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Jay M Apr 2019
She's fallen from grace,
Her mind's all over the place,
How can she keep running this endless race?

Fantasize the happiness,
Put aside the loneliness;
Making the same mistakes again,
Don't know where she belongs...

Broken inside, with no place to go,
Dried out her eyes,
Open yours;
The feelings she hides,
Falling behind,
Every moment; remind, relive, repeat,
Lost in the silence,
Lost inside,
The land inside...

Dark and damp,
Awaiting a savior,
Someone, reach to her...
Is there anybody out there...?

No, not even the remains of the family,
Torn apart...

She cries tonight,
Wondering what she can do;
Another pill,
Another drink,
Another fake smile,
She lives her worst nightmares...

She cries, she lies,
She's on memories that she once knew,
Then there's another empty bottle on the floor,
Not hers...

Every night, just one more night,
She tries so hard to go on..

Dried eyes, there's nothing more she can do...
The daughter that they hardly knew...
Once so innocent,
Now so far gone...

- Jay M
April 2nd, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Hate me
My visage and soul
Break me
My heart in pieces
Then save me.

- Jay M
March 25th, 2019
Just dragging on...
Jay M Mar 2019
I sing myself a quiet lullaby,
The melody haunting,
I stand wraith-like in the moonlight,
My flesh paler than my ashen soul,
"Just a little while longer..."
Comes my cry,
My hand extended to an unseen figure,
In their own so terrible,
Bringing me to life with a look in the eyes,
So beautiful, reflecting that gentle soul,
"Come back to me, dear one",
I call, but all is silent.

- Jay M
February 21st, 2019
Jay M Jun 2019
Can
       You
              Hear
                       Me
                             Sing
                                     Myself
                                                 To
                                                       Sleep?

                                                         ­          - Jay M
                                                               ­                    June 6th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Thoughts of times past cloud my mind,
Rain drums against a window,
Drumming like a heartbeat,
Thousands of them, crashing,
Pulsing in pain,
Pulsing in bliss,
To each its own story,
Some tales of glory,
Others tales of sorrow,
Left for 'morrow,
Indeed, left to tomorrow.

- Jay M
January 7th, 2019
Jay M Dec 2020
The heart wields great emotions
Barely containing the outcry
Of tears, aching, shouts,
Longing to escape
Desperately so

The mind tries to filter it all
Force it down once again
Barely able to contain
Its own generated thoughts
That which collide and deeply confuse
What chaos lies just beneath the surface

- Jay M
December 8th, 2020
The one strangely operating filter you can never replace.
Jay M Oct 2020
When it comes to love,
This heart is on lockdown
No more to be free as a dove

See me now,
A feather drifting in a case
A petal encased in glass

Hear me now,
My voice a drifting note
My cries of deepest lament

Don't ask me
To set it free
Or it will only end in
Tragedy

- Jay M
October 13th, 2020
Some think I have feelings for a friend of mine, when the fact remains that I don't. My romantic feelings are on lockdown, and I'm uninterested anyway.
Jay M Apr 2019
This day
Torturing me so
Never letting me go.

Not long ago
Out worlds collided
Someway, somehow,
Trying so hard to catch the drift.

Barely speaking
Playing your emotions
A beauty, enticing me,
Framed with something unseen.

I do not wish to be afraid
Yet I do fear
For I hope to hear
Those sweet words
From your lips.

Day after day
You see me
But talk so little..

Am I the reason,
Or am I simply
Getting it all wrong?

So gentle
That soul of yours
Trying to hold yourself together
But just know
Even if your eyes don't see this truth
That I would rush to your aid
And hold you.

What is it
In your head
That just makes you so fascinating?
The way you mumble
The way you fumble
Strumming the minutes away
Like they are all you have.

I did not mean to feel this
No
But here I am
Falling for you
More and more each minute.

Worlds apart
Yet only a foot away
Daring me to come closer...

Daring me to ask the question...

- Jay M
April 10th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2021
I swear
With every fiber of my being
I will always and forevermore
Be there, even without seeing
Through the great many days
I shall stand with you evermore

Through a howling, relentless storm
Through a shaking of the world
Through a fiery blaze and falling embers
Through silence echoing across miles
Through shouts of chaos and pain
Through pounding fists again and again
I shall hold you, safe and warm
I shall sit with you, our fingers curled
I shall walk with you through the vast centers
I shall call out your name through the most excruciating of trials
I shall shelter you, even if I am to be bound with ball and chain

You will never be alone
I will be with you even if our souls have flown
You will never lose me
Together again we shall one day be

Know that I am right here
You haven't a thing to fear
My spirit is always near
To wipe away every tear
In my heart I hold you most dear

From the rising of the sun
To the fall of its golden light
Trust that I hold you safe throughout the night
In my wildest dreams we run
Across the sands of an endless beach
Wind whispering in our ears
Far, far away are our fears
There, for your hand I have only to reach
Turn to gaze into your eyes of life
Darling, we shall make it through any strife
Trust in me and you shall one day see
That we can be again, just you and me

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2021
Don't you fear, I'm right here.
Jay M Jun 2019
As the memories come
Here I weep
Here I weep

As the wind blows the clouds
Here I weep
Here I weep

As night fades to day
Here I weep
Here I weep

In the eternal vastness of the unknown
Here I weep
Here I weep

In the depths of the abyss
Here I weep
Here I weep

In light of their lies
Here I weep
Here I weep

There I wept...

- Jay M
June 4th, 2019
Jay M Apr 2022
He held her
She held him
Now he only
Holds her memory

- Jay M
April 26th, 2022
Jay M Jan 2022
Full moon she rises
Three nights then fades
Three nights of power

Three sides has she
The one whom dance
Wide awake, deep in trance

Another side of her
The one whom shimmer and shine
Iridescent in her light, song divine

The final side
The one whom call into the night
Horns and breath of fire, in wait of a fight

The sides, they surely wane
Fading from one into the other
Phasing in and out like the sides
Of the pale lit moon

- Jay M
January 10th
Everyone has their sides, some light and others as dark as the dark side of the moon.
Jay M May 2019
What will I ever do?
Hey world,
Quit looking at me

They know my name
Why do they know my name?

Wait for the opportunity to
Knock me off my feet

I just want to tell my story

Don't let me go crazy

Are you with me?

Give and take
Speak a little louder

Well
Listen a little better

Won't back down
Win or lose

Add a little sugar
Coat it
Make the truth easier to swallow

- Jay M
May 22nd, 2019
Jay M Jun 2019
Seated
On the ground
Some seek to destroy
Others, so meek,
Tender and mild
Tend to it
Live in this
Wilderness

- Jay M
June 4th, 2019
Jay M Oct 2020
Excitement trembles
Coursing through tiny veins
Until the day arrives
For the fun to begin

Sweet high school memories
Riding in the backseat
One friend at the wheel
The other in the passenger side
Calm, rippling breeze

Smooth leather seats
Music for every mile
Never a dull moment

Places to go
Adventures to be had
Traveling arm in arm
Across the sandy stone
Over the curious cliffs
To see the wondrous waves
Crash against a well-worn shore

Together we go
Together we see
Here, in this time,
We are free

We are adventurers
Going places one or the others
Haven't been before
Breathing in the salty sea
Content as the sea lions
Basking in the evening glow

Walking the narrow dirt path
Happy as we can be
Sun gently upon our backs
Legs tired as we collapse
Back into the comfort of the car

The day almost at it's end
Making a turn, just around the bend
One dropped safely home
Just a bit longer until it's my turn

Talk of life
Of the past and possibility
And of the future
Getting used to things that just might be
One day I could be behind the wheel
Now that's a thought
That's just so real

Thank you,
My dearest friends
One like a little sibling
The other like an older brother
They are my family
My family of soul

Five, ten years from now
I'll remember how
We rode the day away
On our own little adventure
Just us high school kids

- Jay M
October 19th, 2020
These are the days I just won't forget. Thank you guys for an amazing weekend, and I hope we'll make some more memories soon. When I'm older, I know I'm going to miss these days.
Jay M Apr 2019
Pacing back and forth
Worrying what you think
Of your little girl
But the truth is
I'm not that little anymore

13, going on 14
Weeks away
I promise you
I won't take myself away

Even though I want to
So badly
I'll stick around
A bit longer
I'll fight
For the sake of fighting
Not for me
But for everybody
So let me be...

LET ME BE!

Crying my eyes out
Screaming the cry of the lonely;
"Leave me alone!"
But that
Is another way of saying;
"Show me that you care enough to stay with me.."

Take my hand
Lift me up
Where the demons can't get me
Hiding in the marrow of my bones

I'm holding on..
I'm right here...
But what does that matter
When they only see you
When you mess up?

More reasons to leave
Than to stay
Just give me a reason.
One good reason why I should listen
To the "good things" about me?

I am a tainted soul
A demon in the skin of a child
Wanting so badly for things to be okay
Better than just "okay"
To be happy...

But how
When everything around you
Leaves you,
Dies,
Hates you,
Despises you,
Doesn't know your name
But you know so much about them?

There is no good reason
Not for me
But for some reason
A purpose I have yet to classify
I remain.

I will
For as long as it takes
Until I've finally given up
Reached my breaking point
The last breaking point
When, finally,
I have no will at all
All is empty
Not a false reason
Nothing
Void of all humanity
To the point where I am but a corpse
A shell of a person I used to know well...

- Jay M
April 25th, 2019
Well, I'm sticking around...
Jay M May 2021
Hold me
Take me into your arms
Hold me tightly
Safe and right

Hold me
Away from the monsters in my head
Hold me until they go away
So I can stay
Here with you

Hold me
Close to your beating heart
Hold me
And tell me I belong
That my monsters are wrong

Hold me
And don't let me go
Hold me here
Help me fight my fear

- Jay M
April 30th, 2021
Sometimes it can be frightening, and I could use a nice long hug.
Jay M Jun 2021
Funny thing about being teenager
Is that privacy is a foreign concept.
Everyone has to know everything
And nothing is without ulterior motives.

Want a moment alone?
Nope, not allowed.
"You must have done something wrong."

Want to go see friends?
If you haven't brought them up,
Or brought them up too much,
"It's suspicious, and a no."

Decided to change up your style?
"Hell no, no way you're going out like that,"
Unless you have secret plans.

Voicing your opinions and concerns?
"Your opinions don't matter."
"It shouldn't concern you."

Having a horrible day, and need a break?
"Shut up, you're being dramatic."
"That's not an excuse."

Tired at any point?
"Quit it with the attitude."
"It doesn't matter how tired you are."

Depressed?
"Okay, and?"
"That's not an excuse."
"It's just for attention."

Overwhelmingly anxious?
"Get used to it."
"Quit being so dramatic."

Suicidal?
"Okay, but you have a good life!"
"Just be happy! It's not that hard!"

*******?
"Shut up and go get your sh*t done."
"Don't give me that."

Curious about something?
"Someone is clearly a bad influence."
"What's going on with you?"

No matter what it is,
It either matters too much
Or nobody should care at all
Slowly, over the course of time
It all eats away at you, consuming you
Nothing is every "okay", or quite as it seems
Appearances are very, very deceiving
Or quite possibly revealing

- Jay M
June 3rd, 2021
Either things that have been said, or just generally how things go.
Oh, and nothing changes.
Jay M Apr 2019
I could use a hand sometimes...
I am only human
So imperfect
So strange
Yet so much like others that it scares me;
On some levels.

On most, we are as unalike as day and night
As sky is to sea
Or as large is to shrimp.

I fall down
I get hurt
So easily
But nobody can see...

Being left out in the dark,
Being punched in the face,
Stabbed in the back,
Kicked to the curb,
Even so far as demonized...

Then again; was I not a demon all along?
That's what they keep telling me
Branding me with this thing...
This parasite that has burrowed deep within,
And won't stop until it has consumed me entirely.

- Jay M
April 2nd, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Birds fly peacefully overhead,
'How can this be?'
You ask in your head,
'When we have done so,
So much to her?'
The breeze is gentle,
The grass soft below,
Unlike what you drag in tow,
Oh, what a pity,
You go along anyway,
Ripping it up,
Destruction unfolds,
Nothing left to hold,
For you took it all away,
Stripped the land of all it is,
The apocalypse that is this race,
These creatures of horror,
The human race.

- Jay M
January 23rd, 2019
Jay M Jun 2019
Churning in their power
The acids
Eating away all left
Then itself
The walls surrounding

A hunger unable to be satisfied
Consume, consume
Yet still
I am nothing more but a twig

Yes, I have no ailment
Yet somehow
It may never be satisfied
This hunger for knowledge

- Jay M
June 4th, 2019
Huh
Jay M Oct 2021
I am
A daughter, a sister, a woman
A teenager, a deep thinker, an individual
A friend, a fighter, a protector

I am
A believer in justice
A ferocious warrior
A force to be reckoned with

I am
Strong, determined, stubborn
Loyal, trustworthy, steadfast
Powerful, seeing, undenied

I am
Hearing, consoling, knowing
Feeling, never kneeling
Unreeling, seething, seeking

I am
A wielder of justice
My blade is my tongue
Dripping with poison
Blazing with righteous wrath

- Jay M
September 7th, 2021
Journal stuff, lovely.
Jay M Jul 2021
I am my mothers daughter
I speak with truest tongue
I feel deeper than the ocean
I know more than I share
I see the smallest things
And embrace them in my light

I am my mothers daughter
I smile with greatest joys
Or just to keep the peace

I am my mothers daughter
I will bear my burdens
Carry some to my grave
Others I will share
Save me from despair

I am my mothers daughter
I have her bright eyes
The curiosity of a cat
And the hearing of a bat

I am my mothers daughter
With her tender heart
And lively, wild soul

I am my mothers daughter
I hold my words with time
Patience is a virtue
With a cost worth more than gold

I am my mothers daughter
I seek love and peace
I hold my tongue and let it go
Oh some surely know

I am my mothers daughter
I will endure a bleeding heart
If all is well in the end
For I have not yet met my own

I am my mothers daughter
Dutiful indeed
Always to put others
Before our own need

I am my mothers daughter
I wish for nothing more
Than a life of happiness and adventures
All to call my own

I am my mothers daughter
The many things we share
We know more than we say
And take it to the grave

- Jay M
July 10th, 2021
My mom and I are quite similar.
Jay M Jun 2022
Haunting, echoing
With every time that I
Close my searching eyes
It's colorful as fireworks
Some darkness, but beautiful
Something wild and wonderful

Every time I close my eyes
It's a calm curiosity
Cold hardwood floors
Warm embraces and
Familiar faces

Every time I close my eyes
It's a grand vastness,
A strange madness
Floating in the expanse
Drifting in the space between

Every time I close my eyes
I am neither here, nor there
Neither then, nor now
Perhaps now and then
When they open, I see
A beam, a ray of light
Guiding me from the endless
Endless nightmare of reality
Leading me away, far away
To where I do not know

Every time I close my eyes
I hope, wish, dream
To open them and be
Gone, gone away from here
In a place where perhaps,
Just maybe, I may belong

Every time I close my eyes
I am, for but a moment,
Gone, lost, disconnected
I have escaped, disappeared
Gone away, vanished
To a place unknown,
To lands uncharted
Besides by the poor
Lone cartographer
Exploring my mind
Ever so curious
As to just what
They may
Find.

- Jay M
June 7th, 2022
Jay M Dec 2019
How
In this world of trillions
Am I to identify
One such as myself?

Am I an old soul
Or just a tad odd?
Am I as small as I see myself
Or am I stronger,
Stronger than I believe myself to be?

What can I be?
How am I to do such a simple task
As to identify myself
When I see myself as something
So different
Than what others see me as?

Do I simply have no place
To roam this earth
With such a broad title
As “unknown”?

Or am I something
So bizarre and outlandish
With a title
But 'tis so old
'Twas forgotten?

- Jay M
December 9th, 2019
Just thinking..
Jay M Jun 2019
In this moment so long
There is a figure
Standing
Alone in their sorrow
Wailing out their soulful cries
Wishing so strongly
To have said a proper farewell

Peace, peace
The blind wish
A divine, indeed
Yet so temporary
It only lasts for a moment
Before chaos breaks
With the turn of the tide

Hear me, oh sorry one
I hear your cries
To the fates each night
"Grant me love, to last forever!"
You cry
I hear
Longing to hold you
Alas, I cannot
For we are worlds apart
I cannot mend your broken heart
Even with the most infallible thread
It cannot be tended
Without collapse

Hear me, oh anxious one
I hear your cries
To the stars above
"Send me a sign,"
You plead
"So that I may know what to do."
You wish to know
I hear it
Your soul
Alas, I cannot help
Unless you allow me
Within those walls of stone

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
You know, I know,
It's all coming down,
Your fate's in my hands,
It's all over now...

Through times of torment,
Of pain, and of sorrow,
You can only wish for one thing;
An escape.

Another realm awaits,
Beckoning you,
Enticing you so,
In an instant,
Consuming you.

- Jay M
February 25th, 2019
Jay M Apr 2019
Here I am again
Broken into pieces
Of who I once was.

I lost so much along the road

Longing to find something
In someone
Keeping in mind; you're likely out there
Eventually making me whole again
Yet, I wonder if such is possible
Out there in the expanse
Understanding me...

Some say I am too young for such things
Alas, did they not have a first love?
Maybe someone
Somewhere
Will understand me
But until that day
I am alone
Lost to myself
And all reason.

- Jay M
April 12th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
"How are you?"

"Are you okay?"

They constantly question.

"I'm fine"

"I'm just tired..."

T     errible
I   nvisible
R  epulsive
E ntangling
D  owncast

F ailure
I diotic
N  aïve
E   rror

Why lie?
Because if I didn't,
All would crumble,
Crashing down upon me,
And all surrounding.

- Jay M
March 20,th 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Darling, how did we go wrong?
Darling, was I too much?
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

Could she feel the way I feel for you,
Returned?
I guess the problem is;
I'm not her...
She's got pale skin, blonde hair, pretty rosy cheeks,
And I've got fair skin, brown hair,
Not what you wanted anymore...
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

- Jay M
December 20th, 2018
Jay M May 2019
I know I'm not that strong
Struggling just to lift my head
Like an infant

Barely faking the smile
Dragging on for miles
Wanting to be free
But there is only one escape
That I can see
Staring back at me

The only thing that makes me feel
Kills me inside

It's better to feel something
Than nothing

The demons we're made of
Told to **** them
Yet I haven't the strength to

They were the ones that held me
When I was in my darkest times

They were the ones that got me on my feet
When all I wanted to do was lay down
And never get up again

So how could I?
I couldn't.
I can't.
I can't **** my demons...

I'm not that strong...

- Jay M
May 8th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Imperfection;
It's all around,
So beautiful,
Yet some seek to destroy it,
To make it it's opposite;
Perfection.

Perfection is praised,
Thought of so highly,
Alas, it doesn't exist.

Not one thing in existence,
Or even in the imagination,
Is or ever can be this illusion;
Perfect.

People try to be perfect;
Try molding themselves after one another,
Or after their own little fantasies,
Yet none of it will ever come to pass,
None of it will ever be as clear as glass,
All of these people; they'll fall to their ***.

One, yet many,
Loud, yet quiet,
Void, yet whole...

- Jay M
March 26th, 2019
All of this from boredom and a single word....
Jay M May 2019
Picking up the pace
Trying to win the race
Attempting to flee this place...

Running wild
Movements swift
Like that of a hare
Legs pumping

I need to be free

Here I come
Prepared to strike
But the question is;
Are you?

Brace yourself
Collision is inevitable
Like the flow of time
Tick
Tick
Ticking away

Be careful
I'll strike
'Cause you know what I am
I'm a monster

Teeth bared
Believe me
I don't care if it's aired
I'll still tear you apart

So please
Get out of the way
As I come charging through
Like a rhino
Destroying all in my path...

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019
I've been a bit...aggressive lately. Just - no surprises...
Jay M Aug 2020
Mumbling a storm
Tumbling like debris
Trembling like a blade of grass
Barely rooted in the ground
Outside it's rather warm
Maybe 90°
While towards the core
Sitting stubbornly on my ***
It's a hurricane
Trying to tear away
Refusing to stay
Yet lightning strikes the sand
Reminding of a hidden glass shore
Lost in a pool of sand
Are the fragments of the soul.

- Jay M
August 10th, 2020
I don't know what's going on with me, but it's strange and I don't feel right. Guess it's about time I wrote some more, got it all out rather than keep it floating in my head like a message in a bottle.
Jay M May 2019
Deep inside
The demons she hides
Can't deny them
Compacting my emotions into a gem
Tossing it to the sea
Will I ever be free?

I have love
But it's not enough
I thought it would be
But they won't let me be
It's only dragging me further down
But I don't want to let him down

He's too sweet
Too kind
What a find

Still
I am here
Unchanged
Deranged still
Un-resting
What have I become?

While I sit here
Wondering what has become of me
They try to "get help" for me
But I'm not taking the bait
I'm not going away
I'm not leaving my world behind

So confused
Lost in myself
Afraid of everything
Running blind
In a forest so dark and unknown
So familiar
But I can't see

Just bring me out
Take my hand
I know not why
I can't just deny
This strangeness
Chilling my bones

I love, and I love
But I lose

I love, and I love
But I lose...
I always lose...

- Jay M
May 10th, 2019
I don't know what's happening to me...
Jay M Mar 2019
"You see those scissors over there?"
One whispers,
"Those were meant for you."
It says teasingly,
"Take them, then take yourself."
It orders...

"Don't listen!"
Shouts another,
"You have a family! Friends!"
It tries to reason,
Them shouting back and forth,
Clashing with words,
Fighting with their own poison,
Battling until they are far too wounded to go on,
Hiding until the right moment,
Then repeating all over again.

"SHUT UP!"
I tried,
But nothing,
For they couldn't hear me,
But everyone else could.

Not really speaking,
But they do,
Not really there,
But it just makes sense,
Almost like a whisper,
Almost like a call,
Almost like I were a mindless corpse....

Thousands join the two,
Turning a simple argument into a heated war,
A once quiet prison yard,
To a full on riot.

None can hear their cries for help;
None but I.
None know just what I mean;
But that's not the point.

Take that pain,
Put it on the page,
Send it away,
See what it does.

I say send some,
Then burn some.

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019
I'm alright. Just planning to burn my diary in the fireplace tonight.
Jay M Oct 2019
Innocence
So small, so pure
Tender and mature,
Yet somehow
Lacking

Innocence
A child at heart
From others, so far apart
Unaware of the placement of words
Giving an entirely separate meaning

Innocence
So small, so pure
Mind secure
Despite attempts to tamper
With the delicate camper
In a woods of magic

Innocence
A child at heart
Ready to play the part
Yet, is it true
Through this hazy view?

Innocence
So scarce in these times
Foolish with these rhymes
Interpreted and tainted
But unaware of such
Picture painted
A gentle touch
On the shoulder
Whisper of explaining
Drop of a boulder…

- Jay M
October 28th, 2019
I was telling my friend about a kiss, and they thought I meant something else entirely. The minds of people these days are in the gutter.
Jay M Mar 2019
Fluttering wings,
Bubbling within,
Rising rains,
Pattering, drumming,
On the trees above,
On your head,
Feet at a steady pace,
Just at the time of the rain,
Drumming with purpose,
But, oh wanderer,
What purpose does your pace have?

Bubbling, fizzing,
All unseen,
The hunger,
The drive,
To hunt,
But you hold it in,
Tame it,
Bend it to your will,
Heal the damage,
Break the vengeance,
The internal fire.

Fluttering wings,
Flying fast,
Coming at you,
Unseen, unheard,
Unexpected, yet expected,
You can’t help but give in,
To the pain,
To the misery,
The void inside.

Your steps have purpose,
Paces planned,
But motions uncertain,
Destination controlled,
Route un-mapped,
But I am here to guide you;
Help you regain control.
Through all of the days of wonder,
Thoughts asunder, scattered about,
Written, flung, separate from one another,
Senseless, but not meaningless,
Each one burdened with purpose,
Waiting to be decrypted,
Brought into a new light,
Kept away from the consuming flame,
The drive of your feet,
May they ever be well again,
To the place you once knew,
The peace to your war,
The home of the soul,
The lair of the internal fire.

- Jay M
October 9th, 2018
Jay M Nov 2020
When I see your face
I'll swear I'm dreaming

When you call my name
I'll swear it was the wind

When you pass me by
I'll swear it's in my head

For in what time
For in what place
Could we simply be
Just you and me?

Forbidden by all means
All odds against us
Yet still, through it all,
I stand firm against the crashing tide
To stand against the test of time
Waiting ever so patiently
For the chance of your return

For the possibility
That you may come again
Into my life
Grace my ears with your laugh
My eyes with your visage
My arms with your embrace
Even just once more

Darling, my days and nights
Crawl by like an eternity
Every moment you are away
Is a moment I wish to cry out
To proclaim my love for you

Alas, if such were voiced
All would come undone
Those around would indeed surround
Circle in like vultures
Tearing apart my poor heart

So here I stand
Upon the cliffside
Suffering in my silence
Hoping you are safe and well
In this chaos and violence
Of these troubling times

- Jay M
November 4th, 2020
Jay M Aug 2022
Singing like a siren
Wailing like a banshee
A meme specter of whom I used to be

Where am I to go,
What am I to do?
Lost in the vast
Without a single notion or nod
Stumbling, feeling around blindly
Seemingly finding new,
Unforeseen levels of darkness

- Jay M
August 31st, 2022
Jay M Aug 2019
Tired eyes
Blank face
Staring into the void
An emptiness
Absence of mind
Simply a shell
Left to wander
Without knowing
Brought back to reality
What did I miss?

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
Jay M Aug 2022
Pressure from those around
That which surrounds
Words fester, linger, poison
Persuade a confused mind
Whisper their insecurities
Their misgivings, their way
Their sway and hold,
Truly a sight to behold

It leaks, it burns
It poisons, it taints
Happiness to bitter
Joy to sorrow
Laughter to cries
Wailing like banshees
Foretelling destruction
Corruption of bliss

Leave me be,
Let me sleep,
Let me sit and weep
Let the memories creep
Let me be alone
Just let me isolate
Let me be
Just let me be

Hidden away from the world
From the people and their words
Their tongues that drip poison
Their voices that speak
Persuade like siren song
Bullets ricochet, songs play
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
Sing to me as I sit and weep
Lull me into sleep, take me
Take me away from here,
From this bitter reality
Into the land of dreams
My own little wonderland

- Jay M
August 14th, 2022
12:39am

So many things...
All I know how to do is isolate.
Jay M Oct 2020
Walls surround
Fabrics enclose
Music fills the space between
Coursing through cold veins

Walking sleep
Leave tea to steep
Warmth into the frigid air

Shaking hands
Cannot catch a running breath
Vision unfocused
Heart gunning

Take a seat
Take in the heat
Wrapped up in a sheet
Alone and ever fearful

- Jay M
October 23rd, 2020
Jay M Apr 2019
I've been following every road I can find,
Falling in a hotel,
I cannot keep living with a delicate mind,
Waking up with it all in my head,
Running through memories I shouldn't keep...

What for?

I can't find an ending until I'm on my own,
On my knees in pain,
Why can't I reason with them,
To leave me be?
These demons in my head.

I thought wrong.

I can't ever get rid of them,
You can't get rid of something
That's been a part of you,
For all your life,
Unless you cut it out and off...

Every time I look up,
I try to put it up,
Out into the clouds,
But that doesn't mean they'll go.

- Jay M
April 4th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Those cold dead eyes,
Tell me what they see,
Can you tell me why,
Tell me why I wish to...
Join you!
Join you!

Reach out, to me,
Tell me, what do you see?
Can you tell me what's,
Hiding within you?
It's inside, breaths burning,
Like the fire in your eyes,
Telling of all those lies,
Bringing forth your demise,
A prize for the vengeful.

- Jay M
October 24th, 2018
Jay M Apr 2019
Unimaginable joy
Un-channel-able emotion
So good
Yet so terrifying
Fear of messing up
But boundless joy of the return of emotion

How shall this be placed into words?
I wonder
Coming up with anything
Yet nothing truly fits

Shaking before you
Looking to the floor in nervousness
Then
Embrace
Short, yet comforting

Heartbeat
So loud and calming
Then a little wave goodbye
Once out of sight
A little twirl in the sun
Smiling in glee
For what has become of me

Taking a seat
My heart skips a beat
Thinking of this marvel
That this has become.

- Jay M
April 17th, 2019
Jay M Jan 2021
Shock to overjoyed
From overjoyed to confusion
Comms enabled
Yet scarcely a word to be said
Across the waves of rolling static

Come in, Alpha
Do you read me,
Alpha?


A word perhaps
A few in a day
No sign of interference
So what is the cause
Of this near stale air?

This is Juliet,
Do you read me,
Alpha?
Can you hear me,
Alpha?


Nothing more than dull static
A well worn lullaby
Playing over and over
Wishing it would stop
Be replaced by content voices
But not all is as dreams tell
Something is amiss

Will you hear me,
Alpha?


- Jay M
January 11th, 2021
Juliet to Alpha, do you read me?
Jay M Oct 2019
Yearning
Tempted so
Just a drop
A little hint
A moment to flee these things
Colliding in my mind
Leaving nothing untouched

Just a second
Just a time
For one such as I
To unwind
To come clean
Then all that hear
To forget
And just love
Despite ones failure
Despite ones mistakes
Despite ones awful thoughts
To understand
To empathize
With open-mindedness
And acceptance
Beyond what can be placed into words

One slip up
One mistake
Remembered
But there are one too many
Overtaking the brain
Spewing rage from each
Onto the cause
Making all worse
Slowly killing one
Until it is no more.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019
Jay M Feb 2020
Living in this broken home
I just can't
I'm better off if I just roam
I shan't
Linger in a place so vile
I shall walk every mile
To get away from this nightmare
Because none of this is fair
Not like many would take notice or care

A small load
To help me down the road
Bound in leather
I hope tonight shall have good weather
As I go along the street
On these silent feet

Going where?
I don't care
Somewhere safe
My confidence may chafe
But I shall be strong
To go a distance long
Find a safe haven
And read "The Raven"

Possibly as far as our dear western shore
Oh, I hope the road won't be a bore
And I don't run into any a *****
Dear me, am I ready?
Is my mind all a steady?
Surely so,
Or else I won't go

Chance it, I must
Free from the sickening rust
Of these chains of home
Oh, the streets I shall roam

Take me, oh night
Under your endless sky, with my plight
Guide my way with your stars
Whilst I hide my scars
Nearly faded
I hope the journey isn't jaded

Running free
That's how I shall be
All night if I must
In my chances, I trust
Hope for something better
Oh, should I leave a letter?

To flee a broken home
I must roam
These streets at night
My response is flight
I must
This home I shall ******
Behind me as I run
This is not for fun
No, dear, no
This place I must let go.

- Jay M
February 4th, 2020
So...I wanted to run away. I didn't, and I'm okay.
Jay M Nov 2019
Four seated
In a pizza place
Sharing a pizza
Cheesy and delicious
New York style
Talk between bites

Reaching for the Parmesan
The table slides
Hits one of them
Right in the gut

Pizza drops
Back on the paper plate
Grease splattering
Eyes wide
Heads turn
Bodies shift in their seats
To see the sound
Strange noise
From the little table
Table of four

Laughing it off
All things resume
They continue to eat
That greasy, cheesy pizza

Talk of life
Current events
Bites of pizza
Two slices left
Split and taken
Being eaten
When...

Slide
The table
So killer
Slides to one
Hitting their gut
Making them grunt

Pizza drops
Heads turn
Bodies shift
Movement from all about
The pizza place
Eyes fall upon them

Laughter
Then the table is fixed
Repositioned
Then the pizza
Cheesy and greasy
Is devoured
Talk goes on
All resumes

After a time
The four leave
Cleaning up their trash
And leaving behind
That killer table.

- Jay M
November 28th, 2019
My mom, sister, my friend Cadence and I went to Bronx pizza the other night for dinner. The table slid to our guts twice, and we made a joke about "the killer table". So, I said I'd write a poem about it. Here it is. :)
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