Sitting in the local coffee shop,
Listening to coffee shop songs,
Doing work but simultaneously
Watching people.

Studying psychology,
Of the abnormal type,
Watching behaviors,
But not reflecting inward.

Sipping hot coffee,
Burning your mouth on it,
But trying not to react.
Someone across the cafe saw you; ****!

Studying people,
Drinking coffee nonchalantly,
Watching behavior,
Reflect inward, ******.
Reflect inward.

She always seemed to be going somewhere,
She was always up to something,
But never told anyone what.
She had friends, but they were few,
She was always up to something,
But not even they knew.
She never stayed in one place long,
She was always up to something,
It was only a matter of time before she was gone.
Onto her next journey; her next voyage,
She was always up to something,
But no one could have seen this coming.
Right when everyone expects her to leave, she doesnt,
She was always up to something,
But she never left then.
She waited and waited until they would least expect it,
She was always up to something,
She wanted no trace to be left.
But she was always up to something,
Planning her escape,
And with that,
She vanished...

They all leave.
They all come into my life
Then leave.
We bond, and start to love each other
But before I know it, they're gone.
One by one,
It happens over and over again.
Everytime a new one comes to me,
They leave just as quickly.
The most unlikely of friends,
And more unlikely lovers,
One moment they're here,
The next they're gone, forever.
I don't know why this happens to me,
I don't know how to prevent it.
All I know is I'll love you always
So please don't leave me this time...

As I lay here,
With my head on your chest,
Our bodies entangled,
You've got me wondering.
You've got me wondering,
Just how many girls
Have laid here before me,
How many girls did you talk into bed?
Do you use the same lines on all of us?
Did you tell them what you told me?
Or is it really different with me?
I lay here with my head on your chest,
My eyes wide open,
These thoughts racing through my head,
When you ask me,
What's on your mind?
But I keep quiet about this,
Mumble nothing to you,
And as you drift off to sleep
I grab my things and leave.
I grab my things and leave,
Just like all the others did before me.

My lungs are burning
And I start to sweat,
Not being able to breathe
Is my biggest threat.
My lungs fill with water,
And my breath gets shallow,
My chest is pounding,
But my heart is hollow.
My pulse is slowing,
And my stress is on the rise,
The pressure inside me is increasing,
As tears gather in my eyes.
My throat starts to shrink,
And my airway begins to close,
I begin to fall unconcious,
And blood drips from my nose.

Where have you been?
Where are you going?
We suffer day in and day out,
Without understanding or knowing.
Explain to me where you've been,
You'll say, what you've done,
And how proud you are,
And it is, but doesn't seem to be so bizzare.
We are so shallow with each other,
We know nothing about our friends,
We share our deepest problems,
Hoping that maybe they can solve them.
But they don't know our past,
They don't really know who we are,
So how are they to help us?
And why do we, in them, put all our trust?
We are confusing beings,
Creatures of our own
Problem creating, attention seekers,
Without reason, we're emotional believers.

"When you're at the bottom,
There's nowhere to go but up".
When you've hit you're all time low,
You start to envy those at the top.
You give your least effort,
And strive for average.
You feel weighed down,
And carry so much baggage.
Everything you do
Causes you to be distressed,
You only focus on the negatives
And don't realize that you're blessed.
You crawl through each day,
Trying not to suffer,
But day after day,
It gets tougher and tougher.
Hang in there though,
The good will come to you,
I know it's tough right now,
But try not to be so blue.
Hold on tight,
And hold your head high,
Try not to cry,
Because pretty soon, you'll fly.

You probably don't know
That I've had a horrible day,
Struggling all day to make it
Through, feeling this way.
And you would go so far
As to say, "this one's on me",
Which makes me tear up,
And you say "don't worry".
I have faith again in humans,
Despite all I've been through,
And some people ask why I give,
And it's all because of you.
It's because of what you did for me,
When I was down, you picked me up,
Whereas most people these days,
They wouldn't give a ****.
Pardon my language,
But it's true you see,
Because of what you have done,
I stopped thinking about me, me, me.
The world is a better place when we
Take care of each other,
We share this planet, and
Through Christ, we're all sisters and brothers.

Use me,
Abuse me,
Don't look at me,
Just through me.
Force yourself
Ontop of me,
Then let me grieve
Quietly.
I lay there crying,
Soaking the sheet,
The uneasiness within me
Starts to repeat.
Hit me,
Quit me,
Don't love me,
Don't lust me.
Break me,
Shake me,
For God's sake,
Heartbreak me.
Tell me when it's over,
Tell me when you're done,
And as long as I'm crying,
Just know that you have won.
My body's weak;
You make it weaker,
But you keep taking,
You push deeper.
And then at once,
You're up and gone,
They ask for a description,
I tell them, *"the Devil's spawn".

Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

But what if the secret affects someone else?
What if the secret negatively impacts yourself?

Secrets, secrets

I try to clear my mind,
But it keeps popping up
Time after time.

Are no fun

I want to yell, I want to scream,
I want the whole world to know
What's eating me alive
And why I'm bursting at the seams.

Unless you share with everyone

I have been sworn to secrecy,
And I cannot tell,
I've sworn myself in,
And with this I dwell.

The past is heavy,
But secrets weigh more,
And with no one to tell,
My heart and brain begin a War.

I'm battling myself,
At every given instance.
And oh, how I wish
I could return to my days of innocence.

But I have been sworn to secrecy,
And now I cannot speak of it,
Such an invasion of privacy,
And a secret I can't admit.

But maybe, just maybe,
One day I will.
I'll get it off my chest
And will no longer feel mentally ill.

Secrecy does weird things
To a person,
And the longer it goes on,
The more their mental health will worsen.

Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

There's one thing more painful than a broken heart,
And that's loving someone who'll never love you back.
Sure they can love who you are and love you as a friend,
But they'll never love you in the intimate way you love them.

If you're going through heartbreak,
You may think I'm full of ****,
But I've been heartbroken before,
And loving without love in return is worse than it.

Heartbreaks are horrible and scary and rough,
But loving the unloving is so much more tough.

I can't really explain just how I feel,
But the love I'm in is just too real,
If only you knew, maybe I'd have a chance,
Or maybe just maybe, I'm the only one entranced.

I've loved you forever,
Or as long as I've know you,
But I've kept it a secret
And I plan to continue to...

I miss you more than ever,
And as the tears stream down my cheeks
It's too much effort to be clever,
Because you're gone
And it's been three years
Which only make the tears
Stream faster and longer.
I still remember you how you were,
But I can't forget the way I last saw you,
It hurts me to know how much pain
And suffering you went through.
And to think that everything that's happened
In the past three years,
You never experienced.
I had surgery, to remove a tumor,
I'm in better shape now than ever before,
You never saw me graduate and walk that raised floor.
You never will know who I grow up to be,
Or what I grow up to do.
I don't know why,
But right now it's so hard to focus on life,
Because more than anything else,
I miss you.

It's as if I left you the key
To my heart;
It was under the mat,
And you used the key to rob me
Of all I had;
My dignity.
I try to walk it off,
Holding my head high,
But tears stream down my face
And its hard to look strong
As you're puffy eyed.
My heart hates you,
But my mind won't stop
Reminding me of you,
The way you used to be,
The old you.
Broken, shattered, and torn,
My heart has been thinly worn,
And that might just be all I can handle.
So get a handle of your life,
And I'll try to get one on mine,
But this wont be easy,
Because no matter how hard I try,
I just keep slipping
And asking myself, why.

When you think about it:
We spend the majority of our lives
Behind closed doors.
Whether it is in the privacy of our homes,
Or in our offices, schools, or church.
Most of what we do is hidden from the world.
And you never really think about what
Other people might be dealing with,
But a simple word could have them in tears.
We don't take the time to ask about
Their scars or any defining aspects of their life.
We live in a world of small talk,
And artificial friendships.
Talk to a veteran. Understand.
Find people that you have known for years,
But never truly got to know them.
Many of us don't know each other's full name,
Let alone what takes place in their household,
Or what their financial situation is,
Or why they stopped texting you back.
In reality we assume that we grew apart from them,
Or that they are mad at us; melodramatic.
But their phone service got cancelled because they
Couldn't make the payments,
Or their house got foreclosed and they're embarrassed
To talk about it.
If we consider ourselves to be their friend,
Then we should be there for them in every situation.
Be personable with everyone,
Forgive people who do wrong to you,
Love people; not just some people,
Love everyone.
We spend to much time and energy
Hating people and things.
How many times a day do you say,
"I hate"? And how many times a day
Do you say, "I love"?
That is what is wrong with people today.
Don't forget to pray
To keep it away
Keep the hate away,
Love everyone.
Inhale the future,
Exhale the past.
And pray.

You know how,
In those moments
Right before you fall,
The earth starts to
Crumble beneath you,
And you can see your fate
As it happens almost
In slow motion,
But not slow enough to stop it from happening,
Or even to brace for impact.
So there you are contemplating
Your fate of falling,
As it happens right before your eyes,
Unable to protect yourself,
Or prevent the impact;
Helpless in a sense;
Like a calf just learning to walk,
But it stumbles,
And you want to help it,
But you know that it has to learn
How to walk on it's own,
Or it will never be able to run.

I don't know if you're there,
I don't know if you're there at all,
But I feel like you do
In those moments right before you fall.
The ground crumbles beneathe you,
Your stomach drops to your knees,
Your entire world is falling apart,
You're screaming for help, somebody please!
No one comes to the scene,
No one rushes to your side,
In these moments before you fall,
You're left alone to die.

I fell for your trap,
It must've been clear to see,
That I wasn't anything to you,
But you were my ecstasy.
I got high in your presence,
And came down in your absence,
To me when we were together,
We were like a mixer and absinthe.
Little did I know,
You were the sin in absinthe,
And my love for you left me feeling
Blinded in a labyrinth.
You were always so perfect,
You were my ecstasy,
But I was your nothing;
You just wanted your ex to see.
You see, that's the difference,
In the two types of people;
There's those of us full of love,
And those, like you, full of evil.

Because of you, I have grown to love coffee and the
Environment of a coffee shop.
The bonding between regulars as well as customers and their baristas
Had never seemed like it could be
Anything, really. But you have shown me what it means to have family that's
Not related by blood,
Yet, we've created a bond so strong, I don't know how I'll drink coffee without you!

I had one thing that I truly considered to be mine,
I had one thing that I truly owned
And in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart, the snap of a finger
It was taken from me.
I was robbed of the only thing that I owned.
Sure I have a place to cry myself to sleep at night,
But the rent I pay is only for a temporary space;
I feel homeless, and helpless
I feel violated, insulted, and worthless.
Why is it that I try so hard to lead a better life,
I am trying to find faith again,
And work for everything I want and need
Yet I am stolen from, robbed and broken down?
It hurts, and in this pain all I can seem to do
Is watch the world I stand on, crumble beneath me.

I feel your warm skin next to mine,
Your soft lips pressed up against me,
Your smooth hands caressing my body.
I look into your eyes and see
The person I love more than life itself;
I see the way you look back at me.
The love in your eyes
Must be hard to disguise,
Or maybe just when you're around me.
I run my fingers through your hair,
I let them brush your beautiful cheek,
I'd do anything for you
To keep that way you look at me.
I lay my head on your chest,
And hear your heart beat;
***-***, ***-***, ***-***
Sounds like sweet music to me.
As we lay here, holding tightly to the other,
I think of just how much I love you,
And how you'll never know.

The shower floor is my temple,
A sanctuary for thought,
After an icy cold shower,
I turn the handle to scalding hot.
I let the steam melt my mascara,
Black lines trickle down my face,
But which side will reach my chin first?
Every day it's a race.
As I sit there, weeping,
On the grimy shower floor,
I ask myself what I'm doing with my life,
And wonder if theres someone I want more.
I think of you at first,
But then I think of them,
I wonder what she'll think;
Though I know she'd rather me chose him.
What other people think
Or do, shouldn't concern me,
It's just so **** hard for me to figure out
Who it is I will chose to please.
I know, I know,
You've been here all along,
But maybe it wasn't you,
Maybe I'm the one that's wrong.
This shower floor has got me thinking,
There are many paths to chose from,
The problem is there are so many,
And I only want the right one.

Bottled up.
Sealed inside.
I cry out
Like the ocean at high tide.
Secrets are boiling,
Boiling inside me.
Hot air lifts me up,
I dont have enough gravity.
I just want to combust
And the colors of this secret
Be vividly spread throughout,
Though if that happened, I'd have regrets.

And in that moment
I fell for you like a bullet to the chest;
You took my breath away
As I had fallen
So deeply in love with you.

Kiss me softly
As I drift asleep.
Play with my hair
As I start to count sheep.
One. Two. Three. Four. Fi-
Kiss me sweetly
As you watch me drift away.
Let us rest together
All night, until day.
Kiss me gently
I want to wake in your scent.
A night like that
Is a night well spent.
-ve. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
Kiss me strongly
Pull me in, close to you.
We'll get each other's name
As a rib cage tattoo.
Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thir-
Lay with me every night
As I fall asleep.
And help me to
Keep counting those sheep.

C-alling your parents because you have no
O-ne to talk to or hang out with.
L-osing touch with everyone and
L-eaving all your old friends.
E-ventually realizing that it's not all you made it out to be.
G-reat, compared to high school, but
E-very day you come "home" to an empty dorm. Alone.

With 8 billion people in the world,
You'd think it would be
Impossible to feel so isolated.
So tough to explain,
I'm frustrated,
This is complicated,
I feel like my soul has been obliterated,
Mutilated, and violated.
I can't think straight,
And no, I'm not gay,
Just a little confused
Feeling battered and abused,
My heart's been misused
And I have been accused
Of using others, when I'm the one being used.

Maybe one day I'll meet a person who will willingly get down on their knees and help me pick up the pieces of my heart that you broke and slowly bind them back together again in hopes of being able to love.

Social media has led to this world
Of anti-social people;
Created this void for seeing others
Face to face - let's just skype or facetime.
It's no wonder so many teens of this
Generation think they are depressed,
They base all self worth on the number
Of likes they get on their selfies.
The number of followers and
Online "friends",
I'm just saying,
This is only the beginning.
Whenever something happens,
Whether good or bad,
Everyone gets out their phones to video
And post to Youtube - it's a new fad.
People text and message each other,
They are dating through social media sites,
Every instance of their relationship is through media,
Half of all break ups occur through text - that aint right.
What happened to the days of playing outside,
And kids going on play dates while their parents bond,
Now the kids I babysit have an iPad, tablet, computer,
And an iPhone which is nicer than mine.
Did I mention they're only 5, 3, and 7,
And they share their electronic toys,
But what happened to going to playgrounds
To play with other girls and boys?
Now they only play online,
Because their friends are all online too,
They're saying, "Hey man, give me a life",
But sadly, this is what their life has become and there's nothing I can do.

There's a roof over my head
But it's got holes in it,
Everything in life pushes
Against me, makes me want to quit.
I just have to remember
To hold my head high,
And before I know it
Another day has gone by.
I've got people all around me
To help push me through,
Even if they don't know me,
They help, they really do.
Just because life gets ******,
Doesn't mean you should quit,
It means life's handing you a test,
You've got no time to study,
All you can do is do your best.

Heavy eyelids,
The lull of a fan,
A dark room,
But not pitch black.
There is a light on in the hall,
And the door is open a crack.
Every second feels like an eternity,
As she slowly starts to drift off.
Darkness surrounds her,
She feels her body sinking into the mattress,
The blankets around her seem enveloping.
Her head rests gently on the pillow,
But at the same time, sinks into the pillow,
As if she is sinking into quick sand.
Her brain keeps going,
She falls quickly into a deep sleep,
Forgetting everything that happened that day.
Her back, which ached, is now being put to rest,
Her body gets a break from everything,
But her mind keeps going.

How many heart strings have to break
Before you die of a broken heart?
How many shards of glass must enter my skin
Before im completely torn apart?
How many times can someone be beaten and battered
Before they become broken for good?
How many hearts in the world feel numb
From the ice growing around them?
But is the ice on your heart
There to heal it from pain
Or is it there
Because you no longer care?
Play the blues on my
Heart strings
So that I can feel the rhythm
As I sing.

Some people are pig headed,
Others are good for nothing,
Losers, Jerks, *******, etc.
But you, you're more than all of that,
Or should I say, less.
You don't even deserve to be called anything,
You are nothing to me,
Except the ruiner of all things good and holy,
A destroyer of innocence.
I hate you.

He runs his fingers through my hair
And kisses my mouth and neck,
He whispers in my ear
But it's not him I'm thinking of, it's you, dear.
He caresses my body
As I lie next to him all night,
He gets reactions out of me,
But I wish you were beside me.
I hear his heart beating fast
And as the night goes on it gets faster,
But he isn't the one I need beside me,
It's you that I need.
You're the one that I love,
He simply is in my bed with me,
But you, you're so much more to me
Than any other guy could be.
I was too stupid to realize
Just how much I need you,
I was too caught up in attention to realize
I want to be with you.

People always say,
"I'm sorry for your loss",
And, "They're in a better place now".
But really, a person that
You were close to is gone,
Not just temporarily, no,
They are dead.
Deceased, dead, passed away,
Kicked the bucket,
Death, gone, angelic,
In heaven, with the Lord,
However you want to put it,
They are gone, and they aren't coming back.
They may have died of natural causes,
Or maybe had a heart attack,
Maybe they had a rare condition,
Or maybe their heart was full of plaque.
Maybe they were killed
By someone with a heart of stone,
Or maybe they died during ***,
Their last breath-- a strong moan.
They could have died in surgery,
On top of the operating table,
Or possibly they killed them self,
Stabbing, pills, or hanging with a cable.
Whatever the cause of death may be,
That person is no longer here,
People die all the time,
Everyone we know will soon disappear.

Sometimes I catch myself
Thinking about things,
Nothing specific,
But everything all at once
And I wonder if you
Ever do the same.
Not necessarily if
You think about me,
But if you find yourself
Spending hours just sitting there,
Or perhaps laying there,
Thinking.
And maybe I cross your mind
Every once in a while,
Or maybe I don't,
But if I did;
I'd sure hope so,
I wonder what about me
You're thinking of.
The way we used to be best friends,
Or how we started to
Fall for each other
All those years ago.
Maybe you think about
The way I used to kiss you,
Or how I breathe in deeply
Just before I begin to cry.
Do you ever think about
The way we used to cuddle,
Or watch movies--
Though they are one in the same.
I used to think we were
One in the same,
But I guess now we are both
Our own "one".
So yes, I wonder if you think of me,
Because I think of you,
But I don't just think of all the people I know,
I think about the way you looked at me
Before every kiss,
The way you held my hand,
Even though your arms were too long
And mine too short, so we had to walk
Kinda funny to make it work,
But we did, because we cared.
I think about the way you smelled,
The messy, neatness of your hair,
How your boxers used to stick out of the top
Of your shorts about 2 inches.
I think about your favorite brown belt,
And your lunch box and backpack.
The way you used to look at me,
And the feeling I got in my stomach
After every glance from you.
So tell me,
Do you ever think of things like that?

How would you like to be reminded
Of the worst time in your life
Every time you looked in the mirror?
How would you like to spend
Every single night
Shaking in fear?
What if you dreamed of that time
Or of your fears,
How do you think you would feel then?
Every time I look at myself,
I am reminded of the most
Painful moment in my life.
Can you even imagine what it must be like for me?
Probably not.

A text message that reads,
"I need you. Please help me."
Sends you back to me
Quicker than anything.
This isn't a love poem about
How I lost the love of my life,
Begged for them back and
They came back to me.
This is about a friend.
Someone who cares about me,
And puts me before them self.
This is about a best friend.
I try to blink away tears,
But they keep rolling down my face.
You call me in an instant,
As soon as you get my text,
I'm balling, trying to hold myself back
And you, in an eleven minute and twenty three second conversation,
Talk me out of what could have been.
From the darkest places I have been,
I would like to thank you
From the bottom of my heart,
Because if it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be alive today,
To write this.

My one and only
Is your **** buddy
The imaginary relationship
Ive lived with him is
Irreplaceable
But for you,
He's just a *** toy.
I wonder if he knows it,
Or if he has feelings for you,
Who knows or cares,
Not her; but me, I do.

Is anyone out there?
Does anyone care?
I may have lost my best friend,
Now my heart feels bare.
For years we were inseparable,
But that is no longer true,
Something stupid has separated us,
And now I'm feeling blue.
A bond so strong,
We could tear any army down,
Now so weak,
And I am the one on the ground.
I'm trying to reach you,
But you keep walking away,
You've left me on the ground;
Won't you please stay?
Come back for me,
Please, I'll do anything I can,
To make it up to you,
Please understand.

Here's to the teenagers that congregate in sketchy places,
Tell their parents they are "at a friend's",
Get wasted on cheap liquor that they probably got from a homeless man,
And get high on every drug in their disposal.
Here's to the rebels that need to break free from rules,
That need an escape from reality,
Or that just want to forget some things,
Maybe not even forever, but for right now.
Here's to the generation of thots, sloots, and ******,
Those who think they're looking for a good time,
Or the ones who have yet to experience this,
Lying so much - you live two lives.
Here's to the youth of now,
Whether you're 16 or 20,
You probably are in this rebellious phase,
Or you will be soon.
Here's to you.

This society disgusts me.
It's not just the one I live in,
But the entirety of the world.
Not to blow things out of proportion
But really, we're all just dramatic,
Attention ******, that need a reason to stand out.
People claiming they have a disorder
As severe as depression to spark interest.
Not to be an insensitive, *****, but
"Sorry you went through a break up; get over it".
Don't get me wrong, it's not okay to just tell people to
"**** it up", but I first hand know how they feel.
Time will mend your "broken heart",
It's not even broken, just slightly scratched.
So grow up, and get over yourself,
You're not that cool, and you don't stand out,
Oh yeah, except as a stuck up, conceited, *****.

If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would change a lot of things.
I wouldn’t tell my parents how much it irritated me when they chew,
I would spend more time praying and trusting my faith.
I would still go to church and read my Bible.
I would slurp spaghetti, one noodle at a time.
And I wouldn’t waste my entire high school career moping over you. You aren’t dead, you weren’t stripped from me. You chose to leave, at that’s that, your choice. We all make choices that hurt other people, and unfortunately for me, I’m the one that got hurt. I spent so much energy, cutting into myself, and sobbing into my pillow. I blew everything out of proportion. I missed you, but that was no reason to hate my friends that you also dated. I was a *****.
If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would fix all of that. From the moment you broke up with me, I would’ve tried to fix things between us, and if it didn’t work, I would have moved on to avoid my whole depressed phase. I was a *****. If it were possible, I’d stop that from ever happening.

I want to be remembered.
I feel like it's so generic to say,
But my biggest wish is to be known
After my death;
And for people to wish that
They had the opportunity to meet me,
Have a conversation with me,
And really get to know me as a person.
I want to be accomplished,
Rather than a pile of ash
After death.
I want people to search my name
Looking for a biography online,
I want people to write reports about me
And read books about my life.
I don't want fame and fortune
During my lifetime,
But I want the knowledge of
Being acknowledged and remembered
Well after I am gone.
The wish is the easy part,
Making it happen...
That's a different story.

If you have too much ***,
You're a ***** and a ****,
If you don't have ***,
You're a liar or a baby, what?
Losing your virginity,
Is something you only do once,
If you do it too late or early,
You're a dunce.
Society pressures us
All differently,
But honestly, I'd rather be a *****
Than a "liar baby".

I thought you would be sobbing when I was gone,
Little did I know that I would be the one
Broken and torn down;
Overwhelmed by everything all around.
Forced to face the fears
That I've had my whole life,
To think this misery could all be taken away
With the stroke of one kitchen knife.
A blade. Jagged on one side like my personality,
Face down in the kitchen drawer-
Let everyone see the smooth side of me,
It's almost appealing.
But it's still a knife,
And the thoughts of its uses
Gives me chills,
But sends others reeling.
Numb. How I wish to spend most nights,
If not caused by a knife
Then some substance or alcohol
Or maybe pills- and being propped up against a wall.
No one would notice-
If I was gone and missing for days,
My seat would be empty in class,
My rotting corpse in my room, but no one would notice.
Cold, chilling thoughts roam my mind,
Masterpieces I create in my head,
Leave me up late wondering,
"What would the world be like, if I was dead"?

Poetry is the voice
Of the hearts too damaged
To speak the language
Of a people who are not healed
Or healing, but of those
Who were never tattered to begin with.
It is the opportunity
To convey a message
In the only way known,
By those of us who have
Lost touch with the world
And everyone inside it.
We are not yet healing, or healed,
But in the depths of our wounds,
Some of us more injured than others
Yet all in the same swirling
Bottemless pit of depression
And aching.
Depression- such a powerful word,
Though never drawing attention to oneself
WE are in this abyss
Of nothingness and lonliness
Swirling around each other,
Bumping into each other,  but never leaving.

She laughs the laugh
Of hidden pain,
And numbs a portion
Of her brain,
The part that
Stores your memory,
And in that
Her favorite melody,
A tune she sang
When she was young,
And it's now forever
Stuck on the tip of her tongue,
Intangible, though
So close to her reach,
She's blocked all of her memories,
That's something you can't teach;
A skill, if you will,
A natural trait,
Though, God only knows
What's in store with her fate.

You were a giver,
You gave me everything,
Thats why the worst day,
Was when you grew your angel-wings.
You went up to heaven,
And looked down from up above,
You kept on giving,
You gave me all your love.
I make it through day by day,
Because your love absorbs the pain
And knowing that you're watching,
Is all that keeps me sane.
Though you barely knew me,
Or maybe you just don't remember,
You're my guardian angel,
A special gift that I treasure.
You lie within my heart,
Your spirit in my dreams,
When I'm asleep I feel close to you again,
Closer each night, it seems.
Rest in peace and take it easy,
You are loved and deeply missed,
What I would do for more time with you,
Has me sad and kind of ******.
A blessing to many,
A spirit that must live on,
You were one of the greatest I've know,
Nana, I can't believe you're gone.

Red eyes
Have protected me
From your lies.

Blurred vision,
slurred speech,
Brought memories into reach.

Do I want to forget,
Or wish to remember,
Regardless, I am upset.

Is it wishful thinking,
Or my mind playing tricks,
All along I knew you were leaving.