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Alex Mars May 9
I want to improve
I wish I was better
please, someone, help me
understand my pain and suffering
please send a doctor
I am from perfectionists
but they haven't  fixed me
and I'm sad that I'm not ok
and it's not ok that I'm sad
I just want to feel something
when I can only feel nothing
why does Salem haunt me
why do witches follow me
and ghosts love me
I just want to feel safe
I just want to feel perfect
i wanna feel ok
  May 5 Alex Mars
𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒹𝓇𝑜𝓌𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔,
𝒾𝓃 𝒶 𝓈𝑒𝒶 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓊𝒹𝓈, 𝒶 𝓈𝑒𝒶 𝑜𝒻 𝒷𝓁𝓊𝑒,
𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓉𝑒.

𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓈𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝑜𝓇𝓈,
𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝓈𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓏𝒾𝓃𝑔.

𝐼 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒹𝓇𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔,
𝒾𝓃 𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓇𝒾𝓏𝑜𝓃𝓈.

𝒩𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒷𝑜𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝓈𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉.
the things you love,

can exhaust you too.
Alex Mars May 5
They can separate themselves from their demons
I can’t
The demons I carry around have been my best friends for so long,
I can’t tell the difference from them,
And me
They know when a thought is being placed there from something non-human
I don’t
They talk so much it pours out my mouth
The demons say they love me,
So Me, being desperate for love
Accept them
Then I follow their rules
- eat little- sleep none- cry always- tears never
And so many more
I’m no longer self-regulated because I'm no longer myself
They swallowed me
Since I can’t tell the difference between us, I willingly gave myself up
Traded myself
For a monster
That only brings others down, or drags me down, to lift others higher
They have become me
They are me
There Isn't a distinction anymore
There isn’t a red font to tell me what ideas to avoid
Because I don’t avoid any ideas at all
Nothing is off-limits, they tell me if I see a thought,
Take it
No matter who it hurts, especially if it hurts me, if you think it, you can do it!
They tell me
You only live once
So they make it hell, but only to prepare me for what’s to come,
They’ve convinced me they only have my best interest in mind, I let them make walls
To protect me
a lil poem about my brain
Alex Mars Apr 23
Standing on a pedestal
Bleeding on a stage
Colored insides for the aesthetic
Beautiful gore
Enhancing your beauty with gore
Showing other people my bones
An idea of perfection being nothing but blood and bone
I lay here and laugh
At the body, i’ve destroyed
At the skin i've hurt
And the insides i've boiled
The commercials show the ideal size
So the people that tell me
The one that I killed
The one that I saved
Whoever would stop me
From crumbling bones
And melting eyes
Limbs are falling off and getting lost
But i'm the idea of pretty
With the gore falling away
i dont know,
Alex Mars Apr 23
Two days ago, I went to bed
With more than average noise in my head
It hurt and I cried
Hurt so much that I died
The only one that could save me
Was miles away from me
Since then, the world sped up
Goes too fast for my lungs
So they just gave up
I am decaying at home
In front of my mother
I am melting so slow
In front of my brother
I am nothing but bone
In front of my other
Alex Mars Mar 27
No one calls me smart
They all check my grades
Mockery of the success
Shameful of the less
Trophy for being a disappointment
I try my hardest
Just for the attention
The approval
Is what keeps me going
I want an A
But I’m labeled with a B, C, D, or F
The attention is all wrong
The ridicule
Not reward
Nothing feels retained
I want a place to post
To show I’m more
To feel seen and liked
To see mean and nice
To share what I do with a brush
What I can do with facepaint
See others
Share songs
But it's about **** time
That they see it isn't
The showing to others
That ensured my demise
The help they would give me
The eyes and the ears
To feel seen and heard
The spotlight again
It will shine on my face
As if everyone cared
As if I wasn't so scared
And I would feel cured
But the labels I gain
Seem to be retained
Without a constraint
Of worry and pain
School is no longer about learning, it's about passing
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