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Eve K Oct 2022
The burn I feel in my chest when the thoughts of leaving you, is like no other.
You're great, sisters, father, nephew and mother
I cry tears, tears of joy, tears of sorrow but it still hurts. One more moment I wish for more.

But I must keep growing, and my future is away.
I'm scared, I'm fearful but I cannot stay.
I must go onto new things.
My heart for a different country it sings.
I wish I could pack you all up and take you with me.
But your lives are here, I know, I can see.

The memories I carry, I'll carry overseas
The excitement that awaits buzzing in my brain like a swarm of bees
I'm hopeful for once, Thanks to all of you
My heart is no longer heavy, I can see more than blue.

We aren't gone, just a call away
I wish I could take you all with me, but my destiny's not to stay.
With my heart wide open, I love you all
******* my sunshine, next time I see you, you'll be so tall

To the moon and back around.
When I message you'll be sleep a sound.
But you'll wake up the morning after next
To an excited, happy, single text.
I love you my family, I love you a lot
I'll be laughing, I'll be crying, Because you, my family is what I've got
Moving overseas soon. At least it feels very real. To start a life elsewhere. <3 <3 My family have supported me over the past few years and we have grown closer that I ever thought. I love them all so dearly, my quirky little family.
Eve K Jun 2022
I'm surfing, along the coastline.
The waves pulling me in, my strength pushing me out.
Music in one ear, shouting in the other.
I breathe, a breath of salty air. It settles in my lungs and I choke.
Sometimes the salt can clear the alveoli and make it easier to breathe,
But not today.

Today the air is heavy. Clouds pour down single droplets but when altogether, it is a storm. The wind howls, burning my ears. Whispering that it's all too much.

I crave a fall into the ocean, pulled out to sea. It's become too much and I'm drowning.
But I'm not drowning. I float. I float with tears mixing into the salty water. I can feel the undercurrent begging me to come down to it so it can pin me down to the sea bed where I can hold my last breath and breath again.
But it's not breathing it's drowning and the thought makes me thrash around and I panic.
So instead, I panic on top of the water, thrashing and jerking around desperately trying not to drown.

The skies will become clear again. The stormy skies will reveal the blue which is always there. The stars are still shining underneath the despairing clouds. They are always there, just hidden at times.

All I have to do is breathe with the waves and stay afloat till the storm goes away.
over the past few years, I have experienced so many things as a nursing student working in a rest home and now the hospital. There's days, weeks, months where I struggle. The emotional overload of having to see the worst positions people are in. Sometimes it's hard to find hope again in these times. Especially when surrounded by death and despair and dying. It's not going to get easier but that's why I become more resilient. But it's also important to take moments when things are too tough to just sit with the feelings. Otherwise I will drown.
Eve K Mar 2022
It's a tale as old as time,
Like a fine wine that's aged.
Getting more bitter, rather than sweeter.

I look in the mirror. My reflections stares back at me.
The edges blur and fizzle, waiting to reveal, to see.
The face in the mirror resembles my face, only less clear.
Instead she looks at me, eyes wide with fear.
She snarls her nose, growls and hisses.
I look back, in time, she reminisces.
About the days we would share the same face.
About a time, we lived in the same place.

Now she shouts, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I scream, she continues to haunt.
Why don't you like me? What's so wrong?
YOU ARE WEAK, I SHOULD BE STRONG.

I look away, count to three.
Ground my feet, think of me.
I am not weak.
I look at her again. I am NOT weak,
I say with a look so bleak.
YOU ARE she judges,
JUST LOOK AT YOU, she begrudges.

I bite my nail, look away again.
I try to hide the pain.
The girl in the reflection laughs and chortles
YOOU ARE FEEBLE, just like all mortals.

I AM NOT! I scream. I AM ME AND WHO ARE YOU TO SAY?
THAT I AM JUST SOMEBODIES PRAY?
But look at you, getting defensive against your own reflection
You could say it's merely a deflection,
Of your self worth
You might as well be a still birth.
You bring no value to this world.
She spits the words, lips curled.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU TOO.
OH BOOHOO POOR ME POOR YOU.

I collapse on the floor,
I can't take much more.
What will the next face bring?
I rise from the abyss,
I can barely withstand this.

The next face is kinder.
Another meek body behind her.
Who are you?
I ask askew.
I am you, and you are me.
Let me show you what I can see.
I see a person whose been through a lot.
Every-time they get back up, down they are shot.

I nod cautiously, is this a trick?
Quickly she'll be coming back, I'll be quick.
There's many faces that you can see,
Be it you, us or me.
I understand the torture you hold inside,
Let it go, be free, we want to take your side.
But how? I cry, tears falling of my cheek.
Keep going slowly, week, by week.
I nod slowly, I cry a lot more.
My arms are shaking my throat is sore.
I can't keep fighting, the monster in my mirror.
Every day she keeps coming nearer.

That's okay, you will see.
One of these days you will be me.
And the little girl hiding behind you?
It's another face of you know who.
I shakily nod, and enquire,
Why she's hiding, as if about to transpire.
She's hiding from the face in the mirror.
Just like you, it's becoming clearer.
We don't like what we can see.
I don't like it anymore please believe me.
I know, I know, my reflection says.
But please let it be just a haze.
The girl in the mirror stood before you.
You can choose what she does do.
It's a hard rope to walk, and I walk it well.
I know it's hard, for you to tell,
But you have a choice, a voice, a speech and sound.
It's hard when she's screaming, I feel drowned.
Shush now, it will be alright.
I can't keep fighting this ****** fight.
I feel so tired, exhausted and spent.
I know, I'm sorry but it's time we both went.

I stare at my reflection. She stares back at me.
Eyes brown, hair soft, no expression to see.
She doesn't blink. I don't too.
We are now the only two.
Blankly looking out at me.
Wishing that we both were free.
Who are you? I mouth at her,
She copies me with silence despair.
I don't know and **** my head.
She does too, heavy as lead.
I'm so drained, she echoes my words.
Is she mocking me, like mocking birds.
She scrunches her nose, as do I.
We nod to each other and say good bye.

I avoid the mirror the next day or two.
Hiding from the reflection, keeping out of view.
Eve K Mar 2022
I love you softly like
I love the delicate wind on a hot summers day,
The refreshing swirl of a breeze in the summer sun.

I love you softly like I love the autumn.
The leaves changing, melting into the trees.
The golden tone, matching the evening sunset.

I love you softly like I love a motorbike ride.
Sitting, my legs on the side.
The wind rushing through my hair.

I love you softly, like a gazing stare.
With a stranger I'm yearning to know more about.
A refreshing drop of rain in a desert draught.

I love you softly, and I need not more.
My heart is still a little sore,
From past loves whose storm riled up inside me, exasperated from the fire.
With pure lust, intent and desire.
It burnt me. And I them. And it was not what I wanted.
Sparks flying, destroying all that was there.
And in my eyes, the hate, the long wait, of wanting something more.

I have been in pain, I have felt the brutality that love can amass.
As I fear it will not last.
Waiting to be destroyed from the inside out.
Screaming inside, wanting to shout.

But here I am, calm as I can be,
Sitting under a tree,
With a breeze with no freeze.
Smiling in the summer sun,
protected by the shade.
Not wanting to fade,
From this dreadful world,
Which has become a little better since I met you.

I love you softly and there's not much more I wish to do.
Eve K Feb 2022
Think positive thoughts.
It's easier said than done
Time takes its course
Developing, life has just begun.
There's so much life to live.
There's so much love to give.
So much hope to receive
So many words to believe.

So if you're feeling down,
put on your golden crown
Be the goddess you know you are
The big bright,  star
and shine.

Shine so bright, no-one can turn out your light.
Keep reaching for those golden gates
Nothing will bring you down, not the weights
Of the past or the present,
Appreciate being a convalescent
Recovering from hell
Was stuck in the swell
Now thriving, surviving and glowing.
Keep watering yourself, growing.

Keep on going, keep on going keep on going....
Eve K Jan 2022
A song, a memory, is all it takes
To feel what I lost, not just you
But the losses of the past two years.

And now I loose my home too,
So much so little, so few
Places I have settled,
Found my place, and now I'm rattled.

How do I let go of the things that helped me move on?
Now, I say so long.
It's another chapter, but was I ready to close the last?
To the future, observe the present, remember the past.
I'm moving out of my home. Into another. But I have so many memories in this one. It's hard moving on.
Eve K Nov 2021
How can I sit waiting for someone I know wont return?
The love I felt for you is gone, however, not the burn.
I used to wait, cry and yearn
To hold you in my arms and I in yours.
But now that's gone.

Oh, how I never wonder how it would be, if I were still with you
and you with me.
Still crying, waiting, would I be this blue?
I feel like half the person I did when when I was with you,
Yet I've grown to love myself too.

I don't cry often over you no more.
But my heart's, still sore,
When we said our goodbyes,
A kiss on my lips that never happened.
The soft good bye that was the day you left
I never wanted you to go, and I missed you so.

You still message me, every now and again.
I pretend it doesn't hurt, I lost you to the strain
Of distance between our bodies,
But never between our hearts.

How long can you love a person who isn't there?
How long does the pain stay?
How  long will I stay this blue?
Heartache, heartbreak. I thought I was over you.
How long will you affect me?
I don't wonder of our future. Yet I sit hear writing this poem... Why?
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