As I look around me,
The room is filling with smoke,
There are people drinking, smoking,
And people snorting coke.
I guess you could say,
I ended up in the "wrong crowd" of people,
There's a banging on the door, "police, open up",
And someone looks out the peephole.
There's a cop in the doorway,
6 foot 2, brown hair, and semi-large ears,
We all scramble and scream,
"**** there's no way we're all getting out of here".
This will be fun to explain,
To my parents who thought I was studying,
"I was testing the effects of drugs,
It was ******* that I was snorting".
Come on, this isn't fair,
None of you understand me,
Lock me away in jail,
So I can plead "insanity".
I need mental help,
From a psych ward or something,
I'm willing to go, or you can baker act me,
It'd be better than doing nothing.

I just wish for once, that someone would care about me even half as much as I care about them.
Just once. I just need to know what it feels like to be loved so much by one person.
Someone.
Anyone.
I cry myself to sleep, waiting for the day that someone truly can show just how much they care about me.
Prove to me that they actually give a ****.
Until then, ill be lying here, crying.

As I sit here in silence,
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
Hoping to write about something new,
Or at least, something that's not you.
I hear nothing,
The silence is piercing,
But my brain is ringing with the sound of your name,
It's hurting my head, and is causing me pain.
I just want to move on,
I wish for new beginnings,
But you have become the center of my world,
And I am, for you, just another girl.
Help me move on,
Get out of my head,
I want you out of my heart,
Because you're tearing me apart.
But it's not a tear
That you get after
Constantly folding a piece of paper before
Ripping it.
It's more like a tear,
Jagged and rough,
With angled ends,
And no way to mend it.
Because of you,
That is what I have become.

"Turn around,
Shut your mouth,
Sit up straight,
Don't look around.
Be a lady,
That's not ladylike,
Don't dress that way,
You look like a ****.
Hold your chin up,
That's not high enough,
Now that's too high,
Don't make this tough.
Just do things right,
Won't you learn,
Do it perfect,
Or you shall burn.
Don't let this scare you,
Just be proper,
If your eyes get red,
Use the eye dropper.
Brush your teeth,
And brush them well,
If they aren't white enough,
You'll go to hell.
Comb your hair,
Get all the knots out,
Just listen to me,
And I won't have to shout.
Just be pretty,
Just be perfect,
It's not that hard,
And it's definitely worth it.
No one likes,
Girls with braids,
Or buns, or ponytails,
Those aren't cool these days.
Powder your face,
Oily skin is a no-no,
Leave your face bare,
And you'll look like a hobo.
Stay in fashion,
And in style,
And you'll fit in,
For a while.
Until they notice your personality,
Sad as it may be,
You need to be different than yourself,
Heck, be more like me.
The more alike we all are,
The better it will be,
Because we'll stop being, him and her,
And we'll start being we."

Music; an expression of emotion, written in such a way that to anyone else would've been impossible to craft exactly that way, with a beat, melody, harmony, counter melody, vocals that take away the hurt, but at the same time bring old feelings rushing back, making you relive all those painful memories. It's almost soothing to do nothing but blankly stare at a wall or the ceiling while music that perfectly locks with your current emotional state is playing nearby. It's comforting to understand that the writer of that music felt exactly the way you do, for the same or possibly a different reason. I don't know why it's comforting when other people are in the same ****** situation as you, but for some reason it brings this feeling of relief, knowing that we're all in the same boat, going through the same problems, and all self-destructing in our personal time-bomb capsules, or bodies as I guess most people would refer to them. For many of us the timer on our bombs is running low, and pretty soon we'll be blown to pieces, but hey, at least there are others just like us, right? Who knows, or cares, because I sure as hell don't, but maybe that's the problem, maybe that's my problem, none of us care or want to, and its not just about certain things like work, drama, or being the best at something, anything for that matter, but we collectively find ourselves without interest in anything or anyone. Music touches the soul in a way that nothing else can. It repairs the broken pieces, temporarily if nothing else, and it aids the scratches, bumps, and bruises, but our hearts and souls are forever scarred, and music is the only thing to touch those scars so tenderly. Music is more than a friend or family, it has a special place in my heart, with a label of where it belongs, so nothing else takes up that space, without it, my heart would have a permanently empty hole. But that's all my heart is anyway.

If I could put myself into your shoes,
Absorb the hurt and the blues you're going through,
Then give back your shoes,
All clean from pain,
Just so you wouldn't have that agony,
I would do it.
If I could trade all the good things in my life,
For all the bad in yours, I would trade them,
So that you could live happily,
Yes, I would do it.
If I could trade my life, for your happiness,
I wouldn't hesitate to make that offer,
In an off, pulsating, heart-beat, I would trade everything I am
For you to be happy, because,
You see,
That's all I want.
And I would do it.
This isn't some sort of mockery,
Or "want to be" love poem,
But the truth behind my loving friendship for you,
Whether you see it or not,
I'd give up my last breath,
So you could smile one more time,
Yes, I would do it.
It's in moments like these,
Where I contemplate the entirety of my existence,
Because I would end my world,
For you to have an exciting and happy life,
Don't question that, because,
Yes, I would do it,
But is that the right mindset?
Giving up everything you have, life included,
For the betterment of someone else?
I feel I'm at the point of choosing,
The betterment of someone else,
Over the betterment of myself,
And believe me,
I would do it.
You're the axle of my world,
Part of the reason my world is spinning,
There isn't anyone else I'd want
Pulling on my heart-strings,
Which is why, I'd give it all up for you,
I want you to know this, because,
I truly mean every word I say, and,
I would do it.

The weight on my shoulders,
The pressure on my spine,
I was pulled from the wreckage,
Lucky to be alive.

But am I really lucky?
What is there for me to live for?
The guilt, pain, being a burden,
And others, always expecting more?

My body aches and cracks,
Like I am old and frail,
But I'm just a kid, a teenager,
With a few loose nails.

******* up and odd,
I had my whole life planned out,
But once I was pulled from the wreckage,
Those plans have turned to doubts.

We're coming to an end,
We'll soon have a new beginning,
But as of right now,
It's we that are ending.

It's been forever,
Four painful and tiring years,
But in that time,
It's you that shed no tears.

I was broken,
I spent everyday crying,
I got so sick,
I ended up in the hospital, dying.

But you didn't care,
No, you just kept on with your life,
I don't stop thinking about you,
But you haven't thought about me twice.

You ended it,
And cut me out of your world,
Then three days later,
You were onto another girl.

It's been a long four years,
But that time has finally come to end,
And look,
We still have loose ends, that we never got to mend.

So long, my love,
Though you've forgotten I exist,
See you in the next four years,
I wish against it, but that's the plot twist.

Death;
It makes most people
Uncomfortable or sad,
But not me.
Life;
Is joyous and great
For most of the population,
But not me.
Is death the
"After life" or
Is there even an
After life?
Or maybe life
Is the prequel
To death,
Who knows?

We go through every day,
With struggles and hardships,
Benefits and positivities,
All for what?

We seek corrections for our faults,
And some strive for perfection,
Others try to get by, unnoticed,
And without detection.

We breathe without thinking,
So we have time to know more,
But if we think without breathing,
We will be no more.

The point is, we're all here,
All on this earth,
All for what?
To end up buried in the dirt?

I'm just saying,
I don't see the point in living,
But if I die prematurely,
Will God be forgiving?

I know He's forgiving,
I've been taught that my whole life,
But you see, I'm having this
Battle inside me, or maybe it's a small strife.

I don't really know the point of this,
Or main idea, or theme,
I've just let a lot build up,
And now I want to scream.

It's like finding a lost puppy
That you want to keep for your own,
But you have to return it to
It's original home.

I don't know what's gotten into me,
I'm a wreck, a mess, ******* up,
I guess I just need to calm down,
Before I blow up.

Onward I'll go with my life,
Trying to make something good out of it,
Hoping I don't get torn down again, soon,
With every uphill, a downhill will hit.

I've been living in sadness,
Deep inside my heart,
My blood aches in my veins,
And it tears me apart.
The mention of your name,
Sends me hurdling down,
And leaves me with nothing
To rely on, except the ground.
My eyes fill with tears,
My heart and brain fill with fears,
Yet it's been so long;
Almost three and a half years.
The worst day of my life,
Was the day you broke my heart,
You ripped it out and
Tore me apart.
I'll never forgive you,
For the pain you've caused me,
I've suffered for over three years,
While you never shed a single tear.
You weren't hurt,
Of course you were alright,
While I spend most of my time,
Crying myself to sleep at night.
All the tears I've shed,
Along with blood from my veins,
And the bottles I've drank,
Are all linked with your name.
So remember, Chris,
The next time you get inside
A girl's metastasizing heart,
Don't cut your way out;
Because, it will tear her apart.
Just let her heart grow,
Swelling in your illness,
Pretty soon the love will **** her,
And you'll be held as a witness.
Or maybe they'll convict you,
Of your torturous crime,
Getting girls to trust you,
Before you rip out their heart and spine.
Now remember, Chris,
I fell deeply in love with you,
You said to me, those three words,
But it was meaningless to you.
You throw your words around,
Like you did with my heart,
I loved you then, I love you now,
I haven't stopped loving you, since the start.
So farewell, my true love,
The past four years have been great,
Just kidding, they've ******,
Because it's also you, that I hate.
Yes, I hate you and love you,
It still confuses me,
I want you to suffer,
But I still want the two of us to be we.
I hate you and I love you,
I don't know what to feel,
It'd be nice if I just woke up,
And none of this was real.
Too bad I can't do that,
Just erase a large part of my life,
My world since you left me,
Has been a continuous strife.
A strife is too small,
Without you, it's been a war,
But were you the enemy,
Or what I was fighting for?
You're last words broke my heart,
Like an atom bomb inside me,
You ran off to avoid the shock,
While I just laid there, dying.

Broken and battered,
With a heart that's no better,
You stretched out my heart-strings,
And now they're all tethered.

People call me independent,
But I see it as alone,
I made my heart a place
For you to call home.

But you destroyed it,
You made a mess of the place,
And all the distress you have caused me,
Can be seen on my face.

You were always welcome,
And you took advantage of that,
You nested yourself in my heart,
Like a little burrow for a rat.

You scratched and clawed,
But I never kicked you out,
You were always welcome,
And you still are, without a doubt.

You see, it was love, real love,
That's what I felt for you,
You said you loved me,
But that was a lie too.

My dying wish
Is to hate myself less,
Love others more,
And stop being depressed.
To pick myself up
And move on, not regress.
But these feelings
Are hard to suppress;
All the distress you put me in,
Still shows to this day,
You can see it on my face,
I doubt it'll ever go away.
But maybe if im lucky,
My wish might come true,
My life would be over,
And thats when I'll get over you.

As I stare, deeper and deeper,
Into the abyss, before me,
It all becomes quite clear,
That the abyss was just a mirror.

Staring blindly into myself,
Made me realize how empty I am,
Not to mention how broken,
But that's best left unspoken.

I am empty, and broken,
Like a car on the side of the highway,
Or better yet, a black hole;
I have a body, but lack a soul.

I am an abyss of darkness,
I am empty and useless to all,
I haven't surmounted to much at all,
It's because of you; you made me fall.

She's one of a kind,
Unique to us all,
With a body so slender,
And the opposite of tall.

She's a petite little girl,
With a big personality,
Always being creative,
And has a lot of originality.

A dancer, and talented,
In many other ways,
She withholds potential,
And will for the rest of her days.

Stronger than any mountain,
With a heart twice that size,
A little rough around the edges,
But I'm so glad she's alive.

Life shoves her to the ground,
But she picks herself up,
She's so strong, though she feels
No stronger than a paper cup.

I can't imagine my life,
Without her daily inspiration,
Shake off the dirt, pick yourself up,
No time for hesitation.

She tells herself, I can do it,
To make it through every day,
She is an inspiration to many,
Because she will never give way.

She's been through so much,
And not too many are aware,
Dealing with pains, that for some of us,
Would be too hard to bear.

She never gives up on us,
She is the rock that holds us steady,
Because, no matter what life throws at her,
She will always be ready.

Dear Mom and Dear Dad,
I am alright, I swear,
But you see, I have lied,
I am here, not there.

I was going to a friends house,
Or at least that's what you thought,
But once I arrived there,
It was a party that we sought.

You should be disappointed,
This isn't how I was raised.
I'll spend the night with strangers,
Alcohol, and a smokey haze.

Don't worry Mom and Dad,
I promise I'll be alright,
Like when I promised you that,
I was with my friend, spending the night.

Well we were spending the night,
Just not at her house,
She told her mom we were
Sleeping over with someone else.

We had our schemes worked out,
You never suspected a thing,
In the end, everything was always fine,
Or at least, that's how it seemed.

I'd come home a mess,
Halfway through the next day,
Saying, we were up late last night,
To get you to go away.

I'd come home and shower,
To rid myself of my sins,
Oh, and sophomore year in high school
Is when this all began.

I'm all out of options,
I'm out of opportunities,
You were a sickness,
And I lacked immunity.

Now no drugs can cure me
Or my love sick heart,
You'll be what killed me;
You'll tear me apart.

Being sick can be nice,
Because people take care of you,
And you can tell who really cares,
And which friends are true.

But as the sickness continues,
Your friends will run thin,
And the only thing that keeps you going,
Is your heart, beating within.

Your heart beats slowly,
It's been weathered and damaged,
Now it's barely pulsing,
All wrapped up and bandaged.

You'll be what kills me,
As I'm near my last breath,
Let that sink in,
And I meet my death.

She has potential,
Greater than any mountain
And for her, obstacles are nothing,
Every goal is attainable.

So young and so strong,
So brave and talented,
An outstanding young woman,
Who loves to be challenged.

She'll amount to the most,
And she'll go far in life,
She'll defeat her biggest wars,
And even her smallest strife.

I can't say where she'll end up,
Or what it is she'll be doing,
But I hope its something grand
That she is pursuing.

A dear friend of mine,
She will always be,
I will always love her,
Unconditionally.

My love,
You were the
Light in my life,
The reason to
Awake
Each and every
Morning.
Seeing you, no doubt,
Had it's rewards,
And no
Downfalls.
You gave me life,
And helped me live it.
You breathed life into me,
Each and every moment
Of each and every day.
Your oxygen;
You;
Gave me a reason to be here.
But you never came to
My rescue
In my time of need.
I needed you most,
And you didn't bother to
Listen.
You left me,
And left me wondering,
Why?
But that is the, why,
I'll never know
The answer to.
I'll grow old,
Telling my grand kids
The story,
And they'll ask me why,
But that is the, why,
I'll never know
The answer to.

Close your eyes,
Shut them tight,
Your mind is restless,
And it's late at night.

Your thoughts keep racing,
Your head is pounding,
And before you know it,
Your alarm will be sounding.

You need to rest,
Trust me, dear,
Go to sleep
And ignore your fears.

A new day is starting,
As this one comes to an end,
Gather your last thoughts,
And let the days mend.

You needn't worry,
Be anxious, or have fear,
No matter how far I am,
For you, I'll always be here.

Are roses really red?
Are violets really blue?
Of course not, they're violet,
A shade or perhaps a hue
Thats purple and blue.

So do roses express love?
Or do they express anger?
Red can mean either,
So how do we know if roses portray
Love or anger, or maybe neither?

But what do violets represent?
Melancholy, depression, or resentment?
Or does it even matter?
Do violets have a meaning,
Or do they exist to fit the rhyming pattern?

In a garden full of roses,
I am a violet.
In the world full of love,
I am the resentment.
Are we all one or the other?
Maybe thats what they represent.

So when you take the next girl,
To the "special romantic place",
And surprise, its the rose garden,
Ill be there, a violet, disguised as a rose,
Red for you may mean love
While in me, the anger grows.

The salt in my tears
Stings my open cuts,
As every tear falls,
I get pains in my gut.

These wounds don't heal,
Because I keep cutting deeper,
I would see a therapist,
But this is much cheaper.

The pain in my eyes,
Should explain it all,
Sometimes we fall in love,
Other times we just fall.

Wake up
       Think about you
Fall asleep
       Dream about you

I had a dream that I was drowning,
I could feel my body, bobbing up and down
In the chilling, icy water.

When I opened my eyes,
Everything was dark, was I blind or could I see,
Was I drowning in water or blood that came from me?

It was blood, yes, though it wasn't my own,
Was I drowning just to drown,
Or was I too broken and alone?

But whose blood was it, if it wasn't mine,
How did it get there, where was there,
And where am I?

Face down in a pool, of thick red blood,
Freezing to death,
And sinking in like mud,

I am fading quickly, as I am near my last breath,
I whisper your name
At my last gasp.

My lungs fill with your blood,
I am nearing my end,
I killed you, and now I'm dying,

Like Romeo and Juliette,
Our story came to an end.

Don't promise me anything,
Because you wont be able to keep it.
We both know the truth,
It's not like it's a secret.

You're not a good person,
You only live lies,
So was it a mistake to let you
Come between my thighs?

I regret the past,
No more than the present;
And the future has been ruined,
By what you represent.

You took it all from me,
My heart, soul, and peace of mind,
I was left with less than nothing,
The night we were first intertwined.

Every day since then,
I've been spiraling down,
r-e-g-r-e-t,
Is the only thing I can think about.

But is regret the right word,
Or was it all just a mistake?
I gave you everything you wanted,
And all you did was take, take, take.

I'm upset with myself
And I'm upset with us,
For being so stupid,
Just out of lust.

I mean, love.

I'm growing up,
So daddy, let me go,
I'm not sure when,
But yes, I'll come home.

I must move on;
Explore the world on my own,
I'm not sure when,
But yes, I'll come home.

Don't try to hold me back,
Because I need to do this on my own,
I'll always need you,
But this, I need to do alone.

I'll miss you too,
But it won't be long before I'm home,
So daddy, don't cry,
I'll miss you while I'm gone.

Dry up your tears now,
There's no need to cry,
I'm just growing up,
I'm not going to die.

I'll be back before you know it,
I'll wrap my arms around you,
You'll pretend you didn't miss me,
The way you always do.

But daddy, I must go now,
I have places I need to be,
So stay strong as I promise you this,
This won't be the last time you see me.

If you knew that I stayed up late
Every night, thinking about you,
Thinking about us
Would that change anything?

If you knew that I have changed,
In more ways than one,
To try to hold onto you,
Would that matter to you?

If you knew that every night,
I hold a knife to my wrist,
Thinking about what we could have been,
Would that make you feel anything?

If you knew that I spend
Hours crying over you,
And everything we were,
Would you care, then?

Doesn't matter.

If you knew how many nights
I spent, drinking away my sorrows;
Blues that you caused,
Would you start to give a ****?

If you knew the things I've done,
The people I've been with,
The places I'd been,
If you knew, would anything change?

When I was younger,
I used to always see which raindrop,
On the window of the car would beat
All the other raindrops to the bottom
Of the window.
I'd sit there, watching, concentrating so hard,
Just to guess and be wrong,
As another raindrop would pull ahead
At the last second.
I was always so amazed by the raindrop
That won, that I'd pay no attention to the others,
In the same way, you're that raindrop that won;
You're all I paid attention to,
And now the only raindrops that win
Are the ones that fall down my cheeks.

Everytime a blade enters my bloodstream,
I feel closer to you.
Not because of anything else, more than the fact that
You hurt me.
The cold blade, like your cold words, cuts into me;
Blood pouring out.
And in the same way as before, I bleed and ache;
I am hurt.
My blood, warm as my love was for you,
And you don't care.
I can only imagine our happiness now,
I can no longer feel it.
Same too with my image of you, it is going, fading
Behind my cloudy eyes.
Its okay though dear, because I am now weak,
I am cold like your heart.
And no matter what you said or will say,
You can't tear us apart.
Because I will always love you.

My smile might be bright,
But my soul is black,
My heart turned to stone
When you stabbed me in the back.

I completely stopped caring,
I don't know why I'm still alive,
I'm dead on the inside,
Yet for some reason I still survive.

All I know is I'm not the same person,
I'm not who I used to be,
You aren't either,
But I still wish you'd come back to me.

They say people change,
And ****, are they right,
But honestly, I miss you more and more,
Each and every night.

Now don't get confused,
Don't let my bright smile fool you,
I seem all put together,
But my heart is still shattered.

You're supposed to care,
So when you want to start,
Ill be waiting here;
Waiting for you to give a ****,
About your own flesh and blood.
As everday goes on,
I lose hope more and more
That you'll ever care.
But you've clearly proven
That you never have and never will,
So why do I even bother?

If I drank once for every instant I thought about you,
I'd be a drunken fool, living in a permanently drunken world.
If I raised my cup every time I thought about you,
My glass would be so high, and never come down.

If I took a hit for every memory of you flowing through my brain,
I'd be so high, I couldn't breathe from all the smoke.
If I rolled a blunt for every memory of you on my mind,
My fingers would be sore, never getting a chance to heal.

Little would you know that those drinks have been drunk,
My glass is always raised, and on the same days,
My lungs get smoked out, with a high that lasts forever;
And those blunts have been rolled and still are being rolled.

But don't worry, maybe one day I'll stop; but probably never.
I can't stop thinking of that moment, when you made that promise,
The one about you and me, and "forever".

The real world is a bitter cold place
With a heart made of stone
Not built for those of us just stepping into it
Blindly.

There isn't time to breathe,
All you do is work, and stress, occasionally taking a moment;
Simply a single instant of your time,
To blink.

Well, there is a difference, my friend, in know the societal norms,
And being shoved head-first into the whirlpool of life,
Only to get ****** into the hell of our
Society.

That feeling is full of terror, fright, and tears.
So I must take the occasional instant of my time,
To blink away the tears,
And continue on.

We slip and get back up, yes,
But the bridge between childhood and adult hood does not exist,
It's the leap of faith that forces you to grow up in an instant,
Face the fear of falling millions of miles to your death, and go for it anyway,
And fly.

My heart is beating fast.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop. No.
This anxiety is killing me.
It feels like a heart attack.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop.
I want to cry; I want to scream.
My heart hurts.
I'm so mad.
I hate you, but I love you.
I don't know what to feel.
But can a broken heart, break again?

I hate that you're always on my mind,
That my last wish would be to be with you
And have our bodies once more intertwined.

I hate that during every instant,
Thoughts of you run through my mind.
We were once so close, but now so distant.

I hate myself more than I hate you,
But most of all, more than anything else,
I hate the fact that I would've given up everything for you.

I like to watching my blood
As it oozes out of my veins.
I like to watch myself suffer,
At so much, as the sound of your name.

I watch the blade
While it enters my skin.
The skin splits open,
And the steel knife sinks in.

My veins open up,
Like the Red Sea,
And blood pours out
All over me.

The more I stab,
The more numb I feel,
Good thing I have a knife
Beside me at every meal.

The deadness of my body and soul
Is quite clear to see.
I like stabbing myself because it feels good
Compared to the pains you've caused me.

I fell so hard for you,
And you just let me fall.
I was in love with you,
I was in love with it all.

From your first "hello",
To your last "good night",
I was in love with you,
And it all felt right.

Looking back;
I knew I was in love,
You were my last thought before sleeping,
And my first when I woke up.

The way you smiled,
And talked, and walked,
The way you held my hand,
And got us lost in the dark.

It was all perfect,
Just right, to say the least,
I couldn't imagine my life without you,
But it all happened so fast and those moments ceased.

I miss the way you looked into my eyes,
And how you kissed me good night.
I miss the love we once shared,
The love that always felt so right.

And now you got my heart hurting,
From spending all night with those memories.

You will never be successful,
     Face it.
Failure is in your destiny,
     Always has been,
          Always will.

If I had one wish,
Would I be with you,
Or would I have left you,
Would I hold you close,
Or would I push you away,
Would I pick you up,
Or would I be the one who knocked you down?
If I just had one wish,
Would I love you,
Or would I despise you,
Would I be honest,
Or would I lie to you,
Would I be with you,
Or would I be anywhere else?
If I had one wish,
I would still be lost,
Not because thats what I want,
But because thats where I am;
I am lost without you and lost with you.

I cant wait to be gone,
So I never have to see you again.
I can remove you from my life,
And delete you from my brain.

Your existence ****** me off,
Because you've made me suffer for years,
And meanwhile, you've moved on
And never once shed a tear.

How could you be so selfish and rude,
So self absorbed to not give a ****.
Hurting people that you love,
The very people that love you.

I cant wait to be gone,
So I never have to see you again.

When I close my eyes,
I can feel you beside me.
When I sit in utter silence,
I can hear your heart beating.
When I breathe in,
It's you that I smell.
And when I smell your jacket that I still wear,
I can taste your lips on mine.
And when I taste your lips,
It sends shivers down my spine.

I miss you.

I feel like I'm falling,
Yet floating in mid air,
The thought of you brings me down,
But the sight of you is perfect, down to each and every hair.

Is it regret?
No, just mistakes I wish I could fix,
But you'll always be perfect to me,
Your voice, eyes, smile, it's a collective mix.

I wish I was done with you,
As I made it out to seem,
But to be honest,
Being around you makes me want to scream.

I feel like a psych ward patient
Every time I see you,
Maybe it's the lost connection,
Or maybe I'm still in love with you.

I go crazy when I hear your name,
My heart races and skips a beat,
It's like I'm falling for you all over again,
Like it's the first time we were to meet.

I'm broken
And bruised,
I'm lost
And wandering,
Looking for help,
Pondering
What I would say
To you,
If you were here.
Would I tell you,
"I miss you",
"I ******* up",
"I love you, my dear"?
Or would I face the fact,
That you left me,
With no intent
Of coming back?
I don't know.
They say,
"Only time can heal",
Yet it's been three years,
So why does this all still feel real?
Maybe time doesn't heal everything,
Maybe some of us just can't be healed,
Maybe we were meant to be broken and never fixed,
Maybe. But who can tell?

You are kerosene,
I am a match,
Ill burst into flames,
With one small scratch.
You douse me in yourself,
You cover my every surface,
Now im a wet match,
And wondering my purpose.
I begin to think of
All the problems you create,
Strike me against the rugged box,
Wait, dont do it, hesitate.
Now that's something you'd like to see,
Isn't it?
My match set ablaze,
You can watch me burn
In a fiery daze.

I like to see my blood
Flow out of my veins,
Onto the floor.

As the puddle gets larger,
It spreads out,
Flowing from my arm; more and more.

I can't explain
The joy it brings me,
To watch myself in pain.

To show you,
That you have won,
And I have nothing left to gain.

Does it make you feel powerful,
To make others
Feel so weak?

You push us all further down,
In a sad attempt
to reach your own peak!

I can't believe I fell
For your stupid,
Little game.

You'll play it on
Another girl,
And she'll do just the same.

Because you always win,
At the games
That you create.

But in the end,
It's you,
That all the girls will hate.

How is it
That with a few simple words,
You tore my heart out of my chest,
Ripped it open as it was still beating,
Used tongs and tweezers to dismember it,
Then threw it back in my face,
Useless, a mess, and broken?

With every word you speak,
I cut deeper and deeper,
Reaming holes in my veins,
With scissors and tweezers.

The deeper I cut,
The fewer words I hear you speak,
I begin to grow lifeless,
All cut up and weak.

As my blood flows out,
I begin to grin,
Because I can no longer hear you,
I only hear my heart beating from within.

Until,
It stops.

You're the hurricane
Swirling through my brain,
Your words are the lightning,
And my tears are the rain.

Nothing will make up for
The scars and the pain;
The suffering and tears,
And cursing your name.

I feel so depressed;
So upset and ashamed,
My world without you
Will never be the same.

Am I making sense
Or am I insane?
You are an anchor,
And my love for you is the chain.

I'm stuck on you,
Though you are the one to blame,
I got so hurt,
Yet you remained the same.

I'm drowning in my love for you,
Or is it hate that I now show?
After all that you've done to me,
I love you, but want you to explode.

As you pass by,
Your scent
Is carried through the air.

It wafts toward me,
As I smell it,
I'm nearly brought to tears.

Because you were mine,
All mine.
But now you're her's.

It makes me so upset,
Its hard for me
To put into words.

You broke my heart,
which ruined my life,
and then you broke all theirs'.

People think I'm overreacting,
Or crazy,
Or obsessed.

But they don't know
What love is,
And how it can be expressed.

Lightning struck,
Now you're dead,
Is it all in my head?
I don't know,
I don't care,
You're just gone and I'm glad.
All the lies you said,
All the girls you told "I love you"
Would strike you down with a hit to the head.
But the lightning got you first,
Did you suffer?
Did it hurt?
Did you drown in your lies?
When you were struck down
Did you cry? Like we did when you broke our hearts.
Could you feel the pain?
Did you know you were dying?
Did you want the truth, but think God was lying?
It was destined to be,
Otherwise God wouldn't have done it,
I wonder what it's like where you're going,
Because when I'm called home, I'm going to the summit