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1d · 27
I am scared
I'm scared you'll do something
I'm scared it's my fault
because I am a coward
and you are not
that scares me
a lot
you don't want to be your dad
but you don't see
I already am my dad
because he was my hero
but he's not a good person
I'm scared you will do something
and I think I know why
it's because of me
and all that I did
but if you look closer
I'm the only one that's bad
You told me you'd be fine
but it's kind of selfish
to leave the planet
and not care what it does to me
you think I'd be better
it would destroy me
I'll talk you down
I know it's not your fault
guess. just guess. :)
1d · 23
Hopeless
I've found that I am hopeless
I am a bad person
I lash out
I hurt people
Just by sticking around
You can deny it all you want
i am a bad person
you dont even know
dont tell me you hurt me
you know what i did
i yelled and i cried
made you feel you were mine
but if you were mine,
i think i would trust you
but thats too much
i cant even hold you
i am not a good person
i dont deserve your forgiveness
im sorry.
i am.
dont do anything because of me
haha im literally very bad at poetry
We hexed the moon
We burned downtown
We killed Carlos
We started a plague
We started riots
We almost started a 3rd war
We protested and got shot
We killed our year
We said it would be better
We lied and broke it
We tried and failed it
And now I'm sick of resentment
But we can improve it
It's been quite a while since I wrote something but I'm back for a bit :)
May 9 · 177
Confessions
Artem Mars May 9
I want to improve
I wish I was better
please, someone, help me
understand my pain and suffering
please send a doctor
I am from perfectionists
but they haven't  fixed me
and I'm sad that I'm not ok
and it's not ok that I'm sad
I just want to feel something
when I can only feel nothing
why does Salem haunt me
why do witches follow me
and ghosts love me
I just want to feel safe
I just want to feel perfect
i wanna feel ok
Artem Mars May 5
They can separate themselves from their demons
I can’t
The demons I carry around have been my best friends for so long,
I can’t tell the difference from them,
And me
They know when a thought is being placed there from something non-human
I don’t
They talk so much it pours out my mouth
The demons say they love me,
So Me, being desperate for love
Accept them
Then I follow their rules
- eat little- sleep none- cry always- tears never
And so many more
I’m no longer self-regulated because I'm no longer myself
They swallowed me
Since I can’t tell the difference between us, I willingly gave myself up
Traded myself
For a monster
That only brings others down, or drags me down, to lift others higher
They have become me
They are me
There Isn't a distinction anymore
There isn’t a red font to tell me what ideas to avoid
Because I don’t avoid any ideas at all
Nothing is off-limits, they tell me if I see a thought,
Take it
No matter who it hurts, especially if it hurts me, if you think it, you can do it!
They tell me
You only live once
So they make it hell, but only to prepare me for what’s to come,
They’ve convinced me they only have my best interest in mind, I let them make walls
To protect me
a lil poem about my brain
Apr 23 · 417
Human gore model
Artem Mars Apr 23
Standing on a pedestal
Bleeding on a stage
Colored insides for the aesthetic
Beautiful gore
Enhancing your beauty with gore
Showing other people my bones
An idea of perfection being nothing but blood and bone
I lay here and laugh
At the body, i’ve destroyed
At the skin i've hurt
And the insides i've boiled
The commercials show the ideal size
So the people that tell me
The one that I killed
The one that I saved
Whoever would stop me
From crumbling bones
And melting eyes
Limbs are falling off and getting lost
But i'm the idea of pretty
With the gore falling away
i dont know,
Artem Mars Apr 23
Two days ago, I went to bed
With more than average noise in my head
It hurt and I cried
Hurt so much that I died
The only one that could save me
Was miles away from me
Since then, the world sped up
Goes too fast for my lungs
So they just gave up
I am decaying at home
In front of my mother
I am melting so slow
In front of my brother
I am nothing but bone
In front of my other
Mar 27 · 164
A+ for a Failing Grade
Artem Mars Mar 27
No one calls me smart
They all check my grades
Mockery of the success
Shameful of the less
Trophy for being a disappointment
I try my hardest
Just for the attention
The approval
Is what keeps me going
I want an A
But I’m labeled with a B, C, D, or F
The attention is all wrong
The ridicule
Not reward
Nothing feels retained
I want a place to post
To show I’m more
To feel seen and liked
To see mean and nice
To share what I do with a brush
What I can do with facepaint
See others
Share songs
But it's about **** time
That they see it isn't
The showing to others
That ensured my demise
The help they would give me
The eyes and the ears
To feel seen and heard
The spotlight again
It will shine on my face
As if everyone cared
As if I wasn't so scared
And I would feel cured
But the labels I gain
Seem to be retained
Without a constraint
Of worry and pain
School is no longer about learning, it's about passing
Mar 27 · 213
Humorous Minds
Artem Mars Mar 27
Empty and shaking
I sound insane
But I really am
So I guess it's ok
Cries turn to laughs
Cries for humor
Laughs for help
Wring out the arms for blood
And the eyes for lies
Pooling on the floor
Seeping through the tiles
Karma’s a *****
But I’ll do you one better
Look you in the eyes
And I twist the weapon
Not for the fun
For the revenge
On all those that scared me
On all those who helped me
Laugh out the last of my guts
Cry out my lungs
Always the same
Repeating sensations
Fleeting rotations
Murderous flirtations
Mourning probations
But it's worth the pain
And the fear
And the guilt
For the ties and knots
They clog up my throat
To appear in my windpipe
And disappear in my scars
Hold back no words and show no silence
hi
Mar 27 · 199
Dried Roses
Artem Mars Mar 27
I hang up flowers in my room
I try and make you smile but I seem to fail
You still choke and cry
And I’ll laugh and try
To hide the pain
I gave you my hoodie
And many notes and things
I thought you would like
Remind you of me
But it’s nothing compared to laughing
Numbing myself
The pain becomes too much my body needs a pause
Cough up blood so I don't bleed anymore
It all will end
I tried and failed
What is left for me other than dissolving my emotions
Or the ones that remain
Hope and pray to an all-seeing eye
Beg and wish for mercy on the ones you love
There’s none left
They showed you true pain
You must return the torture
If only they had seen it before it was a wreck
sorry I've been gone, coronavirus is non stop
Mar 6 · 179
TV Static
Artem Mars Mar 6
She sits and writes
For hours
Made of pills and scotch tape
Her father halfway across the country
The snow fell in Wisconsin first time in weeks
On the night of her birth
Three feet
Of ice
Always emotionally cold
Broken and tired
Made of sleeplessness and self-deprecation
Full of snow and shaking nerves
Anxious and sick of life
Opening her eyes is a ten thousand mile run
She needs sleep and hunger
But the sleep she gets is tortured
The sleep she gets is mournful
The world she made is lonely
Her head is loud and her mind is cluttered
Filled with useless feelings
She is too cowardly to talk to
People
She is too broken
She is too annoying
She is too clingy
She is too selfish
SHE IS A BAD PERSON
She should be avoided like the illness she is
A parasite
The demon she chokes
Is the demon she is
The way she will speak
Is through the eyes of her fears
The way she will eat… are her thoughts
Her brain is folding in
And her bones are giving out
Her breath is failing, oxygen running low
Her medication is taking over
Her body is going through and eating itself
it is giving up
on her
and on everything else
take this as a sign
that these thoughts are real
they are happening
but they don't leave
my life is falling apart
the illnesses are getting worse
my body and brain are getting worse
my will isn't strong enough
im cracking apart
my body is going into panic mode
my break is pushing people away
i don't know what to do anymore
there is nothing i can do except make everything worse
i've cried my lungs out
i've done it all, poetry, self-harm, therapy, all of it
nothing works except self-destruction
Artem Mars Mar 6
My family doesn’t care
They pretend to not anyway
My family says “hide it”
“Push it all down”
“Bottle it up”
And you’ll be ok
But I won’t and I do
I tell myself I am open and my emotions aren’t stuck
But I lie to myself
And I torture my health
And I hope that one day they can all finally see
That I am suffering
But I might be gone by the time we reach
That point
She says “We are getting medication,
But not for ADHD”
Antidepressants
And anxiety meds
That’s what she meant
But see, she suffers too
I see it in her eyes
She don’t want that for me
But she should’ve told my dad,
broken + broken
Never equals a free
I’m trapped here like you guys
So hey, look at me
Or avoid eye contact too
Whatever you see fit, because
I trusted you
And you pushed my feelings down
That’s just what we do in my family
Because between you and me
My family’s depressed and anxious you get it?
Insomniacs and dreamers
We’re all tired and alive
Except for the funeral
50% chance of a free kid
I had it decided for me
my family is great
Artem Mars Mar 6
“And I will search the fcking depths of this
Stupid place my kids will have to live
In order just to smile a little bit
But you know
I'm thoroughly in love with you
And yeah, I'm really scared that I may never change
But I'm so f
cking done being so afraid
I really hope that you find happiness”
“At best, stay the same, so you'll be f*cking world-renowned
While I'm getting drunk at my house”
“So I will sit and I will drink myself to either to sleep or my untimely death
Either way, I hope that you don't cry, you know
That's just a part of life”
“Because there's something that's inside my head
That will click and make me drink until I'm dead
So I will sit and I will think about this life
And if I even like it”
Happiness by Hobo Johnson is a really deep feeling
Hits a little too close to home
And I’ll have to spend time healing
Because emptiness is growing
And I start to feel something is showing
Like the little signs inside my brain are telling me to do it
My genetic structure is fulfilling its purpose
And I start to feel worthless
And all I do is heartless
Now I start to hurt us
And you think it isn't worth it
But I promise I’m just hurting
And I’ll get over forests
And I will be a burden
But that's ok
You know? It all fades away
Until I'm nothing right?
And everyone starts laughing at me
You know I'm right
I paid my price
The worst is yet to come
And everyone is stunned to see I made it
Because those nights got really dark
And I played it
Right, but I don't have the cards
Success, correct? They all think I'm happy.
Using some quotes from Hobo Johnson
Mar 4 · 128
Hey, a PSA
Artem Mars Mar 4
so, my poems are in no way actually good. I know that. But, if you have any interest in brutally honest metaphors, please follow me or just like something or leave a comment. They make me happy so please just leave something to let me know that I should even keep writing. Just leave a smile in the comments on a poem or on a poem you even remotely tolerated. That would help me I think. So, you by no means have to, you can just ignore this if you want to. But it would mean so much to me. Also, if you have any advise I'm always open to notes.
Ok, going back to writing ****** poems
Mar 4 · 161
Toxic Person
Artem Mars Mar 4
Arsenic in my personality traits
I’m not unique
But I’m hardly the same
I try to make myself heard
but I'm just the same as everyone before me
I just wish
I could do something
different,
my own
I manipulate the people I love
I gaslight myself
make them feel bad
make them cry
Make them think that I will remember them in my future
half of them I will forget
the other half will end up a painful memory
I miss them like I've grown up already
I want to help
But no one helps by lying
manipulate
gaslight
crying
attention seeking
doubting
stealing
cheating
yelling
help me
Yep...
Mar 3 · 58
5 year old Flu
Artem Mars Mar 3
You are 5
You have your whole life ahead of you
Hospital
Please don't go
I would be gone if you weren’t here
I didn't want you to find me after
I can't imagine my life without you
Flu
A horrible word
An unacceptable word
Sent from hell
Torture
Crying my lungs out
Coughing
Face red
Mascara running
Am I mad?
I yell
I LOVE YOU
GET BETTER
I'M SORRY
And say “no” until it isn’t a word
Rocking on my bathroom floor
DO NOT LEAVE ME
He has to be ok
He is my world
My everything
I can't stop the racing
Screaming my stomach into my head
Crying until I only have blood to cry
HE CAN'T LEAVE ME
Please reconsider
my brother had the Flu and they said he probably won't live, he did but I thought I would share my poem about me suffering as a big sibling
Mar 3 · 486
I'm a heartless being
Artem Mars Mar 3
Waiting for a sign of freedom
Waiting for someone to see me
Nothing I do is good enough
all I do is full of love
What if I said you were too much
It’s a lie,
But I’m a heartless being
I want to see what would happen
I wish that I could care
And I kinda do, I swear
And If I were to stay
There would be no other way
If I could say,
What I really thought
You’d know for sure, that I am a bad person
And I wish it was so easy
As for you to say you love me
But my internal organs say you hate me
I know you say,
“It isn’t true”
But what do you think I am? Sane?
Well, you were wrong
I’ve been with me my whole life
I’d trust myself, on a rare occasion at least
Because I’m a special case
One that’s about to break
And I know you can’t take
Any more of this, And that’s my fault,
I’m sure but what makes you
So sure?
That I would save me if I could
I’m a domino effect
So how about let’s go a set
A knife right onto my open arms
Ready to erase me and
Ready to embrace you
I don’t know what I’m seeing
All I can tell you is that
I’m a heartless being
-heartless (hidden poem)-
nothing i do is good enough
i said im a heartless being
i wish that i could care
i kinda do
you know for sure that im a bad person
say you love me
my internal organs say you hate me
"it isn't true"
you think i am sane?
im one that's about to break
you can't take anymore of this
but what makes you so sure?
i would save me
set a knife right onto my arms
erase me
i don't tell you that Iḿ a heartless being
Mar 3 · 72
Diagnosis
Artem Mars Mar 3
Calling my mom and telling her the news
Got a little problem, wish I could feel the blues
I feel numb
She thinks I'm dumb
She doesn’t want to talk
I want to know what my friends think of me
Maybe not
The bus drives off the sidewalk onto the road
How dare it, when it isn’t your turn
You have to act ok so they don’t find out
But it turns out they know
Anyways
Despite my acts of being alone
I never feel at home
But that’s ok
I don’t need somewhere comforting
I felt cool when I was little
But I’m really cold hearted
I’m in a deep hole and I’m trying to be ok
That’s sad
guess
Mar 1 · 128
Truth or dare II
Artem Mars Mar 1
Sit in my lap,
Brush your long hair
And I will braid it
Twist it and twirl it
Put it over one shoulder
Feel the softness of your neck
Hold the feeling in my hand
Drink it in
Flutter and flick
Kiss and kick
It will end in beauty and grace
this is the second one, there might be more to come
Feb 28 · 99
Truth or Dare
Artem Mars Feb 28
I made a little dare
for whom of which I care
she now is waiting blindly
for me to do something
I will wait and gather the ability
to speak and write her poetry
I am too scared she will see
What a monster I see in me
Jealous, nieve, and rude
loud, liar, and annoying
she doesn't want to see
What I have told her to
The blinding light has covered them
Waiting for evidence
I really am who I say I am

I hope today I will hear her say
I love you and I care for you
I know she does but she won't tell me
What she really sees in me
I don't know why she is still here
bomb threats, concerts, and libraries
buying gods, bathrooms, google docs, and facetime
all that things I think about when I see you
Now I've dug
Myself a hole
And there is no climbing out
embarrassing encounters
haunt me through the years

I told myself I could do it
You said I should do this too
I was excited and confident
that I would be ok with you
but now we're here
reading this
poem that makes no sense
no metaphors, only lies
I'll shut up
to my girlfriend
Feb 28 · 215
Free Verse
Artem Mars Feb 28
Poetry is the clouds covering a horizon

Poetry is kings in a throne

it gives you the freedom to make people notice

it gives you a voice

But the falling sound

isn't just in your dreams

it's creeping up on us fast

so please can you listen

we have to revive it, bring it back

before it's too far gone
Poetry is a dying art that needs CPR
Artem Mars Feb 26
I overthink everything
This line took me a lot of time to think of
I’m still not sure if this is poetry or just a rant
But who said it had to be either
I just wish someone would show me what I’m good at
I wish I was good at something
I’ll never know
I wonder if this will ever be in a library
If it is,
How are you today?
Please stay alive
I hope you're doing well
Put down the blade
These words are a result of me being blocked of all creativity
The results of me overthinking
I hope you like this poem
I wish the world liked me
It’s for you all
everything
I don't know, people say it gets better... but it has to get really bad before someone will notice and help, or try. So hang in there. (I know it's cheesy but ya)
Feb 26 · 169
Clear Lead Pencil
Artem Mars Feb 26
I’m a clear
lead pencil I’m
here but no 1
sees what I do I
make marks but
you don't care
to see them
You can erase
them, but,  you
can't see what
you erase  I
could’ve been
anything,
But I had to
be invisible, I
might as well
have been dead
Dead, What
a funny idea
Death, Would
we be gone
Can we come
back? Do we
get choices?
I wouldn’t come back
Gone
Gon
Go
G
I tried to shape it like a pencil, almost there
Feb 26 · 143
If I were to speak
Artem Mars Feb 26
If I had said something to you
would you have even heard my voice
we share blood
not exactly
but soon we will be miles apart
I wished we would've changed it
I wish we could go back
I wish you'd try to get better
Cause you made mom's heart go black
She cries all night
I could care less
She misses you
I wish I saw you as a mess
You are broken
She's torn
She's your second choice
You make her laugh when you're around
but little do you know
you're dragging her down
to be brutally honest, I wish
you would go
but that would mean
talking to shows
If I were to tell her all that I know
I'll reassure you,
you'd have no place to call home
And wouldn't that be fair
You never liked to share
You were lazy and never
showed that you care
I won't tell you, the things that I know
but what would that do?
No one would hope
The scotch tape I hold
And the glue that I carry
Will keep mom together, until I get married
Then I will know the struggles
you feel
Because we are one and the same
We stem from the same wheel
This is about my Step-dad and I would like to note, I'm sure he's a great person, but this is something I feel I had to write eventually, and he's not doing his part to heal. It's not his fault for how he is, it's because of his mental disorders. And I guess this poem takes it's roots in the fear that I and he are one and the same in the head. and I don't want to  go through life, tearing families apart like he does, because I've never seen a healthy relationship, I guess this is from the panic of 'what if I'm just as bad and I won't know how a healthy relationship looks'
ok rant over sorry
Feb 26 · 101
Speaking
Artem Mars Feb 26
Talking through things that bother you
Talking about people who anger you
Talking out problems that trouble you
Talking and saying lies behind my back

All I wanted was someone to talk to
Someone to listen
Someone to burden
Someone to hear everything I say
“Zilu said to Confucius, ‘May I ask what you think about death?’
‘You may ask,’ replied Confucius, ‘But if you still don’t understand life, why do you want to know about death? Leave thinking about death for when life is over”
-”Thinking About Death”
Artem Mars Feb 26
To all the kids with hell inside their head,
This one is for you
I know what you are feeling right now,
The worst place for anxiety is the doctor's office,
Right?
You are scared they will weigh you
They might see the result of the empty
Paranoia tells you they will judge you for your number on the scale
Depression says you won’t have to do it again,
It says you’ll be gone by next year
You know the doctor might look at your wrists
And if they do…
You will get help
You can have someone be paid to care about you
Having hell inside your head hurts
No matter what they say it doesn't shut up
You can yell
But not over the noise
You can fly
But not over the memories
You can die
But then you come back into the real world
This is one of my less dark poems, just putting that out there
Feb 26 · 137
Counting Sparks
Artem Mars Feb 26
Sparking fires of others' interests
Doing a puzzle with changing artists
Finding personalities of a falling forest
Knowing what stands above and before us
We don't know
We can only assume
A stigma surrounding
My heart is pounding
In fear of being judged for sounding
Crazy or irrational
I'm going to tell you all
No matter where or why you fall
I'll wait and help you crawl
Back to your success
This is my first poem published, so it's not very good. I write A LOT of poetry (like 60 pages on an online document) and I'm going to post a quite few.

— The End —