Don't go in the basement
Don't sit in the dark
For what is down there
Is no horror film
They are real
You may see them skim past you
Fast and quick
Their bodies
Little shadows with tails
They are real
You may not see them
But you will hear them
Hear them fight
Hear them eat what little is there
There eyes glowing red in the dark
Because of your flashlight

Don't go in the basement
Don't wait in the dark
Cause when you hear them
When you see them
It may be too late

So don't go in the basement
This is no horror film
Cause they are real
And they are more than you can imagine.

Born to a mother with no father in sight.  
But my mother is everything I will need with my life

People are mean but kids are meaner
Taught me that love isn't worth it either.  
Made fun of you no matter what you wore
And no matter what you did

Dropping out of school seemed so easy
But I had to stay cause I liked making my family happy

Growing up was tough with barely any money.
But to everyone I seemed pretty okay
Years go by and I am still trying to find myself
But through the thorns those kids planted
It is hard to find anything but harm and hatred.  

Working crazy hours
Working crazy days.  
Only to find that it doesn't satisfy anything
Living each moment
Living each day
At some point I will be happy
All I have to do is wait.

I am always sleepy
Never really breathing
Freaking out
When I see other sides of me
No one knows who I am
Never really seeing
That fake smile
Set so easy
Trips you up
Into believing
My eyes way to heavy
Never wanting to wake me
My dreams full of make believe
Leave me wanting more than anything
You only see me
Never really believe me
But sometime soon
You will notice
I am not who you think is me

The most scary thing,  at least to me,  is being told you can't have kids.  
Now it is not like I wanted kids.  
But the thought of when my doctor told me so casually at a young age that I may never be able to, has always scared me.  
I wasn't that old.  Someone who never got my monthly at the age 16. And a doctor just bluntly tells me I am messed up.  
Now years later it still isn't fixed and I stay worried
That I will disappoint someone I am with.  
People tell me that is it fine.  They were told the same thing.  
But it isn't fine!  I am not you!  And what happens if it is true.  
I am told by my friends that I am blessed.  To never really get a monthly or to get it every few months.  It isn't lucky.  My bones are brittle and I always have a nagging feeling that I will disappoint my partner.  But I won't say anything.  It is too soon for that.  But at some point he will click two and two together.  He is very smart after all.

You enter my mind
As if you always belonged
And filth my thoughts pretending to be kind
It was forever ago and I have to move beyond
But what you did is everlasting
Stained my soul with hate
But I am not collapsing
You were not my fate
Just a speed bump along the way.

Her beauty was like no other
Like a rose just in bloom
But like roses he clipped her for a decoration in his room
She was like a doll, more like a puppet
Said only what pleased him for he held the strings that controlled her
But like old toys he threw her to the side for another
He bleached her dry of her innocence and self
So she threw herself off the roof to end her life as well.

Your lips touched mine lightly
But could turn vigorous at any time
As if you could not get close enough
Like the space between us was too much
But I liked every kiss.
Every kiss lit my heart on fire
In a burst of flames
And when we parted
I could see the fire in your eyes
Just like mine

"If you love something,
Let it go."
That is what they say.
But it is so hard when it hurts
It feels like drowning but you can still breath
Barely but still breathing
It is like being crushed by every sin on your shoulders.
But you let him go.
And it doesn't stop hurting
Cause you loved him so ******* much
That when he left
He took your heart with him
"If you love something,
Let it go"
I let him go.
When I knew it would **** me.

I am
Lost but Found
           Broken but Fixed
Old but New
I am someone
                               Different
Someone who learned from their
M
I
S
T
A
K
E
S
But you didn't change me or help me.
I did it for me
While you watched from
Afar
Acting like you took part in who I
Am
Today

A stroke across a page
Coloring the once white page
Colors of how I feel inside
Paint splattered tired hands
Only doing it to feel again
Emotions hidden in colors
On a beautiful sky
A stoke across a page
Coloring the Gray world, blue
Adding sunshine in when it is needed
Changing the world
But only by a stoke
On a white piece of paper
That doesn't matter.
~PAF ~

My teal hair
The perfect color
A clash from my sea green eyes
And ivory skin
Attention seeps into my skin
I want to change everything
Everything about me
This year has been a change
Let's end it
With a bang.

We are just an inch apart
But lately it has felt like we are miles
I don't know what to do
I still love you
But our moments only seem to revolve around what you want to do.
It is weird how fine I am, being your moon.

The cuts are not for attention
They are a cry for help
But you would never care
You were too self absorbed
To see me self destructing

I can touch you
And feel you
I can hear you
And see you
This is real
But why do you feel like an Angel.  
Too perfect to be real.

I am gone
The girl I once was
Escaped with every cut
And ever name I was called
She left with the bruises
I took from you
And all the things I couldn't do
The innocent girl
Is now replaced
With a girl
Who can disappear
Into the background
A girl
Who flinches at every touch
And thinks she will get slapped
At every second

Back up and take a breath
Who are you pretending to be?
Someone who is loved by everyone when you cant even stand yourself
Your happiness matters and you are allowed to feel things
Go and cry
Don't be afraid and have to hide
You are human and no one has it worse than others
You are not selfish for wanting to cry for wanting to leave.
Let it all out

Back up and take a breath
You don't have to please everyone
Who only matters is yourself.
So go ahead and cry.
And say how you feel
Because no ones opinion matters.
No one else.

I am not gonna read any longer
And no longer write
Cause it seems you write to hurt me
A punch in the throat
And I hate it
Cause when I hurt you
I feel bad
But when you write to hurt
You don't seem to care.

What is this feeling?  
I can't describe it and I haven't ever felt it before.  
It is like I am upside down but right side up.
Everything hurts but heals
I want to cry and laugh at the same time.  
I love me but hate me
What is this feeling?  
It is almost like I am conflicted on everything.  
What is this feeling?

She loved him.
She loved him well.
But it was like playing cat and mouse
Cause no matter how hard she tried
He always had someone else.

You looked at me as I bought my stuff
Just customer and cashier
But something about you caught me off guard
Maybe it was the way you wore that cross and had no name tag.  
My little stranger who I couldn't help but flirt with
Your deep brown eyes I could fall into
Deep and dark
So mature
I was single and not looking for love.
Scared by it.
But then you asked my name.  
And boy did you deliver when you found me
On social media.  
My little stranger
My little love

1 pill
2 pill
3 pill
4
How many will it take
To knock me to the floor
Heart racing fast
Feeling it as last
Is this a fantasy
Or just the end of me
My head is spinning
The world is dizzy
I may just overdose
To feel something

I remember when I was young
And I thought people never died.  
No one died.  
I lived in a little world all on my own.  
But then little by little my family died off
My dad
My grandma
My aunt
Everyone died.
And I accepted that as what is too become
Pets die and so do we.  
It is hard to accept death unless you live in it.  
I live and thrive in the death that surrounds my life.  
I sometimes wonder why I am still even alive.

Why am I giving my all?
When you won't give me anything
But empty messages and empty arms.  
And leaving me with a broken heart.

I think you might be gay
But I accept you as you are
So if you ever come out
I will be here with open arms

The ACT
Filling out forms
Apply to colleges
     Not accepted
Apply again
     Not accepted
Keep your grades up
Your happiness doesn't matter as long as your GPA is high.
Work on homework
Don't tell anyone how you wanna die
Scholarships.
Graduation
Where do I go after that?
Keep your grades up.
You never need to smile
Because all that matters in life is that you have money.
Right?

We are broken up
And it is all my fault
But somehow
I can't seem to change my phone
To a picture
Other then us.

And then it disappeared
All my things I had said
Disappeared out of his head
Like steam off of the blacktop
Never to be found again

Across the room
I stared
At your nicely cut hair
And button up

A kick in my chest
To restart my heart
Our eyes met
For only a millisecond
Only to part

Heart in my throat
But I walked away
Hoping to meet you
Some other day

The promise I said
Escaped
And evaporated into thin air
I looked into your eyes
And smiled and said I would never break it
But when you left
It broke
I promise I will never break promises
I said another one
And knew in my head
I would break it next

I am always fighting
Never truly winning
But breathing each day
and waiting for the next.
Fighting myself
And my thoughts.
Lies that run so deep
They become the truth to me.
Each day
A never ending battle
To feel
And to breath
But I put a smile on
Because depression
Isn't me.

I was told your soul would have left in three days
But sometimes it feels like you are still here
Looking at me
Smiling
As if you never left
That day in 2016

Smoke into my lungs
Deep and painful
But breath it out as if nothing
Death a gift
Given from the smoke
But here I go
Straight into my addiction.

She feels dead
But only in her head
They all know her fame
But not her shame
Wearing the heel
Peeled away the sanity she used to feel
No one sees her smile
She has been lost in her head for a while
Her body used
Always abused
Tight tiny dresses
Nothing on her body for guesses
Drugs to take
To try to make her feelings wake
People taking pictures when no one is looking
Trying to find sides of her no one is seeing
Her hair to her hips
Shiny to the tips
Leaving everyone breathless
It is expected since she can never be a mess
She walks the cat-walk
And talks the talk
Her model life is never easy
Always leaves her wanting to flee
But no one will ever see
That she wants to be free
So in her heels of pain
She has nothing to gain
Except fame

Butterflies in my chest
A feeling I haven't felt before
Talking to me like I have self worth
I can't help but think about you
Even in the
Dark
It isn't just what you do that gets me worked up and swooning.  
It is what you say.  
It is how you get super smart all the time
It is how you smile and scrunch your nose up
Like a pug
It is how you hug me fully and never let go.  
Butterflies in my chest
And oh does it feel so good when I think of you.

I sinned today
A sinner I am
Then I went to work
And forgot
All together
Every issue
Every problem
For just a second
And it was nice
Just to forget
When you looked at me
And called me an *******
In a kidding way

You don't see how perfect you are
How your staring effects me
How when I am in your arms
I can't help
But want to stay there
I can't tell you how I feel
So I put it in poems like this
I want to hold your hand
But sometimes you don't hold back
I want to talk to you
But next to you
I feel not good enough
I want to hold your hand every two seconds
But I feel like it is too much
Like it might push you away
I want to tell you so much
But something is holding me back
And it is just me

I am naturally very paranoid.  
Little things scare me and make me fear for my life.  
I live life unreasonably.  And always on edge.  
A twig snap in the dark or maybe a shadow moves.  
I will think I am being followed or stalked.  
What is unknown is the scariest of all
I am naturally paranoid and I hate always living on the
Edge.

Each note
Rang into my brain
Making everything feel
B l u r r y
Each song you played
Meant more in the words you sang
So I listened
Knowing they were sang for a girl
Who wasn't
M e

Taking a break
Is that what we are doing?
I don't know
I guess we are
But I don't know if I can go back
But you seem to know
I may not return
Into your loving arms
Other then a friend
Anymore

Deep internal rumble
Heard through the cracks
Hidden deep but never enough
To silence their past

I colored myself red
For every lie you told
Out your sweet warm lips
I colored myself red
For every time you ignored me for another girl
For every sweet bliss you whispered to me.
As your hand found it's way under my shirt
I know I should forget
But you stole my heart
And the only way for me to feel again
Is to color myself red
With my own blood
That you tainted with your fake love.

Give me another hit.  
I am feeling scared
I want to forget who I was and what is now
Nothing will matter in a second
Not the dark
Not what is happening

Give me another hit
I want to taste the burn and feel the fire
I want to faze off so the fear isn't anything anymore

Give me another hit
Just one more.
I promise this is the last
I just want to forget.

Breathing underwater is impossible to do.  
Moving a mountain is impossible to do with bare hands
Running for days is impossible to do.
But I would do it all for you.  
Even if it didn't let me keep you.

Hidden away
In dark places
Lie secrets
Forever mistakes
So hide away
Don't talk to others
It is better that way
Cause others cause drama

Keep your secrets
Keep them away.
Don't let the others know
How you feel in anyway.

Ring on my finger
That stated our love
But love thou forever
I shall not
Manipulating manipulating
As years went by
Lying and cheating
Where were you that night?
Swore forever
We sure did
But vows meant nothing
If you couldnt stay in just my bed.
Packing to leave
Saying goodbye
But oh how you cry
Saying you shall die tonight
Love me forever
You shall can't
You don't get another chance

I cut again after a steak of months with nothing
I guess I finally felt nothing
Because the cuts didn't even hurt
And I didn't regret them
So I cut again
But I will never tell anyone
Cause what is the point
No one can help me if I can't even help myself.

They finally fixed
This small site
The one I abandoned for a while
But I am back
Fresh and fleek
And getting abandoned
From my own family.

Was it all fake?
Every hug,
Every kiss,
Every I love you,
Every I miss you?

Was it all fake?
Cause throwing me to the side made it feel like it.
Cause you **** don't miss me.
I guess it was all fake
And I can't help but cry about it.