Fear.
I wish I never came to know.
Fear.
We try so hard to never let it show.
Fear.
A relentless force.
Fear.
It always finds its way into everyone's course.
Fear.
Go away!
Fear.
Show me a brighter day.

He's broken spirited
                   just look into
                      his eyes and see.

Secrets hurt,
              Secrets can ****.
Secrets create lies;
                                 Very sly.

If you want to make me feel better
smile again <3

Her belly swollen like a mother should be.
I ask her every morning "my dear how much candy did you eat because your SO gosh **** sweet?"
I love her because my flower is growing as we speak inside her.
Her skin is so clear and all a glow, the color of a hershey kiss.
A hershey kiss that I would kiss over and over again.
Her eyes are so round and bright like two big dark chocolate whoopers.
Two big dark chocolate whoopers that I love getting to the coconut center.
Her hair so bouncy and thick, just like cotton candy.
Cotton candy that will be passed down to our little ginger bread man.
And oh her smile, you could never forget, so bright and lively like skittles, oh what I would do taste the rainbow once more.
She is MY sugar mama, I would never trade her for the universe. Baby I love you and baby I love OUR baby.

Beady almond eyes, cocoa butter skin, hot chocolate on his breath.
     Grandpa is here, no worries or fear.
I adore the way his soft cheeks flush pink every time he laughs, and how his frame is so fragile during a hug.
     How is a man so weak, so strong?
When grandpa is here, everything feels safe, everyone is so kind.
       He makes me feel so special, I hope I make him feel the same.
        Ohhhh how I miss you so Grandpa!!!!!
My days are so cold and empty without you, I often sit in your favorite comfy chair and sip hot cocoa just to feel close to you.
Grandpa love is not strong enough a word for my emotions toward you.
    Grandpa......  I miss you!!!!

YOU

ARE


CONFLICTING



TOWARDS




ME,





YOUR






NAME


­




SHOULD








BE









FRICTION.

It
                                                                hurts so
                                                        bad. As your
                                             so close, I can hear
                                  your every breath & feel
                        your every heart beat, oh how
             desperately I WANT you in bed, just
        let me feel your silky skin against mine
, let's connect on a level we never     connected before. Let me run my
          hands through your hair & down        your hips as you moan in my ear,
let me please you well, & when its over, let us act as if we forgot about this night & go on as strangers.

To herself, she was perfect, how could anybody resist?

Of course men, boys, guys from all over, would be lined up, all for her attention.

Right........?

OF COURSE. :)

She worked so ******* her body during winter, just to be noticed on hot summer beaches.

She always did her hair, her makeup, her nails, always had the best outfits.

After all, she was a beauty.

Wouldn't you agree.......?

DUH!! Xp

Only.............time passed...and couples of all types appeared.

I'm beautiful, she thought, I'm special.

Surly, my man will come, someone to love ME <3.

Men came.....but not for love.

For ***.

She was *** material,
after all look at the effort she put forth into her looks, we know what she wants.........,.... the D!! XD

Only, she wished they had stayed.... she wished they had loved HER.

The real her. v.v

The her she so deeply hated herself.

Surly somebody will like me.

Definitely, right?


If no one does, its okay because she knows the feeling all too well.

But every morning, she wakes up and looks in the mirror to see an eager, smiling ready face and the bruises.

The memories are nothing but a distant nightmare, coated in sugar.

Coated in the thousand voices in her head telling her,
it never happened,
your beautiful,
everyone is jealous of you,
your perfect,
your special.
Well at least to me.......:*

This is why she loves herself, because no one EVER will....<\3

Waking up with stinky breath reminds me of yesterday night. O.O

Busted lips.
           Frazzled spirits.
                          Hollow eyes.
Promises full of lies.

Roads,roads, I'm sick of roads, where they bring me God
Knows,
sometimes the road I take
Snows,
other times beauty
Shows.
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, why must life keep going, why must I keep choosing, I'm tired. Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, splitting my brain in
Two,
confusing me until someone says my name and I say
"Who?"
Roads, roads, so many roads, but only one is
Right,
roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, I'm tired of the ongoing
Fight.
Is it so wrong to just want to be in the
Light?
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, slippery, bumpy and
Tight.
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, I want to see the
Light!

Can you see me?
I see you, I see you even in my dreams.
The ones with you painted in them are always my favorite.
~
Can you hear me?
I always hear you.
On days when I'm alone I wish nothing more than to hear your handsome voice fill the room with life and colors.
~
Can you feel me?
When my fingers touch yours, or when I watch the way you so cutely do certain things, or even when as I listen to you speak through my eyes I scream at you "I love you"?
~
But more importantly, can You love Me too?

Angry am I for all the times I tried to hold your hand and you pulled it away.

Angry am I for wasting all my time on you, for all those memories made that you hardly recall.

Angry am I for forgiving you for hurting me (more than once).

Angry am I for being the only one there for you when you were weak.

Angry am I for taking your insults.

Angry am I for looking past your imperfections.

Angry Am I That She Is Your Everything And I Am Your Nothing.

So stop wondering where I am.
Stop wanting me back because You chose Her.

Angry am I that now you change your mind when its too late.......

In the darkness he sings a song of my liking,
Drawing me from the sunlight to him.

                   He smiles a victory, working his eyes in mine and his hands through my hair.

Pulling at my hips, nudging, wanting.

It is his yernful force that I can feel pulling, nudging, wanting.

NO stay strong, think of God.

He turns my face from the sky to him.

Soothing me he knows all the right areas, its scaring me because I know what he does.

       The evils he has practiced.

He is nasty, equvilent to sin its self because he does Not care, not about me, the small children, his sister, or those other girls, he ruins them all.

He'll drag me to hell with him if its the last thing he does.

He's hooked on me and I can't get him out.

He'll never let me go, never let me be the only survivor.

It is a Must he get me too.

He always finds me alone and tempts me.

Pursuades.

I'm tired of it, I don't wanna go down like this.

He is lust.

Break me down from within.
Its okay, if were not comiting a sin.
Make me scream from inside out.
Make me pout.
Do it strong, do it soft.
Do it long, do it short.
Break me down until I'm yelling YES!
Baby, put my body to the test.
I wanna be an animal for a while.
Let's make each other smile.
Set me lose from this cage.
Let's engage.
Let me show you just what I can do.
I'll be sure to make you go ouhh.
Let's get closer than never before.
Sugar, its only you that I adore.
Now just BREak  Me!

Up, down, left, right, just like a merry go round.
That is our relationship.
Over the mountain, under the mountain, around, never through.
Tell me you love me for once, instead of beating around the bush.
Tell me exactly why it is your mad, so I can fix it.
So sick of this merry go round, I want off.
It used to be fun, now its just plain dumb.

They call women the temptresses but I know it is men.
~
It is men who so savagely call for the women.
~
They call with their eyes, their thoughts, their needs or shall I really saw wants.
~
It is men who find women so highly desired.
~
It is men who never get enough *** Not women.

If you love her, tell her so.
             If you don't, she'll never fully know.
If you love her, notice the little things.
             Like when she changes her style.
If you love her, when she's sad try and make her smile.
             If you love her, hear what she is trying to say.
Think of how she feels.
             If you love her, really know her, know what she would pick or say.
But most importantly if you really love her, when things get rough, stay.

The pull of the earth alignes us just right, as we gaze at the mini universe in each others eyes.
  
A feeling so hypnotic.

We can hear our own heart beat slow and pump simultaneously; together.
  
As our faces so close touch for the first time,
soft lips so overly sensitive, but why?
    
Eyes are shut as the feelings of magic runs through our bodies.

Hands know just where to go.

Our heart beats have grew rapid.

Hot breath, eyes on fire and your trust.

We tasted each other and don't even know how or why but the after effect is exilerating.

So this is what its like to have a kiss.

Make me feel beautiful, touch my body, please love me....

Dewy skin, a faint musk.
Candle lights and only us.
•
Your lips pressed on my lower spine.
Your finger tips feeling my every bump, nook and crany.
••
My body becomes a whole new planet.
You must explore.
Especially because I want more.
•••
Touch me, with your electric hands, sending my nerves into a transe. Never felt like this before.
••••
Never before seen you so close, this is what I love the most.
•••••
Your hot breath mixed with mine, our bones intertwined and Oh your eyes, never look away.
••••••
Consume me.

Cursed me for being a girl.
You mock my very frame and build.
**** my womanly ways!
You shove my below you,
us **** women are on the bottom.
Either be pretty of get the **** out.
Cursed me for having a ******, that you men so viciously, tormentfully, obsessively want.
Cursed me for seeming flirtatious, when I'm really not, **** it why?
Cursed me for being born into a ******* expectation of what women are.
Cursed me for having to be conservative.
Curse me for having to be not too conservative.
Cursed me for being a ******* icon for ***.
**** it, I'm not gay, I'm just being me!
****, ***? Cursed me for being socially peer pressured into being a ****, then persicuted for it.
**** curse me.

You heal my wounds with your concerned voice.
  You warm me up with your large hand as it holds mine.
    You release my soul when you hold my head against your chest, I can hear your strong heart.
      You bring me joy in your little ways of how you do things, makes me giggle.
          You are you and that's all I can ever want.

His
hands
were
*****
,
his
soul
was
pure
.
His
face
was
rough
,
his
eyes
were
sure
.

Keep it in, Keep it in, don't let it out.
Just pretend, just pretend, don't make them doubt.
Act well, act well, never let them see.
They'll never again see the real me.
Change my ways, change my ways, separate the mental me from the public face.
Now they can never judge the misunderstood if there's no sense of doubt in there minds right?
Let me be, let me be, I know what I want.
It's not what you think, what you think, I'm actually on the straight path.
I just need to prove that.
So I change me ways, change my ways.
Keep it in, keep it in.
Pretend, just pretend
Act...
It's all a show for them, for them.
Just to get a him, a him.
So I got to keep it in.
Just keep it in.

Inside my body the guilty seeds have rooted through all my veins

and in to my heart

strangling it dead.
                                            
Inside my heart the anger fights to still beat,

no matter the pressure it competes,

its cold because its a zombie heart but it still pumps blood that reaches

my brain.
                                


   Inside my mind is misery,

its been confused so much it yerns to shut off

but somehow it can't,

it won't let me sleep,

too many memories and thoughts eat it
from the inside out

but nevertheless my rotten brain still allows me to have a spirit.
                                    

Inside my soul is death,

the once bright white doves have darkened and can barley lift one wing,

choking on my bodies misfortune,

as I sit so small in this big monstrous world thats poisoning my skin.
        
  My skin is covered in eczema,

my face in blemishes

it coughs on the pollution and cigarette smoke that its too exposed to,

its infected but somehow my eyes still survive on the surface

with it.
                                                        My eyes are worn down

with a astigmatism

from all the rough things I have seen

but they still slow me to see

more.

I'm falling

apart,

I guess you could say that zombies are real,

just not the kind you can see

with your own zombie eyes.

What are the right words to say to a MAN?
          When the light hits him just right
                my mind tells me he's
                    beautiful, but I can
                       not tell him that.
Beautiful is a woman's word.

When I find him acting so **** adorable,
     Do I say anything at all?  
Adorable is a girl's word.

When I see him hurt and about to cry, do I hug him and tell him everything will be alright while I wipe his tears?
Or will that make him feel weak?
Weak is the opposite of how a man should be, right?

What ARE the right things to say to a man?
Is it simply nothing at all?

Made of glass is my heart,
so please treat it as though FRAGILE were written across my chest.

It has fallen so many times already that I am running low on glue.

Please don't break my heart because this love is my last chance, I just can't bare anymore shards, that tare into my soul like claws.

Please don't break my heart, this pain is becoming all to familiar...

Hug Me Please, Never Let Me Go-Wait No Don't!

To react or not to react....that is the question.

Allow her to be innocent.
Allow her to be silly.
Allow her to be safe.
Allow her to be sometimes clumsy.
Allow her to have her gaurd down, around you.
Allow her to be pure.
Allow her to be cute.
Allow her to be her.

I look upon him with eyes of appreciation, as a ***** man would to soap.
I lavish at the way his image is so square.
Like a crown of authority is his beard.
He is a roof over me.
A man of meat so strong.
The voice of him is quite an appealing song.
Men, men, ah wonderous men.

U **** my people DAY after DAY!
Night after Night......

Ear piercing screams curdle my blood.

What can I do?

My sleep is restless, full of U.

You bruise me inside and out!

And I'm not one to pout.

U **** me!

My life is all about U.......

Broken realities,
Fists clenched,
Ashes of mine blow in the winds, I have nothing left.
Tears burning,
Heart is stolen.
So empty inside, WHY do I need SOMEONE on my side?
Spine slouching, voice too frail.
You pound at my rotting corpse.
Dying birds are my soul.
Life as I feel it, you could never know.
Ashes, dark infinite space, death, blood, it hurts, especially the fact that I can NOT find the **** escape!
Becoming sand, I'm grown up and up again.
Struggling, holding on for dearest life while every little thing stabs me like a knife.
I'm falling ever so silently like a napkin off a cliff.
But this my background people dismiss.
If the wind blows too hard, nothing will be left.
Oh wait its already gone,
its been this pattern for so very long.

His fingers caressed her face
fixing her hair behind her ear.
He kissed her softly,
sang her sweet tunes.
He wrote her poems & played songs on his guitar.
But when she gazed into his eyes,
sadness stared back.
His eyes were empty.
Empty & sad.
Together they made love, holding each other close.
He bought her flowers,
took her on picnics.
She was his EVERYTHING,
his whole world.
She was the only light in his dark dreams.
But she began feeling like he had become too dependent on her, so she asked for a break.
Unknowingly breaking his heart into a million shards.
Darkness consumed him.
Without her, he was melting.
Melting into nothing.
When she came back, he was already gone.
It was too late.

In my world people will not have to stop themselves from saying "I love you" to others no matter their gender or relation to me, because if I love them as a person, then I love them none the less.
You see now in days, we as people give no love. It is feared.

Opposite genders feel uncomfortable hugging one another, need to say making any physical contact at all.

Why is showing love so limited and why does it feel like love is not okay?

We as people must pick and choose who we can verbally say "I love you" to.

But I love every one!

Old, young, man, woman, shy, loud, weak, strong, beautiful, ugly.

I love them all!

I love that I am not alone on this world and that I met you.

We are all God's children, so why not act like sisters and brothers.

If I like someone, I LIKE THEM!
Why should I be afraid to show compassion, THIS IS WHAT WE ARE MADE FOR!
We are living creatures who require physical contact, affection and LOVE from both MEN and WOMAN.

Have you ever noticed when you DO hug the opposite ***, it feels so GREAT, so COMFORTING yet so AWKWARD?

When you tell some one I love you, even if they may not be super close it feels good to say yet odd?

That is because we need love as people just like we need food.

Men need love!
They too need to be told they are handsome, they too need to be hugged and comforted when they cry be told everything is okay.
  
&

Women need love!
They too need to be told they are beautiful, feel cared for and comforted when they feel hurt.

We need each other, so why does society put a large wall in comforting one another, having inoccent connections and bonds with people of the opposite *** and race?

So why is showing common love so limited and restricted, why is love not okay?

Wild and on the prowl, cannot, Will not attempt to stop.
Mind is set, target locked.
Speed, agility, and stamina, my mind has let everything go.
YOU are the only thing I know and I can already taste, hear, feel and smell you.
I am an animal releasing my energy.
Satisfyingly filling my stomach.
Thank goodness I pulled into the drive thru.
That burger was all I needed.

When.    Write.         Tags.      The.           Box.
            U.            The.           In.         Notes.
                              



                             GRRrrrr!

Carve into me, there's nothing there.
Emotion? No only a blank stare.
What is that you say, life is unfair?
Well say it again, and again until you get the point across.
Someone please help, my patience is lost.
Patience with yours truly.
How unruly?

If
You
Cut
Me,
I
Bleed
Out
Just
The
Same.

She was having a horrible day
The one who broke her <3 had begged her to stay
But her tears swept her away.
-
She found herself in a beautiful space
A field of moons lay right there in her face
The field allowed her to think and heal at her own pace
It became her happy place.
-
A field of moons so beautiful
A field of moons to enlighten her soul
A field of moons where only she knows.

Take this          DAGGER you
    call LOVE out of MY heart!!!!
     !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
       !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
         !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!
               !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                  !!!!!!!!!!!!
               ­        !!!!

No matter HOW many times or how DEEPLY I explain to you my problems or feelings you can NEVER help me.

You can never
End my internal suffering,
Which is like a heavy vine suffocating
My SOUL.

Do words mean nothing?

Because in other words I AM BEGGING you for help, find me a psychiatrist or some medication.

I can NOT constantly fight against myself ANYMORE.

My mind gets weaker each time I try and HOLD UP.

Will no one save me from my own misery?

I AM HELPLESS.... v.v

You pick me up, I say put me down.
When you smile at me, I frown.
I am afraid.
Afraid to love.
Afraid to be loved.
What is it that you see in Me?
One day you will wake up and see.
You'll wake up and curse yourself for liking me.
I'm the bottom of the bottom of the sea.
As your the highest point in the sky.
You whisper I love you.
Your whispers ****** me inside.
I am so afraid you'll leave, yet so afraid you'll stay.
I cannot do this!
Please, just go away.
Unless.............. unless, you could teach me how to love.

Let down your walls love, can you not feel your worth?
Let me in ***, do you not wish to talk?
Look back at me boo, do you not see how much I care?

I WANT TO LOVE YOU!! How BLIND can U be?!

I'm running out of time.......

No food, bones show,
stomach shriveled,
this is my dream.

Peel me off like Velcro
This bed is ******* me up, consuming my flesh whole.
Its draining my mind
Its evil.

My body is paralyzed, I can't move a finger.
My mind is being taken control of.
Every time I try to motivate my self I end up in a fantasy land of dreams.

But its not a fantasy at all, its the opposite when over and over your eyes roll shut and reality cuts off.

I need to shower, eat, clean my house, tell my family I love them for crying out loud.

How much time has passed since I've been stuck in this bed?

..........................off to sleep again.

I need to get up, get help, this bed is evil, I'm withering away.
..............  . .  ........ . . ..  ... ...fell asleep again.

HELP! I see the phone its right there, I just Need someone to pick me up and bring M
me out side, or even on the floor; what season are we in anyway?

....... . .  ............. . . ........... . .      .  .............. . .   .    .. ..   .  ..  .  dreaming of seasons.

NO, No, no!! I need to take back control, wait what was I talking about?
...........oh yeah, now I just need to reach for that phone.

Its so far away, it appears so close, yet I have no energy on my fibers.

Reach, come on push, REACH!!!

.......................... . . . . .      .        .  .  .         ...    ... .            ... . **** IT!!

Plunging my body towards the phone, I gave it all I got,
I get a little hurt and land on the floor but I have the phone in hand.
...........0.0
When I hit the call button to 911 I realize my phone hasn't been payed for who knows how long.
How do I still even have this house?

I crawl, straining every muscle in my body to the front door, when I violently force all my body wait on the hangle and the door swings open, I look up and see............................................ A fish?
How the heaven did a fish?
...................my eyes shoot open, oh just another dream.

You tended to me ever so wonderfully,
I almost couldn't believe you were true.
You cut me open and I lost massive amounts of blood, but then you stitched me up.
We danced and you spun me in princess circles up and down the dance floor but then you left your princess hanging for another.
To make matters worse you aimed at stealing my crown of self esteem, you bullied me.
You constantly pulled at the cement that held up my castle, skrewed me over every way possible.
I thought you were my prince charming, turns out you were a prince from hell, because you murdered me over and over again.
I will forever have a scar that is YOU.

You gently kissed my lips.
(But they were laced with poison)
You hugged me with all your warmth.
(But held a knife to my back)
You listened to all my issues.
(But used them to your advantage)
You told me you loved me.
(But put a gun to my chest)
Because once I took a good look in the mirror I saw all the effects and I saw the used to pieces target in my back.

But more importantly I saw you with her and I saw her fresh target.....