Was it all fake?
Every hug,
Every kiss,
Every I love you,
Every I miss you?

Was it all fake?
Cause throwing me to the side made it feel like it.
Cause you **** don't miss me.
I guess it was all fake
And I can't help but cry about it.

I don't know why
I did what I did
I guess I listened
And did what people told me to do
Instead of what I wanted
And that was you
It has always been you
And I am glad you stayed
So I could steal you back.

You won't look at me.
It is as if a glance of me will curse you.
My hand you once held now lays by my side.
Cold and empty.
Did I do something?
Did I say something?
What did I do that made your smile.
Go weak.
Made your eyes stone cold.
And made me feel worthless.
What did I do?
Why won't you just look me in the eyes?
Why won't you crack a joke.
Why does it feel
Like it is all my fault

The past doesn't define what we are
Unless you let it
Scars run through my heart and soul
But I couldn't be happier
For they don't hold my happiness
I do
I run the show that is my life
No negativity will define me
So say your words
Act so tough
But sorry sir
I direct this show and you are only a background actor.

Breathing in
Deep and lovely
This calm
Isn't it lovely
Tears replaced with peace
Even if it isn't happiness
I like this break

Hair has to be past the shoulders.
No bangs
No makeup
Hair straight and always down
Cant talk this way.
Cant hold hands this certain way
Cant walk on a certain side of them.

He wants everything about me a certain way.

I laugh to much
I laugh too loud
I am indecisive
I say stupid things
When I talk I say certain words too much

It is like he wants me
                                      to be
                                               someone
                                                                else.
What am I too you?
A play thing?
Your toy?
Someone just to waste time with and give you affection?

What am I too you?
Cause it doesn't feel like your girlfriend.

Part of me wants to run to you
Beg for you
Put up with the hitting and bleeding
But I know
As I walk away
That I am better off without you

She sat on her throne of skulls
Of all the people she had broke before
She lured with her hand of sweet and vile lips of red
Her song led you to your death
So she could live a year more.

Take a deep breath
Kiss me hard
Forget the pain
We got this far
Forget our mistakes
We got what it takes
To get through this
Just give me a kiss
So I can get lost
Is this bliss.

I am outside
Outside my soul
Outside my body
All my feelings surreal
In bliss and ecstasy
From what you say to me.  

A smile never leaves my lips
A trace of laugh in my cheeks
And blush left over from what you said.
This is my now.
But it feels too lovely to be true.  
How you look at me
How you talk to me.  
This bliss
This heaven.  
No, better then heaven.  
This is the person
I wouldn't mind stealing the moon for them.

I wonder what dying feels like.  
Right after the pain is it quiet?  
Will it stop me from hating myself?  
Is it a fresh start?  
I just wish I could have the strength to jump.  
Instead I just walk around.  
Hating who I am
And hoping for a better day that may never come.

Can I still write
A bit on this page?

You are open like a book
Telling stories of your past
Being too truthful
And loud at each word
Telling things left unsaid
But you keep talking
Digging yourself deeper
Then you were last.

You don't say a word
And neither do I.  
And endless silence
But quite content.  
We just listen to each other breath
Not breaking the silence.

The future is unknown
And very foggy to the least
But make choices to effect
What we want in our near future
But it is still unknown
And gives scare
Cause the future is crazy
Cause we can't control what is there

I can't write religion
Or write to inspire
But I can give my stories
From the heart
To tell the future
That it is alright
To be different
From the others

God God God.
I keep digging the hole deeper
I try and I try
To make you happy
And not upset
But I am only ruining it
And my happiness.

You most I love.
Of two perfect sets
Hand and hand
Forever yours my heart

Tonight my heart is not in the right place
My brain is lost in the clouds
And my body is buried somewhere underground
4 am
And I am forever lost
On this feeling
Maybe I should sleep it off
Or pray to God
Whatever it is
Please be gone

Everything is awful.
It seems when things seem better they always get worse.
Why can't life be easy.
Why can't life be grand for everyone and not just one big struggle to survive!

I am gonna be selfish
And no longer care
If I destroy you
In thin air.

It is weird
That a story told from two mouths
Can be totally different.
Not one is similar.
The story you said you saw
Is not what I saw

My young arms held around him tight.  
I couldn't say what was wrong.  
I was raised that being weak was stupid and to always be strong.  
So I held him tight.  
Wanting to cry but not going too.  
All the issues going on.  
Sometimes I wish I could bury myself.  
But there in his arms I felt safe.  
Like my mother's arms before old age came and took away her mind to never land.  
I hadn't felt this way in a long time.  
Secure
Wanted
I held him tight.  
He didn't say anything.  Just stayed with me.  
And with that.  
I let out my first tear in years.

I don't regret a thing I have done
And I have done a lot of questionable things
But I don't regret a thing
With regret comes worry
And when you don't regret it.  
You don't worry
And boy.  Do I feel at ease.

Read the words I said
Not one word back
Is this what we have become?  
Me chasing after you for affection.  
Affection you won't give.  
You read my words
Nothing said back
I didn't notice at first since you ignore me for hours
Hours turned into days
Where did you go.  
Read the words I said
And ran away
I guess you didn't love me anyway.

He had tattooed arms and tattoos up to his face
With two tears on his cheek just under his eye.
He had a little baby
Five months by what he said.
What happened to get the two tears?  
And what that show his child
When he has a dad who lives to be wild.

It was hot.
Very hot and sudden.  
My skin on fire
Sweat covering me
I am not mad.  
I am not sick
Just another heat flash
To make sleeping harder on me
A hundred degrees on only my skin.
It almost makes hell sound sweet by what is happening to me.

Don't sell yourself short.
You are pretty **** amazing
No matter what anyone says.

Dr. Enuf is nasty
I really figured that out
I couldn't even drink it desperate
For anything else.
Ugh

The past was hidden deep under my mask.
All that happened was forgotten under my smile.
I was fine.
The break up was awful but I am okay.
The bruise is just from a fall.
But every time someone came near or touched me unexpected
I would flinch
And my mask would crack
Letting just a little of my horrid past
Unmask

I feel my hands are tied
My heart in two places
I feel pressured to love thy
But what if I can't love anymore
I love you
But I don't know
You have become someone so better
But
I don't know
It is so hard to say how I feel
Cause I want everyone happy.

Heart beating fast
Afraid I might miss a beat
Slowly closing eyes
Feeling sleep deprived
But I can't close them
Not for one second
I might miss something
Sleep calling and darkness comes in.
But sleep can wait
Because life doesn't wait for me.

Sensitive mind to all the pain.  
Words dig in like knifes and leave my body to bleed
Tears flow like evening rain
Never to stop
I never asked to become sensitive to words you say.  
But I never asked for you to bully me this way.  
Pushed this way and that.  
And used as a mat.  
I can only take so many wounds to myself.  
From your words.  
And how you treat me.  
Before I break into a million prices.  
And no one can ever fix me.

Why is it so hard
To just tell you the truth?

Why can't you see
That when I look at you
I see perfection
Why can't you see
That I would love
To spend the rest of my life
with you
Why can't you see
That you make me laugh
And make me happy
When times are hard
Why can't you see
That I love you
Unconditionally

I read the words you wrote.
And my heart hurts
My entire body gives away
To emptiness
And sadness
I did not mean to ruin you.
I did not mean it at all
But I am so unhappy
How can I ever move on.

We all make mistakes
We just have to learn from them
And grow

I am no one's.
I only belong to the wind
And the sea.
My breath fogging windows
On a fall day.

The lie slipped off my tongue like poison
And into the tea to my loved ones
It hurt my chest
My breath coming fast
But I couldn't help but lie
to make everything alright
Push my problems under the carpet
And pretend it is all fine
I am alright
I promise
Another lie
Slipping out of my cheeks

I just wanna be alone
**** everyone
**** them
Leave me alone
At least for a little bit

It has been a bit
Since I thought of you
But once you entered my brain
I can't seem to get you out
It almost seems like you never left
3 years ago.

My air in my lungs
Never seems to be enough
To shake your doubt
To make your jealousy
Turn into trust
I keep thinking of what to say
And regretting what I think
Not talking of my past
Even though it effected me.
My past is what makes me.
You talk about yours
So why can't I?

**** it up famm

And on that note
Might not be posting on here anymore
Worked ******* this account
But I guess times change
Might visit.
Who knows

I shot you into my veins hard and fast.
Addiction was easy when I was willing
Loved the taste of you after each hit
But now I can't have you.
I am craving
Withdrawal hurts without you in my veins
Just waiting for another hit
Cause I am always willing

I'm ****** up
And i'm scared

I took one step forward
And two step back
I feel insane
And in over my head
I can't tell you how I feel
Cause I am lost as well
What is going on
Can I move on from this hell.

No one cares about you
But it is fine

Something is not quite right here
And it isn't me.