Happy
Tonight
Feeling
Alright
After long time
Here we go

Happy to hear
Listen to me
Very important
I know

Loving
Myself
Embracing
The world
This is what life
Is about

Happy to see
Happy to be
This
lovely
Truth
Makes
Me proud

Hating myself - daily
I don't need health - maybe
I'm not myself - lately
Hating myself - daily.

He
He is
He is so interesting
I was impressed
And I laughed

He is trying hard
He could just give up
But no, he stays strong,
He keeps moving on.

And there in the deep
That is pretty **** steep
He is vulnerable and shy
He is insecure - like I.

I don't really know if you love poetry,
I know that you yourself can use words lovingly,
I love getting lost in your passionate ways,
Let me be the mirror of love to you.

Why do I feel so old?
I am not old but gold,
It's only my thirtieth birthday.
I'm gonna need to find Emilia Clarke
To be able to come out of the dark
And to trust myself and to love myself
As I am.

To live for myself.. be my friend.
To be free, I need to believe.
At the moment I feel much pressure.
But I know if our love is real -
Any challenge it will heal.
I am sure, it is a treasure.

How I would love him:
I'd appreciate every word he says
Every preposition, verb or noun
I'd enjoy his voice in all different ways
Because I'd just love its sound

I just love how the world is with you
It's like candy and it's smooth
Sweet and easy all in one
New perspectives, new perceptions

I just love how the world is with you
It is real, it's the happy truth
Grooving, bouncing all around
Every moment new and round

I just love how the world is with you
Nothing is boring, everything moves
And we move with it, ready to laugh
You can't imagine how much all this I love

I just love how the world is with you
The atmosphere that cuts the fear
The real and crazy all in one
Perfection is made for the imperfect ones

I just love how the world is with you
Hanging out from sunrise till the moon
I embrace these feelings we have and share
All these moments about which I care

I just love how the world is with you
Holding hands in a sweet romance
Everything we need is me and you
Because we change this world into

Something beautiful and true
Something positive and real
I would not know how to feel
In this world without you

How to make you understand
That you mean a lot to me
How to show it to you
I don't know

Come on give me your hand
Don't be afraid of me
Warmly, let me hold you
Let me show my love to you

One smile, one glance
It's happiness
No need for many words
No need for rewards

I never met someone like you before
I never thought I would
I never planned to feel like that
I never Imagined, what happened

Maybe there is someone else
Who makes you feel in the same way
Maybe I am one out of many for you
But it is obvious that we're close
Anyway

I don't wanna speculate
Did it already too much
It was a good lesson
Never interpret more in a touch

Sometimes I feel you are trying to say
That you also like me
But I bet I misunderstand
Anyway, give me your hand

I admit that I am worried
I admit I think too much
I admit to be ignoring
Some strong feelings
Cause they touch

I admit I am not trying
To distract myself at all
I admit to be so grateful
For the feelings that I got
I admit to be admiring
You and just my love for you
I admit that now I'm trying
To make you think about it too

I'm mad

I'm mad at you
For laying your weight
Down on me.

I'm mad
Even if I'm not supposed to be.

I thought.
But what I think
It isn't always right.

I'm mad at you
And I step up
For the first time.

I despised you
For years.
Always hiding
My tears.

I got hurt and beyond that
I didn't think I got the right
To be mad.

It was unfair but to me it seemed
You were the only victim.

So I held myself back.
I thought I supposed to.
I used to be sad,
Then turned to be mad.
And after all that
Hate captured my head.

I hated that you
Made me think about you
Only.

I hated that I wasn't strong enough
To fight for my peace.

I didn't know how to protect myself
You were my role model
And I had to obey.

I couldn't separate my head
From your **** way
To use me, f* it,
Tell me what to do.

I used to comfort you,
No matter what.
And you expected me
To be enough.

You told me I was special,
And what not.
And I was fearing
I could disappoint you.

You know, in fact, I was just normal.
But you made me ignore my boundaries
For you.
You made me think,
There wasn't a thing
That I couldn't do.

So every time I failed,
I hated myself
Instead of you.

I tried to live up to your expectations,
Were you ever aware that this was way too much??

I was a child, ******,
Will you understand?
It still hurts me and I feel guilty,
But I am mad. I'm very mad at you.

And you know what?
I do have the right to!

I do see that you had your struggles, too.
But that won't change the fact
That you treated me in a way that was bad

... for my self worth, my belief,
For my ability to stand up for myself,
For my needs, and to make my own choices,
Instead of positive things,
I still hear your demanding **** voices.

In my head. And it rings. And for the first time I say. I AM MAD. And you cannot change a thing about that.

I can't help but at times
I just need my expression
Words, songs, dances or smiles
They are all my obsession
Art's my drug and my best friend forever
I can't help but at times I love rhymes.

Es tut mir so leid.
Ich fühle Bitterkeit.
Und unter Eitelkeit
Versteckt sich Angst und Neid.

Ich wünschte frei zu sein
Und freier noch zu denken.
Ich sehe meine Muster
Und will mich lieber ablenken.
Doch wünsche ich dir
Liebe.
Ich würde sie dir schenken.

I feel like this is not enough
The letters in my phone
The words the sentences
The phrases they're all alone

It is not enough
This one tiny dimension
It is if I would mention you
Only once in my life

They don't really transfer
The way how I feel
How much moments with you
Mean to me

And sometimes I act weird
Because my self esteem
Sometimes's so overwhelmed
By your awesomeness

I believe that I feel
The same way that you feel
But the burdens between us
They will not set us free

And the day that we will
Have to say the goodbye
I will hug you so tight
To save this in my mind

To save the feeling
I won't let you go
Because your smile's
The warmest I ever saw

And I want you to know
That the future has changed
For we're different now
And we want to have more

And I bet that one day
You will go for me
Visit me
And that that day
We'll become more than ever
Close to the sun
To the magic we lost for a while

Sometimes we don't know
Where to go
If only we learned to cope
Through belief and hope

I am starting to arrive
At MYSELF,
Finally tasting
The fruits
Of self care and
Self-help.

That supportive voice
I started to hear
Took years of work
To appear.

Now I am blessed
With warmth in my chest,
It's all I ever needed
And some rest.

I don't know
What to say
But I'll say it
Anyway
You are awesome
You are great
I am happy
You are straight
❤️

Im Ozean des Vertrauens tanze ich, schwebe ich, verliere kurzfristig den Halt und finde ihn wieder,
Der Ozean ist endlos, nur die Sicht kann ich verlieren, aber die Ruhe kehrt wieder ein, sobald ich loslasse...
Ich schwebe und schwebe und es ist ruhig, still und klar um mich herum. Ich sehe dann, dass es sich ausbreiten möchte.
Der Ozean ist und war immer sicher für mich.
Die innere Panik hatte mich verunsichert und den Ozean gefährlich erscheinen lassen.
Ich darf hier atmen. Ich kann mich bewegen. Ich werde mich nicht verirren. Ich bin und bleibe frei.
Mit dir. Und das ist ein Wunder, das ich hiermit zu würdigen und zu fassen versuche.
Ich bin hier. Ich verbinde mich mit meinem Herzen. Das ist alles, was es braucht.
Du schwebst auch. Du und ich zusammen im endlosen Ozean-Universum.
Es fühlt sich immer leichter an, je mehr ich loslasse. Das ist Vertrauen für mich.
Loslassen. Hier sein. Glauben. Wissen. Fühlen.

There's a decision to make
I gotta make it straight
Always look on the now
Never look back somehow
I am analyzing too much
Don't feel free to keep in touch
Heart is worried, feared of breaking
Heavy is the breath I'm taking
It was long ago that I
Lost my truth up in the sky
Every sparkle, it depended
On the stars that you made shine
I hoped that love never be ended
But how to know without to try

Insanely insane
No program in brain
No chain to attain
No page to stain

No need to repeat
Issues to reheat
The past doesn't last
Anyway

Speculation is ******
And the son of disorder
Like a drama recorder
Playing again and again

The anxiety's claws
From the head to the toes
In a circle it goes
Reoccurring pain

Maybe me calling my problem a problem is the problem.

No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.

Now, in the middle of the night
I have this urge to tell you
How much I love you
And how much I appreciate you being by my side as I am walking through life sometimes graciously and sometimes not.
I want you to experience more of my happiness
I'd like to share all of it with you.
I love that you are the one by my side when I am learning to trust and love life again.
Thank you.

I remember us
We talked. We laughed
We were happy to have each other
We have trusted one another
And I never thought
This might end.

I remember how
We spent so much time together
We talked about everything
Being open books to one another
And I never could imagine
This might end.

I remember those long nights
After having said "sleep well"
We were still talking about this and that
Even though both very tired the next day
We always did it again and again
And I never believed
This might end.

I remember being so happy with you
Laughing so much that it hurt
Trusting you, being there for you
Always wanting to keep that forever
-
Years and years. And at first
Our friendship grew stronger.
But having reached the highest point
The time and space became our enemies.
I never expected
This to have an end.

I know deep inside you understand
But you stopped chasing those good memories
Still it was hard for me to let them go
...
Anyway I just wanted to let you know
All my secrets and thoughts
All my losses and pains
I wanted to share with you
What was in my heart, in my veins
But you lost the belief in us
And we couldn't keep the trust

And I never again got to know
About how you feel deep inside
What you actually think in your mind
How you feel about losing your best friend
Because now our friendship seemed to end

And I always blamed the circumstances
But I knew that you changed a lot
So maybe if you didn't let go off
We could still make it through everything
Just how we used to do it once before -
When I never could imagine
This might end.

It is time
To let go soon
But I am not ready

It is time
To forget
But I won't

It is time
Time flows by
Now it's running
Out

It is time
But for me
There's no doubt

It is time
Fact's a feeling
Emotions

It is time
So revealing
But tense

It is time
Never jumped
Into the ocean

It is time
You became
My best friend

It is time
To finish
All the plans

It is time
And for us
There's no chance

It is time
And the future
Will bring more

It is time
I can't tell you
What for

It is time
I am wondering
How strong

It is time
The emotions
Have been

It is time
It is beautiful
Though

It is time
I won't forget
About it

It is time
And I have
To say goodbye

It is time
And it's difficult
Sometimes

IT IS TIME
But I don't wanna
Let go

It is time
I just wanted to
Let you know

I thought
I got over it
But you are still here
I thought I forgot
But I didn't
I thought
I was through with you
But you simply stayed
I thought I asked you
To leave my heart
More than once till today

I thought
But obviously
I was wrong
I didn't know
That I still longed
For the smile
And the touch
That you gave
Someone
But me
I asked for something
That was far too much
And never meant to be

I like to think of it
This way:
You're not the one,
I like to say,
Because the one
The real, the true
He's meant to stay

And that's not you.

It's okay to feel lonely and abandoned sometimes.

It's ok to make mistakes, ask for help and to not know.

It's ok to sometimes fall out of balance.
Out of flow like a leaf that gets stuck somewhere between branches or stones.
A minute ago this leaf was flying graciously like a butterfly but it lost its balance and got stuck. Squeezed between some objects.
Now it has to stop worrying. To look around and to breath. "Where am I?" it says. "A minute ago I was flying carelessly like a beautiful butterfly 🦋 and now...?" it thinks.
"It's ok to lose your balance sometimes" it hears an unfamiliar voice. "It happens so that you can stop and look around for a moment. It happens so that you can appreciate what is here now. Breath, relax. Soon enough you will fly again."

🙏

Or maybe... the balance gets restored when I lose my fast pace for a minute?

It's ok to feel angry and to feel desperate about things.

I wanna hear you telling me
That I'm the one
I wanna listen to your heartbeat
Embrace your soul

I wanna keep you by my side forever
I don't ever want to say goodbye
Oh never

I wrote ten poems about you
Or maybe even more
I wrote about my thoughts
I wrote a lot a lot

I wrote about you
Your smile, your eyes
As bright as skies
The shining of your face

I wrote to see, to understand
What this all means to me
But in the end, all that I felt
Looked like a maze to me

I wrote ten poems about you
I tried to understand
I wrote about my feelings
And thoughts inside my head

I wrote about your attitude
Your living happiness
I wrote about the positive
The good things and the best

I never realized it before
And now it's kinda late
How much I cared
How much for you I felt

I wrote the poems desperately
Because of room and time
I tried to make every of them
To be filled up with rhyme

It was quite easy
Because of you
Your smile,
Your friendly attitude

Your opened nature
Your manly stature
Your free emotions
Your crazy devotions

I wrote ten poems about you
For how impressed I am
I'll keep on writing about you
Until the very end

I wrote ten poems about you
Or maybe even more
I'll keep on writing about you
And you don't even know

I am just asking to ask,
To get an answer from you,
I am just looking, to look,
To have you look at me, too.
I am so careful, I am,
******, I am just too shy.
I am afraid to risk it,
And show the interest I deny.

I am just searching for someone
To fall in love with
Because it is that feeling
That I miss.

Now I understand
That I was subconsciously angry at you
Because I thought
You were too invasive on my life.

Because I thought you influenced me too much.
Because I have not felt free enough in our relationship.
But I am seeing now that it was me who wasn't able to be herself all along from the start.
I fell into a cage that I myself had built.
Then I blamed you for it.
Well now it's too late.
Or is it not?
At least that realization is the most valuable so far.

And it brings relief.
It was me who could not feel and be free.
I realize and see this now.
Only now.

I was angry at you for something you have never done in the first place.

Interesting how everything evolves
You lose yourself to
Find your Self again
Knocking on a door
That was never there
Trying to defeat yourself
When nothing attacks
Forcing positivity to come
Even when you know
In a neutral world
No regrets no doubts
No fears no thoughts
Should upset a creature like You.
Hiding automatically behind
A milky blurry glass of uncertainty
Waiting for the right step to step

But what if you change your attitude and stop to wonder too much about this nonexistent negativity
Change your mind set and embrace this very moment

Sounds of laughter
What a joy
Sounds of sadness
Not a toy
Laughing hard
At someone's bad
Keep an eye on you instead

Don't think that this is wrong
Don't think, embrace the feeling
Don't try to see the cons, the pros
Just stop and let it happen

Don't try to figure out
But try to feel and not to doubt
The moment's truth is inside of you
And only you can let it happen

Don't worry too much
Just feel the real touch
The beauty, the moment's obsession
And simply let it happen

The feeling's always worth it
Don't try to run away from it
That'll be so dishonest
Just let it happen and smile

Open up, right now
Embrace the feeling
The power, the notion
And finally let happen the emotion

No one will judge you, only your feeling counts, stop being afraid of yourself
Stop hiding in someone else's shape but yours
and better let it happen.

Expectations, expectations,
Can I drop you for a while?
I don't mean it bad or vicious,
I just need a relaxed mind.

I don't really need your pressure,
Since it holds me back a lot,
Can I please enjoy this moment?
Cause it's everything I got!

If you wanna laugh -
                                   Laugh!

If you wanna cry -
                                   Cry!

If you wanna love -
                                   Love!

But if you wanna die -
                                   Don't...

I am not gonna write how it is
to lose. A friend. Again
It's the physical closeness
That we miss
I miss to hold your hand.

I am not gonna write how sad
I felt, when I said goodbye.
Because these thoughts and feelings are able
to make me emotional and cry.

I am not gonna describe
How I lost something together with you
As if I was separated in two
And you took one part of myself with you.



... and still I do.

We are lost souls
Together
But just for tonight.

Lost souls aren't able to find in each other salvation,
Our embrace is not our final destination.

Love
Four letters.
Attitude?

A feeling
That matters.
A feeling for you

I love.
What does it mean?
Is it really enough
The way I feel
To call it love?

the symbol - heart
Yes, sometimes
It does hurt
But how deep
Does it have to be?
To be called love,
Or in love desperately?

I know, I don't know enough about love.
But I know I haven't had enough
Of times with you,
Your attitude,
Your hugs, your spirit
Life with you
It showed me something new
Something that matters
And something that's true

Love yourself
Love everyone
Love life
Love being
On your own
Share love
Share hope
Share happiness
Be loved and love
Cause that's the best!

Love or not
Hard to tell
Far away
From me

Deep deep feelings
Maybe yes
It's a test

I can feel
Intensity
About you

There's no other way
But to meet
Me and you

I will listen to my inner
Soul believer
I will listen not to lose
What is true

And I know you're sometimes
Stronger than me
But I'll fight for us
Me and you

Meditation, meditation
Meant to be healthy vibration,
Diving deep into the now
Losing every form somehow.

Feeling guilty
I neglected
My long meditations.

Feeling overwhelmed
Many tasks
In my head.

I am now avoiding
My own self-
Confronting.

Wanting peace
Still.
To know how I feel.

I am myself but
Ugly.
And maybe that's
Why I feel sick.

Sick of playing some role
To everyone around me.

"You're so beautiful, nice."
"You're an angel", they say.

But they don't know that I
Struggle every day.

I should be so grateful
For my physical health.
So thanks.

But I am disappointed
By having panic attacks.

Breathing gets very shallow,
Sometimes I lose control,
In my mind many thoughts,
I feel lost and alone.

Hundreds pieces
Are called Me.
But who manages it all?

Sometimes I want to hide
In a warm dark safe place
Where nobody sees me
And I don't need to be
Anyone.

I don't need to play
Any role.

I can call this place
My home.

I can feel whole
On my own.

Where I hold myself
When I am worried.

And I tell myself
Different stories.

Where I truly believe
In love.

Where I feel
As though I was enough.

The path you take
The choice you make
It's all your decision
It's all your own vision

Cause everything's possible
This everything's now
It is what it is
You never know how

But if you believe
You can make a difference
And what a relief
This knowledge might bring
Just try everything
Try to do it your way
Let this be your one,
Your only experience

Remember that day
You look back on life
You see what it brings
You're staying alive

The difference
It's there
No one can deny
You made it,
You can
You are satisfied
 :)

I won't think about others
No I won't
I will listen to my feelings
And my heart

I know there's something
Beneath
All these fears

I can feel it
I can hear it
Breath

Something holds me back
To show it
Let it go

But I simply need more time
On my own

It's a story
About you
You and me

I can't wait
Till I see you
Finally!

No other way
I can explain
Inevitable
Beauty's on its
Way
I need it
It's right
Every night
I can see the light
That guides me
It is not purple or
Baby blue
It is rather red
With dark attitude
It has a certain
Background
But this is simply
How I found
My way to be
My way in me

No time left
And confusion
Now seems
All a sweet
Illusion
These
Feelings'
Collusion
In brains
I won't
Let it get
Into veins
There's
No real
Pain
It's only
Artificial
Caused by
Fears
And caused by
Indecision