I bury the thoughts of you deep, deep down
Into the emptiness that is now, simply, a ghost town

May these thoughts forever remain unharmed
Protected by the burst of emotions that shall keep them armed



-FreeMind

Kiss me,
Kiss me,
And kiss me once more...

Shut the blinds, Close the door.
Touch my heart
And whisper my name
Can you tell that you are driving me insane?


-FreeMind

Tell me the lie Im dying to hear.
Tell me you love me.


-FreeMind

The fireplace is keeping my hands warm
The smell of cinnamon is just starting to fill the room
The innocence of "Jingle Bells" brings pleasant comfort to my ears
And my tongue has just turned red from too much candy cane

But even though I'm standing under the mistletoe with the glaring lights of the Christmas tree accentuating the sparkles in my eyes
My heart remains cold.

Because I know where you are and what you are doing
Because I know that I am tied down to reality I can't seem to avoid

And I pray
I pray to anyone that might hear, to anyone that might help
That my heart be liberated

So it can finally feel the warmth of a snowy Christmas night


-FreeMind

You cant escape reality
When it hugs you like a casket
Ready to burry you deep into the ground


-FreeMind

I still remember the day you took my hand,
Kissed my forehead,
And told me you didn't love me.


-FreeMind

Did it mean nothing to you?
When I opened up the gates to the complex realm
Filled with broken, burning particles of stars
That never got their opportunity to shine.
It was open just for you. Just for those few seconds.
You did not come in. You did not leave either.
How ignorant of you to keep those gates open.
To dismiss those pieces as if they were dust,
Leaving me more empty handed and broken than before.

You are gone.
But you will never feel that pain, that emptiness -
The only feelings that are left in me.
As I slowly fade away into the dark deep realm of a greater creation.

The realm of fallen souls.




-FreeMind

I said I would not write about you
But here I am, once more.

It's all because I banned you from my heart
Yet you managed to stay in my mind
Crawling back every night
To steal my reasoning away from me
Leaving me blind
Making me follow my emotions
Until I reach you, once more.


-FreeMind

My mind is a maze
And I'm lost once again


-FreeMind

I need you to save me
From the self induced harm
That I can no longer control


I know this isn't fair
But I beg you,
Please stay.


-FreeMind

My vision is being altered by an invisible being.
My body is changing drastically, no seconds to spare.
I can no longer tell if the mirror is lying to me,
If it is my eyes that are distorting my self image,
Or if I have gone completely insane.

It stares at me.
"Eat me."
It pleads. Begs for me to take a bite.
But I know better.
I won't ruin the progress. I've been working so hard.
I'll be that pretty skinny girl, I was almost meant to be.
But at 4am, it will beg me once more.
And I'll feel sorry. And I'll feel sorry.
So I will devour 2000 calories in 2 minutes, after my 42 hour fast.

Time to welcome my old friend, Regret.
Ah, I knew he would stop by. And right on time!
With the Scale and Mirror right by his side,
They will lay me down, and all watch me cry.

Where did the Scissors go?
Oh...
The ****** took those when he pretended to love me whole.
Not to worry, I'm strong.
I can take a few punches, to bruise up my soul.
Colors! Colors! Look at them go!
Representing that rainbow that makes me feel whole!

Shh!
Not too loud!
Don't let them hear!
They don't know how I feel about that girl across the street.
I should tell them. Come clean.
But won't that just cause a scene?

Stop.
No drama.
Just focus on work.
The classes you've been failing will soon **** your Hope.

HAH! What a life!
How can I complain?
All the choices were mine!
And now I'm INSANE!


-FreeMind

You are laying down in a field filled with daffodils
The birds are singing happy tunes
The sun is shining just for you
You are looking up into the sky thats filled with cotton clouds
The long growing grass is keeping you warm
The butterflies are dancing just for you
You feel safe
You feel at home

My darling, My love, My little daffodil
Let me wrap you in my arms to replicate that feeling
Let me kiss you slowly to send shivers of joy down your spine
I need you and I want you
To feel safe with me
To be at home
Our home



-FreeMind

At this point
The only thing that can fix me
Is your lips pressed against mine.



-FreeMind

You left
And I began to bloom.
All I needed was a little light,
But you kept it away with your dark desires.


-FreeMind

I want to be that book You can't stop reading.
I want to be that song You can't stop singing.
I want to be that air You can't stop breathing.
I want to be that life You can't stop living.










Oh Darling, tell me I'm enough!


-FreeMind

My Mama always told me, that I should never, ever, cry.
That I could only shed a tear, when someone very special died.

I kept that promise, Mama, for many, many, years.
But tonight, I'm filled with sorrow.
A river path has already been created from my eyes to my cheeks.
My body is shaking, My eyes are swollen, My jaw is clenched tight.
For I have lost someone very, very special to me.
Maybe no one can see, and maybe no one can tell, but, Mama,
I lost a little girl.

She ran from me far, far away.
Into the dark, deep, scary woods, where there was no way out.
I tried to help her, I tried to call out her name.
But she thought she could get out herself. And told me not to help.
Oh Mama! You wouldn't believe what happened next!
He came behind her and slaughtered the little girl.
Mutilated her.
Until there was nothing left but blood and bones.

Oh Mama! I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry I could not get her out!
I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to help her escape!
Oh Mama! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

The little, happy girl is gone.
But her killer is still on the loose.
He is swimming in glory and victory.
Showing off her stolen innocence as his award.

Oh Mama,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that she is gone.

-FreeMind

It has only come to my mind now
That your name translates to heaven.

Thoughts of you have flooded my empty head,
And so I decided to write a poem dedicated to you.

I wanted to write about that smile of yours
(The smile that warms me inside even when it isn't for me)

I wanted to write about that rainbow bandana you wear
(That made me embrace my love for them too)

I wanted to write about that guitar you play like a real musician
(Such talent I've never seen before)

I wanted to write about that haircut I complimented you on
(The courage I gained to talk to you)

I tried so hard to think of those perfect words to write
But I can't
I can't

I can't write about how beautiful or smart you are because you are so much more.
You are magnificent.
You are an inspiration.

But what saddens me most is that you are gone.
And I will never be able to tell you all those things I have tried to say.
My only hope is that you see this some day, and finally realize how much you meant to me. Even if to you I was just a girl with a crush.


-FreeMind

Your lips are filled with poison
But all I want to do
Is kiss them


-FreeMind

Take this box and run far, far away
To a land hidden from those that don't want to be gay.

Run until your knees feel weak
And your legs can't hold you much longer.
Run until your head is spinning
And your eyes can't see much farther.

You may stop when all you hear is kind laughter.
For the box holds a treasure that can't be gone after.

'What is in this box?'
You might want to ask.
So I urge you to listen
To the 'Boom Boom' inside.

Yes, kind stranger, it is my heart.
For there is no more love left inside, it has fallen apart.

But over the years I have grown older and smarter
And now I know that a loving heart isn't an armor.
I want it to be far away from those that have hurt it.
Protect it, Keep it safe, Don't let them destroy it.


For I have faith.

Love is not Dead.



-FreeMind

Tomorrow morning, the sun will rise again,
And the moon will disappear...

I know I don't ask for much,
But I am in need of a favor.

Make it stop.
Please make it stop.

I don't want the sun or the moon.
I just want to be left alone, in the Dark.

I want it to stop.
The world to stop this cycle of madness.

But no one is listening to me.
And so I ask you.

My dear, lovely friend, Death,
End my misery, and end my pain.
Help me get out of this hell of a game.


-FreeMind

Did you know that in less than a year
I would be waking up at 3am
From the nightmares you gave me?

Did you know that in less than a year
I would go back to the cutting and weight loss
Because I hate myself after what you did to me?

Did you know that in less than a year
I would be crying before going to bed
While thinking about everything you put me through?

Did you know that in less than a year
I would only find pleasure from the thoughts
Of leaving all of this behind?


Did you know that when you locked me in the dark
And took away something that was not yours
Without my consent,
You took away
My soul?
My will to live?
You took away everything I had
And everything I have ever hoped to have.


Did you know
That you destroyed me?


Did you know
That you have killed me?


-FreeMind

By the lonely river

I sat waiting for you.
Hoping that you would come back for me.
We would hold hands and talk about the future we never received.
Laugh about the endless memories that were never made.
But you were just like the long, cold river.
And I knew you would not stop for me.
So I sat aimlessly, alone

By the lonely river.



-FreeMind

Do you see those shattered bricks on the ground?
The ones you kick every time you pass by?
That broken mess that you joke about with your friends?

That was my safe place.
Those ***** bricks were once much more.
They made up the walls around my heart.
A sanctuary.
Beautiful and gold.
They kept me safe from the harm that you bestowed upon me.
Thunder, storm, a hurricane,
Nothing was capable of breaking it down.
It saved me from fire and from ice.
It helped me live, survive.

It could not be broken from the outside.
But you knew a way in.
You fooled that shy little girl into believing that you were the one.
Her naive nature let you inside, with hopes
That you would bring flowers into that lonely sanctuary,
And fill it with Love.

You desired none of that.
You pulled her into the darkness
Where no moon and stars could reach her.
She was alone with a monster that she let inside herself.
And there, the deed was done.
Before she knew it, you were gone.
Leaving her empty and even more alone.

The walls fell slowly.
Breaking everything in their sight.
Leaving no mercy.
Taking down her heart too.
Leaving it like a rotten fruit.
Dark and *****.
With scratches and bruises.
Completely demolished.

Years went by.
She had all the time in the world to rebuild her safe zone.
But no strength was left.
Her will was gone.
Her power vanished.
So she waited.
For someone to come and help her recover from the pain and trauma.
But no one wants a broken doll.
A misused, beaten, little doll.

Alone she lived while years went by.
Without you, or them, or anyone, by her side.
Her tears dried up.
Her peachy fresh body turned to sharp edgy bones.
She no longer believed in Love.
And no longer cared about Life.
She just waited for it to all pass by.

And so it did.
Her only joy now is seeing her own ribs.
She doesn't let her cuts fade away.
She talks to no one-
Makes them all stay out of her way.

She is dying.
A slow painful death.
Look what you did to her.

Look what you did to me.





I am dying.




You are killing me.



-FreeMind

Distancing herself away, from the so called 'Love'.
This Love that everyone praises and admires.
This Love that people always desire.

Love.
He said it was Love too.
The kisses, the presents. That was all his Love.
But so were the arguments, the fights.
Love was chaos.
But doesn't everyone want Love.
To feel Love, at least once?
And so she fell for it.
For his mysterious gaze. For his slight smile.
For the Love that he offered.

But the innocent hugs came to an end.
That was not enough.
His greed wanted more. Wanted the satisfaction from this Love.
So when he held her against her will, and called it Love,
She felt ashamed for crying.
Ashamed for asking him to stop, Ashamed for saying no.
But that did not stop him.
Because in his eyes, it was Love.

Love.
The excuse he used to hurt her.
To abuse her.
To destroy her.
And she remained silent.
Isolating herself from those that could help.
How could she hate him if he was doing it out of Love?
How could she leave when all it was - was Love?

But it's never what it seems, is it..?

Love is a lie.

Love is dead.








And so is she.

Standing in the shower, I try to scrub the sense of you away.
I try so hard, with such force and effort, that my skin starts to peel off.
It's turning red...

And yet you are still here.
Your lips pressed against mine, your skin burning into me.
And I'm taken back, to those awful days,
When I said no, and you pretended not to hear.


-FreeMind

Turning towards you,
Being wrapped inside your arms.
I feel the warmth of your breath on my forehead,
The comforts of you on my skin.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

I get lost in your eyes even when you look away,
I get hypnotized by your smile even when you glare at me.

Your anger excites me, your joy amuses me.
Nothing truly matter when you are away from me.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

Paranoid without you,
Turning selfish when in desperate need of you.

My carelessness caused me to become addicted.
This lust for you keeps growing, like a monster in me.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

Oh baby, you can hurt me all you want.
You must know that I will still be here.
Just long enough before my need for you slowly kills me.

These deadly toxins are burning my insides,
But nothing will stop me from whispering
"I love you".


-FreeMind

I needed you to find me.
Maybe then I would be saved...


By : FreeMind

She is madly insane.
He can't get enough of her.

He fell into a trap once he gazed into her dark brown eyes.
She hypnotized him with just one glance.
Nothing more was needed than a slight smile,
Her lips pressed together made him want to stay for a while.

He watched her dance under the rain,
Let her play with his hair.
There were no boundaries, no rules he could set for her.
She was free and he knew it all along.

He wanted her to stay but knew it wouldn't last.
He was sane.
And She was the reflection he saw in his mirror.
Because his sanity made her want to be even more
Insane.



-FreeMind

He was my forever rose.
The beauty that he possessed was irresistible,
To the point where the pain of his thorns began to feel pleasant.
Joy.

He was my elixir.
Designed to blind me from everything but love for him.
And so I left my life to join his, in hopes of living in this eternal lie.
Obsession.

He was Hercules.
The hero of my imagination. A hero of my own making.
Designed to have pride, power, loyalty, trust... All you could wish for.
Naivety.

He was my work of art.
A collage of his best traits, that I put together myself.
Only to have each piece go through self-destruction. It wouldn't last.
Disappointment.

He was the abuser.
Using my weaknesses against me.
Through words and actions, he tore through the petals of the Lotus.
The End.

You proved to be manipulative.
I proved to be a fool.


-FreeMind

Together we stood looking out onto the sunset,
The perfect mixture of purple, pink, and orange.
A sunset that seemed to last forever.

And thats what we had hoped for. The never ending sunset,
So we could cherish every second by each others side.

Lips locked and hands held tight we waited for the sun to disappear.
And when it finally vanished into the emptiness that surrounded us,
It did not feel too bad. Not bad at all.

But all I had to do was look up,
To realize that you were no longer by my side.
You disappeared with the sun; with the purple, pink, and orange.

I remained frozen. Absorbed by nothingness.
The love we shared was purifying and yet it was too good to last.
And although I want you back...
There was a price to pay for our happiness.
For joy and pleasure, who's deadline we thought we could surpass.
And so we had to pay for it all...

The Price of You and Me.



-FreeMind

Hours turned into days, then weeks and months,
And yet the wooden logs stayed cool.
Abandoned and untouched, isolated from the world.

Suddenly, almost reaching the speed at which the fire has Diminished, a light spark landed in the exact middle of the logs.
Although it hardly changed a thing, it began the Tipping Point.
More and more sparks were shot into the logs,
Starting a small irrelevant fire.
But the sparks kept appearing, and after the months of coolness
Fire was born. Burning larger and larger. Creating heat and warmth. Sending a pleasant smoke with a sweet smelling aroma of cinnamon. The sparks have ended and yet the fire they created
Erupted the fireplace with life. Sweet, warm, cozy life.
That was missed, but never forgotten.
That seemed distant, but always desired.

This fire will burn on.
Regardless of heavy rain or wind.
This fire must burn on.
As it is the only thing keeping me sane.


-FreeMind

At last, we meet again.

So deeply devoted to one another,
Our hearts beat to the same rhythm.
"Boom. Boom."

That charming gaze, delightful smile.
I let you carry me away.

And off we go.
Flying through the cotton clouds,
Eyes filled with happy tears,
Never wanting it to end.

"Destiny awaits us!"
So utterly consumed in each other.
Two love birds unable to let go.

The softness of your palm against my cheek,
Leaning in too close,
Laughing at our little jokes.

Everything is finally falling into the proper place.



But at last,
I wake up.

And you are gone once more.


-FreeMind

"You must purify yourself"
He hands me the blade and slowly steps away.
Waiting for the wave of sins to flood the unholy ground.
Counting seconds, he keeps his gaze on me,
Lost in the cruelty of this world that destroyed his love.
He blames me.
For all the wrong doing. For the misery he suffered.
And not for a moment does he realize his faults.
Denying the truth, he is convinced of my crime.
Lacking patience he takes the blade back and does destiny's work.

Cover in a pool of my own blood, he uses his hands to cary me out.
For a moment, I am filled with hope that he will save me, find help.
So naive.
With slow steps he reaches the cliff, and without a word, tosses me Away into the open ocean, where I find myself grasping for air.

My lungs refuse to operate,
I am disappearing into the darkness with the blood red ocean ahead,
But greet the ocean floor kindly, as it takes me in with pride.
At last, I allow my eyelids to drop shut, finally feeling free.


-FreeMind

Afraid and broken-down
I finally gain the courage to look up at them.
A wide grin plastered on their faces,
They know it worked.

And here I am. Waiting, crying.
Because that is the Only thing I can do.
I stand still and hope they will release me.
But with my mouth sealed shut, I am unable to plead.

They look down at me and laugh.
This rotten crowd destroyed me with their words.
And I am too weak to fight back.
I must give in.

All Hope is lost.


-FreeMind

And in that instance,
As her eyes looked up at me, I knew-
She possessed the hidden secret of this universe,
That I will forever wish to preserve.



-FreeMind

Stolen glances.
Secret notes.
Distortion of reality occurs.

He can no longer control himself.
The sight of her awakens tender feelings -
That were once buried deep down
From the last time he got his heart broken.

He prays that this time it will be different...

An increase in hope, a decrease in fear.
Her smooth lips against his cheeks.
The way her hips sway as she walks his way.

How can he stop thinking of that lovely soul?
How could he not wish, not want more?

Beautiful Girl.
The glory in her eyes
Overwhelms him inside.
Beautiful Girl.
That precious smile-
She is all that he desires.

If only she was truly his...


-FreeMind

Life became unpredictable
Too hard to handle, Too difficult to follow
A cry for help would result in the loss of time
And yet remaining silent would almost eat me alive

Death became wanted
Constantly desired, Constantly thought of
No one knew, but me and my best friend scissors
There was nothing here that could make me want to stay


And that is when I
Became an Accidental Poet...



By : FreeMind

Her mind is playing tricks again.
This "imagination" seems too real.

Tick-Tock
He can't possibly be here.
Claws scrapping on the wooden door,
Silent laughter, threatening grin.
Whispering "I am finally here".
Step by step, approaching her night-bed.
There is no need for that.
He took what he needed, her ability to Breathe.
Tick-Tock

She is suffocating.
Unable to let out a sound.
Choking on tears.
Fighting for her life.
Too late...
Her hands are tied,
Her eyes are shut.
A mute...

Day and Night won't pass without him stopping by.
She asks for help, they stare and laugh.
But they don't know she's just his start.

Distortion of the mind? Or is this life?
It is for You, dear reader, to decide.


-FreeMind

A tempting desire arises when I look inside your eyes,
Such history and mystery concealed by just one smile.

To rob me of my conscious and free me of distress,
Makes you the best of demons that I have ever met.

Now take me away, down the empty hidden hole,
And promise me to cure all of my broken soul...




-FreeMind

And seeing them together
~Their eyes filled with affection~
Felt like being stabbed in the chest with a dull knife.

Pain spreading through my body like a disease,
Infected with the sorrow of rejection and replacement,
Torturing me day and night without an end.

So awful it is, to finally realize that you were never 'The One',
That there was always 'The Other'.
To realize that your Hope has vanished into thin air,
That Faith has been murdered by their lies.

Desire to disappear has never been so strong.
Lulling me further and further away.
I allow my destiny to be controlled by my shattered heart.


-FreeMind

I notice myself swinging to the rhythm of her soul,
With her I can embrace the freedom of the mind.

~
~Let go~
~

Dance to the rhythm
Sing with the beat
Satisfaction will approach you
Makes the air feel sweet

Dance to the rhythm
Patience is pleasing
Help the poor musician
Just keep on believing




-FreeMind

It saddens me to admit the truth
You stole my heart once more.

But I cannot accuse you for that awful crime
I wanted you to take it
I wanted you to have it

You made me happy
You made me proud

And so I grew believing that that was our life
I fell deeply in love with that bashful smile of yours
That keeps fooling me, making me believe I'm truly yours



-FreeMind

Joy, my desirable necessity,
Is extracted from my soul effortlessly,
Replaced by a deserted feeling.
Pleading me to embrace this emptiness.

Overtaken by darkness,
“JOY! JOY!”
I’m yelling now, Screaming, Losing my mind.
Where did the heart shaped boxes go?!

Falling back upon my knees,
With a thousand empty,
pleas
Piercing the night, with far from melodious moans.

Oh thief where have you done with my
Joy?
For, she is mine and mine alone.
The lid was not yours to remove!

My lips feeling lonely,
Missing you and you only.
My heart beating slowly,
There's nothing left in this world that is holy.

You were divine,
No ones but mine.
And now that you are gone,
I can't bear to be alone

Lonliness shrouding the day with fright.
Scattering mindless thoughts in night,
Reminding me that is she is not mine.
Upon those sweet lips I wish to dine.

Now that my joy is gone
Another, must my love, live upon.
She can never take the place of my joy
Loneliness will be nothing but a toy


BY: Marty & FreeMind

The unmistakable smile-
As bright as the shining sun,
Is only visible when she enters the room,
Dazzling everyone.
Leaving me breathless, speechless.
I realize that life has only now begun.
Her beauty overwhelms me,
With promising words "We will have so much fun".



By : FreeMind

For many years I have refused to admit the truth,
Afraid of judgements, my mind constantly running loose.

But I am finally ready.
The truth should be spoken.

I like a girl.



-FreeMind

Running thoughts,
Embraced warmly in my arms.
I am flying high above the ground,
Out of their arms reach, they won't ever pull me down.
Visible, and yet I will never be found.

Letting go might seem hard,
But I must move on, can't give up now.
The destination is far ahead,
But I am a martlet now,
Sailing the self-built ship called Life.


-FreeMind

When I was young, my mother promised me that tears could wash away my pain.
That no matter how much They brought me down, everything would turn out to be okay.

This lie was planted inside of me and grew roots that were unwilling to let go of my organs.
The tinny seed proceeded to expand across my body, joining in with my blood veins.
It clung on to me so tight, that most nights I spent long hours just trying to catch simple bits of breaths.

Several years passed and despite the consequences, I still choose to believe in this lie.
That I am worth something, That things will only get better, That time heals, and That they are only mean because they are jealous.

As if it were that simple.
Life is merely a deceiving game of those in power and of those in need of it.
Those left behind are consulted by the melody of triumph that they believe is played for them.
If only they knew that life is not that simple.

How can we say that we are more than simply animals, when all we do is loathe the existence of those better than us?
How can we say that we are superior, when all we are filled with is disgust and envy?

But maybe we are not all like that?
And maybe that is why the so-called "lie" continues to spread its roots inside of me.
Maybe there is still Hope for our nation to reunite and stand together as one whole.

I would like to believe in such Hope.
Because maybe this "lie"... will be diminished of its undignified title.



-FreeMind

Bright light descending from the window in front.
Stepping outside onto the wet grass, to take a closer look at Beauty.

The Sun and the Moon at two opposite sides, at the same exact time.
Frozen for several mesmerizing moments.
Suddenly beginning to notice the gloating of the beaming stars.
Microscopic elements that make up our reality.
Glazing into space, unable to picture another galaxy.

Ignorant. Is what we must be to disregard the endless possibilities.
Seeming powerful in this world has no control over the Universe.



-FreeMind

You took my most precious gem away from me,
And left me empty handed.

You shattered my soul into billions of pieces,
And left me broken on the streets.

Your selfishness destroyed me,
And caused the remainder of hope to vanish into thin air.

I am decaying...

My only question is,
Why didn't you **** me instead?


By : FreeMind

Wave after Wave.

The visits can't help coming by.
Smiles and laughter fills the night sky,
Exchanged looks of strangers,
Games played near by.

Lonely teens and broken lovers,
Gazing up the dreamy sky.
Hand in hand the married couple,
Walking by, can't say goodbye.

All alone the misplaced doll,
Waits for time to burn.
Shattered, beaten, and misused,
Left alone completely bruised.

Let me help,
Let me take the pain away.
Let your breath escape from you,
And lose yourself in me today.

Taking her away,
I save her from her self,
Time does not heal,
But waves will help your soul stay sane.

Wave after Wave.


-FreeMind