all these voices are crawling in on me...
all these visions make me die inside...
all these thoughts makes me numb...
all these things makes me a freak...
this world makes me very crazy...
i often make myself dissapper...
so i beg you, numb me please...
cause i dont wanna be here...
goodbye...*

**(c.m.h)

At a camp 40 ither people
Still im sitting on my own
Its not beacuse they dont like me
Or beacuse i dont like them...

I just like it better when im alone

**(c.m.h)

she stands here
with her back against the wall
she helps me lock my door
when i'm crouched on all four

it's just a diet
keep it quiet
my problems lay in numbers
medical language wont help me here

leave it alone
i'll do this on my own
dont tell me it's dangerous
cuase i'm allready painless

**(c.m.h)

she promised me never to do it again
she promised to try stay happy

but it wasn't that easy
i took her weapon she found a new one

and before i got to take a second breath
her towels stained red again...

*(c.m.h)

but oh...
how can you miss someone
you never actually met?

i'll never know
when my heart will blast
i'll let out my words
but the happiness won't last

it'll get bad again
worse than before
i'll go to my room
and lock the door

when the darkness
sorrounds me
i'll know im alone
silver turns red
my thoughts are thrown

they're gone for a while
i'm happy again
but will it last
no it's still here
haunting me
tearing me apart
and changing who i am

**(c.m.h)

you could sit with my ****** wrists in your hands and i'd still insist that i was fine

i could sit in front of you crying and still make you believe that i am just tired

*(c.m.h)

sitting in my room all day long
thinking about him, how he treats me wrong
there is tons of other boys
only one special i love his smile his person his voice

he might be a little older
but i can always cry on his shoulder
he might be far away
but i'll get there and finally kiss him someday

he makes me smile
even when i havent in a while
when im sad he can feel it
when im broken he can always heal it

we like the same things
and i hope that some day we'll prove it with rings
i never thought we'd get this close
but it's clear as air now this love is my daily dose

i love you so much XOXO
your babygirl
your my vinyl scratch, my saviour!

i don't care
if you like me or not
i don't care
if you look better than me
i don't care
if you are prettier than me
i don't care
how many friends you have...
cause i bet they wouldn't stick up for you if you were in need

**(c.m.h)

you say you love flowers
but yet you pick them up by the root

you say you love the nature
but you still throw around trash

you say you love the lamp in the corner
but when you get a new one its better

you say you love so many things
but all you do is **** it
use it
replace it...

and i'm just afraid that one day tou'll say that you love me

*(c.m.h)

my daily routine is tragedy
i just want to be happy...

*(c.m.h)

no matter how much i wanna make myself hate you, those three words always show up in my mind*  *i love you

(c.m.h)

i'm gonna make it
im gonna take the hundred steps

i'm gonna make it
i'll take one day at a time and it will soon be ninetynine

i'm gonna be ok
lots people have climbed this before me

i'm gonna be ok
i can do it beacuse i'm strong

i'm fine for now
but it will get better
it wont be easy
it will take a while

but i'll make it
i'll be ok..

**(c.m.h)

they say i'm strong but at the same time weak
i fight my things and i don't let it bring me down
but yet it hurts me and makes me sad

they say i'm pretty but still not good enough
i look good and do everything right
but i still fail in the end when they judge me

they say i'm mature but still so childish
i take responsibility like a grownup
but my childhood was stolen so i act like a child now

*(c.m.h)

everybody feels insecure
some people
just do a better job of hiding it

**(c.m.h)

she was a very bright girl
4 years old, pigetails laughing, smiling thinking the old kids were really cool.

she was happy
7 years old, one braid in each side always smiling noticing how the big kids put on a new layer of make up at lunch time.

she was smiling
10 years old, her big curly hair hanging loose she lost all her friend but she was a strong girl so she smiled even when they called her ugly or fat.

she was never making eyecontact
12 years old straight hair looking at the ground all the time barely ever talking, ignoring the kids calling her fat, ugly but it still hurt her.

she was never talking, never smiling and never taking out her head phones
14 years old, hair in a pony tail, having to redo her makeup at lunch time cause she cried of everthing while she sat in her locker she could easily fit there since she had been starving herself.

she had scars and cuts on her arms and legs
15 years old, she stopped carring she was wearing short sleeves hair hanging loose again straightened but teased, the kids called her attention ***** and pushed her around like a ball.

it's her birthday
today she would have turned 15 but she's not here anymore, she took a choice and left this world too early she wasn't supposed to be happy... not in this place, but she's somewhere else now somewhere better
everybody is sad that she left this early, but they didn't belive her when she told she wanted to leave...

*(c.m.h)

those voices trembling in her mind
those visions she think is in front of her eyes
all the noise at night wich isnt even there

it's all in her head but darling she will never believe
that it's just her own mind making her go insane
just her own mind scaring the **** out of her

she lie awake at night telling herself that it's not real
but it feels like it's there she could walk over to it
and feel a hand on her shoulder....

it wasn't inside her head...
they just couldn't see it
they should have listened to her
cause now their little darling is dead
she was killed by the demons...

**(c.m.h)

you say you really love me
but still you call me stupid *****?
i dont think you really see
how much you make my arms itch

i do love you cuz afterall you are my mom
but we argue all the time
i dont know where this anger come from
and right now im living on a really thin line

mom i hate you go away
no i need you please, please stay!
get out of my room stupid *****
your face reminds me most of a witch

i sit here alone sad and afraid
but it wont be long back anyway...
im gonna **** myself, not today
but i will cuz i know i wont stay

a broken mirror a bleeding fist
a silver blade against a wrist
tears falling down to lips unkissed
ignore her and she wont exist
she's not hte kind you'll come to miss

**(c.m.h)

oh well
guesss i'll see you
in hell....

this life is filled with hurt
and happiness doesnt work
i cant get enough
take me by my hand i'll show you what it is
i like it rough
id rather feel pain than nothing at all

i can't fake it
pain is my only feeling
i'm numb to everythin but pain
pain is everythin to me
pain is what i love
pain is what i've become...

*(c.m.h)

roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you

but the roses have wilted
and the violets are dead
the sugarbowl is empty
and my wrists are stained
RED

**(c.m.h)

she's proud og herself but she won't tell you why
it has now been a month since last she even tried
but they voices won't stop today she still won
she put down her razor and put down that gun

after hours of thinking to herself
she goes and picks up her old friend from the shelf
overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposes her devils, drops the charade

for the first time in a while her lips crack to a smile
this wont be easy but in the end it will be worthwhile
her cuts will turn to scars and those scars will fade
and this makes her feel stronger she's no longer afraid

**(c.m.h)

She's just a child
She's ready to die
She took the gun
She's been deprived
she pulls the trigger
and spreads her wings
another angel
suicide brings

*(c.m.h)

so beautiful
yet so sad

so happy on the out side
yet so dark on the inside

so loved
but yet she hates herself

she's like everyone else
but yet so different

*(c.m.h)

loving two people...
one not knowing, other heartbroken beacuse he knows he's your true love...
the heartbroken one being 4000 miles away...
the one not knowing being by next door...
the age difference between two true lovers....
the lack of common interests in close lovers....
the lust...
or the love...?

**(c.m.h)

you understand me and i understand you, we are two bodys of one soul we are twins and dare to be ourselves when we are together
I LOVE YOU!

**(c.m.h)

desperate and so lonely
i've looked for you
i left behind all that i
have ever longed for
cold wins scream through my ears
like a banskee
a freezing chill
a pain, that still will haunt me

yet i have made it here
running through all the fear
the sadness in my heart retains the pain
and if i fall i've learnt that i may not return
none of my love remains
yet i have made it here
make this pain dissapear
my one and only prince charming

that's when i wonder...
why cant i even dream?

**(c.m.h)

would you believe me if i said you are pretty?
would you believe me if i said you are worth it?
would you believe me if i told you i care ?
would you believe me if i said it will be ok?

would you believe me if i said im confident in myself?
would you believe me if i said that i'm ok ?
would you believe me if i said i don't need help?
would you believe me if i said everything is fine?

*(c.m.h)

when i'm awake early in the morning
i think of nothing but you
but i know you don't think of me

when i can't sleep at 3 AM beacuse i miss you
and i know you're sleeping peacefully
i hate myself a little bit more

when i finally fall asleep
i dream of you but i know
you don't dream of me

and every living moment of my day
has become a nightmare not worth living
anymore

*(c.m.h)

i'm invisible
you see right through me

you see me
but you never notice me

you talk about me
but never to me

you know who i am...
**but you dont know i exist