you can't live your life
using only your left brain
because while your left brain explains things,
nothing will make sense.

you can't live your life
using only your right brain,
because while your right brain takes care of things,
nothing will get done.

A passing                            friend
is bittersweet
because from day one
we are told
all good things
come to an end.

I didn't expect it,
you were so happy
yesterday,                             where
simpler times
rest.

I could have...
been better. I                           did
my best to give you
everything you
deserved.

You made me laugh,                you
silly, silly creature.
Where there was a lack
of communication,
It was made up in
understanding.

And I'll                                         go
back to my life.
At least, I'll try.
But when you made up
its majority,
where do I go back to?

I say "this morning,"
But that would be a lie.
In reality,
It was this afternoon,
Shortly after I had waken up for the day.

I had him for
13 years.
13. The cursed, unlucky number.

I was into Tom and Jerry,
When I was 4.
It was a cartoon series
And it had a dog named spike.

So, we decided,
My dog could have the same name.
He was never more undeserving
Of the scary, tough title.

The first day I saw him,
He peed on my leg.
The adults told me
It meant that he liked me.

He was a sweetheart.
Kind,
Caring,
Silly,
Happy,
Fun,
And everything in between.

He barked at passing strangers,
And licked my wounds.
Soon I learned it wasn't only because
He knew I was in pain,
But because he simply
Liked to lick everything.

He was a rescue.
He wore scars on his thighs,
From fighting to get away
From his past life.
He was two when I was four.
He was thirteen when I, fifteen.

The last day I saw him,
He peed on my leg.
Not out of love,
But because he had a stroke
In my arms.

He died shortly after we drove to the vet.
My father told me to pump his chest.
I cried as he struggled to exhale breaths.
Thirty seconds later,
He stopped struggling.
Thirty minutes later,
We arrived at the vet.

And a part of me thinks,
It is completely my fault.
Because while my dog always knew
When I was in pain,
I failed to see his.

We were a group of four,           where
We always got into trouble,
One way or another.
We could never be...
"The Good Kids"
For lack of a better term.

Something happened,
However,
To the girl of the group.
It's funny, she said she              did
Have a crush on...
You guessed it.
The talented one.

The other thing was,                  she
Was my sister.
And, although I was...
Worried, I suppose,
She never ditched
The rest of us
For him.

What's funny is,
The crazy one,
Was madly in love...
With her.
He's the one
Who gets us into trouble.
He always wants to...               go
Somewhere, do something.

He's also the one,
With a twisted sense of humor.
And, as a joke,
He said with a foolish grin:
"Play this game of roulette
with me, and whoever wins
gets to keep the princess!"        It
was a simple joke, with a
sinister meaning
Behind it.

We weren't Russian, so
Of course the Talented one
Agreed. It                                     was
A foolish thing,
What the crazy one did next,
But he didn't know better.
He pulled out
His father's old dusty revolver,
And shot Mr.Talent,
Aimed at the head.

It didn't go off.
Mr. Crazy was                              just
Dying of laughter at
Mr.Talent's face of shock.
My heart leaped, but
My mind told me the gun
Wasn't loaded.
It couldn't be loaded.
And by how my sister
Was acting,
She had come to the
Same conclusion.

Then, Mr.Crazy
Shot himself in the head.
It didn't go off, don't worry,
But then he opened the gun,
And let a single bullet fall
To the yellow grass.
He fumed.                                       A
Grasshopper jumped onto
The bullet and quickly
Fled as Mr.Crazy sighed.

"Well, that was no good.
A boring                                        joke,
That was!" He chuckled.
Us three, we were in shock.
Once again.
"How could you do that?"
Mr.Talent screamed while
My sister stared at the bullet
In horror.

Years later,
My sister ditched her
Husband, Mr.Talent,
For the exciting...
Mr.Crazy. I was...
Surprised.                                   I'm
Still surprised.
We were growing apart,
At this time.
I even lost contact
With her.
And Mr.Talent...
Attempted suicide.
With the old revolver.
I don't know how
He got it.
He left a note,
Saying he was                          sorry
To her, and to him,
And to me.

I stayed with him,
As much as I could.
My sister never made
An appearance.                         I'm
Still shocked at that.
Mr.Crazy only returned
To take his gun back.

And, eventually,
Mr.Talent fell into
The only support he could
Find, besides me.
That, was fame. I was                  Not
Surprised, then.

He pushed me away,
Saying he didn't need me.
Which, was a big, fat,
Lie, but at the time,
He convinced me otherwise.
I was moving, and I was             A
Little too far away to
Keep going to his place,
So I did what he wanted,
And stayed away.

The results weren't...                     good.
Reports of him being
Hospitalized, everywhere
I look. I didn't understand
How he didn't die, then.
I do now, but
That's another story.
Every                                                     person
Who knew I knew him would
Talk to me about
Going back to see him.
But I knew the journey
Would be empty.
So, I didn't.

And, as a reward for
Waiting, I suppose,
I was once again invited back
To his friendship.
The next day,
He died.

YOU
CANNOT
ESCAPE
WHAT YOU
MUST FACE.

but, shhh,
ill tell you a secret
you could run away forever,
                                                   and ever,
and never look back

YOU
ARE
SUFFOCATING
                               SUFFOCATING
SUFFOCATING
IN THE THINGS
YOU CANNOT CHANGE.

don't cry, sour child,
you can go away
there is an escape
e s c a p e is what we do, you see,
if you want to do just that,
come with m-

THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SEEN AS
COWARDLY
SELFISH
AND PITIED UPON.

sooooooo... shh...
what will even c h a n g e?
what a strange word, it either never seems to happen,
or it happens too much.
but there is an e s c a p e, you see,
come with me-

FACE ME.
come with me-
FACE ME.
come with me~
FACE ME.
you can't win~
YOU CAN'T WIN.
you can't win~
YOU CAN'T WIN.

Oh, yes, yes, I can.
...Right?

"PLEASE! Stop!
Why, WHY must you keep babying me like this?
I am not your child.
You are not my parent.
You don't have to take care of me, for I can take care of myself."

"It is because I care about you."

"WHY? I have done nothing for you,
except be a burden to you,
because you MAKE me out to be a burden.
So, why do you care about me so much?
What have I given you?"

"You're silly.
This is why I worry.
Because, you are much too blind to realize...
Caring for you is a much easier way
to care about myself."

HA!
Hahaha.
What sound did your brain make,
When you read this?
Was it the sound of you?
Was it the sound of someone else?
Was it the sound of someone you fear?
Or was it the sound of someone you love?

Hm.
Let me think about that.
AH! I have my answer!
It is:
all of the above.

things dont bother me
im bulletproof
until i turn out the lights
because then i really feel
what it would be like
if everything
just went
dark

where you see a desert
i see an ocean
where you see a death
i see a happiness
where you see a life
i see an opportunity

but this isn't always the case, my friend
one day,
if i convince you of the good,
when i've convinced myself it isn't there
will you promise to see an ocean?
just for me?

an inside joke
we both share
i cant make it
because you aren't there.

Am I big?
Or
Am I small?
It depends on where you look.

Look up:
You see the stars, or maybe you see the clouds.
But, constantly, you see the big blue sky
where planets look at you and see a microscopic creature.

Look down:
You see the grass, or the carpet, or the concrete.
Whatever the case, you are looking at the ground.
That ground holds creatures so tiny, they look to you as the sky.

Where are you in the spectrum?
Well, are you big, or are you small?
You can decide for yourself, I suppose.
I'll wait here.

Well, well.
What am I experiencing here?
A growth in my personality,
Or am I reflecting my peers?

As a shy small bug,
I felt as if my mouth made no sound.
But recently, that's not the case.
It feels as if my life has turned around!

Because, I am no longer afraid of what I have to say.
I am no longer afraid of what's inside!
Because that fear has grown exponentially,
To become something outside of my own mind.

I am no longer afraid of myself.
No, I am afraid of you!
I am afraid of what could happen, yes!
I am afraid of what you'll make me do.

I am afraid of the dark,
Yet I simply won't sleep with light.
I am afraid of these monsters,
But if I live without them, I might die.
I am afraid of endless possibilities,
A burglary happens every fifteen seconds!
I am afraid of what you'll say to me,
If I tell you I am not perfect.

But, ha,
You already knew that, didn't you?
Silly me.
What am I afraid of?

laugh in the face of
sickening doubt
because that doubt
is the one skeptic of your ability
to ever laugh again

where does one go to find
a happy place?
one of the most poetic places
someone could own.

but one does not own a place,
do they?
the place takes ownership of you.

so where must one travel
to be adopted by this special place?
what must one conquer
to have an endless supply of happy days?
what precaution does one take
to not be weighed down?
and how does one tell if this place
is real or fake?

places hold memories
they keep them special for you.
some warm, some cold,
some filled with malicious intent
some filled with terrible falsehoods
and regret, regret,
                                regret.
but others have this nice feeling
filled with nostalgia and yearn
yearn for days long gone from today

...is that where one goes to find a happy place?
a happy place in places where one was once happy.
it makes sense, just glancing,
but if you truly look
won't a happy place be sad
if you'll never be happy there again?

you
will get
nothing but
suffering in
this universe here

my
eyes see
what you see
and it isn't
very pretty, mate

i
see tens
of thousands
of birds chirping
to protect themselves

but
you see
it too, yes,
you see no use
in preventing this

why?
because
see, my friend
eventually
things always turn dark

tick, tock. tick, tock.

hmm. I want pizza.

tick, tock. tick, tock.

I think I'm going to draw today. Yes, I'll do this.

tick, tock. tick, tock.

oh no

tick,

wait

tock.

i suddenly remember

tick,

i suddenly remember that life has no meaning

tock.

i suddenly remember that we're micro-microscopic

tickk,

microscopic in this universe,

toock.

this universe we know nothing about, and, oh,

tttick,

oh, i'm losing sight of who i am and where i am and why anything in this world matters and oh

ti-tock.

i dont know why my hands are shaking when i dont have a reason to shake them i dont know why i ask myself these questions when i dont have a reason to ask them i dont know why i write this when i dont have a reason to write them and i

tick?

dont know why i try when i dont have a reason to try and i dont know why i dont try when theres every reason to try but is there really and

t...tock.

what is a reason but something i myself conjure up out of little things do these little things really matter what is the quest for life other than a quest to release more happiness chemicals in our brains holding us away from the drug and

t-t-t-t-t-t-tick!

why do i live when theres no reason to live but why should i die when theres no reason to die and why do i lie to myself on a regular basis when theres no reason to hide myself from the truth but is

tatock

it really the truth or is it a lie ive lied to myself so long i cant remember because the only person who believes my lies

tick

is myself

tock

oh. the pizza is done!

tick, tock. tick, tock.

that's nice.

tick, tock. tick, tock.

i might make pizza again sometime

tick, tock. tick, tock.

Everyone tells you this.
And if you haven't heard the phrase yet,
Well, I'm saying it to you now!

But, WHY is life precious?
It's not like life is rare.
Easy to create,
Easy to ***** out.
So why does it hold value?

WHY is life precious?
Well, let me tell you, friend!
Life is what you're experiencing right now.
And I mean more than just your consciousness!

I'm talking about that friend you see every once in a while.
The one who makes you laugh!
I'm talking about that family member who cares deeply
Even if you don't know it!
I'm talking about that stranger who smiles your way as you walk past
Even when you feel sad!
I'm talking about that spiraling, shifting, cloud that is an experience,
Equally complicated for you as it is for everyone else.

Sure, life is easy to begin,
And SUPER easy to end.
But when EACH and EVERY life is so complicated,
THATS where the value comes in.
Because one life is different from another
In just the SLIGHTEST way, enough to make it where you can't get that life anywhere else.

So, life is precious,
because it's just so ****** COMPLICATED.
And when a life is removed from that web of connectivity,
it feels as if an entire balance is thrown off.
So, why would you end it?
You don't know what's going to happen next!
One day you could be down,
The next you meet someone beautiful,
or see something amazing.
You're never gonna know what happens next,
because with life, comes complicatedness,
and with COMPLICATEDNESS,
comes preciousness.
Think of it this way:

YOU are:

Perfect
Real
Exceptional
Caring
Intelligent
Open minded
Unique, and
****

And there will never be another you!
So, don't take that away from us!

words are strange things.
they're sounds we give meaning.
and when strung together a certain way,
they suddenly create mind boggling results.
seas of beautiful people suddenly turn sour,
mountains of angry humans turn around and pick flowers.
words are different everywhere you go,
and some words aren't even spoken with a voice
but rather a hand
its nice, i think
that we all give meaning to such sounds
they act as either a leash to pull you in
or a wind to blow you out

SSSSSSTEP RIGHT UP!
Come look! Come see!
Look at this creature here,
It's trapped underneath it's tree!

This tree, you see,
Is a tree of magical properties.
HA! Not really.
It actually represents mockery.

See how it looms over this creature,
And see how sad it makes it!
This tree is the source of its discouragement,
This tree makes the creature think it's unfit.

Unfit to lift this tree off itself.
Look how strong the creature is!
Yet this tree makes fun of the beast to the point, where...
Well, it believes it's too weak. That's crazy, it is!

Someone needs to tell this animal,
"HEY! You can do this!"
But, well, I certainly can't.
This is just showbiz.

a piano is such a fun instrument
anyone can pick it up quickly
its an instrument that can only be detriment
when the one who plays it is sickly.

the piano plays such a simple sound
each finger telling its own story
it can either bring you down to the ground
or shoot you up into a dream that's purely auditory

I see a laugh
In my mind
And I say, "oh, how nice"
This laugh doesn't have a face,
Nor does it have a mind.
It was just a laugh,
It's just a light that I find.

But sometimes, this laugh does have a face.
But only for some moments,
And only very faintly.
Sometimes it looks like a family member,
Other times it changes to a complete stranger
But the face is always happy,
at least for the time being.

But I have yet to find a permanent face for this laugh
A permanent face to spend a life with
A permanent face that I fall in love with
for no other reason than
The mind laugh.

A new year's resolution
Is usually made to better myself.
A new year, a new me!
A new way to set myself free!

Free of responsibilities, that is.
Because with new ways to better oneself,
breeds new excuses, new "oh, I don't have time for that"s.

Let's stop this.
How, you ask?
Instead of a new year, new me,
How about a new year, new you?

Instead of this resolution to better myself
I'll make this a resolution to better yourself.
Wipe away the tears of a stranger,
Wipe clean the slate of old grudges that cause danger.
The danger being, falling friendships
Because those are so rare nowadays.

And with every life I save,
With every smile I make,
I'll say, "Hey, I did that!"
"I made a person have another reason to live,"
"and in turn that gives me another reason to live,"
"just for them."

So, a new year, a new you,
A new way to laugh, a new way to choose
how to better oneself, how to better yourself,
And a friendself, and even a strangerself,
Because this kindness eventually...
Betters myself.
And, this time, it doesn't take much effort, either!

i cant see behind this haze of
what the actual ****

feelings conflicting with one another
a poem will surely stop this

today marks another day of
absolutely nothing

i dont see why im so pressured
to pack a day with something

because, i tell myself
life should be used to live

but how can i live at all
when no one will live with me

i meet friends without faces
everyday, in every way

the internet is great for friends without faces
but what happens when i want a face

too bad
no one who lives near you wants to see your face

so
i cant see
because i dont have
a *******
f a c e

Why am I scared of passing time
Time passes, always, it can feel like a crime
A crime to take away fun memories
A crime to bury past mistakes
A crime to cease everything sensory
A crime to slam my foot on the brakes

It aches me to say, I don't know what I did today
Or yesterday, or the day before that one too
Because to have done something means you apply significance
Spoon fed your day a meaning like you do to food
But you can't always make a difference
You can't always change a day

It's a new day, it's a new year,
It's a new time to create new fears
While ignorance recedes, pain grows
Pain knowing that you can't expose
yourself to new ideas so easily anymore
Because this past year you've known
Known how hard it is to start something new

You tell yourself,
What are you waiting for?
And you reply,
I'm not waiting for anything!
So you jump into the first few feet of water
That's when you realize
You don't have anyone to help you get farther
into the ocean of new opportunities
And when you try to meet others, to say "hi"
You get nothing but cold water
So instead of trying again,
Trying so hard to make friends,
You simply step out of the ocean,
And into the land of wasted chances.

But, you're out of the water now.
So, why are you drowning?

"they have no one to blame
but themselves"
is a common phrase
too common, too dismissive
it acts as a haze
a haze that masks the truth
that truth that maybe there is someone to blame
that someone is the one
who committed the ******* act in the first place.
"They were drunk and vulnerable, they should have expected ****"
Or maybe the heartless ******* shouldn't have broken trust in the first place.
"Drugs are terrible, they should have stopped before someone died"
Addiction is a disease, a plague, blame the disease not the transmission.
"They could've done this, they should've done that"
A victim should never double as the suspect.
So don't go pointing fingers in situations you don't understand.

Animals are naturally territorial
Humans, the best example.
Less metaphorical,
More like warriors
Are kept to guard these invisible boundaries.

She was a strange one,
She never made a sound,
Yet she spoke words that can make rhinos turn around.
Statements that caused mountains to sink
Encouragement that led flowers to leap
Yet she never made a sound
So how can this be?
Maybe a stroke of sheer luck
Or an eye that can see.
Not just see potential,
Or endless possibilities
but also find hope
in the smallest of vessels.

He was a man of ego
Of narcissism and fame.
A character of endless problems
And there was always someone to blame.
This someone
He was a man of anger
Of sadness and spite
One manipulative man with a
Heart of sheer might.
Together he was arrogant,
and he, accepting.
Accepting of his quirks,
because they made him unaware. Accepting
of his demands
Because he thought them fair.
Accepting of his inflation
Because it made him blind
Accepting of his belittling comments
Because they fueled his anger.
These men, can you tell them apart?
No? Yes?
Whatever the case, they don't know they reflect each others character sheet.

A promise,
A sentence,
And a far away place.
Soft spoken words carry
Across several days.
This promise,
This sentence,
This far away place, (farther now)
States that you'll never fall flat
To the ones you amaze.
Promising this sentence
In a far away place (farther still)
Says the next time you fall flat
Should never happen.
If this does happen in another far away place (closer now)
The sentence dissipated, the promise meaningless.
Like it was never formed.
But there are ones who remember its existence,
Aren't there?

"Why can't you shut up?"

Says the knight to the bard
For the knight knows agony
When the bard sings his song.

"Are you mad?" asks the lyricist, expression surprised.  
"Anyone would be joyed to hear their battles become rhyme."

But the knight wasn't happy, for he knew the truth              
That the painful deaths of many men hid behind the tune.
That the failure as a protector would haunt him in song
That sleepless nights without father, husband, or son is what he did wrong.

A pessimist others call him, a realist stands true
For reality is too harsh to be handled by a fool.