Endearing is the moon tonight
and through its silver glow,
She whispers secrets of the things
that only she could know.

Of lover's trysts on summer nights
of kisses ‘neath her smile,
Of secret murmurs begging "friends"
to stay a little while.

Of sweet caresses cherished
in the fog of memories,
Of moonlit walks in arbors sweet
'neath swaying groves of trees,

Of shadows cast by clasping hands
of hearts that feel desire,
and unrequited love
               that feels like death
                              from friendly fire.

Of promises in passion made,
with no chance to fulfill,
Of loneliness, of happiness,
of parting's bitter pill,

She whispers of the romance,
of the love that's hot and cold,
Like love that loses passion
but sustains us getting old.

She passes in the evening sky
and frolics with the stars,
And leaves this mortal on the porch
to mend life’s wounded scars.

Yet, never does she realize,
the secrets that she'd shared,
Are common knowledge
                         here on earth,
where love has all ensnared.

No guts to ***** a meager mea culpa ?

Were you begging me to spare you, man
Trudging on the floor raising your shabby swords
I would still silence you saying, ''Any last words?''
Separating your soul from this soil, despising your wan...

Your blood would flow, your pain would glow
Appearing obvious under my enameled blades
However, I would remain in the reassuring shades
Watching your pride wiggle and wail, hearing you swallow

The shame that would strike you at your utmost.
As soon as you cursed me, I hated you the most
Do not rely on your ideal, this is your ordeal
Your dreaded nightmare, except that it is now real!

Were you begging me to forgive your mistake
I would only whisper that you are now at stake
You did choose to solve this case in your lull
Tell me, were you tortured and was this as dull

As this devouring pain cursing through your body?
Years went by and you ignored my fading name
Uttering in your sleep that I was surely the one to blame
Feel it, tremble under it, this is your deserved agony

You thought it was a sporadic game, dices to roll
You have played with numbers, and you stabbed our love
Livid will turn your face, because soon funeral knells will toll
The poisonous clove will soon sprout, I have an iron hand in my velvet glove

And you will finally fall from your God ****** grace
The yellowish waxy rotten tone of your face will melt
Under the fires of justice that have become scarce
Watch my hand you fed undo the blades from my belt

Any last words, coward, before my rage hits your rib-cage, loafer?
Anything to say, threatened by the horrific scythe, loser
You poor excuse for a man, let alone for a fallacious father
You used to lift me up to the glories of the skies and call me 'my daughter'...

Were you begging me to spare you, begetter
I would turn my heart away from you, rather
This sturdy bone structure of yours handed over to the reaper.
He whom despises mercy to reason deserves neither



I wish I could pretend believing we never saw it coming
But what is the point of keeping your head high
When nothing remains in you, not even the faintest sigh
You are going to expire and yet, not even your lips are moving.

Were you begging me to love you, as you pant
I would tell you that the clock is adamant,
We both are well aware time has now run out
Anything...? -  you have been ruled out.


December, 27, 2013

You walk through the door,
you put the key in the ignition.
Destination:
somewhere you don't wanna go.

Yesterday, you heard from an old friend.
What do you say when your dreams
are coming true from someone else.
What do you say?

Your beliefs start seeping through.
You feel stripped naked on your knees
begging please.

So, I'll just lay here.
Let the memories come back
like a whiplash.
On the floor,seconds pass by
without parachutes and I'm free falling
wounded.

Your insides start breaking apart,
you become someone else.
Unrecognizable reflections.

You start saying these words.
What do you say when you
hurt the ones you love
without meaning to?
Oh, I'm sorry.

You morals start disappearing,
you feel stripped naked
on your knees
begging please.

*So, I'll just lay here.
Let the memories come back
like a whiplash.
On the floor,seconds pass by
without parachutes and I'm free falling
wounded.

I just want to make you gasp and moan
Run out of breath but screaming for more
Treat you like a queen on her throne
Spread your legs and make your spirits soar
It's all so filthy romantic
To you just ***** bedroom talk
Simply playing with semantics
But I'm more than talk I walk the walk
It's not about you and me
Because Lord knows I'm a lost soul
It's about us being we
Because that's what makes me whole
The claw marks up my back
Just the graffiti of passion
Still dressed in black
That's just my fashion
I'm not me unless I'm bleeding
So scratch and bite and tear me open
I'm begging almost pleading
My blood is poetry in motion

I can feel the cold setting in.
Each morning is more bitter and frostbitten than the last.
The air and my thoughts are becoming stale, dry, and unpleasant.
The sun does not warm me anymore.
Like me it seems to have become weary.
The birds are gone.
All life seems to have abandoned this place.
Ice clings to my bedroom window, begging to expire in the warmth of a living room fire.
Smoke rises from the chimneys, covering this world in cold ashes and grey.
A life of color now painted banal and mundane.
I can feel the frozen air seeping in, slowly chilling me to my core.
With every passing night I grow colder and slower.
I have become eternally internally tired.
I end each dream embracing the boreal winds.
Ice evaporates into my thoughts.
I can feel the cold setting in.

Its something I just can't deny
It causes all these tears I cry
The source of all my trust issues
The bane of all the love mis use
This forgiveness that I need    
Forgiveness in my self ,
so please
Inner me I'm begging you
Forgive my faults and burdens     through                                              
These last few years of teenage life
This something I just can't deny
The cause of all the tears i cry
This pain , so much
I don't know why
So inner me I'm begging you
Forgive myself          
And just  accept the truth

This road we walk leaves us begging for answers
Leaves us begging for meaningless words and second chances
When we talk.

The shadows are dark in this crowded city scene
In this corporate hungover world,
You guide me through the seams.

A rose by any other name should sound as sweet,
To give all of it's love away and ask of nothing from me.

Sometimes I wish I saw life through rose colored glasses
Maybe then it’d be easier to deal with all the masses
Life is hard and that’s exactly how it should be
don’t take it for granted or you’ll be left in the dust, right next to me

I wish I didn’t see the bad, I wish I saw only good
there’d be no such thing as tears
No such things as fears
No “Miss Understood”

If I only saw the good in people, places and things,
I’d enjoy even the tragedy that life always brings

I wouldn’t have to think about all the past that someone else has
Or the road they have traveled
I’d welcome them with a smile instead of a metal-woven wall hoping to be unraveled

I wouldn’t have to worry about what you say, if it’s true
I’d only have to look you in the eye with ease and say I believe you
I wouldn’t have to hike up my skirt to wade through your old memories
I wouldn’t have to compress mine down to fit inside my own personality
Luck wouldn’t be rare and happiness would be stapled to your birth certificate
But that’s not how it is, no matter how you choose to see it

You choose to turn away from the reality of life
Turn your face away from the dark and attach it to the light
I wish I was as lucky as you
To look up to the sky and to always see bright blue
But me, I see the rain, I see the clouds
I see the monsters that you try to block out

I see little girls and their dolls with chopped off heads
I see little boys who are afraid to fall asleep in their own beds
I see loving souls that are forced to be ashamed of themselves
and I see thoughts and ideas left on dusty shelves
Sadness behind eyes that I can’t even begin to explain
Those on the streets just begging for change
Whether it be gold coins or the human race
We’re all begging just the same
Mothers who’s arms just couldn’t hold tight enough
Fathers who’s hands just couldn’t work hard enough
Big brothers and big sisters who tried to set an example
Little sisters and little brothers who were nothing but a handful
The more you don’t see, the more I do
I wouldn’t look away even if you wanted me to
The trembling lips retracting their own words
The ears that are longing to hear the unheard

I could see what I want and not think what I don’t
The steed would be parked right outside my front door
The prince or princess would come in smiling
and I would be there at exactly the right place and exactly the right time

There would be only one for each of us and we wouldn’t have to make any choices
The correct door would be marked and we’d hear no misleading voices
The days would always be sunny and night, always calm
There’d be no more shots in the dark and no more lost on the run

Families wouldn’t fight, there would have never been a war
the streets wouldn’t be filled with whoever doesn’t have more
The rent would be paid, our plates would be full
there would be no need to work yourself to the bone

We wouldn’t have to lock our doors at night
and strangers on the road would never be carrying a knife
The only way to get a cut was asking for a piece of pie
and the only reason to cry was getting sand in your eye

I wish the worst thing I had to do was go to bed early
I wish I could just smile and pretend there’s no reason to worry

There’d be no jealousy
There’d be no hate
There’d be no reason to discriminate
Everyone would get what they deserve
Without hearing, “Boy, you’ve got some nerve”

Fairy tales would be labeled as “news” and crime wouldn’t exist
Firsts would be labeled as lasts and you’d marry your first kiss
There’d be no reason to relate to anyone you don’t know
And there wouldn’t be songs about sinking to a new low
If everyone wore rose colored glasses, the city would always look beautiful
And no matter who was sitting next to you, you’d probably say that they’re wonderful
No one would be down to earth, because they’d all be sitting in the clouds
We’d have no deep thinkers because no one would even know how
The past would be a brightly painted picture
with a brush made out of new beginnings and hope
The colors would be described as “great!”
And everyone would be looking through the exact same scope
No one’s past is painted that way, with only bright white light
Some pasts are drawn in pencil and tucked away from others’ sight
Some will be seen by prying eyes whether welcomed or not
Some aren’t even sketched and will never be given another thought
Your past is a part of you, don’t let anyone try to take that away
No matter if you wish they would, like I do, some days
Sometimes it hurts, even if it’s not you who made mistakes
But remember, that’s the beauty in it, the calm after the quake
Those rose colored lenses are laced with expectations and fairy tales
They let you see the good in people, even if it’s not there
The hard part isn’t wearing them, it’s taking them off that’s the challenge
Just know that it’s a risk, either way, if you have them.

Sometimes I think I have the power to switch them on and off
and I’m getting a little worn down from always feeling so lost
So those glasses I set on the table, I’ll pick them up again
Because I don’t want to see any more
You go grab your pair, and we’ll rename what they call “folklore”.

when you walked away you forgot to let go of my hand
and you took me with you
but I was not beside you,
I was behind you, begging to be seen
I was forgotten
the worst feeling isn't being left behind
it's being left along the way
when you're sitting right beside someone and they can't see you
they never saw you
you're yelling at him to let go
but he can't hear you,
he never heard you.
he only listens to himself
and he wonders why the only people who surround him
are those who only like him
for the shallow things
floating at the top of his throat
there's his answer.
you wanted to dive into his soul and latch to his lung
pinching whatever breath he had in him
reminding him that sometimes
it's easier to breathe with someone beside you,
someone inside you
he coughed and spat you out
but kept your taste a memory
for when he was craving something sweet
and now all you hear from him are whispers in the dark
when he's lonely
and has a craving
you know that cravings don't last
you know that neither will you
but something inside you,
wanted him to be happy
because if you could just make one person happy,
maybe you would be too
but this is the hard way
to learn that isn't true.

I'd say I 'miss you'
But can that possibly
convey the true
sentiment
of how I feel
each day?

I say 'no way'
A torment
is laid
A sacrifice
that must be made
This road before
I've paved
but this time
with new waves

No longer the waves
of goodbye
Yes, it's true
before we tried
Tears were cried
A mountain climbed
But alas,
it was not time
The bells hath not chimed

What is due
is due in due time
And good times
are what await
While I sit here and wait
Though my wait is over
For no more
will I second guess
I know who's best
Forget the rest
It is you I will hold
against my chest

A treasure chest
but not filled
with cliche jewels
and like items
No, instead
filled with what is
truly priceless
What money can't buy us
What each of us
is searching for
Longing for
Like a knock upon the door
or a child wanting more
Not prepared
for what's in store
Like one who's out
begging and poor

For so long
on the 'other' side
But not this time
for that time
has ended
and in the end
all wrong is now right
because I have you
right by my side

No longer that fear
that I kept inside
Wanting to run
Go away and just hide
But no matter
how much I try
(which I admit isn't much)
I can not hide
what I have inside
for you
Yes, it's true
A love that is true
Complete in its virtue
An everlasting truth
So cozy and cute
Like an old couple
smushed together
in our favorite coffee booth

But no toll
at this booth
More like
a 'kissing' booth
A carnival fair
Cotton candy
in the air
Along with the
ever-present
and ever-lasting aroma
of love
that together
we share
Hand-in-hand
Sit or stand
and into each other's
eyes we stare

To others
may not seem fair
But we're too love struck
to care
Our hearts
with each other share
A caring so deep
That a trench
in the sea
still couldn't possibly
in any way effectively
convey what we see
What we feel
What's inside you
and inside me
How we
just 'BELIEVE'
I feel it
Don't you?
I know you do
You feel it too
We've known for so long
What we now know is true

So, here at the end
our story begins
An epic journey
of sadness, heartache and loss
But the price must be paid
And in full payment we made
Day after day
But the cycle we break
Having cost us the cost

All that sh*t we just tossed
No more carrying of weight
Mark your calendars
This date
Because the waiting
is gone
I can finally see straight
Warm inside
Feeling great
And with one foot
First step I take
As we take the plunge
I would dive off of the Sun
or forever I'd run
Do all that must be done
You are now
and always have been
my number one
Never a contest
to be won
It was yours from day one
And will be forever
till time is done

I love you.

Twisting thoughts of a bed left yearning
Stretching across sheets that thirst for a touch
Embracing blankets that cover your naked body
Taunting ****** outlines begging for me to clutch
Beckoning pillows call out as they frame a pretty face
Wandering thoughts as a dimming light begins the learning

Twisting, I shed the clothes left yearning
Stretching sheets smile as they accept my touch
Embracing blankets warm me with the heat of your body
Taunting shapes shift from two to one under a lover's clutch
Beckoning lips begin to prepare for the reception of your beautiful face
Wandering hands of ours begin their journey of ****** learning

Hold the universe inside my palms
I alone understand it is but a solitary dream
Between stars I make out memories
Connecting dots, forming images ingrained in my mind

I look in the unfilled depths of sky where suns have yet to burn out, remaining eternally preserved in an explosion of beauty lightyears away wondering about humans peering at their ambience through time and space

This isolated reflection I witness change in compliance with the predetermined path set in motion by the astrological forces of nature
Unstable
My hands must be trembling
Scared of sorrow and frustration they undeniably confront

The fear of the uncertain, the inconsistency of the unapologetic future awaiting
Solemn visions of an imperfect outcome, enough torment to push strength a bit too far over the edge

Fragile balance of peace and chaos resting within cupped desperate hands
Ignorant, the quickness of extinction among synapses in the cavern lighting the entirety of my skull
Pinned under familiar self-induced delusions
Galaxies silently begging for permanent freedom
Such fate to let their wishes dangle ignored
Urges within bursting, released
That moment I also give in
Forcefully close my fingers into a fist
Instantly crushing wild constellations scattered around my consciousness
A great deal more fragile than realized

Once unshakable destiny budged a millimeter by one lone act of rebellion
Against a powerful pull the majority pretend is rigid
Elusive control by way of self-combustion of life's temporary illusions
Proof one touch can fell worlds of fantasy

Founded on fiction

Or maybe

Reality

1) At age 8 you realize that someone you look up to might not be the angel they pretend to be. Sometimes you’ll have to hide in your closet, crying, because you can’t stand to hear his yelling anymore. Your sister will hold your hand and sing you lullabies as you fall asleep to your father repeatedly pushing his girlfriend into a wall.

2) At age 9 you find out that blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Just because someone isn’t your family, it doesn’t mean that they won’t love you the same. And when that person leaves, it will never be a final goodbye, even when the thought of your father brings tears to their eyes.

3) At age 10 you learn that no matter the age, children can be evil. They’ll put gum in your hair and push you down on the playground, just because you enjoy reading. When you come home crying to your mother, she’ll squeeze you tight and whisper “You’ll show them one day, my darling”.

4) At age 11 you come to the conclusion that women are very beautiful and have soft lips. You’re scared to admit it at first, but love is love is love. When your stepdad catches you kissing your best friend, he’ll forbid you from seeing her. But nothing will be able to stop you from realizing who you are and what you like.

5) At age 12 you’ll understand that leaving everything you’ve known can be the hardest thing to do. You’ll scream and cry and punch walls when your parents tell you that you are switching schools. You’ll lock yourself in your room and throw things to the floor, telling them how much you hate them and praying that somehow, someway, they will change their minds.

6) At age 13 you’ll understand that leaving everything you’ve known can be the best thing to happen to you. Despite people making fun of you for being the new girl with the funky haircut, you find a group of people who just get you and pull you out of your shell. You’ll start acting and singing and spend your weekends at the beach with some of the greatest people you’ll ever meet. You’ll find yourself for the first time in your life.

7) At age 14 you meet the man who will change your life forever. Your friends are his friends and you love the feeling of falling asleep on his shoulder. People tell you how much he loves you, he tells you how much he loves you, and you finally feel the sort of completeness you’ve been searching for since your father left you.

8) At age 15 you see the devil for the first time in someone who tells you that you are the love of their life. When he pushes you to the ground, you can’t help but think of when you were 8. You’ll fight and breakup and kiss and makeup, an endless cycle that’ll leave you completely drained. But after the third hospital visit in a year, and a night with him that leaves you scared of people ever touching you romantically, you find the courage to leave him for good. No man is with worth the anguish and heartbreak and hatred.

9) At age 16 you learn how to find yourself again. You cut your hair, join the cheerleading team, and toss all the toxic people out of your life. You let yourself try new things and experience a life without the grip of a malicious man holding you down.

10) At age 16 you’ll also learn how devastating loss can be. A wall of blackness will drown you in class when the principal tells you your friend is gone for good. You’ll blame yourself for not being there when he needed you and you’ll blame yourself for never recognizing how much trouble he was actually in. At the funeral, you tell his brother and father and mother you’re sorry and even though you’re not crying (because you haven’t shed a tear since your ex retched your innocence from you) you truly mean it. His voice will always be in your head and you’ll see him everywhere you go. You’ll learn that great men will forever live on.

11) At age 17 you learn the meaning of true friendship. It can come in any shape, size or form. It’ll come in the social studies teacher who taught you what it means to be independent and enjoy it. It’ll come in the friend you’ve had since 7th grade but never realized was your soulmate and best friend until you spend an entire month traveling together. It’ll even come in the stupid grey and white cat your family got after the previous one died (at least this one will fall asleep next to you).

12) You’re 18 years old now and things aren’t always the best. Some days are worse than the others and you feel like giving up completely. But you relish in the fact that you are getting an education at your number one school and have found a group of people who make you feel at home even though you’re 7 hours away. You never thought you’d make it this far; never believed that you had it in you to get away after years of begging to do so. Every trial and tribulation has helped you become who you are today. Every tear, every smile, every experience has led you to this exact moment. Take advantage of this beautiful privilege and never lose sight of what you want. You are a powerful woman who doesn’t need a man to help her believe this. You will do great things, just keep your head high and always remember the little island and people that helped raise you.

I miss you every day, as I pretend you never existed
It's the only way I feel ok, but my mind is twisted
I love you, I always will
I just hope feeling alright doesn't always rely on these pills.

I'm not ready to move on, my unconscious clearly shows me that
I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know you'll be there
and when I wake up, I just stare
blankly into the light of my clock, trying not to feel
disappointed in the fact that you'll never be here.

All night, I run from sleep to avoid those dreams I hate
but in the morning I scratch at the door of unconsciousness
begging it to let me back in,
because those dreams are my only escape.

There's so much to gain through pain
The struggles bring about an irrevocable strength
Although at times we lose our fight
Each dawn beckons begging us to rise
Courage is the ability to see that so much more could be
Regardless of the troubles that elude you to believe in impossibilities
Before you start cursing your cares away
Remember to look ahead to see what is truly at stake
Tomorrow is a new day

I got out of bed with a bit of uneasiness,
I decided that it's been too long since I've written.. I think the last time I did was last week
...or the week before ?
I looked at the date, and make me twitch,
Made a tear, or two fall
Made my heart break in a few more pieces.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE MET ? Figuratively that is ..
DID YOU KNOW, that you've broken me into minute pieces ??
Pieces unable to be detected by microscopes ??
Pieces that can't be felt or touched with your naked hand?
DID YOU KNOW ?
No you don't.
You've been too busy missing her every second, like you did with me.
Been too busy upset with her, like you were with me.
Been too busy telling her how much you like her like you did with me.
HECK, YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY WORSHIPPING HER ANGELIC FACE, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY BEGGING HER, TO SEE HER FULL BODY, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY telling her of your childhood, and how you missed your dad
..too busy telling her how suicidal you were, and how placed a gun to your head.
And you're probably too busy, telling her of me.
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY, SITTING, FORMULATING THE LIES YOU'LL TELL ME NEXT, AS TO WHY YOU'VE HAD NO TIME FOR ME : "I was helping my mom with the Christmas tree" "Someone was using my phone" "Sorry I was sleeping" - (WAIT DIDN'T YOU SPEND NIGHTS UP WITH ME TELLING ME YOU HAVE INSOMNIA ? ) "Sorry I was out" "Sorry I was on a call" . AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE TRUE, I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMOTIONAL BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH 'I'M SORRYS' . TOO MUCH EXCUSES, TOO MUCH LIES.
And I'm sorry that I made a mistake and liked you so much. I'm sorry for letting you taking up my phone space,
With pictures of you that an artist would find hard to formulate.
Sorry you were my screensaver.
Sorry I told my sister about you ..yeah I told her how adorable you were
And I told her you were my ''soon to be boyfriend" ...
And I'm sorry that I pushed another into the fire because of you
Yeah I'm sorry I pushed him aside.
But karma's a ***** and I knew it would get me, I told you it would AND I TOLD YOU IN THE END I'D BE HURT, and you told me no, and I would be.
Darling being replaced doesn't bother me, it doesn't make my bones crack,
It doesn't make my heart cry ..
It's the mixed signals.
Today you're all flirty with me, tomorrow you're calling me names.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ?!
I know you no longer need be, and to be honest you never did,
So be honest with me and let me leave you alone ??

I'm also sorry for listening to your lies.
I should've known though, by the signs you gave,
"Let's be friends with benefits?"
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D GO SOMEWHERE ?? F.W.B, WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D BE TOGETHER ONE DAY ? F.W.B, WHEN YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME MORE THAN YOU SHOULD'VE ??
Special to be used then thrown aside ?
What did you want ? A piece of me ?
I should've have know when you said I was special, after I said you were my "soon to be boyfriend "
And I'm sorry you'll never get to see this.
But I hope you suffer from your mistakes
And rot in the arms of any other you come across,
Because no one will EVER adore you like I DID.

I don’t know why
These feelings I feel
Are so strong
Stronger than raging seas
During the thunderstorm that
Is my attraction to her
I wish I could look at her
As just another pretty girl
But I don’t think she can ever be
Anything less than the ray of sun
Shining through the darkest clouds
Making my days better
Every time I am graced by her Presence
But why does she do this
Steals my breath with a glance
Leaving me gasping
And begging for another look
Mind making a mess of itself
And a fool of me
As words attempt to leave my mouth
Hoping for even the smallest conversation  
But those conversations will be few
And I know it
this girl would never fall
For this world so different from her own
Tattooed
Pierced
Hopeless romantic Skater boy
Is no match for
This pure hearted flower
But sometimes I hang on
To the thought that maybe
Just maybe
That this opposit can attract
But I know
the graceful beauty
Won’t be mine
And I’ll be ok with that
As long as I can call her
A friend

You flash me that smirk I know way too well.
One that I have tried to shield myself from but have failed miserably.

I thought avoiding you was moving on.
I thought being with someone else was moving on.

But when you walked back into my life and decided to tell me you miss me, I was reeled back in.

Your voice, your laugh, the colour of your eyes, the prominent shape of your jawline; they were all my thoughts could circle.
Everything I thought I had forgotten about you came in and drowned me, reminding me of all the suppressed feelings I tried not to show.

You were my temptations.
And a hug turned into begging for a kiss.
And begging for a kiss turned into explaining I had a boyfriend.
And explaining I had a boyfriend turned into wondering, if it really came down to it, who would I choose?

But then my brain starts to kick in and tell me no.
It tells me what could have been.
What should have been.
What wouldn't have been.

Freedom dies with you!
What are you fighting for ?

This is your generation people,
I'm begging you; don't go to war.

Freedom dies with you!
you can't fight for peace!

I'm begging you, don't go to war.

Not in the name of liberation!

Not in the the name of humanitarianism!

Not in the name of freedom!

Not in the name of free trade!

I'm begging you: Don't go to war!

There's eight dead in Mississippi.
My hair makes me look like a hippy.
It's awfully cold for the month of June.
I hope it warms up soon.

The skinny chef is serving something strange.
Benjamins are out begging for change.
The shaggy barber gives a skinhead a trim.
The chunky trainer tells me how to get slim.

There's attacks in the UK.
I haven't anything to do today.
I think I'll walk along the railroad.
See how far it goes.

The skinny chef is serving something strange.
Benjamins are out begging for change.
The shaggy barber gives a skinhead a trim.
The chunky trainer tells me how to get slim.

A young boy drowned in the river.
My girl's touch makes my body quiver.
Superteams ruined in NBA.
But that's okay.

The skinny chef is serving something strange.
Benjamins are out begging for change.
The shaggy barber gives a skinhead a trim.
The chunky trainer tells me how to get slim.

I'm not comfy in my streetclothes.
I'd like to be wrapped up in silk.
I poured a big bowl of cherrios .
But I don't have any milk.
Ooohh
I don't have any milk.
Oh no no
I don't have any milk.

Standing on the Precipice of Time....

Watching the birds fall from the sky...

Life is getting lifeless... listless, unruly

And who or what is killing the bees?

Flowers that have lost their fragrance...

Words that have double meanings -

Life is filled with uncertainty - surely.

I observe the mountains as they melt

Into the ****** sea

Fish are floating - not swimming

Animals disappearing while lifeless, lonely trees

Seem to glare at the sun

Begging for air - no oxygen to spare

What has happened to this paradise of ours?

Did we fall asleep and slumber too much

While wasting the hours?

Did we think it would last forever

While we tended it not...

Consuming, consuming - eating & drinking

Leaving it all in a pile to rot

i can't remember when i last heard your voice
and i need you to know that i miss you.
but i don't think the words alone are enough.

i miss you.

I MISS YOU LIKE A BLIND MAN'S BULLSEYE.

I MISS YOU THE WAY A POOR MAN MISSES A ROOF OVER HIS HEAD.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE RUMBLING IN HIS UNFED STOMACH.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE COLD ACHY SPACE IN THIS HALF-EMPTY BED.

I MISS YOU LIKE EVERY POEM I ALMOST WROTE BUT FORGOT ABOUT BEFORE I FOUND A PEN TO WRITE IT DOWN.

I MISS YOU LIKE A FORGOTTEN BIRTHDAY.

I MISS YOU THE WAY JANUARY MISSES GREEN.

I MISS YOU LIKE MY FATHER'S BEDTIME STORIES.

I MISS YOU LIKE THE LAST TRAIN HOME.

MY CHEST IS CAVING. MY LUNGS ARE SHRIVELING,
AND WITH MY LAST BREATH I WILL SCREAM
THROUGH SPACE AND TIME - I MISS YOU.

IT'S TRUE, WHAT ALL THOSE POETS SAY ABOUT THE SUN & MOON - THAT THEY ARE GOING TO KEEP CHASING EACH OTHER FOR ETERNITY, THAT THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ONE ANOTHER'S TOUCH. SO I AM SENDING UP VENDING-MACHINE PRAYERS TO A MAY-OR-MAY-NOT-BE-THERE GOD, BEGGING HIM TO CLOSE THE GAP BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND THE SPACES BETWEEN MINE.

- m.f.

I am a guy.
Just a guy.
Not an "ummm...technically."
or "biologically female."
Not: "used to be a girl",
"Thinks she's a guy",
"Doesn't dress like a boy",
"What she got between her legs?",
"Wears makeup",
"Doesn't pass"-

Gender norms literally **** people.

Every "I'm sorry" is just a peeling paint job
over an intercity wall,
no one really wants to look at,
or fix,
or admit to.

This is not a problem I brought on myself.
My gender is not a problem,
You are the problem.

I'm not running from what's inside me anymore,
I know what's inside me,
I've made peace with what's inside me
It's the same old, same old,
with a new set of words
you ******* can't wrap your tongues around.

I don't care if you slipped up,
Fix it.
I don't care if you didn't know I was a boy,
Fix it.
I don't care about your cis guilt, cis excuses, or cis ignorance
Fix it.

Because you don't know the age limit
not to be Emily anymore.
The hundreds of dollars it costs.
Every: "Hello Ladies",
every "Sorry Miss",
every "What can I do for you Ma'm",
every "You'll always be my niece-"
"My daughter",
"My girlfriend".

The cis questions,
cis answers,
cis stares,
cis disinterest in my ******* feelings.

I am not going to hold your hand
and politely explain to you that
I
AM
NOT
MY
GENITALS.
That's your job cis people.
Fix it.

Every misgendering is peeking through the veil
of how people really perceive you.
It's all just a game they play along
with in your presence.
Going along with a trance they think
you've put yourself in.

They don't really see you,
When all it takes is
changing a single word
in one ******* sentence.
That would be no inconvenience to them,
But makes or breaks the world to you.
Covering it up with a strained smile,
Lying that it's fine.

Is it even a question that over 70%
of trans people **** themselves,
as opposed to 1% of the general population.
It makes so much ******* sense to me.

Because trans means knowing
I will never be properly gendered by a stranger,
Unless I get a **** I don't ******* want.
Being trans is waking up everyday
with the guarantee you can not
use the bathrooms in public.

Can't be called a guy
Hearing: "Emmett? That's a weird girl's name."
Having people ignore you
When you're on the verge of tears
begging them not to see
your soft curves and small chest and skirt
as one big sign that says 'SHE'.

Then being told:
"It's not their fault,
people just don't know."
"You have to be more understanding,
more patient -
be nicer about it."

How 'bout applying that to yourself?
Don't tell me I have to be kinder
about being denied my identity everyday.
Don't tell me to shut up about a system
so ingrained in my brain
I still misgender myself.

It's gaslighting,
A society denying reality
And telling us we are the confused ones.
The crazy ones.
For veering outside these neat little boxes
ahem, cages
of made up rules
they've tried to lock us into.

The consequences are absolutely deadly.
Is it any question
That people bleed themselves dry
Get drunk, get high
just to escape it all?

Then get thrown into a 'health care system'
for attempted suicide,
get misgendered by the nurses and doctors
who ignore why they're there in the first place.
Then denied hormones for their
'mental instability'.

We are thrown into a world of glass ceilings
and imaginary borders
with all too real consequences.

Make no mistake,
We are not dangers to ourselves.
You absolutely put us here.

Blame it on whatever generation or
individual you want,
but we are all participating in cisnormativity
if you are not constantly unlearning.

If you equate genitals with gender,
Ask what the baby's going to be -
As if it ******* matters -
Don't think to ask pronouns and get it wrong,
See every character, every face on TV
that doesn't look like ours,
have everything catered
to the way you turned out to be,

That's privilege is our danger.
The gaps in judgement
and consideration for our situations
is where we live
and our destined to fall.

Because when someone hits you with a car
It doesn't matter of they didn't see  you,
didn't mean to,
have never done it before,
are the nicest person in the world -
They ****** up.
And it still hurts.

Sure, if they meant to
it would be worse,
But I'm through with this rhetoric
about intent.

Don't think this is too drastic a comparison,
Gender norms literally kills people.
Every mark of 'self-harm' on our arms
Is a scar society put there.
Every trans suicide is a ******.

The question isn't why
we are killing ourselves.
It's how the ****
are we still alive.

Dear Mrs. Nagley

Oh my dearest mother-in-law,
Did Brandon my king write you?
I am in my utmost state of agitation,
I don’t know what to do, I’m going “non compos mentis”.


Did he left a letter for me before he go?
He said he’ll be in my arms for less than a week,
Oh my goodness it’s been more than 2 weeks!
Oh, this throe is burying me alive in my grave.


Mother-in-law, Oh, mother-in-law,
I am in extreme dejection,
Oh where is my soulmate, my king, my all?
Where is he, please tell me where is he.


Please assure me nothing bad happened,
Oh this eyes shed bucket of tears,
They’re swollen and I am so weary,
Please mother-in-law, tell me what’s going on.

Sincerely your daughter-in-law
Earl Jane Nagley
September 27th, 1876



(Mrs. Nagley's response letter)

Dearest daughter in law Jane........

He left over two week's ago, didst he not correspond?
Mineself either hath no way to knoweth;
I'm worried mineself, me and his father,
We hast not heard one word from ourn son, dearest daughter.

Do not fret Jane, maby mine son's cruise ship is late
If he doth get there, telleth him to write his mum;
I'm crying now from this stress, there art no word's to calm,
Me and his father heard a storm was coming in, I'm anxious.

We need to hath faith mine son wilt maketh it.
Maby the captain's running late, maby the ocean's shaking;
Mine baby is strong, as I prayest he mayest hold on to the thunderous lightning that's hitting the dawn, I want mine son.

Im on mine knee's now, begging God to bringeth him to thee
If he dost not maketh it to thee Jane, mine daughter and sweet;
I wouldst not knoweth what to do without thy king, mine son!
I'm beseeching Yahweh's mercy, mayest god protect his ship run.

Your Mother in law, Juna Nagley............
October 9th, 1876


ONE WEEK LATER MRS. NAGLEY WRITES ONE LAST LETTER TO HER DAUGHTER IN LAW JANE NAGLEY ON THE NEWS OF BRANDON........


Dearest daughter in law Jane.........

Me and mine husband hath received news on mine son, and thine king, I'm heartbroken to telleth thee, but the ship succumbed to the storm's ferocious sting; I prayed and begged to god, yet mine son no longer couldst cling, he passed at twenty-seven. The front half of the vessel broke into many pieces, the lightning struck the sail as tis all the men were flung west and east: Mine baby found some wood to grasp onto, though shark's were around, as ******* they made there move. He was taken by the man-eater's and sunk into the deep blue. O' how saddened I am, O' how I miss mine son, this ****'s mine soul and break's me in ways more than one...... Here is the letter mine son left when they found him floating by the blood of his vest.
Sincerely mom ...
October 16, 1876

( Brandon's letter to his wife Jane Nagley)

Dear amour', I canst not write thee much, mine limbs art bleeding out from the shark bites and cuts. Mine ship went down, as tis this is God's will, please if thou shalt get this letter please knoweth thou art mine queen, mine body shalt be renewed in the presence of the Lord's feet; thou art not losing me, remember? No goodbye's, if I'm to goeth now and if I'm to die, smileth for me lass, drieth thine eye's; I'll meeteth thee in the third celestial, i'll meet thee there.... By the pearly gate's. On cloud nine.

Thy king and soulmate, always and forever

Brandon Cory nagley........
September 23rd, 1876........




©Brandon nagley \Earl Jane Nagley duo
©Lonesome poets poetry
©Hari-reyna incorporated

i slap my hands together
& point them to the sky
please god if you could
deliver her tonight
jesus what the **** am i doing
praying to clouds when my faith is in ruins
begging every blinking star
please don't keep us far apart
pleading with that black abyss
i need to feel her hands & lips
but she probably forgot i exist...

Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.
They talk about it as if depression sweeps them in its arms that they are so used to it.
They talk about it, but never realise that they have mistaken their sadness for depression.
But don’t they know that depression is not sadness? Depression is not crying?

Depression is that shadow that only sticks to you when you are happy and in a bright place, and would refuse to let go of you until you are in the dark, embracing it.

Depression is that hard smack you get across the face when you are laughing with your friends, that leaves you in shock for a few seconds until you realise that no matter how hard you laugh and no matter how many happy tears you have shed, you are still empty. You are still a mess.

Depression is that anaesthetic you get when you are in pain, that leaves you in a ***** tub facing a hateful mirror eying that razor and begging God that you have the strength to feel, only to be able to move a limb and make your delicate skin meet the crude razor. But you still fail. Because you aren’t sad. You aren’t wretched. You are empty. You are numb.

Depression is that exhaustion that is in love with your body and jealous of your anxiety so it always picks a fight with it. When you are spending time with anxiety and trying your best to get your work done but feeling as if it is not good enough so you try and try, depression bursts in and pleads that you come with it. And you do. You go back to bed, wrap your cold blanket around you and trace the cracks in your gloomy ceiling, watching your life flash right in front of you and you can’t do anything about it.

Depression is that smile that is planted on your face when you have written a perfect ****** poem on your skin using your favourite razor, that makes you trace your shaking fingers over it feeling so proud of your poem. Feeling so proud because your blood that is seeping out is applauding you and telling you that you wrote a perfect piece.

Depression is getting into an argument with the one you love the most but once they reach the edge and start saying what is meant to be hurtful words, your only response is silence because you know your feelings are not valid and your words are full of *******. So you keep it in. You never open up and you never let them know how hurtful they could be.

At the end of time
The rich man shalt be begging;
And the beggar shalt be
First in line.



©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poets Poetry

Calcified age lines,
driftwood was once a shiny ship:
hallowed bow, curved spine, dead.

Jaundiced and gaunt didn’t appear
until after the fact,
break a bottle on its back
because I'm facedown,
dead drunk, waves of saliva breaking
desperately against the asphalt.
Tree branches grappling together in the wind
are handsome
like a handshake
in a bad poem
but they're just trees, just wood.
I am slowburning like an all natural cigarette.

Jaunt through the woods. Drinking spot.
Acrid friends.
Warm bonfire, I want it to be more like a movie.  
Davy Jones my sorrows. Sitting on a log.
Rock bottom and I’m sitting on a log.
Weird girl comes over, she’s artsy and dyslexic.
I hate that word. Artsy. *******.
She asks if I’m okay and I say yeah.

At home,
exhume pillowcase from *****,
futon forget-me-nots
some thick haired little boy
had curled up to die inside;

Post embrace.
Crashed; a solemnly sinking ship captain
with skin peeling like lottery tickets
too leather-faced to shout anything but
TEN THOUSAND THUNDERING TYPHOONS
as he goes down
with his cracked nymphal exoskeleton
wipes the fire off his brow
he is burning like an all natural cigarette
but phoenixes are not legends
they are metaphors,
and that is enough difference for me.

The sea is salty and stinging
and they say
a smooth one
never made a skillful sailor
but you cannot build a ship
out of driftwood,
just watch one deteriorate into it.

Maybe that’s the point.

For three years,
I found myself in an oozing freefall
base jumping as I carved through the air
like an anchor
parachute made of somber bottle twist
carved cork and microscope slide,
salt stained shoes,
brackish eyes
distort flashes of organic sunlight
thick necked forays into begging for fare
at deserted train stations
lashed out at friends with bullwhip arms
I couldn’t reach my own back
freefalling, base camp
welling up to greet me
from the depths of a tar pit
but the thing about rock bottoms is:
if they don’t destroy you
they give you something solid to stand on.

And if you leap back up, spread eagle
Like a petrified starfish, swim through that tar pit
that is ocean, the warm hovel of under the covers,
Bonfire, whiskey in the back of an old sailors throat,
All natural cigarette,
You can be born again. I promise.

Depression is not sadness, it is the absence of hope
And it is numb. Reduces us to ashes and drowns us all at once.
But it waxes and it wanes, burns itself out if you let it.

And from that flame, scattered splinters in the ocean,
The shedding of my cracked, nymphal exoskeleton,
I understood the impermanence and necessity of flailing tendrils
White hot curling up a mainmast like a handshake
Wet flesh in the womb of moment between sleep and wake,
Breath slipping away like low tide
Gasping for air until it’s easier to ****
Oxygen out of the saltwater in your lungs
Pain killed a boy and made a man

Watch a phoenix **** a baptism
Violently conjure steam into existence
Just for it to disappear, watch them smile.
You’ll understand.

Its back,
And I wish I could say
For one night only,
But the forecast shows
A messy week ahead of me.

Every day
The sun will burn bright
And a cool wind will
Bite my cheeks.

Every night
The sun will set
Like God dropped a bowling ball
And storm clouds
Will come rolling in.

The thunder will be deafening
With no lightning
To illuminate the blackness.
The rain will come in
Big, heavy drops
All at once.

No gradual crescendo.
No calming patter on rooftops.
Only a roar at my window
That will ****** me
To open it.

In the rumble
I can hear a whisper
Begging me to open
The floodgates and let the rain
Come rushing into my room.

Let it rise
Up the walls
Until I'm kissing the ceiling
Then sink to my bed,
Feeling content with my efforts.

I wrap the covers
Around me and lay my head down,
Passive to the water
Filling my lungs.
Comfortable in my
Burial at sea.

Don't worry though,
My room is still dry
And the window is closed.
But the latches are loose
And I'm not quick to repair.

it's too late to fret
about decisions made
and ties cut, past tense.
it's hard to see it
without the glaring minutiae
of my demise.
I'm scanning the walls
for a change of subject-
Polaroids and butterfly carcasses,
city skyline sketches
and old cigarette advertisements
in gilt gold frames;
satisfy yourself.

my mind is saturated
with degenerate cogitation-
a stew of pantheons
and painstaking nihilism.
my bones are brittle
and begging to break
and my eyes are growing heavy,
with the weight of it all.

Cold case lover
How I loved you so!
You always mattered
But,
You
Never
Believed me!
You were my every desire
You were everything to me!

Looking through your eyes
Jaded with jealousy and envy
You laid your hands upon me
Acting out
Your emotional
And
Bitter pain

“Why were you so mean spirited”?
“Who messed with your mind”?
“How can you kneel before me, now?”
Pleading me
To forgive you
As
You bawl, your eyes out

Your relentless begging
Over and over
You
Keep playing mind games, with me!
Begging me for mercy
To come back,
One,
Last
Time

With my swollen eyes,
Broken bones,
Twisted up, insides
My heart is torn!
“Are you a dead man walking”?
“Do you not ‘feel’ no more”?
“Will I get to see tomorrow’s sunrise”?
If,
I stay another day
With you

Playing Russian roulette with my life
I am terrified, I am petrified!
My eyes are blind,
My heart too forgiving!
But,
I am not leaving

“Will I become a cold case ******, one day?"
I wonder...
At the hands of my own stupidity!
“What will you do on that day, dear lover?"
“Will you lie and be deceitful?"
“Will you hide things?"
Just like
You did, from me!

Will you ‘vow’ devotedly
You did it
All
In the name of ‘Love?'
"Will you brag about,
Your ‘bitter sweet victory?"
Open wounds,
Bleeding soul
Release me free
From this man’s betrayal!

It all starts like a brick,
heavy,
shifting in your head.
You wish it'd just be lightning quick,
but it often tends to stay instead.

It makes you question everything,
No, you're not dead.
It's all in your head.
Just go back to bed.
By the way, you can't fix your problem with a med.

It's a cry
It's a scream
It's a begging self-philosophy.
I hold it up with a lie.
If it were a dream,
it wouldn't feel so real to me.

A storm in your mind,
all the creatures combine,
building up pressure,
they'll say that you're fine.
But that's not true,
they will lie to you,
then say there is nothing they can do.
They will fake,
your mind will bake.
It's not a feeling you can shake.
A lot is at stake.
I know.
I know where you go.
Digging yourself a dark, lonely hole.
Scratching out death, is your goal.
My migraine, is like a permanent stain.
Killing me; driving you insane.
I count the days like a prisoner in a cage.
I know how it feels, I still stand upon that stage.
Trying to withstand the rage,
and flip page by page,
but you can't even engage.
Since I was a kid,
it was no secret what the pain did,
yet I never hid.
I would just explode,
implode,
and be the **** you'd discover on the road,
maybe one day they will find a code.

And we all walk a lane,
for those who suffered this pain,
the agony of the grain.
That mysteriously grows in our brain.