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Unknown Sep 2018
My Teenage years;
Teenage years with people saying 'sit down and shut up'
Teenage years with no one caring
Teenage years with physical abuse
Teenage years with razor blades
Teenage years with no mother
Teenage years with bottles of pills
Teenage years with ****** assualt
Teenage years with suicide attempts
Teenage years with no reason to live
Teenage years spent pining for what was lost.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Sep 2018
To the teachers who never really cared and ignored my problems;

To my fellow “*****”, “misfits”, etc. Who will no doubt receive more abuse upon my passing, as my tormentors will no longer have me to push around;

To those who never cared, never spoke, probably never knew my name;

To the one true friend, whose caring was the only thing that prevented this event from happening sooner;

To the God, if he does exist, who chose to play a cruel, cruel joke on me when he placed me where he did and surrounded me with so many uncaring faces;

What about my teachers? Will they be sorry to see another student become a statistic? Certainly the administration and Principal will mourn, as my death will not reflect well on them as an institution. Well, I apologize for making the statistics for your administration worse. But I don’t expect an apology for the false sympathies of people.

As for my fellow students, those who made a more significant impact on my life, I know better than to expect my tormentors to mourn.

There’s another group I have not yet addressed: those not like me who left me alone. Or should I say ignored me. I appreciate you sparing me any further harassment, but your inaction, your withheld hellos and how are you’s  did more hurt than any name calling. Your inaction effectively excluded me from student life, from the human race. You left me isolated and alone, and no words I could say can convey to you the suffering you caused. I could name names, but in doing so, I would do more now for you than you ever did for me in life.

I do not know what awaits me when I get down off this rope. Will there be a void? Or will I come face to face with God? I just don’t care anymore. If you’re anything like your people, I wouldn’t want to know you. You preached to love one another, yet I’ve felt everything except love from Christians. Even if I knew you were different, well, I'd still reject you. You have left your “followers” to treat people like me poorly. You have allowed so many of the people you “love”, including me, to suffer. So you want me to trust you with my life? I don’t want to spend eternity with a careless deity like you, or with the company you keep.

I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being alone.

I hope that with my death, there'll be a wider awareness for child abuse and the effects it could have on a person. That's the only wish I have right now. A lot of people will be hurt with my passing, disappointed even, or maybe it won't matter. But I'd like to believe, no matter how much of a ****** up person I am, I died for a cause greater and bigger than myself. That's the only consolation that I have right now.

So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.

Goodbye - T



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Sep 2018
I make you smile but I don't make you laugh.
I make you sing but the lyrics aren't for me.
I watch you dance but your eyes don't focus on me.
My evening thoughts are all about you but yours aren't about me.
I like you as a lover but you like me as a friend.

But all those things are okay with me. But when I told you that I loved you, and you said "I'm sorry but I don't love you."

It broke my heart.
Funny thing is, I still love you with all the shattered pieces.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
I've been friendzoned for a while now, ever since I met him actually.
Unknown Jul 2018
its 4:30 am...
im awake thinking, living, and breathing...
but somethings different..

my heart... its breaking,aching and shaking...
all because of a guy..

my minds racing, chasing, and raising..
all the problems of my life..

and im slowly fading, wasting, and breaking..
because i dont know who i am..

not anymore...



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Jan 2019
My past is too much of an influence on my present,
I know it's a problem.

But all I have ever been taught is
To be a joke, because thats all I am
To be silent, because nobody really cares
To never ask for help, because I'd just be judged
To never say no, Because I'd get punished.

And all I've ever been told is
I'm not beautiful
I'm not fitting their standards
I'm not going to be loved

so thank you, step father
Thankyou for destroying everything I was.


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Sep 2018
We live in a society
Where not giving a **** about what others think,
Is actually encouraged.
We live in a society that is completely built on lies.
When did sums become more important,
than knowledge of current wars?
Why is the wage gap wider than my young eyes?
And how is it that a Country that screams freedom,
won't put down their weapons when their own children are bleeding?
Why do I know how to dissect a frog,
ignorant of the fact innocent civilians are slaughtered?
Why do I know the sum of internal angles in a triangle,
Yet I don't know how to read the signs of suicidal friends,
When more than half of those suffering have no access to treatment!!??
Why am I more "worthy" than the child forced out of his own country;
for his religious identity, for being himself!?!
Why are those in power of whole Countries so blind to our demands?
When did being part of a religion become a crime?
Why do we need so badly for someone to love us?
Why should our weight define whether or not we belong?



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
society needs to change, but i'd say, it's already too late, because society is doomed.
Unknown Jul 2018
the night falls with a silent sigh, cold and alone are we.
the understanding for which you sacrifice yourself
flares once, then dies,
taken by your obsession.
all hope must end.

your heart beats no more.
how could you not understand?
our dark thoughts surround us, crying,
save us from ourselves.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Sep 2018
I doubt you'll ever see this

but,
I still think of you...
I still cry over you...

and,
I'm sorry for loving you, more than just a friend.
I'm sorry for being a burden to you.
i’m sorry i don’t always think,
i’m sorry i can’t shut up,
i'm sorry that i'm negative.

I love you  T,
I will love you forever



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Oct 2018
I often idealize others, especially when I first meet them, and feel comfortable in sharing the most intimate details
with them. But I often feel that these same people don’t care enough and aren’t there enough for me.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Aug 2018
i want to cut.
i want to cry.
i just want to take every drug in this house,
and die!


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Sarah Clark May 2019
why drinking? Always!
i should try that
i love old knowable things
everything! Bigger out West
generalization, but ok (I do the same)
Phaedrus
morning person for sure
practical vs. artsy
is romanticism irrational, or just differently rational?

put ice under your hat
this whole thing is so **** Hollywood.
i dislike hierarchies- they’re simplifications
but they should!
superficially he’s not really here
ha! (Me)    
he’s trying, rather poorly, to fill the spaces with something other than thought

i see a maze where you take every left
metaphor
whoa guys whoa
but he doesn’t
thought for the sake of thought is dangerous
but what?
never truth, only conjecture
hmm?
but is it a human invention?
ah the perfect example

i am so intrigued by this unusual phrasing
building a base
quite bitter, this one
i’m bringing the whole thing down
the knife!
meet an old friend for the first time
i can’t draw a straight line
as he tries so hard to be
sounds like me when I’m vague
too much trust in technology

this reminds me of Ishmael
*** *** ***!
it’s all making so much sense now
familiar but ever-changing is what I want
a disciple!
when the only possible solution is go nuts- go nuts.
he’s a driven man
let me think
you need to narrow the lens
semi-aggro
yes yes yes yes yes

no immediate penalty
he’s typesetting
why do people need so many rules, rubrics and objectivity?
what’s wrong with a little mystery?
trying to define quality
the problem with philosophy is incomplete definitions to important words
hmmm, I disagree
using a lot more ellipses
a noble ambition

awe
some
should just bend and snap from this wind already
so much of the world is already inferred
i hate Socrates for this
the problem with words
an example, but what does it prove?
eliminate the knife!
hurts my head with its obviousness

aah, I see
a little cloudy, but there’s some sun
he’s entering rarified air
story of my life
he’s losing me
me gusta
numbers are a human invention, after all
this is over my head

be in the open country with someone
a generalist, too
i am most productive on coffee
a philosopher could write a 1000 page novel on the question “Are we alive?” And I could just say “Yes” and be done with it
let’s explode them
so monotone
beautiful  
up the mountain, down to the ocean
he’s getting absolutist again

here- have your cake and eat it too
back on track
getting tired of the lack of transition
like the houses on the way to Atherton
you’ve said this 500 times, let’s see it already
it’s slackening for me
how to BE the motorcycle
i hate twilight depression
i want a motorcycle

the *****
loves dividing things
this is all preparation
completing the flow chart

this used to be me, but I’m getting better
fix yourself before the machine
degrees of specificity, scope
a sense of the inner pressure
time away from noise and people helps him peer into that contradiction, that void
so ready to give in
intense… full of something
i know the problem-

        it’s wild, but safe

too long this has built up
part three was terrible
he’s experiencing universal loneliness
no more dams!
so much between the lines
battle of wits, I’m having fun
stop, eat, drive, eat, sleep, drive, etc
mans burden
never surrender

it’s moving too fast for me to keep up
but this requires a restructuring of thought and

       even

   society.




1988/2019
* Note to the reader. The below poem was 100% taken in order of page from the scribbled notes in an old copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. The author of the erudite scribbles is unknown and I am indebted to their depth, humor and zest.
Unknown Sep 2018
I woke up
I've had enough

Enough...
Enough of EVERYTHING!!

Enough of being lonely.every.single.NIGHT!!
Enough of being lied to, by the ones I love.
Oh, you promise you won't leave??
hahaha... I've heard that enough to know, no one stays.

Enough of crying myself to sleep. every. single. NIGHT!!
Enough of taking these pills, and waiting for the numbness.
Oh, you say ''I don't need them''??
hahaha... I've heard that enough to know, I need them.

The reason behind my poem? to tell you I woke up...

I woke up
I've got to change...

Change...
Change EVERYTHING!!

Change the fact I feel lonely. every. single. NIGHT!!
not everyone lies
Some people will break promises
hahaha... I've just got to live with it.

Change the fact I pop pills. every. single. NIGHT!!
These pills aren't good
They'll **** me overtime
hahaha...I've got to fight this demon.

If only it were as easy as writing this down, willing my poem to make me change...

Change...
Something I can't do...



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
whoever is reading this.
I CARE DON'T EVER GIVE UP!! I might have given up on myself, but you can be better then me, prove them all wrong, SURVIVE!!
Unknown Sep 2018
who am i?
what am i?
Do I really exist?
What form of life Do I have here?
Is my identity really determined by my actions?
If so, that makes me someone who'd rather write than live.
But is that all i am?

I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.

As each day passes I can feel it,
I'm slowly losing a part of my identity.

My friends are all screaming;
"who are you!?!"
"is your mask anything like you!?!"

My head is hurting,
I don’t know how it’s still on.
I'm still aching,
After all the breaking that has been done.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Oct 2018
you say your there for me.
but when I really open up to you,
you just don't want to see it.
you act like you care,
but when I have these thoughts,
and break downs,
I ring and your never there.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Jul 2018
i feel my life fading in front of my eyes..
i try to catch it but it just keeps moving further away...

it feels like im not real, im not alive in this cycle of life.
and i dont want to keep fighting this monster inside.

i need healing, im so far behind.
but i know no one can fix me so... why even try?

im full of emotions and i just cant explain them...
its like am i alive, am i even in control of my own ******* mind??

caus right now... its dark and there is no light to follow..
im just praying that i can make it to tommorrow...

but if i am to die today, i just want to say
thank you society, for ruining my life.....


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Sep 2018
I found out yesterday, i commented on your Youtube video...
My friend had told me, Youth isn't on this school holidays.
So i needed clarification, and i knew just who to ask...
My bestie, the one I'm madly in love with..
You had to block me on Facebook, against your own will..
So I had no choice, but to reach out to you through Youtube.
You'd warned me the week before, Keep it video related or else i'll have to ban you from that as well..
Not what you want to do, but you would have to.
So I commented, and begged please dont ban me, I have no one else to ask. Is youth on this holiday?
You replied within the hour, and thats when my heart caved in, again.
Yes, thats true youth is not on this holiday, was your words.
So I calculated it out, thats 2 weeks, without seeing or talking to you.
You already broke my heart 5 weeks ago, with the saying "I just want to be friends"
It couldn't of worked out anyways, as its apparently illegal.
A 16 year old and a 21 year old, its wrong they say...
But I don't care, I love him with everything I have.
So now I wait, lonely as hell, for the day I get to see you again.
I just hope I make it through the holiday, I don't know how to thoe.
Because without you, I feel so sad, empty, broken and cold.
Even thoe were just friends, part of me still hopes someday, you'll be mine to hold...



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Nov 2018
I wish I could go back in time,
maybe then I wouldnt be crying.

I remember the last day with you,
We watched horror movies in your room.

I often wonder why it is,
You chose him over me your own son.

I understand you need him mom,
But just remember the saying.

Blood is thicker than water.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Feb 2019
I Am crazy and afraid
I wonder if I have a purpose
I hear the voices in my head
I see the fire of hell
I want to be free
I am crazy and afraid

I pretend I’m a good person
I feel the pain I’ve caused
I touch the darkness inside me
I worry I’m in to deep
I cry when I’m alone
I am crazy and afraid

I understand I can’t be saved
I say things I don’t mean
I dream of being normal
I try not to show I’m crazy
I hope I can be a vampire one day
I am crazy and afraid


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Oct 2018
All these voices,
Yet I'm still alone.
I need a friend,
I whispered in an empty room.
No one answered...
They all say,
Grow up but don't give in,
Move on but not away.
But, lets face it...
The people that promise they'll always be there,
Never stay...
So just,
Don't fall in love...
Fall off a cliff,
It hurts a lot less...


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Oct 2018
I'm the one you should be afraid of,
Don't try to come close and comfort me.
I fell in love with you
I got my heart broken but kept a blank face

I can't make you feel guilty about breaking me
If you don't realize you did anything wrong
It's not your fault, I guess.
I build things up In my head.
I start to believe the things I make up.
I still love you.
With all my broken, shattered and torn apart heart.
but I'll have to say goodbye.
Because I care about you,
and if you stay with me I'll end up breaking you.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Feb 2019
He's so cute the way he smiles.
He's so cute the way he laughs.
He's so huggable when he's happy
And even when he's sad.
He's so in love with me.
I agree he's the only boy for me.

He's so cute when he sings,
the songs he sings for me.
He's so cute the way he talks,
like he's lighting up my soul.
I'm so in love with him.
He agrees I'm the only boy he needs.


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
I'm in love. And for once in my life he loves me back <3
Unknown Dec 2018
The moment your heartbreaks.
The moment he looks at her
And you wish it was you.
The moment you feel it.
The numbness of your heart.
That, that is the moment.,
The moment you realise it won't ever be you.

That is the moment when you feel the worst pain
But you have to persevere.
You can't give up.


© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Aug 2018
Tell me,
How many sips does it take,
How many puffs does it take,
How many pills does it take,
How many cuts does it take,
How many attempts does it take,
To feel the way I do?
To hurt the way i do?
To be the way i am?



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Unknown Oct 2018
Someday i'm going to break, i'll lose it
and then the whole world will be sorry..
I'm ready to shoot, hand me the pistol.
I hid myself so much,
my sanity was the only thing the seeker couldn't find.
I have all these things going through my Mind.
My best friend forever just left me behind.
When I fall asleep is when I feel at peace the most
Not sure if what we had can be fixed but,
It would be unfair to allow you to move forward.
As I'm stuck here in our memories,
With a shattered heart.
I want you to know I won't let you forget me.
EVER...
I'll place myself in every past memory of yours...
I'll interrupt every relationship you dare to hold...
it was your mistake to promise a forever
to a boy who would believe you



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
Caltrain you reading running machine, eclipsing my dreams, anticipations of new girlfriends, roar you might, Belmont and atherton, mmm Thunder and I rear, pour, buttermilk old couty road, no oh man,

Caltrain whisper your extension, the next time, on a chorded phone!! Vintage!!  I like it, wrapped around my finger, you stop too many times but right now you ease my mind

— The End —