Ever since I set myself free from you, mentioning your name was a burden to me
So I decided to push you way way down into oblivion
But here you are, defying black holes, making surface
Because I need to talk to you, I need to talk about you
Because you were indescribable, and you still are
And I need to know who you are and why you were and why you stayed and why me and what did it feel like
I have too many questions for you
I have too many unspoken thoughts
And I have no one but myself to narrate them to
After 6 months of muted thoughts
Here I am, willing to finally accept healing
Whether you decide to listen or not



- LynnAA

You hid behind a glass-made wall
Flaring during daytime
Invisible during nighttime.

We smiled at an unknown future
We made love with raw words
We stayed in bed covered in sheets that smelled like endless sleep.

Our skins flooded in unknown perfume.
You never smelled my chamomile hair
And I never held on to your shirt.

And on a sunny summer day
Sunlight hit your glass wall
Flaring rainbows on your body
While you were taking a cold shower
And glass shattered to invisible pieces
Falling down like raindrops at your feet.

Only then, August's sunlight blinded me

And I never saw you since.




- LynnAA

All that people have left are memories....
On Facebook.



- LynnAA

And, sometimes, when I look back, I dont even remember how I got the courage to do it, yet I'm glad I've done it.
With all the pain I have inflicted upon myself at that precise moment, I'm glad I did it.
Because, today, I don't remember what the pain felt like, but I remember I heard my breath for the first time in a while.
I was alive.



- LynnAA

Because there is something about people after they take a shower
They look very infantlike, very innocent
They feel warm and susceptible to breakage
They look like they want to be loved, like they can be easily loved
They are at their cleanest, as if born anew after each wash
They smell of nature and their hair is untouched, heavily hanging off their heads uncovering their faces
You just can't not look at them
You just can't not love them in that instant
Because for a fraction of a second they look, feel and smell like something that has never encountered life's heaviness.



- LynnAA

Ylang-Ylang. Viscaria. Protea. Orchid. Magnolia. Lotus. Hibiscus. Gorse. Gardenia. Englantine Rose. Dandelion. Daisy. Cherry Blossom. Campanula. Chamomile.
Pure. Peaceful. Innocent. Flowers.
Flowers don't hurt. They only do if you want them to.



- LynnAA

I don't expect you to understand. And I'd rather leave you blind an deaf to all the little stings but I am stinging your heart with every needle that carved my heart.
My love, you are free. You are loved. Years of sacrifice. Not even you can face that.
Your choice has been made.
I'm understanding still.
I am tired.
Love me silently, but I'd rather think that you stopped loving me.
What's the point of being loved and never feel it?
What's the point of love if I can't get my hands on it?
Happiness resides in my freedom. And your love holds my heart in a bird cage.
I won't let you break my heart. I'll break it myself in quest of happiness.
And no one will know how to fix it but me.
I'll keep planting my needles in your heart until I reach the portal of my freedom.
Only then will I remove them brutally. All at once.

With all my love,
LynnAA

He was next to me
Driving me home
Talking about all the older women he wouldn't be with

And I was next to him
Looking down the road
Feeling pain making surface at the corner of my eye




-LynnAA

Its was a red T-shirt
The kind of T-shirt that hangs on your arms and leaves your shoulders bare for the lustful ones
I wore it
It smelled good
Like bad memories
I smelled it again
Time froze.
Your name
Then your face.
It was the scent of your perfume that I had sprayed on my T-shirt after we had fought
Obsession grows from separation
I inhaled it
Your lips slide to the right when you smile
You brush your tall eyelashes
You wear your black backpack on your back
You steer the steering wheel with your knee
And I looked down and smiled




-LynnAA

I remember well -
A stroke of light leaked in and touched your eyelids.
You opened your eyes and I was lying so close to you that all I saw was your pupil shrinking and your iris growing light honey.
You were looking at me -
I swear I lost my breath - No sunsets behind clouds, no gibbous moons in daytime skies, no poppies in the last days of spring could compare to the awe I sunk in at the sight of your eyes.
You were ever so beautiful in that instant that I made sure to look at you long enough to carve one more photograph of you and keep it in a memory that defies the flow of Lethe.



- LynnAA

Today, as the wind started to cool down as I was going back from Beirut to my house, I sat in a cab, with the window wide open, listening to some oldies the driver was playing, feeling my soft hair revealing my face with my hand on my cheek, and looking outside the window.
I was at peace then, but I felt the urge to cry.



- LynnAA

The grey hair in your young beard
Tell me you've got it burned
On many women's bodies
And tonight I am sitting by the fire
Wearing my favorite burgundy dress
And dark red lipstick has painted my lips.
Forget about the wine
Forget about the cold
And let's paint our fire grey
Let Chopin play for us
As we make our own music
Until midnight announces
Our little death.
I'll keep sitting by the fire
Until your dark beard turns grey.




-LynnAA

Sometimes I just don't know who you were or what holes of my memory should I fill you in.
It irritates my skin and scratches my throat.
How much did I love you for you to be this absent, to be ghost-like, almost flesh and bones that never were.
Yes, I'm grieving inside, but I love you even if I can't remember you.



- LynnAA

You could make me bald, make me skinless, make me boneless, make me ugly. You could shape me in molds of your choice, you could take out my eyeballs and my vocal chords. You could damage me whole and think you have won but you can never stop me from dancing - this is where I reign.



- LynnAA

When nothing starts, everything ends.



- LynnAA

The little drops of the first rain smelled like him.
Dewy mornings and shy sunshine.
Stolen rainbows and tender breezes.

The **** cherry tree was as tender as her.
Gentle autumn leaves and timid storms.
Careful clouds and bare branches.

He looked like autumn and she behaved like autumn.
Yet together, they blended into a biased winter.




-LynnAA

World,
May you take
And give back as
Abundantly as we deserve.



- LynnAA

Five days before you become whole and I stand on my balcony to gaze at you.
You've been damaged.
Your beauty has been soiled with empty promises, dying love and nonexistent forevers.
You now hold all these burdens with me and I can do nothing but communicate my grief with you silently and mourn it.
You will forever be beautiful and tainted with odorless flowers.



- LynnAA

... My name can't protect you from each other anymore.



- LynnAA

Your crying eyes are gorgeous, tell me all your little secrets.


- LynnAA

It was never about possession.
It was about yearning to feel. It was about the immensity I was drowning in with every look of his eyes.
Feeble was I for feelings were taken away from me at many stages of my life; and greedy was I for I was given back, all at once, what I had lost and this time as well, it wasn't mine to take.
I hold on to anything that moves me, even when my arms extend out of my body and I feel the world at the tip of my fingers, I hold on to it because my being fluctuates with it.
I am in love with whatever holds love, with whatever represents it and it's consuming - to feel so deeply, so dearly, so beautifully and know that this as well will be taken away from me.
Probably nothing you encounter is yours, not even your own body, but as long as you get to have it, even for an instant, take it, love it immensely, and if it goes away, it would have been nothing but felicity - felicity embedded with gorgeous memories which, at the moment of redolence, would scar.
But the scars will heal, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a month, maybe not before your birthday, but they will heal.
It is all in your head, and sometimes it is hard to keep control of it, but you will look over it and life will go on for you and feelings will flow your way then ebb away then flow your way then ebb away again and you will be granted memories soft as clouds in a calm January sky.
Only don't be afraid to feel, no tree would blossom in spring if it hadn't forsaken all of its leaves in autumn.



- LynnAA

Secrets - When you're alone in your bed, they are harmless, in fact they might induce a sense of pleasure.
But when you are around the people you're keeping your secrets from, they nibble slowly on your heart until the pain of every nonexistent bite numbs you.
But dear, being numb is losing all senses, it is losing all feelings, therefore being numb is losing yourself.
Be careful what you wish for at heart.



- LynnAA

What if, my dear, you wake up one stormy morning and not even realize that it had ever happened?



- LynnAA

And the race continues, gloriously.


- LynnAA

I take the decision to part from things that have never been a part of me



- LynnAA

Un tissu dentelé, couleur rouge-sang, effleure ma peau et fait frissonner mon être.
Mon amant à l'autre bout du tissu devore ma peau de ses yeux et extasie mon existence.
Ne me touche pas de tes doigts.
Enveloppe mon vagin du tissu rouge et exhale ton souffle dans le creux de mes seins.
Mes lèvres sont pulpeuses à force de les mordre.
Le bout de mes seins sont saillants.
Mes poils se redressent pour s'aggriper à toi.
Je me perds.
Je me laisse aller.
Mon corps bouge imparablement. Il devient le tien.
Je m'abandonne à toi, les yeux fermés.
Je ne veux que sentir.
Tu m'enveloppes.
Tu poses ton coeur sur le mien et nos pulsations se synchronisent.
J'inhale. Tu inhales. Tu exhales. J'exhale.
On fusionne.
Plus. Encore. Davantage.
Plus. Encore. Davantage.
Plus. Encore. Davantage.
Plus. Encore. Davantage.
Petite mort.
Quiétude.
Sourire.
Assouvissement.
Étreinte.
Je t'aime.


---------------------


Lace cloth, blood red, touches my skin and quivers my being.
My lover on the other end of the cloth is devouring my skin with his eyes and rapturing my existence.
Don't let your fingers touch me.
Wrap the lace around my ****** and exhale your breath in between my *******.
My lips are pulpy, I bit them too much.
The tips of my ******* are protruding.
My little hairs straighten out to reach you.
I get lost.
I let myself go.
My body moves unstoppably . It becomes yours.
I abandon myself to you, my eyes closed.
I only want to feel.
You enfold me.
Your heart meets mine and our pulsations synchronize.
I inhale. You inhale. You exhale. I exhale.
We merge and blend.
More. Further. Anew.
More. Further. Anew.
More. Further. Anew.
More. Further. Anew.
Little death.
Quietude.
Smile.
Satisfaction.
Embrace.
I love you.



- LynnAA

I can't be your enemy
We can't part like we've never met

We shared our hearts
We traded our hearts
We gave our hearts

And now you are a part of me
You merged into my cells
And I lost you in my being

And if someone ever asks me what love is
Every atom in me will shiver
All my body will reminisce you
My lips will part to breathe you
And my pupil will grow ever so widely
As I spell your name at the tip of my tongue



- LynnAA

I'd like to know through you what he's wearing, what does he smell like what does he look like, what does he feel like, when did he last smile, is he wearing his purple shades, is he wearing the necklace I got him, did he shave, did he cut his hair, did he like his hair better before he cut it...
I'd like to picture him again and you are the only way. A way I don't like at all but it leads me to him.
Maybe I should stop searching for him through you and I should start looking for him in myself.
He lives in me and only I can see him inside me.
Everything else is only an illusion of him.



- LynnAA

Spread perfume on your skin
Wear tights under your pants
Make sure your belly shows just enough
And wait.

Wait.
Maybe he'll notice your belly skin
Maybe he'll smell your hair
Maybe he'll see your legs when you bend down to pick up his shirt

And if he does
Watch TV together
Discovery Science preferably
While his hands try to reach you
Under the one sheet that covers you both.

Allow him to put his arms around you
Allow him to lay his lips on you
Allow him to hear you moan
Allow him to feel your back arch

And the second day
He'll go back to being a DJ
And you'll go back to being a man's bait.



-LynnAA

When you are alone in a restaurant
And a stranger walks in and sits on the table facing you
And you feel that he is not hungry for food
But probably hungry for lust, beauty, new acquaintances, intellect, art, knowledge...
And that is when your bill comes back
You leave a tip and then the table
Abandoning him starving for the eye contact that would have fed his hunger.



- LynnAA

I was sitting in church
Reading a Bukowski
When I heard
The sound of her black heels
Silencing all divinity
Leaking through the church's walls.
She walked towards me
As she always did
Then
She stopped for a moment
And looked at the cross.
I saw God in her eyes
While she walked towards Him
And kneeled
The way she always did
To tell me her darkest sins.
I waited for her
Her Rosary seemed endless.
She drew the sign of the Cross
And got up.
Should I go to her?
She was walking towards the door.
Should I go to her?
She opened the door.
"Karen!"
But the door has already closed on me
Leaving me in hell
As she took Heaven away.




- LynnAA

Let me stay in your arms a little longer
Before the smell of your cigarette holds on to my light brown hair.




-LynnAA

Give me a puff.
Drowse me and kiss me.



- LynnAA

Light leaks into my favorite room
An orange ray over light blue floor and walls
We point our toes, open our arms, extend our fingers, hold our heads high and our legs higher, we turn, leap, grab the floor and embrace our temporary wings
All that with us unaware of the light having it's own dance on our bodies.
This room is a home for angels
This room is for bodies who found home within their souls
This room is my home
This room is who I am
I am blessed to dance around light and with it
I belong here
I belong home
Now I know



- LynnAA

She was wearing a long black dress
That revealed her delicate back
She had her hair in a ballerina like bun
Her luscious lips were red
Her lashes tall and dark
And her hazel eyes darkened with a touch of blackness.

He stood behind her
His eyes following her spine
Her skin looked delicate
She turned around
Her dress fell off
He approached her
He kissed her lusciousness
Caressed her indeed soft skin
He devoured her neck
He discovered her depth
Going into the wildness and out of it
Into the wildness and out of it
She let go of a breath
That caressed his neck
Like a sweet breeze.

As a breeze went by
She felt eyes ******* her
She turned around
He looked like a feline
Wild but beautiful
She looked him right in the eyes
Inviting herself into his wildness
But he could not approach
For lack of courage
She turns and walks away
Leaving the uncertainty of her softness
Lingering in his feral beauty.




- LynnAA

I love them too much for their effort, but I'm tired of watching them taking care of us with all of what they can't have.



- LynnAA

Take care of the woman in you so she can take care of you.



- LynnAA

one lovely voice whispers in my ear and scares all the heaviness away.


- LynnAA

It's 1:00 a.m. and I'm suffocating on my tears, telling myself that I should save myself.
It's hard to cry without a sound, the pain gets deeper in your bones if you don't shout.
And I go to sleep, burying my face in a dry pillow and I wake up the next morning with damp hair and a damp face and I pretend it was all a dream.
Then as I try to get up, my chest weights me down back on my bed, only to realise that my heart has been feeding on my pain all night.



- LynnAA

My body scares you but I won't stop dancing.



- LynnAA

...
And when you come back, if I feel that all of this and all of you are true, I will run into your arms like a wounded lioness who has just found her shelter.

And I will sail with you, till you either drop me on a new land, push me into the water or take me to an island.

I don't care where you'll drop me, as long as you're true. Everything else, I can save myself from it.



- LynnAA

If your aim is to play games
If your aim is to hurt souls
Stay away.
Don't try to step on a soil you  don't know how to walk on.
My wild plants will eat you alive.
I am no woman to be fooled.
I will draw your limits with a brush of my arm, like the ballerina I am.
Drop the masks.
I don't like clowns and you're a really bad one.



- LynnAA

Kiss my mouth
I am youth I am beauty
I am a bass song in the midst of a cruise
I am lost between being here, being in my mind, being on the sun, being on a cloud, being with you
Kiss my mouth
I am a Goddess
Zeus or Jupiter
Riding a storm
Raining on your garden.
Kiss my mouth



- LynnAA

Hello, Sir, would you like a drink?

He didn't lift his head
No, thank you

His voice was gruff
Maybe smoky
Or just *******
She couldn't tell
It was raw and deep
Just like the North Atlantic Ocean
It held the amount of women
He must have broken
Or ******
Or maybe both
It was inviting
And she wanted an invitation

Alright, Sir




-LynnAA

Lady, why do you cry?
Did his cigarette drag on your hair?
And his black coffee stain your clothes?
Lady, why is your mascara running?
Did he miss your lips?
Did another woman get a kiss?
Lady, why are your watery eyes beautiful?
Did he meet you in the dark?
Or did he turn off the lights on your beauty?




-LynnAA

Is it about giving up, not feeling anymore, never having felt or just going with the flow?



- LynnAA

Everyone is a little of something and a lot of something else.



- LynnAA

You're with someone you don't feel comfortable with and you drink huge amounts of water until your bladder can no longer hold it in - only to use your urge to *** as an excuse to leave.

Little cowards.



- LynnAA

Engrave your fingers in me and pull me out of my presence.



- LynnAA

A silent wave in a rough sea -
Every shore you have landed on has been sending you back to the water, yet you still choose to come back thinking you can invade it.
The tide has left you be.
The sand is tired of you.
The seagulls have desolated you.
Leave the shore for those who belong to it and ebb away to a land that is your own.
You belong to the water. You know nothing but the water. Stay in the water.



- LynnAA