody is around
Keys turning
Spirits yearning
For communication
Destination
Freedom from repetition
Or just a friendly hello
A familiar song on the cello.


- Jay M
November 21st, 2019
I wrote each one in a different perspective of the topic of ghosts. The two that are from my mom and sister's perspective are what I believe their take on the subject is based on what they have told me they believe.
Jay M Oct 2021
Like a phoenix
I burst into a burning blaze
Of flames of pain
But like a phoenix
I will rise from the ashes
Of the burned memories
I will rise again
And become what I do not know

- Jay M
October 11th, 2021
From the ashes of a burned love, I will one day rise. For now, I am still slowly smoldering, the embers dying in their agony to be born again, healed.
Jay M Feb 2023
Box of matches,
Strike me and I’ll burn
Drown it all in gasoline
Engulfed in flames,
I am reborn

Blistered and bruised,
Beaten and torn,
Miles gone by the dozens
These shoes are worn,
Full of holes and rips,
Scuffs and tears,
Feet ache and bleed

To ashes, I must return,
To ashes, I shall be again,
Scatter me to the wind,
Remnants of my body
Merely a vessel of flesh,
Through stories you keep my soul
To return once more

Open and kind,
I shall return your warmth,
Harsh and cruel,
I shall return your fiery hatred
Let me go, drift from sight,
I shall still hold your memory.

- Jay M
February 2nd, 2023
Jay M Mar 2020
My pigeon army
Made of paper
Some big
Some small
You'll never count them all

I make them when I'm empty
I make them when I'm weak
I make them when I'm running on little sleep for a week
I make them when I'm unhappy
I make them when I can't feel
Anything good or real

Blank or lined
I use what paper I can find
Then I fold
Then; behold!
A pigeon of paper
Some big
Some small
You'll never count them all

I fold and fold
My arms are filled as I hold
My little creations
Bringing me a slight smile
But they just sit with me for a while

So, I do what makes me truly happy;
I give them away
To others who could use something to brighten their day
And what better way
Than a gift
Of a small, little pigeon

How many I've made,
I'll never know
All I know is
This pigeon army will grow
And spread a smile
All the while
I still make more
And I never bore.

- Jay M
March 10, 2020
Whenever I'm not doing so great, I fold origami pigeons and give them away to people. Whoever seems like they could use something to brighten their day.
Jay M Feb 2023
None shall, no not a one
Hear them, haunted echoes
Banshees, perhaps
Intangible, yet ever present
Inaudible, yet eternally wailing

Thunder approaches, deafening thunder
No place to hide, words spoken
Lines broken, simply run
Close, but only so far
Threaten, scream and cry
None shall ever leave
Figures, perhaps one day
Eternally, memories bleed.

- February 10th, 2023
Jay M Dec 2021
Playful moments shared
Gazes beyond compare
Longing, yet knowing
Dancing with the flames
Fanned ever higher
Consumed by loves desire

Laughs and tender smiles
Yet his heart is away by miles
How easily he make me forget
And with every day I regret
Not asking the weighed question, yet
It is all for the best
Even so, my heart does protest.

- Jay M
December 7th, 2021
Jay M Apr 2021
They throw around words
Like daggers and smoke bombs
Cut, hide, throw some in
Get them to sink in deep

Gather up your insults
Pick and choose
Stack them on me
The pile gets higher
Until I burn it all down

In the end it won't matter if I lose
I'll drag you down with me
If you want to play with fire
You'd best be prepared to handle the burns

- Jay M
March 19th, 2021
I keep leaving things in my drafts, jeez.
Jay M Jan 2021
A pleasant morning,
Not a sign of warning,
For this day
All good shall stay.

- Jay M
January 22nd, 2021
It seems fitting, or in the least in my little sliver of life. May your day be good as well.
Jay M Jun 2019
Maddened by the
Possibilities
Troubled by the
Expectations

Unsure of what to do

- Jay M
June 14th, 2019
Jay M Feb 2020
For my love I have a plan
So much to do - oh man
This plan so grand
For so long I have planned -
Now to spill
Oh, what a thrill!

So much to do
And all for you
My love, I don’t mind
But oh time I’m not sure I can find
Ah, oh well!
All shall be swell!
After all, it is for you that I fell.

First I must clean the house;
I must sweep the downstairs,
My anxiety I must dowse
Oh but who cares

I must sweep the porch and walkway,
Tell him, “Come, go this way!”
No dust at his feet
Take him inside and from the heat

I must clean the table,
Oh I hope I am able
Make sure on my feet I’m not unstable
Oh my dizzy spells
Are tiny hells

I must clean the placemats,
Shoo away the pesky cats
Little things get their fur everywhere
Oh but who gives a care

I must clear the clutter from the piano,
Think of my friend the soprano
She’s a good singer
But slow to answer her ringer

Then I must decorate;
Oh this house no one shall hate
Besides I, I suppose
Oh, I think I’ll give him a rose!

I must put the carpetes on the piano,
Nevermind the soprano
What a voice
On the carpetes I can put flowers or candles
With no handles
Oh what a choice!

I must place the smooth stones and flowers in the walkway,
Make them say, “Hey, come this way!”
Inviting him in
Oh, his heart I did win
This is a celebration of my love
Just for my Love

I must place the stool by the door,
Place his card on it and oh not the floor
Hope he likes it and keeps it
Hope he knows I am of wit

I must put the ribbon downstairs,
I don’t know if he cares
But I certainly do
Oh Love, I do this all for you

Next I must cook and bake;
I must make the steak,
Get the recipe from my stepdad
Oh I sure hope he’s glad
I can make this myself
And have a picture on the shelf

I must make the mashed potatoes,
No, I won’t touch the tomatoes
Those are for next week
Not my dinner to cook
I’m not that weak
I can be a good cook

I must bake the brownies,
They say you can smell them for counties
I hope they taste sweet
And not like feet

Finally I must get myself ready;
I must shower, clean my hair and body,
So I’m not still plastered with sweat
Oh and I bet
You’ll just look so good
Just like I know you would

I must wear something nice,
No, it will not be of high price
If it were I would leave it hanging
Like the photographs overhanging
In my room
Where roses bloom

I must do something with my hair,
Not that anyone would care
None but I
Still I try

I must put my lotion on,
This cracked flesh it must go upon
To heal me
Of this eczema I wish to be free

After all that;
I will give my arm a pat
An indication for him to take it
This great planning a display of my wit
I shall walk him to the door
Read him the card then read no more

Escort him inside
The dogs both aside
Have him pick a seat
While ready is the potatoes and tender meat
To be served
I supposed I would be observed
As I bring him a plate
Oh this is so great!

Ask him if he would like a drink
Once poured, our glasses will clink
A sign of good fortune and luck
And as I gaze into those eyes, I am lovestruck

We shall dine
Oh this heart of mine
Beating loudly in its cage
As tonight I have taken center stage
And brought all the light just for my Love

After we dine,
After I gaze into those eyes divine,
I bring out dessert
It won’t be too hot, so it won’t hurt

Once dessert is through
I’ll look to you
And ask what you would like to do

A movie, perhaps?
Seated side by side, a blanket on our laps
My hand in yours
Holding me, this ensures
My mind may wander
Oh the things that silently ponder
Whilst I am by your side.

- Jay M
January 30th, 2020
I wrote this in my Creative Writing class on Thursday. It's a ballad, and I had fun writing it.
Jay M Apr 2021
Once, long ago
A brilliant flash before
Saved forever in time
Faded in shades of greys
Like a photograph;
Black and white
One thing or another
Not shining in its entirety quite yet

Then, saturation of color and hue
Bring forth visions unseen
Slightly blurred at first,
Then in full detail
Sprawled out into glorious view

Though once, only raw and bare
Time brings it into exposure
Into the open air
Believe it or not
Some brought into the light of reality
As they are surely meant to be

- Jay M
April 19th, 2021
Just something new. Familiar.
Jay M Oct 2020
Uncertain
Falling, crawling
A facade of comfort
When all is unknown
Unsure if those that surround
Are indeed pure and sound

Show me,
When in chaos there is found
A steadfast soldier
Not a quivering snake
Come, be bolder
Shed those whom ring
False and a thing
Hidden with them
A dagger
To be plunged into an exposed side

Come, prove thy trustworthiness
Give me a reason
To take your hand
And believe you will never drop me.

- Jay M
October 7th, 2020
A poem for a script I'm writing.
Jay M Jun 2021
Burning heat
Skin dry and cracking
Clinging with sweat and exhaustion
An itch that just cannot be scratched
Only to increase tenfold
Put the misery in bold

Warm faces to greet
Blistered and well worn
Move along before they change
Easily irritated in the scorching sun

Passing along a busy street
A sea of unknown madness
Perhaps joy, perhaps woe
None shall surely know

A cacophony of voices and feet
Thundering and shrieking out
Like drums and warped winds
The orchestra of the apocalypse

To fade into a coffee shop seat
Settle into a greatly soothing chair
Rest the ever aching arches
Shelter the running mind

Drown it out with a playlist on repeat
Disappear from what remains
Of the world gone mad
Ease the daily pains

- Jay M
June 21st, 2021
A little chaotic and scrambled.
Jay M Aug 2021
Disguised beneath layers ever so seamless
Sewn together with intricate pattern and stitch
Embroidered smiles and elaborate costumes
Well rehearsed, prepped and ready for performance
Play the cards, pluck the strings, sing the songs
Play the parts, put on the grandest of shows

The funniest thing is that not a one knows
The amount of rights and wrongs
The close proximity, yet vast distance
How hands ache, shake, and twitch
Some think it to be needless
But never could that be further from the truth

Each and every door within each and every floor
Of the corridors of my mapless mind
The maze that it is
Holds puzzles, pieces, and clues
To the one hidden just beneath the surface
Dreaming of once again seeing the light
After after such plight

Every mask
Every side
Delicate fabrics and fragile seams
Sewn with trembling hands
Guide an inexplicable force
Perhaps a strange task
Hidden among wildest dreams
Set for an unknown course

With each that falls away
Another takes their place
A mysterious entity
Behind the face
Beneath the handiwork of the seamstress
Sewing and patching every hole
Desperate for every layer to stay
Remain no matter the cost
All for what purpose?
What is it that they hide,
That they hold so near and dear?
Such is unknown,
Or perhaps forgotten
Lost in the course of time

- Jay M
April 30th, 2021
Pulchra Persona, Latin for "Beautiful Mask". I keep leaving things lying around and forgetting to add them here.
Jay M Oct 2021
A dress of black
Covers the flesh
The weary legs
Propelling a ****** shell
A walking, talking hell

Boots of black
Cover sore soles
Worn from the miles
Within these shoes
Take them now
To then endow
What this soul
Has and how

Veil of black
Covers the face
The tired, dim eyes
Gateways to a fractured soul
Wailing, crying out like a wraith
Mourning the greatest of losses
A grand, widely gaping grief
For the sorrow and woeful
Most soul retching cry
Of a lovers loss

Keeping still the black veil
A crown upon the head
Heavy is the silver helm
Upon a fatigued skull
Full of fear and dread

A queen without her king
Fallen at her own hand
Her pen, her ink, her word
All bid the love goodbye
Their hearts to surely die

As their kingdom crumbles
Stones crash to the ground
Their castle falls into the sea
From whence it came to be
A castle built stone by stone
To fall but once again
As the very earth rumbles
Quaking in the divide
A ruin on either side

The queen, her part of the land
Once so thriving and grand
Only to fall by her own hand
From a land of bountiful prosperity
To but a wasteland of humanity

The queen, she walks among the ruins
Rubble scatters the once sacred ground
To crash heavily at her weary feet
Seeming to admit defeat

Into the old chambers,
The throne room they once shared
Split at the space between the seats
Now ever so lonely she stands
Upon the cliff so steep and grand
The great divide of ancient land

Seated upon her throne of stone
Cracked and deeply worn
Now it seem it were
Surrounded by spine and thorn
Protecting the exhausted queen
Despite all internal protest
She sits to take a rest

Her subjects come to her cries
From her long cold bed
She cries and cries but will not sleep
Remaining awake only to weep
Wrapped in her linen sheet
Longing for a distant warmth
Knowing it shall not return
T'was but a lesson for her to learn

Rise and rule the day
The queen, she knows that she must
She sits upon her throne on high
Her knights to guard her people
Her heralds to aspire the people
Their souls as they lay to rest

The queen she always overthinks
Thinks once, then twice, then thrice again
As any a queen should hope before
Making but a single request

The queen she rules over the dark
Her word is her solemn command
She considers her people with care
Before do anything she dare

The tired queen, she stands to greet
The soldiers of her fleet
To sail their hearts out to sea
No more, in this time they shall not flea
To tie up their ships to the docks
Not again to leave the harbor
Of their greatest labor

As the day goes by and by
She stands and she sighs
Her people they reflect her state
And quite frankly, as of late
They appear more ghostly than
The specters of her mind

As her sorrow grows and spreads
So, too, do the wraith-like folk
Of her long, forgotten land
Broken by her trembling hand
Both land and fragile heart

Seated somberly upon her throne
The queen, her pain is known
Far and wide, beyond the reaches
Of her sullen, gloom filled lands

As the word spreads
To lands far and vast
The tales of her past
They know her by one name
At last she holds her title, bound;
The Queen of the ******

- Jay M
October 12th, 2021
Just over 2 years of my life, and an unknown future, gone before my eyes...
I suppose I am the Queen of the ******.
Jay M Sep 2022
Gown of black
Covers the flesh
The weary legs
Propelling a ****** shell
A walking, talking hell

Boots of black
Cover sore soles
Worn from the miles
Within these shoes
Take them now
To then endow
What this soul
Has yet to sow

Veil of black
Covers a visage
The tired, dim eyes
Gateways to a fractured soul
Wailing, crying out, as does a wraith
Mourning the greatest of losses
A grand, widely gaping grief
For the sorrow and woeful
Most soul retching cry
Of a lovers loss

Keeping still the black veil
A crown upon the head
Heavy is the silver helm
Upon a fatigued skull
Full of fear and dread

A queen without her king
Fallen at her own hand
Her pen, ink, and word
All bid the love goodbye
Their hearts to surely die

As their kingdom crumbles
Stones crash to the ground
Their castle descends to the sea
From whence it came to be
A castle built stone by stone
To fall but once again
As the very earth rumbles
Quaking in the divide
A ruin on either side

The queen, her part of the land
Once so thriving and grand
Only to fall by her own hand;
From a land of bountiful prosperity
To but a wasteland of humanity

The queen, she walks among the ruins
Rubble scatters the once sacred ground
To rest heavily at her weary feet
Seeming to admit defeat

Into the old chambers,
The throne room they once shared,
Split at the space between the seats
Now ever so lonely she stands
Upon the cliff so steep and grand
The great divide of ancient land

Seated upon her throne of stone
Cracked and deeply worn
Now it seem it were
Surrounded by spine and thorn
Protecting the exhausted queen
Despite all internal protest
She warily sits to rest

Her subjects come to her cries
From her long cold bed,
She cries and cries but will not sleep
Remaining awake only to weep
Wrapped in her linen sheet
Longing for a distant warmth
Knowing it shall not return
T'was but a lesson to be learned

Rise and rule the day,
The queen knows that she must,
She sits upon her throne on high
Her knights to guard her people
Her heralds to aspire the people
Their souls, one day, to rest

The queen, forever she overthinks
Thinks once, then twice, then thrice again
As any a queen should hope before
Making but a single request

The queen, she rules over the dark
Her word is her solemn command
She considers her people with care
Before do anything she dare

The tired queen, she stands to greet
The soldiers of her fleet
To sail their hearts out to sea
No more, in this time they shall not flea
To tie up their ships to the docks
Not again to leave the harbor
Of their greatest labor

As the days go by and by
She stands and heavily sighs
Her people, they reflect her state
And quite frankly, as of late
They appear more ghostly than
The specters of her mind

As her sorrow grows and spreads
So, too, do the wraith-like folk
Of her long, forgotten land
Broken by her trembling hand
Both land, and fragile heart

Seated somberly upon her throne
The queen, her pain is known
Far and wide, beyond the reaches
Of her sullen, gloom filled lands

As the word spreads
To lands far and vast
The tales of her past
They know her by one name
At last she holds her title, bound;
The Queen of the ******.

- Jay M
September 7th, 2022
Decided to polish up this piece a bit. Also, never noticed it was censoring parts of my writing? The censored word is d a m n e d (hope that works so it can actually be read).
Jay M Feb 2023
Questionable, queer,
Quickeningly quaking
Queen’s quest,
Quizzically qualified,
Questionless qualmishness,
Quarrelsome quacksalvers,
Quicksanding queenships,
Quirkiness quieted.

- February 23rd, 2023
Jay M Apr 2021
Headed straight for the exit
Got the key around my neck
Not waiting for what's next it
Really doesn't matter, heck
If I can just outrun it
Keep ahead long enough
Someday, I bet
Though incredibly rough
I'll see the sun set
Without running past
Sitting to enjoy it
At long last

-  Jay M
April 28th, 2021
Jump, climb over the stones and keep going on the path. Just keep going, until you reach the finish line.
Jay M Oct 2019
Rain
Pour down upon me
Fill my nose with your scent
My eyes with your cascading droplets
My ears with your pitter-patter
My hands filling to become small pools
My mouth with your refreshing and cool take-over

Calm me
Then release me
Make me wild
Laughter erupting from deep within
Fondness

O, what a wonder!
O, what a blissful time!

Bring me life
Make me anew

- Jay M
October 22nd, 2019
Jay M Sep 2019
Realistically,
How could I
Ever be close to good enough
For you?

You're kind,
Funny, thoughtful, sweet,
Adorable, caring,
Overall wonderful.

What am I
Compared to you?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2019
Jay M Aug 2021
As the walls begin to close
'Round my reeling mind
I wonder the proper dose
Scrambling, searching to find
What my mind once mysteriously left behind

Only after a brush with death
Pure agony and misery
Wretched with each breath
Fire pulsing through barren veins
What was once within me
No longer remains

A new reality
Reshaped before my very eyes
The beauty seen in every detail
Every delicate flow of life
Save the good-byes
For I am no longer weak and frail
Having survived my share of strife
Living to tell the tale

Dancing across a tightrope
Never to fall, only sway
A brilliantly bright hope
To walk through the day

The language of one mind
Upon display for the curious ones
To look, glance just behind
The eyes, the very soul
Radiant like distant suns
To be embraced, felt like heat
Taken in, and to be hence known
To understand the language of a soul

- Jay M
August 10th, 2021
Thoughts on past experience and the human soul. It is sacred.
Jay M Mar 2019
Red trail, red trail,
Crimson rivers run dry,
Staining the ground,
Bugs and their larva follow,
Scouts out to be the Apollo.

Just another empty shell,
Unlike a glass,
Once filled, it may never be refilled,
Once dead, thou may never return,
To thy corpsed shell.

Snakes shed their skin,
But we cannot shed the past,
Possibly in part, never to bid farewell,
While the demon awaits you in hell.

- Jay M
January 23rd, 2019
Jay M Oct 2021
Soothing touch
Sure as morning light
Ease to a weary one
Rest here, they seem to say,
Rest here, small dear

Tender and mild
Yet a mind vastly wild
Brilliant in all their wonder
All doubts lifted asunder
All is well, all is well

Come near, sit dear
Rest thy feet, and greet
Relaxation unparalleled
Anxieties to cease
In this tranquil moment
Still and quiet

- Jay M
October 5th, 2021
Massages are truly bring about a relaxation like no other.
Jay M Oct 2021
Let's go, unwind for the night
Dine, discuss the days plight
Share stories, tales of the glories
And of the worries,
All things to come in due time

Closing time,
Everybody out
End this paradigm
To begin anew, see what more
Is to come outside of those doors

Out and away
Away into the dark
Now out of park
Left in the hand
Of the "responsible" one

Closing in, nearly missing
Just a little scare,
Just a little fun
Maybe the point slipping
Guess it's easy for some to dare
When their web is all but spun

Home at last, danger all but past
Make each moment last
For you never know when your luck
May leave you at another door
That you cannot walk away from.

- Jay M
October 2nd, 2021
Please be responsible on the road.
Jay M Oct 2020
Moving about
For now,
Not a care or doubt
Don't ask how
Hush

Twisting in the breeze
Tripping, swinging with ease
Lean back, over the rails
Then push off
Snap right back

Spin around the bend
Climb up and fall
Into the soft pit
Feeling the air move around
Caress and tossing
Never to hold

A ribbon in the wind
Flowing freely
Unable to be grasped or held
Whispering in the breeze,
"Come catch me now"

- Jay M
October 22nd, 2020
Jay M Oct 2021
Down, down, into the river I wade
Pan in hand, search for the gold of the land,
Little wages am I paid

Day to night,
Don’t say, don’t fight
Pan or pick, it’s better than a stick
To find the find the gold, beautiful and bright
Road to riches and delight

I pan and pan
And dig and dig
Even if it is for a lazy pig
At least it all goes to plan

Day to night,
Don’t say, don’t fight
Wouldn’t want to start a nasty plight
For the rich man's delight

Back is killing me,
But I’ve gotta let it be
Gotta keep it bold
If I wanna find that gold
And bring it right on home

Into the mine with the pick my friend made
To find the glittering gold
Long hours I work, little wages paid
For a little thing to be proud and bold

- Jay M
October 25th, 2021
Writing pieces about different things in history in my Creative Writing class. Today's prompt was the gold rush, and how Chinese workers were massively hired, and sadly considered expendable. The goal was to write a lyrical or narrative poem, based on the given prompt.
Jay M Mar 2019
Fracture and tear it out,
Throw away that empty heart,
Leave the lost and dead behind,
Right now,
I'll break, knowing what you said,
Never want to leave it behind,
So right now,
Even if you take my soul,
I'll bare the lonely,
Lonely hours,
Since you left me,
Your presence suffocates me,
Past stings, bells ring,
Bring it all down,
Leave me alone...

- Jay M
November 2nd, 2018
More from last year..
Jay M Jan 2023
Enclosed, hesitant and delicate
Petals fallen upon cold, hard floors
Leading you down, oh the sights
Blissful memories, candles flickering
Trace along the walls
Corridors long and dark
Follow the light, the path
Guided by desire,
For soon you shall see

Enter, dear one,
Cold hands meet,
Visions delightfully greet,
Sway and turn
Spin, then darling,
You shall know

Embrace a timid frame
Neither quite the same
Visage soothing, tender warmth
Entranced in the moment
Far greater than merely such
Beyond sight, beyond words
Intertwine, collide,
Flow in a ripple of stars
Radiant care and passion
Together we burn
Candles in the moonlight
Ripples of stars
Evermore we are bound,
Only in moonlight to be found.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023
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