He carries my heart in the soles of his shoes
So when he's looking down it's not because he has the blues

But lately it seems he forgets me at the door
He walks out into the world barefoot, sad and empty

I wish I could catch him before he leaves
Climb into his pocket and make him feel relieved

Watching from the window I am helpless as he sighs and frowns
On the window sill I sit on edge, patient and waiting for a chance to hold him

He looks like a person searching for something lost, something forgotten
But when he comes home he'll see it's me he has forgotten

I see him turn the corner of our street, he looks up at the window of our home
His gaze fills the room like sitting by a warm hearth

But he looks away and all that remains is the sounds of his shoes hitting the pavement
Our home is now cold and empty as he walks away

One day these grey clouds that linger above
Will give up and allow their rain to fall
The droplets like an echo of my love
A shadow of the leaves that fell in fall

I long to reach up with my hands and grab
Those hideous clouds I wish would crash
Your sign is cancer, the sign of the crab
It seems we are not meant to be, we clash

But I know your eyes, eyes I can't evade
For that I become a slave to that grey
They bear into me as if to invade
I have no complaint, I only say stay

My hearts the flame that you always enrage
Trapping me in passions bottomless cage

Inside of this lovely white envelope
There is a sweet little secret love note
It's in delicate lace, covered in hope
But two hearts are not to touch, asymptote

Sealed with glitter so love is not bitter
Perfumed with strawberry to stay merry
Words dressed to look pretty, all hearts jitter
Many burdens to carry, stay wary

Yet who gave this letter such powers?
Building love with beauty and elegance
Love's not a tower to fill with flowers
Love is a humble shrine filled with romance

I will show you what love is meant to be
If you would close your eyes and trust in me

When I meet you for the first time
I wonder if it will be an”Aha!” moment
“So this is what it feels like.”

I wonder if you will feel it too

I still remember how she looked at me
I said it didn't bother me
I know it shouldn't

Just knowing she is a spy to report my failures and insecurities back to you
Like some sort of trophy
For some sort of promotion to make you happy

It twists my insides
It makes me sick

He dresses all my wounds for me
Making me pretty in his arms
He kisses away all my pain
Reviving me in his embrace

Letting go of my feelings for you
Making you smile
Protecting that fragile happiness
Being your friend
That is my favorite sacrifice,
And I'd make it again and again

Even if it feels like ice has covered
Every single inch of my skin
Like frostbite that covers
My heart, my mind, my eyes and ears
Shutting out every sense
That would bring me back
To my love for you,
As senseless as it may be

My love is too much
It's strong, careful, delicate and clingy
It will swallow you whole, keep you captive
And when you finally free yourself
That love will burn to ash
Like a moth that got to close to the flame
And I will be the one left keeper of the blame
Alone to hold back the tears in loves name

People who love the stars can't be afraid of the dark
Because when you know that light sprinkles across
The darkest parts of the sky, then you can't fear the night
No matter how horrible life may seem to you in the moment
That darkness hovering over you will come to pass
Take a second and look around at your own starry sky
You are not alone and you are not trapped in shadow
Don't fear the dark because you don't want to look for stars
Smile and become one for yourself and the ones you love
Be your own star to fill the dark

Someone asked me if there was light within darkness. To answer the question I called them an idiot and said to look up at the stars.

In life there is immeasurable happiness and torment with a bit of everything else laced in between. Within that is the ever shimmering light and the teneberous dark. I believe that every shadow has a light within it's shield of solitude.

When I am gone one day, I hope I will come back as a star. If I go before you, I will be the light that guides your way. Let me show you hope and warmth within my radiant glow, even if I am no longer by your side. Let me float above this world so I may look down upon the wonders left behind. Let me see the beauty in moving on, even if it is moving without me.

Truly, this man brings out the poet in me.

I crave my own fairy tale
I want someone who feels like poetry
To rid the hopelessness from my romantic heart
And share with me a happily ever after

I don't need a prince or white knight
A pauper or squire is all that I desire
I don't require a gallant quest or noble steed
Eyes that are just for me is all that I need

I'll write my own tale to fill your storybook
Every page a poem of waiting
Till one day they are no longer of longing
And are filled with ode's to my one true love

If all it took was a look from you to take my breath away
Then I fear what power your words could hold over me

Stress consumes your mind like fire in a forest
It ignites the anger inside to arise as smoke clouds around your eyes
In this moment you are so horribly enraged,
So terribly uncomfortable inside and out,
That you can't control your actions, your words, or the way you feel
You snap, you glare, you place the blame
Once you calm down you realize you are only angry at yourself
And the anger is replaced by regret and fatigue
You're tired of this cycle
Tired of feeling so out of control
This is what stress does
It eats you apart from the pit of your stomach and only consumes more and more till it reaches your mind and you are entirely taken apart
Like the string on an old sweater stress frays the steadiness you contain

Do you ever feel tied to a string drifting aimlessly through the world?
Forcibly being pulled in random directions and never the way you want?
Then why do you shy away from the one who holds you tight,
The one who tells you to ignore the habitual ways of the world and go where you want?

When they hold onto the string which sways you, dont you feel as if you have been stabilized?
As if the world is no longer just a blur, but a vision of clarity around those gentle hands which hold you in their grasp?
As if they are all of the answers to the questions life relentlessly asks you?

When they stop you from swaying out of control the dizziness doesn't stop
It leaves from your head and rushes to your heart sending butterflies to your stomach
Leaving you in a foreign position with thoughts you can't believe you hold behind your fragile mind

Before you have time to hold your hands out to catch yourself you begin to fall heart first for the one nobly clutching onto your wavering string
All the doubt and panic of the world seems irrelevant

As time passes the worries of yesterday fade away as you gaze into the eyes of the one gallantly at your side
As the distance between you fade your heart lightens as the strings connecting you disappear to be replaced by warmth of those stabilizing hands

No longer separated by the strings of fate your thoughts are clear
The one who's been there through all of the calamity
The one who held you when you were lost and insecure
Who brought you out of the veils of darkness and into the light
A friend, a lover, a soulmate
The person just for you who built their home inside your heart

I fell in love with
phone calls out of nowhere
deep and endless talks
and the sound of your chuckles

I fell in love with
pointless banter
silly exchanges
and I love you's

I fell in love with
the way you made me laugh
the way you made me smile
and the way you made me cry

I fell in love with
the way you confided in me
the way that you trusted me
and the bravery in your heart

I fell in love with
smokey eyes
long hair
and honesty

I fell in love with
subtle things
and it's all those little things
that I can't live without

I bought sunflower seeds and planted them in a little *** on my window sill
I watered and tended to the leaves everyday
Every time the leaves seemed sick or browning
I had to hold back tears as I cut away the rot
Is it weak or dumb of me that I cried?
Like witchcraft I cared for that flower as if it were our love
As the leaves would rot so too did our hearts
As the petals fell so too did your love for me
And in every falling petal
Every cut leaf
Every inch of that flower
I felt you grow farther and farther out of reach from me

Life is a rose
Sometimes it showers you in its petals
Sometimes it makes you grab it by the thorns
But even when you bleed the rose is still the prettiest gift you'll ever recieve

My favorite flower will always be the radiant sunflower,
But my life sprouts from the seed of a rose
And I may never be as tall or happy as a sunflower

But I still refuse to walk away from the sun
The beams like glitter dancing off a dream
A dream I'm too small and scared to reach

I am not afraid of being and accepting who I am
This little garden patch grows despite going through the harshest summers, dryest droughts, and most desperate winters
Other roses wilt and wither away

I make this garden shine with the sunflowers in my eyes

Your angelic words wrapped with demonic intent
Wont reach me from all the way up there
Your pedestal is too high, I'm afraid I can't hear a word you say
Your godlike vocabulary can't hide that devilish motive
And for as much as you lie, you are one awful liar
That angel light of yours can't blind me anymore
I have a special pair of sunglasses now
They block out all the repugnant **** from sight

I love myself when I'm with you
Every imperfection becomes a crystal forest
Your words shine down and make me shimmer with amber sunlight
Together we are a sunset that outshines the stars

You make me radiant

Sometimes I feel like I am just a supporting character
A sidekick in someone else's unfathomable destiny
Maybe that's why I am the poet, and not the muse

The people around you
Are failing you
And I feel like I'm failing too
Your mind was cut deeply
Just as your heart was
And instead of being stitched
Mended and medicated
The wounds were left
To scar and widen

Flashbacks haunt you
With no reprieve
The memories keep you awake
Keep you hostage
And your heart
Can only seem
To further break
So you take
Whatever vice you can
To make the pain
Pause and wait

Every time you chase
Your momentary escape
It will get shorter
Your cure
Will become
Your poison
The crutch you have
Is faulty and made of sand
It is time instead
To reach out
To something solid
To take a hand

When I saw your eyes
In the photos I was sent
They were empty
They were hopeless
Maybe it was the alcohol
Maybe it was pain killers
But they were not hiding
The torment

They say eyes
Are a window
To our souls
And in your eyes I can tell
Your soul is fractured
Like a glass
That has spiderwebbed
The more you chip at it
The closer you get
To shattering what remains

I suppose no one has told you
You are allowed to be happy

It is time to forgive
Yourself, the incident, the memories
Forgiving isn't forgetting
You are allowed forgiveness
It is time to stop forbidding yourself
From moving on
From getting help
It is time to stop

You are too young to be chasing halos

Your lips tasted like sweet nothings
They'd slip from my lips
and you'd consume that sweetness
Leaving me with the taste
of bitter Nothing

I think the longest game of tag I'll ever play
Is where I've been it and I'm still chasing you

I want to be like a dandelion
Full of color and patience
Waiting for the day to come
Where I'm free to fly away

I tried to burn you with the Two of Cups
I hoped it would stop my love for you
But I didn't have the heart to let you go
So I fell asleep with the Three of Swords
I gripped the Lovers tightly to my chest
And hoped it'd some how stop the pain

You were the Magician and I was the Fool
I would always follow you right off the cliff
And like magic you would just keep walking
The same magic that carried you away from me
You just kept walking and I kept on falling for you

I was the Empress, but you weren't the Emperor
I was the Queen of Wands, but you weren't my King
I was the Hanged Man, you were the World and Wheel
I was a reversed Chariot, falling endlessly in love with you
and you were the Ten of Swords, you weren't ready to receive
The Ace of Cups overflowing with my love and adoration

But I am temperance, I can wait and back away

They say in love you go by personal tastes
Love can taste sweet like strawberries and honey
Or bitter like a freshly cut lemon on your tongue

What flavor was our love, do you think?
I think it was like apple slices and nutella
Healthy, but a little too sweet to be sure

Or maybe it was mint chocolate-chip ice cream
Fresh and sweet, the outcast that so few love
I'm not sure quite what it was, but I still crave that taste

They are like sirens
Luring me in with so much temptation
With their eyes like paradise
And not a single lie hiding inside
Their smiles bright like lightning
And no crooked or wolfish grin at all
Their delicate bodies like porcelain
So fragile and deadly
Like a drop of poison and a butterfly wing
They make me fall without words at all
Oh but when they speak it sounds like fiction

They are so pure they make me want to cry
I'm under a hypnosis, it's just a trick
But their sweetness, it draws me in
They are like roses with their skin soft like petals
And their nails as sharp as thorns

How lovely, how beautiful
How sick does this make me now?
Now that I'm so torn
How can I cope with so much confusion?
They're like devil's with their haunting eyes
What demons-
Those seductresses with their adoring curse

How lovely, how sweet
How is it I've missed this puzzle piece?
I didn't even notice I was incomplete
Does this make up for the uncertainty?
They're like angels with their paradise eyes
What blessings-
Those treasures with their electric cure

I was never able to stop loving you
And sometimes when I least expect it
I remember that and it tears me apart
I cry myself to sleep thinking of what we could have been

You taught me what it meant to be loved
How it felt
You taught me how to fall in love
And what it meant to lose it

But you never broke my heart,
I was never able to sever that sense of longing
If the competition of who loved who more
Ever named a victor,
It would be me

Because I wrote poetry about you as a friend
As I fell in love with you and the way I denied it
How I tried to push the feelings aside  
To be your ally when you needed me to be
How I conceded and realized
I was only lying to myself

I wrote about you as I fell in love,
As I fell deep and hard
I wrote when we were together
I wrote about my longing
About my desire and adoration,
About how I fell deeper and deeper
I wrote about futures and dreams

I also wrote about when it all ended,
About all the tears I shed in secret
About the pain I'd felt for the first time,
Of losing something I cherished so deeply

I wrote about how I couldn't stop loving you
No matter how hard I tried
About pushing my feelings aside
And sacrificing them to be your devoted friend,
About how that tore me up inside

I wrote about how no matter how many years passed,
I couldn't make the feelings dissipate any less
I realized in every letter I wrote,
That I would never be able to stop loving you,
And that it would have to be okay,
Even if it felt like it never would

I love you,
Even today
And while I may never call you mine again,
I will always be yours

All my coins sink to the bottom of wishing wells
Ladybugs fly away with my hopes
And dandelions disappear with my dreams

Every birthday my prayers blow out with the flames
Shooting stars pass with unfulfilled promises
And wishbones never break for me

Maybe if I catch the falling leaves in autumn
If I tie my ritual ribbons around every trees branches
Or manifest with every ring I wear

I could one day save you from your despair

But for now,
I will continue wishing on everything I see
Seeking stars and elusive dreams

I find it strange that when I look into your eyes I'm not met with an endless starry sky. The world around me doesn't freeze or turn monochrome around everyone but you. I don't see an endless sea or visions of a setting sun, no matter my determination. So how do I know it is love if it isn't as the words I've heard all my life describe?

Yet my heart still drops when you walk into the room, even when your focus is a place far off. People say it's like a flutter but this is far too heavy to use such a light word to describe such a feeling. It's painful, but I know it isn't something ominous or bad because it feels right. How do I know it is love if none if my words describe it right as they should?

I get it every time our eyes meet or you tilt your head and smile with your head in the clouds. I get it when you laugh to yourself or say something hardly above a whisper. When you focus so hard you ***** up and let out that silly sigh of aggravation and I feel such deep affection. Yet is it alright for me to say what I feel is love when I can't even tell myself what love is?

I don't think your eyes need starry skies or my stomach needs a million butterflies. Your smile doesn't need to illuminate the room and my thoughts for you don't need an anchor. Your love shouldn't have an expectation and my words don't need to have a proper diction.

Perhaps I'll see it in your heart or feel it in your touch one day if you feel the same regardless of what the world has sold me with their modern day poetry. I promise you that no matter how hopeless I become I will find out for myself  what it means to love you wholly, even if I have to find out from loving at a distance.

I was reading tarot for myself today
I thought I'd do a soulmate spread
In the center there you were
I could feel you all around me

Will you really come to sweep me off my feet?

You aren't just gold and starlight
you are my every word
my dialect, my stanza, my every thought
you leave me tongue tied

You are my entire language,
you make my speech so clumsy
all my words are tripping over themselves
just to please you and only you

You are my linguist dream,
I love to study the poetry in your veins
the sonnets in your eyes,
the limericks in your lips

You are literature incarnate,
and I worship you

"Are you alright?"
He's the only one who asks me this
The only one who reads my feelings even when I do not
"I love you."
He tells us every night
No one else has done this right

"If you want to cry, you can cry
If you want to yell, then yell
I just want you to feel better."
Never has anyone said something like that to me
Something to make me feel understood rather than incomplete

"You are such a great person."
It seems he has these words inside some secret vault
Labeled "For when they are broken"
He keeps them stored and safe
For just in case those two girls break
He sends these words in times of need

I don't think he knows
That those words are just what we long to hear
When we think we can't be complete with all our fractures
He gives encouragement and makes us feel together
He's like the missing piece to a puzzle that you almost threw out
Something that you can't live without

He wrote me beautiful words
And my pen had stilled so long
Took me to all my favorite places
I was so swept off my feet and didn't see

What kind of poet is blind to their own poetry?

Finally I was the muse and not the poet
And I didn't even know it

Two bold butterflies flutter by
Like lovers, reaching up to kiss the sky

Down swoops a radiant raven
Beak open and ready for the ****

Yet as it speeds down
It falters and glides past

Today it spares the lovers
While it carries on it's merry way looking for another meal

They were ignorant to the danger,
Consumed by eachothers love and blind to the world

The raven was like a warning of an unavoidable conflict
Possible to stall, inevitable in the end

But not today,
Today is for the butterflies

The roads I will take
Will be long and winding
Curvy and broken
Split and cracked
***** and dark
Damp and cold

They will lead to dead ends
Disasters and regrets
Heartaches and pain
Insecurities and envy
Burden and loss

They will hold sorrow and judgement
Fear and turmoil
Insincerity and tenebrosity
Anxiety and dread
Betrayal and delusion

But they will one day
Come to an end

The roads I will take
Will lead to floral paths
Full of sunshine and clear skies
Laughter and curiosity
Innocence and empathy
They will be beautiful; pulchritudinous

They will lead to destiny
Opportunities and possibilities
Miracles and dreams
Wishes and desires
Elegance and grace

They will hold hope
joy and excitement
Wonder and relief
Satisfaction and love
Peace and tranquility

They will have been worth it

He is the five layers of blanket that cover me during the freezing winter
He’s the sixth coating of sunscreen I apply in the first five minutes of summer
He is the first book I cuddle up with as leaves fall and change around me in autumn
He’s the first flower to bloom in spring, the one that survives through all four seasons

We block out tragedy
With insensitive jokes to hide our fears

Put a pause on the tears
That feel like a painful rain

Push away the horror and trauma
While hoping for sun to reign again

Knowing that the uncertain future
Will inevitably unravel before us

And only we can pick up the pieces
Of a broken history that crumbled before our eyes

We hold up our open hands
Though the world tells us to hold them shut

We help where we can
And we shatter where we can't

Don't stare too closely at the sun
You'll get pulled in
And come undone

I long to take his hands in mine
"You are more than enough."
I'd tell him everyday.

I wish to gaze into his eyes
"Your love puts all those songs to shame."
With that he'd understand just what I'd meant.

On my heart I'd tattoo his name
"You feel like home, you give me a place."
Regardless if he stays he has a space.

The things I'd say to him, if only he were mine.

The one thing that I can never have
Is the only thing I seem to want
Never can I eradicate it from my mind
The thought that will punish me

Do I try too hard to make them smile?
Do I try too hard to seem like I belong?
Is that all there is,
Am I too far gone?

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be good enough
I can’t change the judgmental ways of the world

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be what you need
I can’t change all of the imperfections in my life

Despite everything I am the owner of my mind
I control these thoughts of mine
I have such power over myself

I let that power slip through my fingers
I let it become tainted
Consumed by my self loathing
My thoughts are furious and vast

Yet no matter what my desires may be they disobey
Tenebrous corners of which I cannot escape surround me
Suffocate me
As I am caged in the cursed darkness of my brain

I reach out as far as I can manage
I reach out knowing that no one will see me drowning here
In the ocean of my mind
No one will grab onto me and save me
From these thoughts of mine which punish me

Im spinning out of control
Twirling and leaping further and further away
From everything that seems to say
“Let me save you”

I run as far as I can whilst screaming
“Please someone save me”
But such a selfish thought will only lead me further astray
These are the thoughts that punish me

A feeling
A sinking feeling
Hits me out of nowhere
Its painful, I can’t deny
Why do my thoughts invade
Corner me in my own mind?

I can’t escape this pain
Where can I run when the perpetrator
Is my own conscience?
Where can I hide when i’m my own worst enemy?
How can I find a moment alone from my fear
When I am constantly there to remind myself
How terrified I am?

This fear is a prison in my mind
The insecurities toss me into a cell
They call it a moment of self doubt
A wave of depression
I am trapped here
They tell me that it’s my own fault
My own doing, a hazard to myself
I cry out over and over again
This is not me

Yet they don’t hear me from within
The confounds of my cell
Within the prison of my mind

Like sudden rainfall on a sunny day
The happiness fades away
Like water inside a drain

These thoughts are torture
These thoughts are pain
These thoughts punish me
Day after day
These thoughts destroy me
These thoughts control me
These are the thoughts that punish me

Lightning is a destructive force
It is not a curse to never see
It's fury strike the same spot twice
We should take it as a blessing

In tarot, the tower card has lightning
It symbolizes truth, necessary lessons
The upheaval and destruction that follow
There is a beauty in it's violence

In it's crashing fury, we grow
It's a shock back into reality
When we fall too hard, sink too deep
A slap that wakes us from the siren lures

Crawling through my brain till it has made channels connecting to tunnels like little circuits replacing my nerves, the little worm I call Loneliness wriggles onward.

A constant motion of forward goes that worm, bringing with it a never ending feeling of monachopsis.
Day after day it dwells in my mind as the worm carries on.

It adapts and evolves finding a solution to every mastermind plot I find from removing this creature, this beast, this worm from my mind.

“Friendship is betrayal, they all leave and deceive in the end,” it whispers through my head as if another conscience inside my being.

I fear the worms words and obey every command. Dare I disobey what dismay would come my way?

“Happiness is a lie along with perfection, never trace your hands along such deadly lines, the lines of which a mortal mind should never tread,” he says using my beliefs against me. “Happiness is for those who belong, not for you, never for you!”

The worm screams those words through my mind anytime I laugh or smile reminding me not to be so daft.

Oh beautiful, wonderful,brilliant demon of mine.
Keeping me from trying to find ways to end the suffering in my life

Morbid torment in the back of my mind,
Keeping me from trying to find ways to silence the loneliness screaming within, bringing me further into the dark.

What would I do without you, dear Loneliness?
You cloud my mind and free me from my foolish desires.

Why should I not be alone?
If I was meant to feel together,
Then together surely I would feel.

Why should I feel happiness when happiness isn’t mine?
How selfish I would be without you holy creature,
Beautiful blessed worm of wonder.

There is no worse feeling than knowing you love someone more than they could ever possibly love you back

I should have said it back
It haunts me
I should have filled a book with words for you
But I couldn't even say those three

Sometimes I toss and turn at night
I can feel a thousand others do the same
We all lie awake with these thoughts dripping from the faucet of our brain

We always try
To turn the handle
Make them stop
Yet every attempt is in vain
There is nothing we could do to keep these thoughts contained

There is no drain for them to slip away
Instead they cause a flood in our minds
They make you realize there is no way to rewind
Trapped once again by the bars hidden behind our eyes

We continue to toss and turn
Attempting to shake away the truth of our mortality and find a way to dream of a place where happiness is not bought

These thoughts at night are louder than in the day
They scream like sirens
And you can't turn them off

My thoughts are so loud and needy
They always slip right out my mouth

You do not know
what is yet to come,
as nothing yet
is set in stone.

I wish that I could
take all your worries,
turn them into gold
and build you a throne.

But I cannot build
with what I cannot hold,
and I cannot take away
what I cannot grasp.

So together we'll conquer
each daunting task,
and I'll hold you close
in a gentle clasp.

If only I knew what I know now back then
That one day I'd have to call you friend
Maybe I'd have held on a little tighter
Make my smiles just a little brighter
If only I knew how time ebbs and flows
How our garden became a place where no flower grows
Maybe I’d have been a little greedier
Called your name just a little sweeter

But all my love I put in writing
All the time I wasted in hiding
All the words I left unsaid
Left our garden for dead
I am the keeper of these dried up leaves
I think of you and my heart heaves

If only I knew what I know now back then
That one day would mark our end
Maybe I wouldn’t have been so blind
Shown you how bright I thought you shined
If only I knew how time ebbs and flows
I would have shown you how this world glows
Maybe our garden would have become a flower grove
Our secret hidden treasure trove