I stay here with myself.

It is safe to stay connected to my body in the presence of another person.

I stand by what I say. I am building my way.

I take my time.
I trust myself.
I trust my intuition.
All of me is welcome.

My body is safe. It is safe to relax.

I let go of control.

I choose what I focus on.

I deserve to feel good.

I am open to receive love, kindness and compassion.

I am enough as I am.

I don't need to impress. I don't need to entertain. I don't need to please. I don't need to satisfy.

I can just be what I feel like being.
I can just do what I feel like doing.

I am worthy of love
And I know I'm enough.

I am safe, no matter what my anxiety tells me :)

I am capable of making healthy choices for myself.

No way, no face to look at,
No touch to dive into,
No taste of sweetness,
No electrifying feelings.

No time to give to,
No one to give the time to either.
No tension, despite of illusions.
No hope, only dellusions.

Happy thoughts aren't stable, no more.
Just impulsive, in circles they go.
Chased by fear, just like every emotion,
Drowning in the cold deep ocean...

Of Loneliness, Searching and Hoping,
But senseless,
The belief is gone.
I held onto it, for too long.

The focus now is on what matters.
But isn't what should matter - love?
It's complicated. Self-love is the basis.
Is it? My way is lost and I am standing here.
Wondering.
Love drips down from my fingertips,
A few more seconds and I let it slip.

I feel her love
But it is painful
In every gift I got from her
Something seems to be lost forever
I hope that it can still be found

In distance, melancholia
Fills up each moment of forgiveness
In self blame, doubt, I drown
Each feeling so that I -
Don't feel the pain and cry.

I try to see the positive
But guilt is underneath of it
What have I done?
What have I lost?
I am confused
And barely let her close.

I try. But there's a wall of what? between us,
Like a kaleidoscope, a picture hard to grasp.
It could be fears and anger,
But shame won't let me see beyond them, I confess.

Don't give those thoughts any attention
But if I won't, they will turn into action!
I am done, my patterns drain me out.
I will let everything happen just the way it does.
Just the way it wants, it needs,
It's happening. Here, now.

Turning on and off myself
Daily
Losing hope, gaining hope,
Dreams illusions
On repeat.
Self-blame and shame.
And pain.

I am here now,
How dare I not be grateful for everything I have?
I go too fast, my body says.
I am alone.
But I am truly grateful to my bone.
I am forever free.
Indeed I always have been.

Now,
Here,
This connection is everything
I ever wanted.
My relaxation
Because of the beginning cold,
And the connection with my body
That it brought ❤️
My dancing is the same as healing.
I am grateful for persevering.
:)

She sat there
Morning, 10 o'clock
A gray tanktop
A pair white socks
Dark yoga pants
And sun kissed skin
A few blond stripes
Brown, straight hair in between
The smell of her perfume
That heavy and sweet
Makes you wanna stay
Wanna bite on your lip
A pony tail hanging
And dancing around
Her head which is slowly
Turning around
Those eyes, for a moment
I don't recognize
I only feel my heart
Fall down and arise
The lips, full of glory
Adding to the face
A shameless expression
Makes me wonder what taste...
She sets up a question
With no single sound
She's waiting for action
My heartbeat is loud
She gets up -
Her eyes even closer to mine
And all I can do is
Watching them shine
She finally moves slowly her mouth
And makes her lovely voice come out
"What's wrong with you, baby?"
She's stroking my cheek
As soft her hand as gentle streak
I wish I could have said something
But now she seemed so sad and weak
I didn't want to upset her
I must have done something wrong
That made her feel bad
And this made me mad
I hated myself for an instant...

It was today that she told me...
And I had no idea.
She made me a cup of black tea
And told me - I had amnesia

And there's a mountain in front of me
A mountain of work, of disarray
A mountain of delights is behind this one
I can only see it when lights are gone

The mountains decrease
Doesn't change anything
There always will be a new mountain within
Cause I create em they're a part of the game
You don't need to care
You don't need to pay

Just carry them, carry!
So heavy around
Just think of it think!!!
Don't let them be drown
Stop thinking then stop
But how can I how?
To drown an own thought
Is like suicide, feels wrong
But you can decide
So do yourself a favour
**** pain.
**** the heavy
The hard life endeavor

I am
Simply
A
Human being.
And everything I am
Belongs to me.

Being
Imperfect
Being
Jealous
Being
Angry
Being
Healthy
Being
Silent
Being
Thirsty
Being
Dull
Being ...
Being ...
Being ...

A part of the crowd.
I am.
And all of this is enough.
And all of this is plenty.
And all of this makes me
A normal human being.

Once anxiety hits in
It spreads around like lava
Projecting negativity
And causing so much drama

So I increase awareness
To end this pattern's madness
Restoring back my mindset
Slowing down, gentle reset

Breathing consciously
I remind myself
I am the one responsible
For my mental health

Comparison arises
It causes an earthquake
This is the perfect timing
To become awake.

To lose yourself
Is scary

As not to know
The way

You see a million directions
And you're afraid to choose

You're overanalyzing
Lose touch to any feeling

You're transparent like a ghost
There's no sense in your existence

You see no sense at all.

Like a trombone
The sound of pain in mind
Your brain gets hurt
You're stuck

Can barely breath
Why breath at all?
If you're a ghost

You're scaring, hurting others.
What a shame.

Who will be ever able to love you?
It mustnt be true, it must be a game.

So tired
The baby next to me
Is loud
I'm worried
The thoughts
Run a marathon
And it goes
On
And
On
And
On
And
On
My heartbeat racing
My mind is tracing
Every fear,
That could come near,
It's more than insecurities,
It's rather severe.

I'm anxious on the train.

Accept that future is unknown and trust in your ability to handle anything that comes your way.

Today I will have fun
Alone
I'm doing this retreat
On my own
To be and feel again
At home.

Art is mystery
Art is ***
Art is disarray
Art is fact
Art is a slumber
Art is a storm

Art is not comparable at all

Art is for you
Art is for me
Art is for everyone
To touch and see
Art is aggressive
Art is kind
Art are you
And Art am I

As hot and cold as a stone
When it hits the asphalt
It hit me on the inside
When I suddenly saw you
from a distance tonight

The sparks burned bright
But disappeared within a second
The hope has died
It only seemed to be awaken

Ridiculous, to let the light in
Again. I fell back into memories
I better should go on and forget
How bad I felt those days

I gave you the power,
Do you understand?
How much you meant to me
How much I cared
Now everything is hidden
In the sand
of pale old memories

I never got to hold your hand
But I am still thankful for that
For the beauty and the feeling
For the taking and not giving
You taught me about myself
I discovered through you
How I am dealing with
Situations like this
To get hurt and to miss
To get lost and to find
To be weak and to fight
To lie, to cry, to laugh and smile

I say thank you and you
Will never know
How much I grew through you
Through high and low

I remembered everything right then
When I saw you tonight in an instant
As hot and cold as a stone
When it hits the asphalt...

Please take time to do nothing.

Now you talk like that to me
All emotional and all impulsive
I am tempted to reply
In the same unreasonable way

But because of that
I will keep it back
Staying calm for a moment or two.

To find the right answer for you.

I don't have time for self-analysis and overthinking. I live in the moment and here time doesn't exist.

To have a warm space of one's own where everything is welcome.

Where I can feel at home within myself.

Where I soften internally no matter what comes up.

Where I let go by expanding this warm space around this feeling.

Where everything is allowed to be.
Is slowing down. Is floating.

Where I can breath.

Where I stay in one place and things come and go. Thoughts and feelings come and go.

Where I say yes to everything and I am the space around everything.

Be a unicorn
Be just be
Float through grass
And to the sea

Be a seahorse
Be just be
Nothing is worse
Than not to be

Be a grasshopper
Jump through the green
Cause green means hope
And it guides every leap

Be a bear in the woods
Dance around every tree
Be the forest, the roots
Feel the nature, feel free

Be a small butterfly
Floating to every flower
Be a human, just be
And enjoy every hour

Tomorrow is tomorrow
I let go of stress and sorrow
Letting go, deep breath in
Long breath out, settle in.

Belief is my cable
that is connected to the phone
that is there for someone to call
that someone will know the answer
that answer will change everything
that everything is my life
that life is short and long
because time is subjective.

Can one word change everything?
I BELIEF it can.

Who is calling?
My soul.

I don't know
Something's wrong
I feel weird
I feel low

Seems like a circle
All the way round
Feels like a bubble
Bubble of doubt

Doubts everywhere
Doubts here and there
The insecurities
Have become real

Why do I feel
The things I feel
The world is changing
All around me

I have to hear
And to perceive
This is not the world
This is only me

Not only me though
Me and my mind
They have caused this
They are combined

Since I know this
I have to go on
Being aware
Cause it's nothing at all.

Check in and
Check out
Breath in
And breath out
Let's play
A new game
Insane in the
membrane
Figure out
Too much
Feeling Free
Wild Touch
Catching Plays
I am ready
It went heavy
It went steady
Stop and think
First
Never be
Sad
Take your time
For this
A lot more
Than that
Having this
Right now
Makes me Question
Much
Waiting
Many hours
Until the
Real touch
Worth it
Was it
Still
It is new
To me
We felt same
Before
We felt differently
I'll embrace it now
And I'll take my time
There's no need
For structure
Feelings
Find the
Way

It's all about the choices
You're in a tornado of voices
And still the power is yours:
Feel free and simply choose.

Ciao! BYE! Adios
Baby

...No
...I said, I had enough

Tschüss! Poka! Stop smiling
Baby

...I don't need you
...I am done

See you next time! In the next life
Maybe

...But I am still here
Let me go now, I have to
Even if it's so hard
To say bye to you

Oh remember
Ciao! HI! Salut

...For the first time
...Me and you

I will never
Forget ever
But it's time
I'm moving on

... No
...I don't wanna start it all over

Goodbye baby
Now I'm gone

I keep judging people based on how they look. Including myself.

It's not me. It's a pattern in my brain.

Sometimes I want to save the whole world from loneliness.
But I know that I have to start with myself.

How likes sometimes dicatate me my self worth...
But I'm a rebel and I had enough.
From now on what I like - that counts for me.
That way I'll hopefully learn to be free.

Dancing at the equilibrium
Trying to fulfill the balance
Of the night
Of the night
Of the night....

Devastated
Caught
En-caged.
And inside me
Pure hate-rage.
I believe you,
You hurt, too.
But I was too naive,
Since I tried to believe.

Writing poems at night
I might
Dreaming subtle dreams
I would like
Diving deep into meditation
Everyday I experience pain-bration

In my left shoulder blade
And my upper back
There is no explanation
To that.

But today I had a breakthrough
Sitting still.
Breathing,
Feeling my aliveness,
Learn to feel...

Years ago
I have made a promise
I will not feel this pain,
It might **** me,
If I'm honest.

I ignored all bad feelings
Learned dissociation
Back then, I must admit,
It was a helpful creation.

But now, in adult years,
It's hard to cry those tears,
Which were suppressed,
Because of many fears

At home
In childhood years.

Drastically decided to make getting up at 7 am my new routine.
Self-compassion made me agree on giving myself 7 days to reach this.
Self-compassion also stopped me from planning any further agreements so that I can focus on only one for now.
This feels not overwhelming for a change.
This feels like I am giving myself the time I deserve.
Thank you, self-compassion!

Es wird nicht leichter
Und ich mach weiter
Bis der morgen
Weniger schwer ist
Bis mein Herz wieder
Atmen kann.
Bis ich wieder sagen kann:
Ich liebe mich.
Bis ich dankbar sein kann
Für die Luft.
Bis ich frei bin.
Bis ich ich bin.
Bis ich ich bin und
Mich nicht allein fühle.

Bis dahin werde ich
Weitermachen
Noch mehr lachen
Krach und Witze machen
Zeit allein genießen.
Auch wenn der Tag beschissen ist.
Ich geb nicht auf,
Wenn's am schwersten ist.
Niemand kennt mich so wie ich.
Niemand sieht meine Schmerzen ganz.
Ich bin deshalb für mich verantwortlich.
Ich werde mich nicht aufgeben, niemals.
Mit Schmerzen und Misstrauen schreib ich das.

Ich bin bereit mehr Gas zu geben.
Für mich und für ein schönes leichtes Leben.
Ohne traumatische Erinnerungen eben.
Ohne inadequate Reaktionen.
Mit lächeln und dem Wissen in mei'm Herz,
Dass jede einzelne Minute wert es war,
Mich zu dem Augenblick zu führen
Durch den Schmerz.

Early too early
I wanna sleep
But something is burning
Right in the deep

The thoughts, the ideas
Are crossing my mind
How long will they stay
I have to decide

They are impolite
I won't ever miss them
But they'll keep on coming
Again and again

With every visit
They'll put a weird pressure
On me
Like when you're in desert
And have to keep water
Until you see a village
Whith a certain relief

Sometimes I managed
To empty the bottle
Because I was certain
There was a fountain
But when I came closer
The hope broke all over
It was just another mirage
In my brain.

And they keep on visiting me again.