I want us to be wrapped in the blanket of love together.
I want to learn a new way with you.
To trust. And love.

Actually
Aching
Endlessly
Making
Stories up
Maybe
I'm a sick..baby

I stay here with myself.

I am at peace with who I am.

It is safe to stay connected to my body in the presence of another person.

I refuse to listen to the self-harming negative talk in my mind.
I keep refocusing my attention on how I want to talk to myself instead.

I stand by what I say. I am building my way.

The present moment is my guiding light.

I take my time.
I trust myself.
I trust my intuition.
All of me is welcome.

I deserve all the love I get.

Life takes me places I need to go.
I am exactly where I need to be.

The drama in my head comes and goes.

I let go and make room for growth.

I allow the flow of love to find me today.

My body is safe. It is safe to relax.

I let go of control.

I choose what I focus on.

I deserve to feel good.

I am open to receive love, kindness and compassion.

I am enough as I am.

I don't need to impress. I don't need to entertain. I don't need to please. I don't need to satisfy.

I can just be what I feel like being.
I can just do what I feel like doing.

I am worthy of love
And I know I'm enough.

I am safe, no matter what my anxiety tells me :)

I am capable of making healthy choices for myself.

No way, no face to look at,
No touch to dive into,
No taste of sweetness,
No electrifying feelings.

No time to give to,
No one to give the time to either.
No tension, despite of illusions.
No hope, only dellusions.

Happy thoughts aren't stable, no more.
Just impulsive, in circles they go.
Chased by fear, just like every emotion,
Drowning in the cold deep ocean...

Of Loneliness, Searching and Hoping,
But senseless,
The belief is gone.
I held onto it, for too long.

The focus now is on what matters.
But isn't what should matter - love?
It's complicated. Self-love is the basis.
Is it? My way is lost and I am standing here.
Wondering.
Love drips down from my fingertips,
A few more seconds and I let it slip.

I feel her love
But it is painful
In every gift I got from her
Something seems to be lost forever
I hope that it can still be found

In distance, melancholia
Fills up each moment of forgiveness
In self blame, doubt, I drown
Each feeling so that I -
Don't feel the pain and cry.

I try to see the positive
But guilt is underneath of it
What have I done?
What have I lost?
I am confused
And barely let her close.

I try. But there's a wall of what? between us,
Like a kaleidoscope, a picture hard to grasp.
It could be fears and anger,
But shame won't let me see beyond them, I confess.

Don't give those thoughts any attention
But if I won't, they will turn into action!
I am done, my patterns drain me out.
I will let everything happen just the way it does.
Just the way it wants, it needs,
It's happening. Here, now.

Turning on and off myself
Daily
Losing hope, gaining hope,
Dreams illusions
On repeat.
Self-blame and shame.
And pain.

I am here now,
How dare I not be grateful for everything I have?
I go too fast, my body says.
I am alone.
But I am truly grateful to my bone.
I am forever free.
Indeed I always have been.

Now,
Here,
This connection is everything
I ever wanted.
My relaxation
Because of the beginning cold,
And the connection with my body
That it brought ❤️
My dancing is the same as healing.
I am grateful for persevering.
:)

She sat there
Morning, 10 o'clock
A gray tanktop
A pair white socks
Dark yoga pants
And sun kissed skin
A few blond stripes
Brown, straight hair in between
The smell of her perfume
That heavy and sweet
Makes you wanna stay
Wanna bite on your lip
A pony tail hanging
And dancing around
Her head which is slowly
Turning around
Those eyes, for a moment
I don't recognize
I only feel my heart
Fall down and arise
The lips, full of glory
Adding to the face
A shameless expression
Makes me wonder what taste...
She sets up a question
With no single sound
She's waiting for action
My heartbeat is loud
She gets up -
Her eyes even closer to mine
And all I can do is
Watching them shine
She finally moves slowly her mouth
And makes her lovely voice come out
"What's wrong with you, baby?"
She's stroking my cheek
As soft her hand as gentle streak
I wish I could have said something
But now she seemed so sad and weak
I didn't want to upset her
I must have done something wrong
That made her feel bad
And this made me mad
I hated myself for an instant...

It was today that she told me...
And I had no idea.
She made me a cup of black tea
And told me - I had amnesia

And there's a mountain in front of me
A mountain of work, of disarray
A mountain of delights is behind this one
I can only see it when lights are gone

The mountains decrease
Doesn't change anything
There always will be a new mountain within
Cause I create em they're a part of the game
You don't need to care
You don't need to pay

Just carry them, carry!
So heavy around
Just think of it think!!!
Don't let them be drown
Stop thinking then stop
But how can I how?
To drown an own thought
Is like suicide, feels wrong
But you can decide
So do yourself a favour
**** pain.
**** the heavy
The hard life endeavor

I am
Simply
A
Human being.
And everything I am
Belongs to me.

Being
Imperfect
Being
Jealous
Being
Angry
Being
Healthy
Being
Silent
Being
Thirsty
Being
Dull
Being ...
Being ...
Being ...

A part of the crowd.
I am.
And all of this is enough.
And all of this is plenty.
And all of this makes me
A normal human being.

Once anxiety hits in
It spreads around like lava
Projecting negativity
And causing so much drama

So I increase awareness
To end this pattern's madness
Restoring back my mindset
Slowing down, gentle reset

Breathing consciously
I remind myself
I am the one responsible
For my mental health

Comparison arises
It causes an earthquake
This is the perfect timing
To become awake.

To lose yourself
Is scary

As not to know
The way

You see a million directions
And you're afraid to choose

You're overanalyzing
Lose touch to any feeling

You're transparent like a ghost
There's no sense in your existence

You see no sense at all.

Like a trombone
The sound of pain in mind
Your brain gets hurt
You're stuck

Can barely breath
Why breath at all?
If you're a ghost

You're scaring, hurting others.
What a shame.

Who will be ever able to love you?
It mustnt be true, it must be a game.

So tired
The baby next to me
Is loud
I'm worried
The thoughts
Run a marathon
And it goes
On
And
On
And
On
And
On
My heartbeat racing
My mind is tracing
Every fear,
That could come near,
It's more than insecurities,
It's rather severe.

I'm anxious on the train.

Accept that future is unknown and trust in your ability to handle anything that comes your way.

It’s not happening as you expected? So what? How do you know that what you wanted to happen was for the best?
Embrace the challenges. Embrace the unexpected. That way, you’re unstoppable.

Don't really know what I'm feeling
I'm probably feeling too much
Don't know why I feel so lonely
When every day I get your touch
Don't know why I feel numb
Numbing is a strategy
Thoughts these day get so tough
Having a heavy melody

Destiny of our souls?
Where is it written, show me,
My mind is desperate to know,
Where all this is gonna lead me
I am not ready yet
To give up on every dream
I know I keep steady
In times like these
I'm moving slowly

But with connected hearts
Art is not a real choice
It's a remedy
The only place that restores
My inner voice and my integrity

Does that mean I lack authenticity?
Maybe, out of necessity?
Maybe it's my conditioned brain,
Always wired to simply be afraid.
I've let confusion lead the way
In many of my decisions,
I've let anxiety lead me astray,
Make me lose goals and precision.

Now I am here and typing
Words in my phone from
The heart.
And I rejuvenate my core,
Feeling it's warmth,
Health being restored,
Every tiny step counts...

There's no way this depression
Will feed itself off of me.

Today I will have fun
Alone
I'm doing this retreat
On my own
To be and feel again
At home.

Listening to what I have to say
Humming a song of...
What?
Painful memories
Absence of decay
A reward?
Should I be grateful
For not getting harmed in old ways?

Art is mystery
Art is ***
Art is disarray
Art is fact
Art is a slumber
Art is a storm

Art is not comparable at all

Art is for you
Art is for me
Art is for everyone
To touch and see
Art is aggressive
Art is kind
Art are you
And Art am I

Please take time to do nothing.

Now you talk like that to me
All emotional and all impulsive
I am tempted to reply
In the same unreasonable way

But because of that
I will keep it back
Staying calm for a moment or two.

To find the right answer for you.

I don't have time for self-analysis and overthinking. I live in the moment and here time doesn't exist.

Guarded by the movement all around me
I sleep under the sun in the breeze
My body on small stones on the beach, not yet aching,
Relaxing and embracing the unknown.

Ducks walking along the river bank,
Exploring,
As boats and kanus move past the shore
Where I rest on this peaceful afternoon,

Welcomed by the movement all around me.

To have a warm space of one's own where everything is welcome.

Where I can feel at home within myself.

Where I soften internally no matter what comes up.

Where I let go by expanding this warm space around this feeling.

Where everything is allowed to be.
Is slowing down. Is floating.

Where I can breath.

Where I stay in one place and things come and go. Thoughts and feelings come and go.

Where I say yes to everything and I am the space around everything.

Be a unicorn
Be just be
Float through grass
And to the sea

Be a seahorse
Be just be
Nothing is worse
Than not to be

Be a grasshopper
Jump through the green
Cause green means hope
And it guides every leap

Be a bear in the woods
Dance around every tree
Be the forest, the roots
Feel the nature, feel free

Be a small butterfly
Floating to every flower
Be a human, just be
And enjoy every hour

Tomorrow is tomorrow
I let go of stress and sorrow
Letting go, deep breath in
Long breath out, settle in.